Casual Touch

[graceanne]

My dad's family is very physically affectionate. My mothers family is not. My dad's family kiss eachother on the mouth, my mothers family MIGHT allow a kiss on the cheek. My dad's family give full body hugs. You might get a partial hug from people in my moms family. Who was I raised by? My mom. lol And it's not a geography thing - both my mom and dad were raised in California. Although my dad's parents were raised in Oklahoma, and my mom's parents were raised in Oregon (gma) and Canada (gpa).

Beyond that, I was the 'bad child'. What affection their was in the house was given to my sister. I mean I got some, but it was always Miss on mom's lap, Miss snuggling with mom, etc.. Even my teachers didn't like me.

 

[im_a_voyeur]

*Runs in and gives Grace a hug and then runs away*


P.S. All of my elementary teachers (all female) didn't like me either.

 

[graceanne]

*Runs in and gives Grace a hug and then runs away*


P.S. All of my elementary teachers (all female) didn't like me either.

IT WAS A FLY BY HUGGING! DID ANYONE GET THE PLATE ON THAT HUGGER?

To tell the truth it doesn't bother me as bad anymore. I've come to realize it wasn't me they didn't like, since they never bothered to get to know me. Most adults are uncomfortable around children who're more mature then they are, and they quite often do what they can to make that child miserable. For instance, my kindergarten teacher told me I wasn't smart enough to learn to read, which set me back at the next school. That teacher would mark down correct answers on my papers, just so I'd have to stay in and 'fix it'. My mother figured out what she was doing, and put a stop to that. It made her dislike me more, but she was more careful about being hateful. I don't remember my second, or third grade teachers, but that's more cause in those two years I went to five schools than anything else. My fourth, fifth and sixth grade teachers rocked, though. Nonetheless, I still have nightmares about school. I'm considering college, but having to screw up my courage - I'm terrified it'll be as bad as it was before, but people keep saying that college is nothing like regular school.

 

[FurryFury]

I am a very, shy person. I generally don't want to be touched by strangers but, I love hugs! I get them all the time from strangers, mostly kids.

I'm funny about being touched. It depends on the energy between me and other person plus my mood and comfort level.

Sometimes I'm a touchy freely girl. That's when you know that you are safe with me, I won't be fucking you tonight.

Other times I'm very stand offish and quiet. That there is the danger zone I'm trying to stay the hell out of.

My husband can tell you how I went to bed with him buck naked one night. Didn't come to bed for hours and hours another night and when I did I had on like three layers of clothes cause I KNEW I wanted to fuck the shit out of him but thought it a bad idea.

 

[FungiUg]

Touch me and you're not a small child, partner or invited family member and you die.

Although I agree with you about the whole handshaking thing.

 

[FurryFury]

Business handshakes are very important. I worked on mine long ago. It's pretty perfected. The cost of doing business. I keep sanitary hand cleaner in my car.

 

[Krinaia]

I'm really enjoying this thread.

For me, my discomfort with being touched casually is rooted in a lot of things. The first is my mother isn't affectionate - she rarely tells us she loves us except when we're upset and feeling miserable, then it's a way of her building us back up. Or if we're going away and she knows she won't see us for a long time. But phone calls and such - a lack of verbal and physical affection. So I think that's why I get uncomfortable with "mushy" flirtation and casual touching by strangers.

Another thing that leads to my discomfort is my own self image. I grew up hating my body so much that I didn't want people to touch me because I was afraid to let them. It was as though I could hide my overweightness if they didn't touch me. OR as if I had to protect them from the embarrassment they would feel if they were horrified by the feel of me. It was a very messed up attitude. And while I've come to realize I should never have allowed society and jerkhead kids make me feel that way about my body when I was so lovely as a teen - in an amy lee volumptous sort of way. But now I'm twice that size and working at getting thinner by being healthy and I don't hate my body anymore, am in fact more comfortable than I was back then but there is still a lingering discomfort with strangers touching me.

So while I like being touched, even miss casual touching since I'm single and live alone and my cat is rather bitchy. But I still dislike people touching me unless it's on my own terms. I have a silk shirt I love to wear but this one day a girl I know, and while she is lovely - she's so perky she sets my teeth on edge - but she was complimenting me on it (which i loved) but then she put her hand out to feel the shirt and I backed up and she stepped forward and went ahead and touched me. It really disturbed me.

On the other hand, I will casually touch strangers sometimes. But only if we have an exchange that lets me know it's okay. If I've made them laugh or smile and they lean towards me or something like that - I'll feel it's okay to touch them.

I hate handshaking. I've had my hand gripped hard enough to hurt by some consultants... I always want to tell them to lighten up before they injure me. I'm a professional young woman, not a lemon. No need to grind my finger bones together.

 

[Exogenous]

I am a submissive, raised in San Diego, parents from Scotland. They were not demonstrative at all, either physically or verbally, and I wish they had been. I enjoy casual touches and affection with loved ones and close friends. Yet I don’t consider myself to be overly touchy-feely.

At work, shaking hands with others upon introduction doesn’t bother me (except for the limp or fingertips-only kind of handshakes). But being otherwise touched by strangers or acquaintances, male or female, bothers me quite a lot. Also, I strongly dislike strangers or acquaintances in my space (closer than three feet kind of thing). I really hate being in the check-out line at a store, or anywhere in public, and someone is so close they are practically breathing down my neck. It’s irritating when I try to move away, put some space between myself and a stranger, and he/she just closes the “gap.”

Once I knew this person at work who had a car alarm that actually “spoke.” A recorded voice would sound off, “Step away from the car.” I sometimes think of that when strangers invade my space, except it would be “Step away from my person!” Or, Yosemite Sam with that little quip “Back off!” LOL

 

[FurryFury]

It took me a looong time to figure out if my in laws would be cool with being hugged. What can I say, I love people. I love to give them hugs and smiles, especially if I think they need em.

 

[LittleJade]

I adore being touched... by people who put off certain energies.

If someone exudes the wrong energy and touches me, they may end up with a broken wrist.

I'm switch.

 

[Shankara20]

I crave touch - to be touched and to touch, a hug, a hand shake, a pat on the back. Casual, friendly touch.

I am also acutely aware of the feelings so many people have, as some have expressed here about aversion to touch, that I keep my impulse to touch in check. It often saddens me, but I desire to respect boundaries. In addition my works places me in close proximity to people that have suffered sexual assault and respect of personal space in paramount.

 

[Homburg]

Amry brat here, so raised all over the place, though I am currently in the South (well, Mid-Atlantic seaboard). Dominant.

I used to hate being touched. I went through a phase as a teenager wher eI just despised it. Body image issues mostly. Started to get over it in my twenties. Now I'm in my thirties and I'm generally fine with it. I love casual touch from those I love, including my friends. I'm actually to the point where it is actively important to me as communication.

 

[northwoods_sub]

I crave touch - to be touched and to touch, a hug, a hand shake, a pat on the back. Casual, friendly touch.

I am also acutely aware of the feelings so many people have, as some have expressed here about aversion to touch, that I keep my impulse to touch in check. It often saddens me, but I desire to respect boundaries. In addition my works places me in close proximity to people that have suffered sexual assault and respect of personal space in paramount.

I would have to say ditto, except for working with those who have been sexually assaulted. I want to touch and be touched, but I keep my need in check to respect those who do not feel the same.

Shank I feel that you will be able to relate to this as well. My need to touch and feel isn't only with people it is with everything. Texture is huge for me. When I go clothes shopping I have to touch everything. Soft, silky, rough. I am such a freak about it.

 

[Homburg]

Texture is huge for me. When I go clothes shopping I have to touch everything. Soft, silky, rough. I am such a freak about it.

I've bought a couple of shirts recently solely because of how they feel.

 

[northwoods_sub]

I've bought a couple of shirts recently solely because of how they feel.

If it doesn't feel good I won't wear it. I have gotten some really cool clothes as gifts, but I refuse to wear them because they don't have the right texture.

 

[marieR19]

Huh. This is a very interesting thread, and while I didn't hesitate in my inital answer to the poll, I'm having to think about my response before I post.

Growing up, I was always a very touchy-feely child. I hugged my teachers every single day after school (yes, my friends thought I was weird, but oh well), I hugged my friends... my family was always very affectionate and touchy-feely, so I grew up that way. (At least, my mom's side was, but I hardly ever saw anyone else from my dad's side of the family except dad, so yeah).

For the most part, I'm still that way. I don't have many RL friends now, but the last time I did (12th grade....Let's see, it was 2005) I was still very huggy and stuff. Touching people on the arm, at least people I'm friends with, is a way that I get their attention, it's just a natural response for me, and sometimes I have to remind myself that not everyone likes that. My parents and friends are okay with it though.

I remember when I was in an outpatient mental hospital, there was a very strict no-touching policy, and it was really hard for me, because when I am friends with someone one of the ways I express that friendship is by hugging. If I remember correctly, me and one of the girls there got in trouble a few times for that... All completely innocent, just friends hugging goodbye after the day's program, but yeah.

..... Then again, reading Krinaia's post, I do have to point out that recipricatory touching is only okay in certain places... My last girlfriend learned very quickly that I do NOT like ANYONE touching my stomach (body-image issues), and usually the same goes for my butt (except for spanking, of course).

Of course, all of this is on the assumption that the person in question is at least an aquantience. With strangers.... well, honestly I'm not really sure, because my social anxiety makes me avoid most situations where that might happen. Professionals, like people at my therapist's office, I'm okay with shaking hands with, etc. But other strangers, like just someone I pass by while walking.... I probably wouldn't be comfortable with that.

And wow, I didn't realize I'd have so much to say. lol



Heather

 

[graceanne]

If it doesn't feel good I won't wear it. I have gotten some really cool clothes as gifts, but I refuse to wear them because they don't have the right texture.

Me either. I pretty much only wear 100% cotton, cause it's what I can afford. But otherwise I do have some silk and rayon. I will not wear any type of wool or fur type things (like angora or whatever) cause it itches. I won't wear polyester at all - it's obnoxious.

 

[Shankara20]

I would have to say ditto, except for working with those who have been sexually assaulted. I want to touch and be touched, but I keep my need in check to respect those who do not feel the same.

Shank I feel that you will be able to relate to this as well. My need to touch and feel isn't only with people it is with everything. Texture is huge for me. When I go clothes shopping I have to touch everything. Soft, silky, rough. I am such a freak about it.

I do relate - I'm a tactile junkie.

 

[Recidiva]

Me either. I pretty much only wear 100% cotton, cause it's what I can afford. But otherwise I do have some silk and rayon. I will not wear any type of wool or fur type things (like angora or whatever) cause it itches. I won't wear polyester at all - it's obnoxious.

Cotton and silk for me.

Although I have gone to the dark side for some microfiber. It's just fun for my fingers.

 

[FurryFury]

I do relate - I'm a tactile junkie.

Me too!

 

[EmpressFi]

I've bought a couple of shirts recently solely because of how they feel.

That is THE deciding factor for me. I'll look at clothing and pick something up because I like the color or the cut or because it looks comfy..but if when I touch it, it isnt pleasing to the skin.. forget it.. it goes right back to the display...

 

[SubKekiLee]

I love to be touched even if it is lightly across the hand or shoulder I love to HUG!!! as far as clothes if Ilove the way they feel I gotta buy em......

 

[Krinaia]

I'm not sure how this little tactile clothing discussion relates to the initial question (spankings for all of you! in fact, spank each other and save this lazy switch the effort) except for the example I brought up of a time I was discomforted by someone trying to touch me. Now, back to the thread.

After reading through all the responses, I'm have to say that the most influencing factors leading to someone's comfort with touch are:

1. The physical affection displayed by one's parents.
2. A person's own comfort with their body.
3. Their comfort and familiarity with the person within the social enviroment they are in.
4. Culture

I have to admit that my theory on regionality and culture being the deciding factors with added factor of orientation don't seem to be true. Region you grew up in might have SOME influence but i think the list above is higher ranked. But I'd love to hear arguments to the contrary. And agreement is welcome.

And thanks to everyone who responded not only about how they like or don't like to be touched but also to how comfortable they are with touching. I get so up in arms about not being touched that I sometimes forget that sometimes I'm the toucher not just the touchee.

 

[Homburg]

That is THE deciding factor for me. I'll look at clothing and pick something up because I like the color or the cut or because it looks comfy..but if when I touch it, it isnt pleasing to the skin.. forget it.. it goes right back to the display...

Well, as much as I want to like the feel of the fabric, I am thinking more of other people enjoying it when they touch me. Ya gotta remember, as furry as I am, I don't feel the material of a shirt against my skin all that much =P

That said, the shirts in question felt so good that I found myself touching, um, me. That sounds bad, heh.

 

[Homburg]

I have to admit that my theory on regionality and culture being the deciding factors with added factor of orientation don't seem to be true. Region you grew up in might have SOME influence but i think the list above is higher ranked. But I'd love to hear arguments to the contrary. And agreement is welcome.

I don't know about regional differences on touch specifically, but I have seen regional differences on personal space. It probably relates. Certain areas have a smaller expectation of personal space than others.