pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 16,389
This is an email that I received from DK2010.....thank you, I read it when I need reassurance 
*I didn't attempt to change it, just copy & paste, forgive the format*
Caring for your introvert:
DO YOU KNOW someone who needs hours alone every day?
> Who
> loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas,
> and can
> give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but
> seems
> awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who
> has to
> be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the
> day to
> recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces
> when
> accosted with pleasantries by people who are just
> trying to
> be nice?
>
> If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious,"
> or ask
> if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude?
> Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
>
> If you answered yes to these questions, chances are
> that
> you have an introvert on your hands—and that you
> aren't
> caring for him properly. Science has learned a good
> deal in
> recent years about the habits and requirements of
> introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain
> scans,
> that introverts process information differently from
> other
> people (I am not making this up). If you are behind
> the
> curve on this important matter, be reassured that
> you are
> not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are
> also
> among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in
> America, possibly the world.
>
> I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
>
> Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good
> social
> skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I
> am far
> from shy. I love long conversations that explore
> intimate
> thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have
> self-identified and come out to my friends and
> colleagues.
> In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any
> number
> of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am
> here
> to tell you what you need to know in order to
> respond
> sensitively and supportively to your own introverted
> family
> members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone
> you
> know, respect, and interact with every day is an
> introvert,
> and you are probably driving this person nuts. It
> pays to
> learn the warning signs.
>
> What is introversion? In its modern sense, the
> concept goes
> back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung.
> Today it
> is a mainstay of personality tests, including the
> widely
> used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not
> necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or
> frightened or
> self-excoriating in social settings; introverts
> generally
> are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic,
> though some
> of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell
> is
> other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are
> people
> who find other people tiring.
>
> Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade
> when
> alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both
> senses
> of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two
> minutes
> and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast,
> after an
> hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts
> need to
> turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two
> hours
> alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't
> antisocial.
> It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for
> medication. For introverts, to be alone with our
> thoughts
> is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as
> eating. Our
> motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."
>
> How many people are introverts? I performed
> exhaustive
> research on this question, in the form of a quick
> Google
> search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under
> half.
> Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population
> but a
> majority in the gifted population."
>
> Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it
> appears, is
> our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an
> extrovert to
> understand an introvert," write the education
> experts Jill
> D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the
> source of
> the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts
> are
> easy for introverts to understand, because
> extroverts spend
> so much of their time working out who they are in
> voluble,
> and frequently inescapable, interaction with other
> people.
> They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the
> street does
> not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no
> grasp of
> introversion. They assume that company, especially
> their
> own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why
> someone
> would need to be alone; indeed, they often take
> umbrage at
> the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain
> the
> matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any
> of them
> really understood. They listen for a moment and then
> go
> back to barking and yipping.
>
> Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so.
> For one
> thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a
> profession in which only the garrulous are really
> comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill
> Clinton.
> They seem to come fully to life only around other
> people.
> To think of the few introverts who did rise to the
> top in
> politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to
> drive
> home the point. With the possible exception of
> Ronald
> Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were
> probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many
> actors,
> I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when
> socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not
> considered "naturals" in politics.
>
> Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a
> pity.
> If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be
> a
> calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As
> Coolidge is
> supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four
> fifths of
> all our troubles in this life would disappear if we
> would
> just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed
> to have
> said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be
> called on to
> repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes
> more
> than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
>
> With their endless appetite for talk and attention,
> extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend
> to set
> expectations. In our extrovertist society, being
> outgoing
> is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark
> of
> happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are
> seen as
> bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person"
> is a
> compliment. Introverts are described with words like
> "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn,"
> "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous
> words, words
> that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of
> personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must
> suffer
> especially. In certain circles, particularly in the
> Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with
> being what
> they used to call a strong and silent type;
> introverted
> women, lacking that alternative, are even more
> likely than
> men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
>
> Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this
> common
> misconception has to do with our being more
> intelligent,
> more reflective, more independent, more
> level-headed, more
> refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also,
> it is
> probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that
> extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to
> think
> before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by
> talking, which is why their meetings never last less
> than
> six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow
> named
> Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent
> book
> called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money?
> (I'm not
> making that up, either), "are driven to distraction
> by the
> semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct.
> Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll
> their
> eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.
>
> The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of
> the
> torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp
> for air
> amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk,
> we
> wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to
> themselves.
> Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette
> books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard
> declining to
> banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward.
> We can
> only dream that someday, when our condition is more
> widely
> understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights
> movement has
> blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite
> to say
> "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I
> like
> you. But now please shush."
>
> How can I let the introvert in my life know that I
> support
> him and respect his choice? First, recognize that
> it's not
> a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
>
> Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought,
> don't
> say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
>
> Third, don't say anything else, either.
*I didn't attempt to change it, just copy & paste, forgive the format*
Caring for your introvert:
DO YOU KNOW someone who needs hours alone every day?
> Who
> loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas,
> and can
> give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but
> seems
> awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who
> has to
> be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the
> day to
> recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces
> when
> accosted with pleasantries by people who are just
> trying to
> be nice?
>
> If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious,"
> or ask
> if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude?
> Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
>
> If you answered yes to these questions, chances are
> that
> you have an introvert on your hands—and that you
> aren't
> caring for him properly. Science has learned a good
> deal in
> recent years about the habits and requirements of
> introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain
> scans,
> that introverts process information differently from
> other
> people (I am not making this up). If you are behind
> the
> curve on this important matter, be reassured that
> you are
> not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are
> also
> among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in
> America, possibly the world.
>
> I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
>
> Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good
> social
> skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I
> am far
> from shy. I love long conversations that explore
> intimate
> thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have
> self-identified and come out to my friends and
> colleagues.
> In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any
> number
> of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am
> here
> to tell you what you need to know in order to
> respond
> sensitively and supportively to your own introverted
> family
> members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone
> you
> know, respect, and interact with every day is an
> introvert,
> and you are probably driving this person nuts. It
> pays to
> learn the warning signs.
>
> What is introversion? In its modern sense, the
> concept goes
> back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung.
> Today it
> is a mainstay of personality tests, including the
> widely
> used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not
> necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or
> frightened or
> self-excoriating in social settings; introverts
> generally
> are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic,
> though some
> of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell
> is
> other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are
> people
> who find other people tiring.
>
> Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade
> when
> alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both
> senses
> of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two
> minutes
> and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast,
> after an
> hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts
> need to
> turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two
> hours
> alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't
> antisocial.
> It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for
> medication. For introverts, to be alone with our
> thoughts
> is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as
> eating. Our
> motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."
>
> How many people are introverts? I performed
> exhaustive
> research on this question, in the form of a quick
> search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under
> half.
> Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population
> but a
> majority in the gifted population."
>
> Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it
> appears, is
> our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an
> extrovert to
> understand an introvert," write the education
> experts Jill
> D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the
> source of
> the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts
> are
> easy for introverts to understand, because
> extroverts spend
> so much of their time working out who they are in
> voluble,
> and frequently inescapable, interaction with other
> people.
> They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the
> street does
> not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no
> grasp of
> introversion. They assume that company, especially
> their
> own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why
> someone
> would need to be alone; indeed, they often take
> umbrage at
> the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain
> the
> matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any
> of them
> really understood. They listen for a moment and then
> go
> back to barking and yipping.
>
> Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so.
> For one
> thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a
> profession in which only the garrulous are really
> comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill
> Clinton.
> They seem to come fully to life only around other
> people.
> To think of the few introverts who did rise to the
> top in
> politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to
> drive
> home the point. With the possible exception of
> Ronald
> Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were
> probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many
> actors,
> I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when
> socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not
> considered "naturals" in politics.
>
> Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a
> pity.
> If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be
> a
> calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As
> Coolidge is
> supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four
> fifths of
> all our troubles in this life would disappear if we
> would
> just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed
> to have
> said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be
> called on to
> repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes
> more
> than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
>
> With their endless appetite for talk and attention,
> extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend
> to set
> expectations. In our extrovertist society, being
> outgoing
> is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark
> of
> happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are
> seen as
> bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person"
> is a
> compliment. Introverts are described with words like
> "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn,"
> "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous
> words, words
> that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of
> personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must
> suffer
> especially. In certain circles, particularly in the
> Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with
> being what
> they used to call a strong and silent type;
> introverted
> women, lacking that alternative, are even more
> likely than
> men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
>
> Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this
> common
> misconception has to do with our being more
> intelligent,
> more reflective, more independent, more
> level-headed, more
> refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also,
> it is
> probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that
> extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to
> think
> before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by
> talking, which is why their meetings never last less
> than
> six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow
> named
> Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent
> book
> called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money?
> (I'm not
> making that up, either), "are driven to distraction
> by the
> semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct.
> Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll
> their
> eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.
>
> The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of
> the
> torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp
> for air
> amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk,
> we
> wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to
> themselves.
> Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette
> books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard
> declining to
> banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward.
> We can
> only dream that someday, when our condition is more
> widely
> understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights
> movement has
> blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite
> to say
> "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I
> like
> you. But now please shush."
>
> How can I let the introvert in my life know that I
> support
> him and respect his choice? First, recognize that
> it's not
> a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
>
> Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought,
> don't
> say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
>
> Third, don't say anything else, either.
