Character Descriptions

[RTJ17]

Okay, this takes place in the future and it's in a fantastical universe (pink hair), but aside from that...
Okay, I'm basically trying to capture the essence of beauty in this descripton of a character (the "helen" of this world in my story) and I'm stuck. It seems like it's missing something. Anyway, it's essential to my story that the reader BELIEVE that this is the most beautiful woman ever. I figure the best way to make sure of that is by getting an idea of other readers perception of this characters looks. For any willing, I'd appreciate it you guys could give me your opinions on it (the descrip).What do you like, what do you hate? Should I scrap it and start again, am I on the right track?

Granted, I know how the other characters in the story react to her is the most important aspect of the reader believing what I tell them about her beauty but still... if I describe Roseanne/whoopi Goldberg and everyone is like: "OMG she's hot" the reader won't believe that either. The description in short, is important. Just wondering if you guys think I got it right. It's not long since it seems spending too much time on a descrip would creat loss of reader interest.

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair the color of cotton candy, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.

 

[hurricane64]

Okay, this takes place in the future and it's in a fantastical universe (pink hair), but aside from that...
Okay, I'm basically trying to capture the essence of beauty in this descripton of a character (the "helen" of this world in my story) and I'm stuck. It seems like it's missing something. Anyway, it's essential to my story that the reader BELIEVE that this is the most beautiful woman ever. I figure the best way to make sure of that is by getting an idea of other readers perception of this characters looks. For any willing, I'd appreciate it you guys could give me your opinions on it (the descrip).What do you like, what do you hate? Should I scrap it and start again, am I on the right track?

Granted, I know how the other characters in the story react to her is the most important aspect of the reader believing what I tell them about her beauty but still... if I describe Roseanne/whoopi Goldberg and everyone is like: "OMG she's hot" the reader won't believe that either. The description in short, is important. Just wondering if you guys think I got it right. It's not long since it seems spending too much time on a descrip would creat loss of reader interest.

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair the color of cotton candy, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.

Good writing.

But for something like this, in my opinion, it would help to find something that was so vague to be universal but to get the point across.

You need to find a way to communicate this in a way that lets the reader form the picture in their mind...then it will have wider appeal.

But I have to admit...I like this description.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Actually, your qualms are right on target.
The more specific your descriptions become the more people will quibble with them, has been my experience.

For instance, my ideal beauty is oliveskinned and black eyes. Not that I have ANYthing against a blue-eye pink-haired little doll, but button noses don't do a thing for me...
Talk instead about the reactions of the people who see her- talk about how stunned they are. Say that, although the details of her body include this-and-that detail, the effect on the viewers had little to do with those things. That, somehow every one who saw her, saw the epitome of whatever beauty they held to be ideal.

People will email you congratulating you on the vivid description- how they can see her plain as day!

 

[RTJ17]

I tried this. Tell me what you think. The wording may be just a tad off, but I'm just trying to see if this is what you meant. I used your word "ideal" since it seemed to fit. What do you all think? ^_^

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair the color of cotton candy, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.
Ultimately however, what stunned all who saw her was none of those things. To be certain, while everything about her was quite aesthetically pleasing in the end it wasn’t the faultlessness of her hair or skin, nor any other one thing about her that could be placed, at least not physically. Somehow though, everything about her came together in such a way that everyone that ever looked upon her couldn’t help but feel that she was exactly ideal.

 

[hurricane64]

I tried this. Tell me what you think. The wording may be just a tad off, but I'm just trying to see if this is what you meant. I used your word "ideal" since it seemed to fit. What do you all think? ^_^

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair the color of cotton candy, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.
Ultimately however, what stunned all who saw her was none of those things. To be certain, while everything about her was quite aesthetically pleasing in the end it wasn’t the faultlessness of her hair or skin, nor any other one thing about her that could be placed, at least not physically. Somehow though, everything about her came together in such a way that everyone that ever looked upon her couldn’t help but feel that she was exactly ideal.

I love turquoise eyes. But, ultimately, some people like brown better.

I see what you are trying to do. But, if you're going to say this woman is the most beautiful in the world, you have to leave as many specifics out as possible.

I fight with this myself. I'm working on something now where I thought I'd left details out concerning the beauty of the women and I had an editor look at it. It was still too specific.

Depending on what you want to do, there's nothing wrong with details. But to have a universal beauty appeal, the specifics will need to be left to the reader.

 

[hurricane64]

Having said all this, you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt. There are much better writers than I here. This has just been my experience.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

In the end, there is no most beautiful woman in the world, because ther eis no concensus on what is beautiful.

I personally go into specific on desctiption. I would prefer readers see the woman I am envisioning. Other wirters prefer to kep it as vague as possible, letting the reader build thier dream girl/guy into the scenario.

Best advice is follow one of the two. Either give more description on how people react and leave the details vague or describe the girl you want them to see and don't worry about her being th emost beautiful in thier minds.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I tried this. Tell me what you think. The wording may be just a tad off, but I'm just trying to see if this is what you meant. I used your word "ideal" since it seemed to fit. What do you all think? ^_^

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair the color of cotton candy, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.
Ultimately however, what stunned all who saw her was none of those things. To be certain, while everything about her was quite aesthetically pleasing in the end it wasn’t the faultlessness of her hair or skin, nor any other one thing about her that could be placed, at least not physically. Somehow though, everything about her came together in such a way that everyone that ever looked upon her couldn’t help but feel that she was exactly ideal.

She's a playboy bunny!
She sounds airbrushed.
My perfect woman has a scattering of freckles on her nose, and a little bit of an overbite, which gives her that "cameo" profile.
And her tits are smaller than your perfect woman's boobs.

Seriously, I have gotten anonymous feedback from people who gave me a 1 vote because I mentioned that the "I" character is rather boyish.
And I AM!

 

[hurricane64]

In the end, there is no most beautiful woman in the world, because ther eis no concensus on what is beautiful.

I personally go into specific on desctiption. I would prefer readers see the woman I am envisioning. Other wirters prefer to kep it as vague as possible, letting the reader build thier dream girl/guy into the scenario.

Best advice is follow one of the two. Either give more description on how people react and leave the details vague or describe the girl you want them to see and don't worry about her being th emost beautiful in thier minds.

See what I mean?

 

[RTJ17]

Yeah, I kind of realized before hand that I couldn't really capture someone that would fit a universal appeal of "the perfect woman" as long as I was the least bit descriptive, yet I find that I'm not really motivated to write when my reader doesn't picture a character as I've described them. I'm a details person actually, which is why I struggled writing that since I'm used to giving lots of details in everything when I write. I just can't be vague and then be pleased with what I write. As a result, I think I'll take the above posters approach. I'm going to not worry so much about if others view her as "the most beautiful woman in the world" and focus more on having them just view her as beautiful in general.

With that said, do you guys find the character I've described attractive? Stella, the person you described sounds like a pretty person, but one that has imperfections. I was trying to go with "flawless" when describing the character. Do you guys think I got there or no? ^_^

 

[RTJ17]

Oh yeah, and on another forum I've gotten a lot about the rosy pink skin comment being bad and the pink hair being a real no go. What do you guys think? Let me post it one more time with a few grammar/aesthetic changes.

If it were possible for beauty to be such a thing in a universal context, then the young elemental was no doubt the essence of perfection. To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun. Brilliant white teeth were framed by a dazzling smile that could melt the heart at ten paces, and an absolutely adorable button nose complimented her angelic face, the best in a millennium. Her silky hair a delicate white blonde, the luxurious mane fell almost to the small of her back in curly rivulets. Flawless rosy pink skin, large round globes for breast and curves in all the right places made up the work of art that was her body in what could only be described as a masterpiece.
Ultimately however, what captivated all who saw her was none of those things. To be certain, while everything about her was quite aesthetically pleasing in the end it wasn’t the faultlessness of her hair or skin, nor any other one thing about her that could be placed that made her exceptional. Somehow though, everything about her came together in such a way that everyone that ever looked upon her couldn’t help but feel that she was exactly ideal.

 

[Bacigalupo]

You can be specific, but it's true there is no concensus on beauty, therefore, since not all people are going to be enamored of button noses and turquoise eyes, you can limit the dazzlement to a few, or, since it's a fantasy (or sci-fi) setting, perhaps...pretty as she may be...she possesses other, subtler endowments. Pheremones that stimulate the pleasure receptors in the observers' brain, or somesuch hypnotic effect. It's a creative compromise if you're set on what she looks like, and how viewers respond to her. In fact at the end of the passage, it could almost be a hint to that. "I don't want cotton candy hair, so what's the deal with everyone else? I better stay tuned and find out."

The last story I wrote, my main character was enchanted by a lovely young woman, but I wasn't specific, save for the bits that caught his eye, and the feelings they engendered. So a lock of hair he aches to brush back, or the way she bites her lip in a certain way when she smiles. Something that he'd get a shiver from might not do much for another, but since it's from his viewpoint, that's what matters most for the purposes of the story. I think it is more about bringing the reader into the character's headspace rather than just telling them that she had a nice rack and he wanted to fuck it.

I mean, you can write that, and there's nothing wrong with it. Who don't like to fuck a nice rack?

Also, at first glance she may appear airbrushed and without a blemish...love at first sight is often through rose-colored lenses, it's when you get up close you see the spray of freckles or, a little scar, or even a third arm. So then, the drama comes from what happens after people get closer. Some are going to turn away, others will pursue.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, I kind of realized before hand that I couldn't really capture someone that would fit a universal appeal of "the perfect woman" as long as I was the least bit descriptive, yet I find that I'm not really motivated to write when my reader doesn't picture a character as I've described them. I'm a details person actually, which is why I struggled writing that since I'm used to giving lots of details in everything when I write. I just can't be vague and then be pleased with what I write. As a result, I think I'll take the above posters approach. I'm going to not worry so much about if others view her as "the most beautiful woman in the world" and focus more on having them just view her as beautiful in general.

With that said, do you guys find the character I've described attractive? Stella, the person you described sounds like a pretty person, but one that has imperfections. I was trying to go with "flawless" when describing the character. Do you guys think I got there or no? ^_^

Freckles are an imperfection? Not to me they aren't. Nor is the overbite I described. To me, they make her... perfect.

Your color combination of turquoise eyes and pink hair and skin turn me off, mostly. I feel like I'm in the Barbie isle at Toys R Us, somehow! But really, if you find your personal satisfaction includes a meticulous description of all the parts- then do it. It's your story, after all. When I started, I wrote a lot of careful description. As I've gotten more comfortable with writing, I find myself describing less and less!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading your story!

 

[RTJ17]

Yeah, I went with white blonde instead. I got lots of comments about the hair and skin from others so I changed the hair color and am thinking about changing the skin color as well. "Rosy" might be a bad word. It seemd good at the time though. ^_^

Also, I wasn't saying that the things you listed were bad in anyway (overbite, freckles etc.), I was just pointing out that they weren't things that are traditionally assosciated with beauty by themselves. imperfections was probably bad word choice so sorry if what I said was in any way offensive.

EDIT: I was going for "doll" though so I'm kind of glad that worked. I put up another description above with the change, and I'd be curious to know if she loses the doll image with the hair color change. If so I'll put it back. What do you think?

 

[matriarch]

Having read your piece, it comes over as a very personal view of this girl's beauty. Words like 'gorgeous', 'stunning' and 'adorable', are very subjective points of view

If you truly want to make her a beauty for all, there needs to be something extra, something that isn't physical, an inner beauty, a truly resplendent soul that shines out through her eyes, that lights up her face when she smiles, that makes each person on whom she turns her gaze feel special in her presence. She truly could be a very plain woman, physically, but if she has that inner beauty that appeals to everyone, that special magic that will turn heads as she walks by, the sensual magnetism that attracts all, then she will be the 'most beautiful woman in the universe'.

My two-ha'porth.

 

[gauchecritic]

One question...

If it's a fantastic universe why do you need modern, western realism?

I think Whoopie is hot.

 

[matriarch]

If it's a fantastic universe why do you need modern, western realism?

I think Whoopie is hot.

See, now you said in one sentence what took me a paragraph.

So do I.

 

[Weird Harold]

Granted, I know how the other characters in the story react to her is the most important aspect of the reader believing what I tell them about her beauty but still...

I'm not a big fan of describing a character completely in a single paragraph, because that is not how people really see other people.

People tend to see one to three characteristics that attract them to another person and ignore everything else. Consequently, each other character will describe "Helen" differently according to the attributes that make her "perfect" to them.

To begin with, there were her gorgeous, truly unforgettable eyes. A stunning turquoise blue, they acted as a window to her soul, frequently seeming to literally sparkle in the sun.

For example, when someone notices another's eyes as "the windows to her soul," the description generally stops there for that encounter -- nothing except her eyes would be noticed at that time.

Later in the story, the same character might be mesmerized by her hair or her perfect, blinding smile, or enraptured by the movement of her hips as she walks away.

However, the kind of meat-market "inventory of everything that is attractive" you're trying for just doesn't happen all that often.

I think you have a better chance of creating the impression youwant by spreading the description of "Helen" out over several characters and/or several encounters instead of trying to catalogue everything at once.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Yeah, I went with white blonde instead. I got lots of comments about the hair and skin from others so I changed the hair color and am thinking about changing the skin color as well. "Rosy" might be a bad word. It seemd good at the time though. ^_^

Also, I wasn't saying that the things you listed were bad in anyway (overbite, freckles etc.), I was just pointing out that they weren't things that are traditionally assosciated with beauty by themselves. imperfections was probably bad word choice so sorry if what I said was in any way offensive.

EDIT: I was going for "doll" though so I'm kind of glad that worked. I put up another description above with the change, and I'd be curious to know if she loses the doll image with the hair color change. If so I'll put it back. What do you think?

Honestly, if you are doing sci-fi/fantasy, go with whatever colors you like. T'larin, my elf has blue skin. No one complained and many wrote in to say it was a very sexy detail to give the world some separation from reality. Rith's skin is red, tal's slightly green. People expect my elves now to have slight pigmentation variation. If you read in my fantasy world, all the elves do. The only concession I made was to explain why there is slight variation among the various elf clans. My elves also have zero body hair. Again, it's a slight variation that helps set them apart as a race.

In my sci-fi works, aliens are only humaniod, they have great variation in both coloration and covering, as well as size, temprament etc.

When you are working in a world of your creation, you are master of all. at the same time, you have to be consistant in your usages. Basically, you can change the laws fo physics, you just have to keep the laws you do adopt consistant throughout.

If you see the character with DOT orange skin and purple hair. Write her that way. If the reader can't suspend their disbelief enough to accept it, you aren't likely to please them anyway.

 

[RTJ17]

I'm not a big fan of describing a character completely in a single paragraph, because that is not how people really see other people.

People tend to see one to three characteristics that attract them to another person and ignore everything else. Consequently, each other character will describe "Helen" differently according to the attributes that make her "perfect" to them.



For example, when someone notices another's eyes as "the windows to her soul," the description generally stops there for that encounter -- nothing except her eyes would be noticed at that time.

Later in the story, the same character might be mesmerized by her hair or her perfect, blinding smile, or enraptured by the movement of her hips as she walks away.

However, the kind of meat-market "inventory of everything that is attractive" you're trying for just doesn't happen all that often.

I think you have a better chance of creating the impression youwant by spreading the description of "Helen" out over several characters and/or several encounters instead of trying to catalogue everything at once.

I agree, but I'm writing this in quasi 3rd person omniscient so I won't really be seeing things from one characters perspective at a time (although I will occasionally spend more time with certain characters than others), so I'm not really sure of how effective spreading a description would be. Maybe in 1st person or 3rd person semi-omni, but from the perspective I'm writing the story this would be very difficult to do believably, and I doubt I have the skills.

Oh yeah, and thanks everyone for the suggestions. I realize that there might not be a way to pull this off the way I want to, but I'm going to try anyway. I'll let you know how it turns out. Just in case you're wondering though, this is the more imperfect, original way she was before I turned her into a pinup. ^_^

She was pretty, with an impish, innocent little grin. Her dark brown eyes almost squinted completely shut when she smiled it, and you couldn’t help but be captivated by the energy and life you could feel pouring out of her as she stood there in her knee length, frilly white sun dress and open toe straw sandals. With long, dirty blonde hair and symmetrical yet uninspired facial features it was hard to place what was attractive about this girl, but yet there was no doubt that she was cute. She wore no makeup of any sort, no nail polish. Her breast weren’t particularly large, her skin was good but not great, and nothing about her physique was especially stunning, although if the toned arms and legs not covered by her dress were any indication she was in great shape. She was the type of girl that men with everything and nothing alike found themselves drawn to, beautiful in a totally natural kind of way, un-enhanced by any of the things most women use to make themselves look attractive, but yet intriguing all the same.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

There's a reason why we don't describe beauty. Well, several reasons, really. First of which is that everyone's ideal of beauty is different. Your girls osunds like a California blonde, which doesn't appeal to me.

Secondly is the fact that it just doesn't work. Telling us that her eyes are "perfect" or that she's everyone's "ideal of beauty" is meaningless, because we don't know what "perfect" means to you, and you don't know what my ideal of beauty is.

Third is the fact that physical beauty just isn't all that enchanting. If your girl talks like a truck driver or scratches herself, then all the description in the world won't save her. She'll be an oaf to us.

So what you end up with is an impression of the writer falling all over himself raving about how beautiful she is and beating us over the head with cliches in a vain attempt to try and convince us. It comes across as graceless and ultimately futile.

The most beautiful women in literature are never described, because description is death to the imagination, and the imagination is where beauty exists. There's no decription of Helen of Troy, or Venus, or Guinivere, and with good reason. A description would compromise their beauty, pin it down and kill it.

 

[RTJ17]

There's a reason why we don't describe beauty. Well, several reasons, really. First of which is that everyone's ideal of beauty is different. Your girls osunds like a California blonde, which doesn't appeal to me.

Secondly is the fact that it just doesn't work. Telling us that her eyes are "perfect" or that she's everyone's "ideal of beauty" is meaningless, because we don't know what "perfect" means to you, and you don't know what my ideal of beauty is.
Third is the fact that physical beauty just isn't all that enchanting. If your girl talks like a truck driver or scratches herself, then all the description in the world won't save her. She'll be an oaf to us.

So what you end up with is an impression of the writer falling all over himself raving about how beautiful she is and beating us over the head with cliches in a vain attempt to try and convince us. It comes across as graceless and ultimately futile.

The most beautiful women in literature are never described, because description is death to the imagination, and the imagination is where beauty exists. There's no decription of Helen of Troy, or Venus, or Guinivere, and with good reason. A description would compromise their beauty, pin it down and kill it.

Thanks a lot. The part I increased the size on was espescially enlightening to me. I know what I have to do now.^_^

 

[matriarch]

I repeat........

"Having read your piece, it comes over as a very personal view of this girl's beauty. Words like 'gorgeous', 'stunning' and 'adorable', are very subjective points of view.

If you truly want to make her a beauty for all, there needs to be something extra, something that isn't physical, an inner beauty, a truly resplendent soul that shines out through her eyes, that lights up her face when she smiles, that makes each person on whom she turns her gaze feel special in her presence. She truly could be a very plain woman, physically, but if she has that inner beauty that appeals to everyone, that special magic that will turn heads as she walks by, the sensual magnetism that attracts all, then she will be the 'most beautiful woman in the universe'. "

 

[gauchecritic]

She truly could be a very plain woman, physically, but if she has that inner beauty that appeals to everyone, that special magic that will turn heads as she walks by, the sensual magnetism that attracts all, then she will be the 'most beautiful woman in the universe'. "

You must have read my answer from 6.30 this morning that I didn't post.

From Thunder Follows Lighting :

A crowded room, maybe a pub or bar, a thronged shopping mall or even once a milling queue of football supporters going into a match. All the people busily engaged, shopping, drinking, talking, walking, and going about their ordinary business. Then heads turn. Conversation stutters to a halt. Drinks stop halfway to lips. Strides are broken and people stare. Only for the barest fraction of a second. But it's there. It's noticeable. Something moving through the crowd. Something that demands attention and almost instantly dismisses it. That something is Storm.

In the previous paragraph I had spent the time describing how ordinary she was. I'd say go with the pre-pinup RTJ

 

[Weird Harold]

I agree, but I'm writing this in quasi 3rd person omniscient so I won't really be seeing things from one characters perspective at a time (although I will occasionally spend more time with certain characters than others), so I'm not really sure of how effective spreading a description would be. Maybe in 1st person or 3rd person semi-omni, but from the perspective I'm writing the story this would be very difficult to do believably, and I doubt I have the skills.

Your pre-pinup description is better -- even if you just replace "cute" with "beautiful."

However, even third-person omniscient has to be filtered through the readers' perceptions and spreading character description and development out in manageable sections still works better than dumping too much description in one place, IMHO.

FWIW, I think gauchecritic's use of the indirect effect on the crowd is the kind of description you want to try for rather than trying to detail the specific features each person in the crowd is noticing about her.