Changing Traditions

[Skip1934a]

Sarah, I read your first post (and the rest of the thread as well) and I can relate to your experiences of Christmas. I served a full career in the military, and we moved every two or three years. We were separated at Christmas three times while I was assigned to war zones, once in Korea, and twice in Vietnam.

We have now settled into a routine at Christmas that has become a stable tradition. All three of my children are grown, with families of their own, but we all live near enough to get together at Thanksgiving and Christmas without having to travel far. It's always at our house, on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve, and we always use the 'good' china on those occasions. That china is not dishwasher safe, either, and everyone washes their own setting when dinner is over. Before dinner on Christmas Eve, Luke's Christmas story is read, along with Isaiah's prophesy of the coming Messiah. There is a stocking for each member hanging from a floor to ceiling bookcase that are passed out by Santa's helper (me). Gifts are exchanged between the families on Christmas Eve, except with us, the grandparents. Those exchanges are done on Christmas Day as we go from family to family, rotating the sequence each year. So it's a full day.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We've had some similar Christmases these past ten years. This one-- People would ask me what to get for the kids (my two younger teens) and I would say; "Money." This sounds obnoxious, but each one of them are saving and earning money for very specific reasons. So, tomorrow, we'll be putting a few hundred per kid into their savings accounts

My daughter insisted on shopping for her brother this year. She picked out three long-sleeved sweater shirts, in colors that she approved of.
She gave everyone else originals of her web comics. Those are precious gifts indeed!

My son had been given a teeshirt a while back; it was a parody of Macdonald's with a certain contraband substance mentioned. Neither of them would wear it-- my sone painted out the "Marijuana" and stencilled in "Marsupials" which made it completely farcical- that was his gift to his sister.

Someone gave him some sort of "bionicles" toy, and my nearly-sixteen-year old completely regressed into 11-year-old geekdom for a couple hours.

Things change; This must be the first year of my life that I haven't filled stockings-- but the feelings of love and renewing family bonds-- that's the important thing, and I think we accomplished that once again...

 

[starrkers]

I have a feeling they'll smile.

I hope so. But I really want a decent christmassy Christmas next year

 

[WRJames]

Probably each generation feels that the previous one had its act together, and that they are just faking it.

I know that my own children went through the period of wonder at Christmas time -- up at dawn of before to see what Santa might have brought them. One year my daughter was very ill with chicken pox -- so itchy that she could not get to sleep. I finally told her to lie still and not move for anything, no matter what she heard, or Santa wasn't going to show up. And she did.

But, for better or worse, they get older. I sounds like yours are past the Santa stage. Just wait until they start bringing home SO's for the holidays.

 

[Skip1934a]

I hope so. But I really want a decent christmassy Christmas next year

I know how you feel, Starr. I'm sure it will be more to your liking next year. We all have times in our lives that don't fit our expectations, but they pass.

 

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[Stella_Omega]

No!!!!

We are only just past the Santa stage. Two weeks ago young son asked us if there really was a Santa Claus.

I stuttered, I stammered, then admitted that there really wasn't this guy who came down the chimney and passed out toys.

I hated having to tell him that.

I did say that we still believed in the spirit of Santa. And we do.

I told my kids that we are Santa Clauses, all of us... They liked that...

 

[Skip1934a]

I guess I'm hoping for routine.

I just don't think it's ever going to happen.

If you want it badly enough, you CAN make it happen. We did. Our children's families are all filled with fast paced daily activities that were not available in years past, but they take a recess at Christmas and Thanksgiving. The only difference in my Christmas as a child and the Christmas of my grandchildren are the nature of the toys (and the cost).

 

[Guest]

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[Skip1934a]

I've thought about this and I have to confess something.

I think that I am the only one wishing for routine. I think this is my problem, so to speak.

Our children? They seem perfectly fine with whatever happens.

In fact, they seem to thrive on the chaos.

So I'm awfully glad we can provide it for them.

LOL. You're right. Kids are very adaptable, and open to new ideas. Every chaos is a new experience for them, and they learn something, bad or good, from all of it. Let go of your problems and just go with the flow. It's much easier that way.

 

[Guest]

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[Roxanne Appleby]

We very much censor our memories. If I really wish to, I can remember my mother's "A-Type" personality which had her screaming and panicking every time she put on a party or even just a family gathering. She prepared ahead and got things done with a fair amount of precision and speed, but if there was the slightest hiccup, she went nuts. She faced lines and crowds with ill grace, always tense and on a short fuse. Going shopping with her was not a relaxing or happy ordeal.

I can recall all this if I want, but when I'm asked about holiday dinners and parties and such, I usually only remember the outcome: the crystal on the table, the traditional foods, the lively conversation about the table...all that good stuff.

I made Xmas eve dinner last night as planned, and unlike my mother, I'm always prepared for the crowds and I never let them bother me. In fact, I consider them part of the holiday tradition I got all I needed, no worries. When I glanced at the salad dressing recipe, however, I realized that an item was missing, but I didn't throw a fit. I just substituted. I knew that whatever I was doing there in the kitchen, only I would know about the errors and speedbumps--and I'm as hard on myself as you are, believe me. I want everything perfect. But I forget that only I'm likely to see the imperfections.

I guess in that way we hosts (or parents) are very much like Santa Claus. What everyone gets to see are the presents under the tree which appear like magic...not the shoving and crowds as we search for the present, not the gift-wrapping hassles or putting the toy together late into the night (we're missing a part!), not the muss or the fuss as we create those delicious feasts. And even if they do see what goes on in the workshop...they're likely to either censor that out, or recall it as special, part of the fun. Like the time some crazy catastrophe made cooking up Xmas dinner impossible, and so everyone sat around eating hot dogs and potato chips.

And I think you have to remember that unlike you, your kids have no comparison. They weren't raised in your mom's household and then in yours...in which case they *might* say, "grandma always gets the lights up in time...." But lucky you, all they know is you. And I'm sure they love the craziness. Someday, they'll reminisce and say, "The holidays were so chaotic, and it always seemed like mom wouldn't get it together--not find the stockings or put up the lights. But she always did--or if she didn't, the substitutes were so much fun! And the noise she put up with on Xmas morning. I don't know how she did it. I wish I could be more like her."

Merry Christmas

That just made me all teary-eyed.

And what you and Rob both said makes perfect sense.

I hope our children love the craziness and chaos. I think they do. We all seem to thrive on the energetic pace (until we can't find the stockings.)

Merry Christmas.

She's really good, isn't she?

 

[WRJames]

I told my kids that we are Santa Clauses, all of us... They liked that...

Actually, my wife was really sad that she had to give up her role as a minor deity -- Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy (although most of the time I was given the task of finding where the kid had hidden that little tooth!).

But what you said is just right -- if only we could remember that.

 

[rgraham666]

I just got back from my sister's, where my family went for Christmas.

And they broke tradition completely. No turkey or nothing.

They just laid out a big table of finger foods, we noshed, drank and talked all night. The kids drifted in and out of the dining and living rooms, managing to keep themselves happily amused for the most part. The youngest had the occasional 'crisis' but nothing major.

Not many presents given out. I got a gift card usable at my local grocery store.

This morning my parents treated us all to breakfast at a restaurant.

It was a nice, quiet and fun Christmas.