Changes of perspective in close third person/FIS.

[Altissimus]

As one uses close third person (CTP) to describe a scenario, is it poor form (or more difficult for the reader to follow) if the focus changes from one character to another and back again?

For example:

Jane watched as Harry changed the tyre, secretly enjoying the sweat and oil that smeared across his naked upper torso. Sure, he looked a little dirty, but that only added to his manly charm.
Harry seemed to struggle a little with the tyre lever, but eventually it slid into the rim of the wheel and it was a moment's work for him to pull the tyre loose. She watched as he wiped his head with the back of his arm, smiling to herself as another streak of oil was smudged across his brow.

vs

Jane watched as Harry changed the tyre, secretly enjoying the sweat and oil that smeared across his naked upper torso. Sure, he looked a little dirty, but that only added to his manly charm.
Harry struggled with the tyre lever, the rubber giving little as he tried to work it beneath the rim. But eventually it was in, and he took pleasure in prying free the tyre with an easy twist of his wrist. The sun was still bearing down, and he wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm. Jane smiled to herself as another streak of oil was smudged across his skin.

Any difference? Critique? Full dislosure: neither passage is in any story I've written and/or am writing, so sorry if mechanics get you steamy.

 

[IARainman]

Neither bothers me. When reading fiction, I can suspend logic enough for the second passage; i.e. how do I know he struggled, vs. being observed as having struggled. I’m ok with the notion that it just is that way. I’m an observer in the scene just as much as Jane. Maybe it’s conditioning from the cinema. Either seem valid. I would probably do whichever felt more comfortable, as I’m more likely to remain consistent.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Do an example where both are male or female (doesn't matter which so long as both characters in the scene are the same gender.)

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't care for the second example. I think the first is better. To me, free indirect style works better when you stay in one person's head at a time. Otherwise, I feel like I'm being yanked around as a reader. You can move from one character's head to another's at a section or chapter break.

Get rid of "she watched" in the last sentence because it's duplicative of the first sentence. You don't need to say "she watched" because it's clear by this point that everything being narrated about what Harry is doing is from Jane's point of view. That's the advantage of free indirect: once it's established you can get rid of a lot of phrases like that. If you jump back and forth then you have to reintroduce those phrases to constantly clarify from whose perspective the story is being told.

 

[djrip]

The only thing in the second passage that's absolutely from his pov is "and he took pleasure in prying free the tyre with an easy twist of his wrist." Because he took pleasure. The other changes could still be her observations. And even the taking pleasure could be her pov if he "seemed to take pleasure."

That said, if you do go into both povs like this, I think that makes it 3rd unlimited or 3rd omniscient, instead of 3rd limited/close. Which is fine. But if the story is 3rd omniscient then it should probably be that consistently, not stick with one person most of the time but randomly dip into the other once somewhere.

3rd limited/close can also switch, but at a scene change or chapter break, not within a paragraph. In my understanding.

 

[Altissimus]

Do an example where both are male or female (doesn't matter which so long as both characters in the scene are the same gender.)

Funnily enough, I am doing in my current story. Pronouns get in the way, and you're forced to use names or other descriptors. It feels a lot more clumsy.

 

[Altissimus]

3rd limited/close can also switch, but at a scene change or chapter break, not within a paragraph. In my understanding.

Yeah, that's what I did in the previous chapter of my current story, and it was fine. That's partly why I asked this question - I don't really like the POV switching, but wanted to get a second opinion.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Funnily enough, I am doing in my current story. Pronouns get in the way, and you're forced to use names or other descriptors. It feels a lot more clumsy.

As someone who primarily writes same sex relationships, I feel ya.

I call it the "Who's cock?" problem.

 

[djrip]

As someone who primarily writes same sex relationships, I feel ya.

I call it the "Who's cock?" problem.

Nicknames. For me it was Cassandra/Cassie/Cas and Kelly/Kel, throw in a few "her sister"s and Bob's your uncle.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I start close to both characters, often, but I wouldn't offer both pov in the same paragraph - so the second example doesn't work so well for me.

I'd at least use a paragraph break to signify a shift, but more generally, I stay alongside one character for a long while, with a good reason to shift to the other.

 

[Bramblethorn]

My preference is for a narrative that stays in one person's head within a scene, or failing that, one which gives approximately equal time to both.

What bugs me is a narrative that's mostly in one person's head but occasionally slips into the other just for a sentence or two, because that feels like the author forgot. It's not a big problem but it jars.

Harry struggled with the tyre lever, the rubber giving little as he tried to work it beneath the rim. But eventually it was in, and he took pleasure in prying free the tyre with an easy twist of his wrist.

This can be made POV-consistent with very minor change, e.g.;

"But eventually it was in. With a twist of his wrist he pried the tyre free, grinning as it finally came loose."

Instead of telling the reader how Harry feels, describe the cues that let Jane pick up on that.

PS - sun should probably be "beating down" rather than "bearing down"?

 

[SimonDoom]

I call it the "Who's cock?" problem.

Who's Cock?

That one's Cock. This one is Dick.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Who's Cock?

That one's Cock. This one is Dick.

Lol

 

[Djmac1031]

I ran into this problem a few times, most notably in The Devil And Angel Em.

The story was told third person, but from the MMC point of view. At least for the first few pages.

Then he meets the MFC.

And I immediately jumped into her head and started bouncing between them.

Realized during editing it was a mistake; the shifting perspectives were too jarring.

So I edited it so that we stay in the MMCs head, and hence perceive her actions and possible emotions through his eyes and interpretation.

I then cut to a new scene with the MFC alone in a room, that let me get in her head for a bit.

From there I could bounce around more as they interacted, but tried to divide it up by paragraphs.

Job did this and was thinking that.

Meanwhile Emily reacted by doing this and feeling that.

Simplistic but you get me.

I'm really glad I went 3rd Person on it, because originally I started writing it 1st Person MMC POV.

But I just finished a prequel and have a third part (sequel) planned, and neither would be possible if I was stuck in only one person's head.

 

[ElectricBlue]

But I just finished a prequel and have a third part (sequel) planned, and neither would be possible if I was stuck in only one person's head.

My motto is to stay close to one protagonist for a while, as you get to know them, and only move on with good reason. Otherwise, it reads like you can't make up your mind, and all that does is annoy readers.