Colleen Thomas
Ultrafemme
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,545
In a recent work, I backed off a god bit on my usual indepth back story and heavy emphasis on chearacter building. One fairly consistant complaint about my writing style is that I am overly telly.
I took this character, and tried to reveal a lot abou ther through her choice of Armor and weapon. Thus far, two people have commented on how much I was able to reveal about her via this method. Upwards of ten have complained I didn't do as through a job as I normally do of making the characters real.
My question then, is can you build a character through the details of their life and the things around them or is this technique too subjective?
Here are the passages:
Jade's suit was an old set of Mk XXVII ceramite combat armor. As an officer she had first refusal on new armor, but this set was customized to her frame and had been with her a long time. The overlapping, super dense ceramite plates were still the hardest substance in the known universe. The newer suits were less heavy, less bulky and more streamlined, but the new synthetic they used provided less ballistic protection. It just wasn't as tough as the old stuff and for Jade; she was willing to pay the price in reduced maneuverability for added stopping power. She often debated with her men who loved to rib her about her "old fashioned" armor. Her incredible reflexes allowed her to move as quickly as any of them on the confidence course, but they still kidded her whenever they sensed she was in a good mood.
Jade had another problem with the new suits, one she kept to herself. The new suits were too easy to take off. Her suit took over an hour to get on and the overlapping plates were such a bitch to remove because once they settled they often became jammed. Jade had fought in too many nasty suppressive little wars. Rape, castration, mutilation, even cannibalism; she had seen it all. She had been spared being raped to death by Tic'Chen separatists on New Madrid only because they had been unable to figure out how to remove the armor that covered her lower body before her squad mates arrived. Even their heavy cutting tools had failed to do much good when applied to the ceramite plates. It was a lesson she never forgot. The new armor was easy, just a couple of snaps and some buckles.
The new suits also lacked the nanoservos in the older, heavier armor. In the old suits, they were there to compensate for the additional weight. The new suits had no need for them. But they could give her bursts of superhuman strength if she really needed it. In an emergency, Jade could tear through a ship's bulkhead with just her suit. It was an ability she considered to be insurance in case all weapons failed.
Jade slowly put on her armor, checking each piece and each function. When she finally got the breastplate on and closed, she donned the heavy black battle helm and keyed the enviro-functions. Lines of code flashed across her HUD and rows of lights went from red to green. Rookies often took it for granted their suits were working and ignored the power up sequence, but Jade was too old a hand for making that mistake.
Oxygen, check. Water, Check. Painkiller, check. Stimdose, check. Through each of her suit's over one hundred functions she meticulously followed the check down procedure. From the radio check to the manual switch to her back up systems she tried everything before giving the suit the O.K. to go full active. From the charging stand she took her weapon and gave it the same careful, calculated once over.
Most of her troopers carried simple Mark V impact rifles. They were cheap, durable, put out a respectable volume of fire and could get decent penetration on most substances. The heavy weapons squad carried Mk XII plasma cannon and Dorntech Missile launchers. These weapons provided the heavy hitting power of the unit. Individual troopers also carried non-approved back up weapons. These ranged from single shot blast pistols to heavy combat shotguns. Theoretically she was supposed to make sure that no one was carrying anything other than standard issue before a drop. Theory stopped as soon as the unit was outside of the prying eyes of the security forces and Jade had never ordered anyone to leave a back up behind.
Jade's own weapon was non-standard and no one ever mentioned it on her annual evaluations. She carried a Tenbar Ltd. Mark II rail gun. The weapon had been designed for combat droids back before the authority realized there was no substitute for men in combat. The railguns were a masterfully designed weapon and much sought after, but each year there were fewer and fewer to be found. Tenbar had gone under when the droid experiment failed and now only a handful remained in service. Jade's had been with her since she was a raw second lieutenant. She had taken it off the body of her first sergeant after a mortar hit killed him.
The gun itself was basically a mass driver, using a series of electromagnets it accelerated the alloy shards it used as ammunition to almost incredible speeds. Jade had yet to encounter anything it wouldn't penetrate within reason. Certainly no personal armor could stop it and thus she favored it over all other weapons. She was a big believer in making each hit count.
My goal was to show her in several lights. First and foremost, I wanted to relay that she was a competant Marine officer. On a deeper level, I wanted people to see her as careful, pragmatic, a little deeper and more thoughtful than your average gun bunny and to add nuances to her character.
To those who picked up on it, I seem to have hit on all cylinders, but it seems very few actually got more out of it than she had kick-ass armor and weapons.
Could I have done more with it? Or is this technique simply too obtuse? Or is it just beyond my skill to attain?
The idea for character development in this vein comes from a book called Men of Iron. In it, the protag, a Christian knight, is not well defined, but through the process of him putting on his armor and his blade you get a very Rodrigo of Bivar/El Cid kind of impression of his personality. That impresson turns out to be correct as the later story shows.
I took this character, and tried to reveal a lot abou ther through her choice of Armor and weapon. Thus far, two people have commented on how much I was able to reveal about her via this method. Upwards of ten have complained I didn't do as through a job as I normally do of making the characters real.
My question then, is can you build a character through the details of their life and the things around them or is this technique too subjective?
Here are the passages:
Jade's suit was an old set of Mk XXVII ceramite combat armor. As an officer she had first refusal on new armor, but this set was customized to her frame and had been with her a long time. The overlapping, super dense ceramite plates were still the hardest substance in the known universe. The newer suits were less heavy, less bulky and more streamlined, but the new synthetic they used provided less ballistic protection. It just wasn't as tough as the old stuff and for Jade; she was willing to pay the price in reduced maneuverability for added stopping power. She often debated with her men who loved to rib her about her "old fashioned" armor. Her incredible reflexes allowed her to move as quickly as any of them on the confidence course, but they still kidded her whenever they sensed she was in a good mood.
Jade had another problem with the new suits, one she kept to herself. The new suits were too easy to take off. Her suit took over an hour to get on and the overlapping plates were such a bitch to remove because once they settled they often became jammed. Jade had fought in too many nasty suppressive little wars. Rape, castration, mutilation, even cannibalism; she had seen it all. She had been spared being raped to death by Tic'Chen separatists on New Madrid only because they had been unable to figure out how to remove the armor that covered her lower body before her squad mates arrived. Even their heavy cutting tools had failed to do much good when applied to the ceramite plates. It was a lesson she never forgot. The new armor was easy, just a couple of snaps and some buckles.
The new suits also lacked the nanoservos in the older, heavier armor. In the old suits, they were there to compensate for the additional weight. The new suits had no need for them. But they could give her bursts of superhuman strength if she really needed it. In an emergency, Jade could tear through a ship's bulkhead with just her suit. It was an ability she considered to be insurance in case all weapons failed.
Jade slowly put on her armor, checking each piece and each function. When she finally got the breastplate on and closed, she donned the heavy black battle helm and keyed the enviro-functions. Lines of code flashed across her HUD and rows of lights went from red to green. Rookies often took it for granted their suits were working and ignored the power up sequence, but Jade was too old a hand for making that mistake.
Oxygen, check. Water, Check. Painkiller, check. Stimdose, check. Through each of her suit's over one hundred functions she meticulously followed the check down procedure. From the radio check to the manual switch to her back up systems she tried everything before giving the suit the O.K. to go full active. From the charging stand she took her weapon and gave it the same careful, calculated once over.
Most of her troopers carried simple Mark V impact rifles. They were cheap, durable, put out a respectable volume of fire and could get decent penetration on most substances. The heavy weapons squad carried Mk XII plasma cannon and Dorntech Missile launchers. These weapons provided the heavy hitting power of the unit. Individual troopers also carried non-approved back up weapons. These ranged from single shot blast pistols to heavy combat shotguns. Theoretically she was supposed to make sure that no one was carrying anything other than standard issue before a drop. Theory stopped as soon as the unit was outside of the prying eyes of the security forces and Jade had never ordered anyone to leave a back up behind.
Jade's own weapon was non-standard and no one ever mentioned it on her annual evaluations. She carried a Tenbar Ltd. Mark II rail gun. The weapon had been designed for combat droids back before the authority realized there was no substitute for men in combat. The railguns were a masterfully designed weapon and much sought after, but each year there were fewer and fewer to be found. Tenbar had gone under when the droid experiment failed and now only a handful remained in service. Jade's had been with her since she was a raw second lieutenant. She had taken it off the body of her first sergeant after a mortar hit killed him.
The gun itself was basically a mass driver, using a series of electromagnets it accelerated the alloy shards it used as ammunition to almost incredible speeds. Jade had yet to encounter anything it wouldn't penetrate within reason. Certainly no personal armor could stop it and thus she favored it over all other weapons. She was a big believer in making each hit count.
My goal was to show her in several lights. First and foremost, I wanted to relay that she was a competant Marine officer. On a deeper level, I wanted people to see her as careful, pragmatic, a little deeper and more thoughtful than your average gun bunny and to add nuances to her character.
To those who picked up on it, I seem to have hit on all cylinders, but it seems very few actually got more out of it than she had kick-ass armor and weapons.
Could I have done more with it? Or is this technique simply too obtuse? Or is it just beyond my skill to attain?
The idea for character development in this vein comes from a book called Men of Iron. In it, the protag, a Christian knight, is not well defined, but through the process of him putting on his armor and his blade you get a very Rodrigo of Bivar/El Cid kind of impression of his personality. That impresson turns out to be correct as the later story shows.
Fine tune it, whatever, but don't think you have to lose it or justify it. 
