can't cum

[Ravenkitty]

Ok this may sound strange but I have never been able to get my self to orgasms. I can be wetter then a kiddie pool but never fully release. On the other hand I can cum and have aftershock running through me just by giving oral, canned or even watch someone else reach there relese. My question is has anyone ever came across someone like me, or are you like me. Somtimes I feel broken, and have had partner have problomes with this. I just wanted to know if there was somthing I might be able to do.

Thank you for your time.

 

[Etoile]

I'm a little confused - you're saying you can't bring yourself to orgasm, is that right? I would say you're definitely not alone. Many women struggle to achieve orgasm, whether on their own or with a partner. Unfortunately it CAN cause relationship issues. Am I understanding you right?

 

[Noor]

Sounds like she can't come from solo masturbation which I don't think is all that unusual. I always preferred my toys to be human ;-)

 

[McNoob]

I used to have the opposite problem. I was able to make myself cum from a very young age, but by the time I lost my virginity I was so conditioned to that I couldn't cum any other way.

After about 6 months of my gf trying, I surprised us both by letting go and exploding in an incredibly satisfying way. It still makes me smile to think about it all these years later. After that first time, things slowly got easier, although it took a few years before I stopped finding it difficult.

For me it was a big mental block over losing control. As I got close, I would worry about the noise, my partner looking tired, the potential mess etc. I don't have any specific tricks, but I would advise that you don't ever give up. Remove as many distractions as possible, particularly if you worry about noise or mess. And then just try and enjoy getting close. Don't view not coming as a failure, just an extra bonus that isn't for today. Eventually you will hit the jackpot.

I'm certain you will have some near misses, but these should be encouraging not disheartening.

Good luck!

 

[Lady_Fiona]

Since I was put on anti depressants I have very very delayed orgasms, it can be a nightmare, but on the other hand, it can be good too.

Doesn't mean I dont enjoy it all any less. I just have to work a little harder, as does my partner.

 

[Ravenkitty]

I'm a little confused - you're saying you can't bring yourself to orgasm, is that right? I would say you're definitely not alone. Many women struggle to achieve orgasm, whether on their own or with a partner. Unfortunately it CAN cause relationship issues. Am I understanding you right?

Yes this is right, mylast partner said to me 'go do yourself and leave me alone, wait you can't can you.'

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think you probably need to stop trying so hard. The more you try, the more you pressure yourself, the more it isn't going to happen.

 

[Ravenkitty]

Thank you both for your feed back, I am on medication, I'll try and find out if this is a side effect.

 

[shy slave]

You are not alone.

You said you get pretty wet. I found that when very wet I had a problem, my fingers would glide rather than rub. Had to use material as a means of slight friction.

Have you tried toys? Again I found when very wet toys did not work as well.

Everyone else has made good suggestions, there is always a way. Sometimes it's better to ignore how you think you should orgasm, and experiment with what works for you.

As for your ex's comment, men are great at being insensitive bastards who know weak spots. For some men, it's their only skill.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Since I was put on anti depressants I have very very delayed orgasms, it can be a nightmare, but on the other hand, it can be good too.

Doesn't mean I dont enjoy it all any less. I just have to work a little harder, as does my partner.

What she said about meds. My wife is taking some that have knocked her libido to the corner. When she is ready there are times when she is totally unable to orgasm ether from vaginal, clitoral stimulation or a combination. Luckily there are other things that do work for her.

Do check the side effects of any med.s you are taking. I do hope things work out for you.
As for your ex just be thankful he is an ex.

Mike

 

[CookingDom]

......

 

[Ravenkitty]

What she said about meds. My wife is taking some that have knocked her libido to the corner. When she is ready there are times when she is totally unable to orgasm ether from vaginal, clitoral stimulation or a combination. Luckily there are other things that do work for her.

Do check the side effects of any med.s you are taking. I do hope things work out for you.
As for your ex just be thankful he is an ex.

Mike

Thank you for that and I shall try diffrent textues.

 

[mutato]

The combination of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds practically prevents me from having an orgasm. I can get aroused, erect, and certainly enjoy sex. I just can't make it past the "finish line" so to speak. The only way to guarantee an orgasm is to go off my meds for a day or two. Of course that isn't the smartest thing to do, as I usually go out of my mind by then. So I'm in the position that I'll enjoy the sex without the big finish at the end.

 

[Hhot]

Hmmmm. Thanks for posting about this OP. Only recently I've admitted to the same. I can come alone. I also had one partner that could make me cum endlessly, the rest of them, well, I'd either subtley fake it due to annoyance, pressure, fear of making them tired or something....

I'm having a casual thing with someone now (who I was with once, 6 yrs ago) who made it a point last week when we got together to ask what I liked, what turned me on and concentrated the whole night on me. I felt so pressured and almost-came, but not quite.

I feel your pain.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I would DEFINITELY look into your medications to see if they have an effect. Even birth control pills can do whacky things to the libido and people don't usually think about it. Other than that, it could just be you've conditioned yourself a certain way and you have to retrain your brain. Keep trying, but don't worry about it either

 

[MarriedKitten]

gosh, i feel for ya.

I would be in a relaxed place, make sure u have plenty of time, go slow, relax, watch your breathing, maybe stop for a second - likely whatever toy/or hand u are using will want it back on your pussy.. i've also always found that spreading my legs really far apart makes orgasms so powerul.

 

[WillowedCabin]

About the question of orgasming:

First off-- This is not a problem! You are not damaged! Most women have trouble orgasming the way they'd want to.

--If you can orgasm at all, I doubt that this means that you have a medication issue. Also, you didn't mention that this is a recent problem, so I'm going to assume this has always been an issue.
--When you are watching other people get off you are more likely to come, yet alone you cannot...hmm... seems like a mental issue to me. Orgasms are a bit like Buddhism; you must let go to gain enlightenment. It is also possible that when watching other people, and you are masturbating, you get into a funk with the rhythm of your hand or the sensations you are witnessing.

I would go back to basics.
--Remove the annoying, uncaring partner
--Remove other people/ visual displays/ sensations outside of your body
--Remove stress
--Remove the 'rat-race to orgasm'

I would try to block out a time period every day dedicated to meditation/sexy time. Start by breathing deeply and relaxing, affirmations of self confidence and love; then begin to masturbate--but don't worry about the orgasm! Take time to explore and pleasure yourself. I would recommend starting with your non-dominant hand to promote a new feeling when you masturbate. Try playing with toys, get those pelvic muscles moving!, try a bit of anal play, and love that clitoris! Nobody learns how to ride a bike before they can walk--you need to be able to please yourself before looking to have others please you. This isn't about orgasming... this about loving yourself.

I think after a while, you can begin to include another people in on your sessions (others being trusted partner or sex friend...whatever), but understand this: you need someone who wants to learn your body, not someone who is going to criticize you.

I understand this was long, but I hope it was helpful!

Yours in misbehaving,
Willowedcabin

PS: I love what this old bird has to say on orgasming, her books are excellent!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaSdIUQeRjw

 

[masterdrakin]

Yes this is right, mylast partner said to me 'go do yourself and leave me alone, wait you can't can you.'

What a insensitive prick I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that and many women have the same issue you are describing some its mental and some medical your not broken just have to find a partner that understands.

 

[blackstallion21]

I feel for you baby... I wish I knew of some interesting wonderful ideas to help you with as some of the others above me do, and I wish I could help bring you to orgasm!!

all of us have something that we have issues with sexually or in other personal ways, BUT I don't want to start pointing out flaws... what I will do though is let you know that others out there are in the struggle with you. Don't stress this, get your rocks off the best way you know how... you mentioned having orgasms with a partner? Don't invent the wheel, rather find a caring person who prides in your orgasm just as much as he/she prides in yours! (we're out here, trust... I LOVE seeing my partner cum before me!)

and masturbate as much as you can, but try something different, when you want to cum, have someone else join in the fun and have a mind blowing orgasm!

BStal21

 

[XsnowbunnyX]

I used to have the same problem. I remember getting so frustrated because all of my friends would just tell me to relax, and then it would happen. And, of course, that made me stomp my feet and tell them exactly how relaxed I was, while staring petulantly.

The way I got over my mental block was by, literally, just saying "Fuck it" while masturbating one day. I had nothing to do for hours, so I just turned porn on, raised the volume, closed my eyes and just played, for the sake of playing. You should try something like that. Don't even think about orgasming. Just play for the sake of playing.

 

[CurvAppeal]

I used to have the opposite problem. I was able to make myself cum from a very young age, but by the time I lost my virginity I was so conditioned to that I couldn't cum any other way.

After about 6 months of my gf trying, I surprised us both by letting go and exploding in an incredibly satisfying way. It still makes me smile to think about it all these years later. After that first time, things slowly got easier, although it took a few years before I stopped finding it difficult.

For me it was a big mental block over losing control. As I got close, I would worry about the noise, my partner looking tired, the potential mess etc. I don't have any specific tricks, but I would advise that you don't ever give up. Remove as many distractions as possible, particularly if you worry about noise or mess. And then just try and enjoy getting close. Don't view not coming as a failure, just an extra bonus that isn't for today. Eventually you will hit the jackpot.

I'm certain you will have some near misses, but these should be encouraging not disheartening.

Good luck!

I completely agree McNoob. I first got myself to cum...squirt rather at the age of 13. When I lost my virginity at the age of 15, I could not cum for the life of me. I finally was able to convince myself and give myself over in my second serious relationship when I was 19 and man oh man, I had the best orgasm of my life!!


Curvie

 

[Adakgirl]

Since you are able to get off watching other's get off, I suggest you practice in front of a mirror in a relaxed, reclined position. Where you can watch yourself play with yourself. Take plenty of time with yourself, when you know you won't be distracted or disturbed by anyone or anything. Breath slow and deep, try to empty your mind as much as possible before you begin. Touch yourself all over, don't just concentrate on your pussy. Your whole body is one big sexual organ, treat it as such.


It's important to take the pressure off yourself, let it go, it's not a competition. You don't HAVE to make yourself orgasm in order to become a "Normal woman" or a "Real woman". If you have it in your head that having an orgasm should be the #1 goal of masturbation and sex, then you are looking at sex in a very limited way.

Along the journey is where you will discover the most, pleasurably, awesome, sexual feelings and strongest emotional and physical responses. Orgasm is usually the destination. I'm sure you have already tried different positions, toys ect.

But it's your mind that gets you off. So while masturbating, think about the things that turn you on the most, in your minds eye, put yourself in a situation that makes you go batshit crazy. Make it up, it can be about anything you want, it can go any way you want it to, no matter how taboo, cuz nobody will know but you.
If you are fantasizing about one thing and start to turn off, make up a different situation in your head. Have fun with yourself and it will eventually come.