Cat Scans.. X-rays.. blood work

[freakygirl]

You would think I was used to all of this kind of stuff..

the worry and the fears..

a person you love being in the hospital.. not knowing what is going on.

I've been through it a million times.. first my dad.. then my brothers.. my dad again.. my mom.. my grandma...but never in a million years did I think I'd be at home worrying about my husband. And not being able to in some way make him feel better..

I'm a nurse for christ sakes! Why don't I know what his problem is?

Pain in his side.. Kidney stones? Doc says no.. tenderness under his ribs.. gall bladder? maybe.. but highly unlikely.. spot on his liver.. cancer? possible.. it runs in the family..

He is in the hospital now.. and I have 2 more hours before I can leave to be with him

I feel so alone.. so... so....so useless..

I've cleaned.. I've baked.. I've wrapped presents.. I've paced.. I've cried.. I've yelled at the dogs.. kicked the cats.. NOTHING helps!

Not sure why I posted a thread.. not sure when I even got online.. I guess I came here out of habit.. I'm tired.. maybe a nap..

Thanks for listening? Is that the term I'm looking for?

maybe.. I don't know

 

[Guest]

freakygurl,

Hugs to you and know you're in my thoughts. It's a terrible feeling to feel as helpless as you do.

I think what you're trying to do is let your feelings try to escape you just a little bit - you needed someone to talk to.

Please take care of yourself and when you see your husband I have a feeling you'll hug him like you've never hugged him before.

God Bless and Good Luck.

 

[Desdemona]

Its ok...

Just because you're a nurse doesn't mean you can diagnose or fix problems in people you love. I've been a nurse for 17 years. I've walked a few miles in your shoes with the people I love. The anxiety never gets better for me. I always imagine the worst possible scenario and get frustrated if I can't control their care.
If I miss something.... a symptom or a possible treatment, I flog myself unmercifully.


In short... try to give yourself a break. Its hard to have someone you love be sick. I think that the more you know about the healthcare system, the scarier it is to trust that your loved one will get the right treatment. Be good to yourself.

 

[batter]

freakygurl

while you do mean well, i think you should remember that you will be of no use to anyone if you worry yourself sick and get to the point being worn down. you dont want to make yourself sick.
all that knowledge you have may be a part of the job, but it may also make you lthink too much.
i always try not to worry until the test results come back and i have time to digest the alternatives.

hope all works out for the good.
hugs kiddo!

 

[SexyChele]

I would think being a nurse is great when the person you are caring for is emotionally distant from you. Things change when the person involved is some one you love.

*Hugs* to you freakygurl, and I will hope for the best. Take a nap, see your husband, take it minute to minute. Keep us posted. Lots of us here to talk to, if you need to, including me.

 

[freakygirl]

Re: Its ok...

Just because you're a nurse doesn't mean you can diagnose or fix problems in people you love. I've been a nurse for 17 years. I've walked a few miles in your shoes with the people I love. The anxiety never gets better for me. I always imagine the worst possible scenario and get frustrated if I can't control their care.
If I miss something.... a symptom or a possible treatment, I flog myself unmercifully.


In short... try to give yourself a break. Its hard to have someone you love be sick. I think that the more you know about the healthcare system, the scarier it is to trust that your loved one will get the right treatment. Be good to yourself.

Exactly why I came home after taking him up there.. I wanted to do it all.. take the blood (not exactly MY job, but dammit he is MY husband).. I wanted to start the IV (they couldn't do it right.. dammit his veins are so clear.. so easy to get.. why couldn't that dumbass do it? again.. goes back to being MY husband). I wanted to read the x-rays.. (ummm I'm a nurse NOT a radiologist, i can name the parts on the x-ray, but I can't tell what is wrong with them.. once again.. MY husband.) The people at the hospital know me.. they know what I'm like.. they hide when I come in.

BUT DAMMIT! IT'S MY HUSBAND!

 

[Rubyfruit]

Sweetheart, I'm sorry your family is going through this, especially so close to Christmas. I'm hoping that it is nothing serious.

xoxoxo

 

[KillerMuffin]

Nothing worse than a feeling of helplessness, particularly when you know you could be helping in some way.

Do something for him. Write him a nice long letter, by hand, about how much he means to you and how you feel. You may never give it to him, but then again you might. It will give your mind something to focus on and it will give you something constructive to do to help him. Letters are very tangible expressions of love and caring, something he can always carry with him.

It's hard right now, but the best I can do is offer you a big 'Net hug. We're on your side, darlin.

 

[Debbie]

Freakygurl. I want to be able to give you a real hug but this has to do instead *hug*. I am not a nurse but when Mike was in hospital for the triple bypass I was so stressed out. This isn't supposed to happen. Not to my husband. The man is always so strong and almost never sick. You feel helpless, vulnerable and there isn't much you can do. It is hard.
DAMN it all. I wish I could be there in person. Have another *hug*. I am thinking of you.
Love Debbie

 

[freakygirl]

*update*

Dr Jester (yes, that is his real name, and I'm wondering if I can trust him. Never worked with him, so I don't know him. the name scares me *L*) just called and he says.. hubby can come home. There is NOTHING wrong with him. Other than pulled muscles in his back but they want him to come back in the morning for an ultrasound. (I'm thinking the doc is stumped and is making something up).

I'm confused now, how can someone be in so much pain from just pulled muscles? He can't walk.. he can't sit.. he can lay.. he can't pee for christ sakes! It's NOT pulled muscles!

My husband isn't a little guy.. pretty well built. Comes from his days as a Ranger in the Army. He hasn't done anything as far as strenuous (sp?) excercise. Hasn't fallen.. hasn't been working out. Hell this pain he has, has been there off and on for almost a year. The VA can't find anything wrong, so we went to a personal doctor. She found the spot on the liver.. and brought up the possiblility of the kidney stones or gall bladder.

I know you can hurt pretty bad from pulled muscles.. but dammit.. it doesn't happen this way.. You don't feel great one day.. hurt the next.. hurt for a few days.. get better.. then in a few months have the same EXACT pain as before. It just doesn't make sense.

Thanks everyone for your hugs and best wishes.. I'm praying things are ok.. and it's nice to know I have friends who are doing the same.

*hugs back to everyone*

I'll get back to everyone if we find out anything more.

 

[MacCortz]

Freakygurl,

You are a wonderful person, sure wish I could help.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I had to rush drive my Dad to the hospital last week when he had a bad turn... I know the 'what can I do' feeling you have. But the docs etc will do their best

I just had bloods taken this morning... I'm sure those needles are getting thinner, I tend to freak with them, but it was cool.

Relax honey