cannot orgasm from oral sex

[Chardonnay]

I know it's supposed to be soooo great, but it just doesn't do much for me and never has. I guess I have a hard time relaxing when all the attention is on me and I feel pressured to like it, because it's supposedly THE thing that women love. I also worry that it's taking too long and my guy is getting tired or bored. Is the worry what my problem is? My guy is very sweet and supportive and says he will go on for as long as I need, but I always end up stopping him around when it feels like it MIGHT start feeling good soon. I feel bad because I know he is worrying about his own skills and feeling inadequate even thought it's not his fault. We do talk about it a little, but it's hard for me to open up.

So... any advice? Do some women just not like it? Am I just really uptight?

 

[ChemE_student]

I don't know the answer, but I wish I did! I've only had an orgasm from oral once in my life, and that time I was really distracted because he was doing it in the kitchen of my mom's house. That makes me think that I have trouble because I'm up-tight. I sure wish I could fix it, though.

I just wanted you to know that you're definitely not alone.

 

[Chardonnay]

Thanks! I AM glad to know it's not just me. I'm wondering though... I'm assuming you were being really quiet that time in your mom's kitchen. The one time someone was able to successfully do me manually (I have no problem when doing it myself) was during a time when we had to be absolutely quiet. It made me wonder if there's something about keeping quiet, whether it's that you're thinking about something besides what he's doing (as you said) or some other aspect of the silence... if that makes any sense.

 

[ChemE_student]

I really don't know whether it's the silence, but I think having to strain to keep quiet might actually heighten muscle tension and lead to quicker orgasms.

In my case, though, I think that there's just nothing to occupy my mind when a man is going down on me, and so I focus on bad thoughts, like the ones that tell me he doesn't like it. It's important to know that most men over 25 really do want to go down on a woman, as is evidenced from the responses posted on various threads 'round these parts. During intercourse or manual stimulation, he can talk to me and tell me how good I feel, but when his tongue is otherwise occupied, I have trouble just enjoying the experience without getting frustrated. Being silent gives you something to concentrate on, as would worrying about being caught. I think it makes things more exciting and also keeps you from worrying about whether the man is enjoying himself.

Again, this is just my opinion.

 

[ChemE_student]

Oh, one other thing. You should take what I say with a grain of salt, because I don't actually get myself off manually. I have trouble orgasming with any direct stimulation, perhaps because of the same concentration issues above. I tend to masturbate by grinding my body against the bed (or some harder object), because it allows me to concentrate on fantasies and keeps me from worrying about making a mess or something. I think you have potential to enjoy oral even more than I, since you regularly orgasm through your own direct manual stimulation.

 

[watergirl]

You'er not the only one. I'll post more later.

 

[dasani77]

from a male perspective...

Just thought I'd say that loosening up usually helps in achieving orgasm. I know with the last girl I was dating, at first she was very uptight about me going down on her, it was her first time for that. She was self-conscious and was worried that I might not like it, but I just reassured her and talked to her a little during, but more outside of a sexual situation so that she wouldn't worry about it. After she became more comfortable she began to have many orgasms and enjoyed when I performed oral sex on her immensely. For what it's worth, I just thought I'd share my thoughts. Good luck on everything too.
Joe

 

[watergirl]

It's later... I've never enjoyed oral much. I've met one guy who really did it for me... the trick for me was that he was rougher than I'm used to, a little more with the teeth, and some not too gentle nips and bites... anyway, it was great... seems to be an all over my body thing - a little harder is better.

And for some reason, I trust him a lot. He's sort of a goofball, but I just place faith in him.. to tear my dash apart and install a cd player, to go down on me... I don't trust him to call, or know what he wants right now, but, oh well. I know how far I can trust him. Does that make sense?

 

[Eolithic]

All the sexual openness and discussion compared to twenty years ago has its good parts, but there are problems too.

Different things become trendy, and people feel like they are _supposed_ to enjoy some things, or _have_ to do some things to be a certain kind of lover.

Every person is unique, and so is every couple. Do whatever you and your partner enjoy the most. Period. Don't worry about anything else.

 

[Bobmi357]

You "don't" have to enjoy oral sex. But I'm curious why you would think your SO isn't enjoying himself?

Tension is stress and any stress will detract from the experience. Perhaps it would be best if you sat down with your SO in a non sexual environment, and really talk to him.

Most men find the concept of oral sex on a woman initially daunting. Unlike men, all the good stuff is hidden from view, and quite frankly, its a lot more complex than our hardware. But once a guy experiences the thrill of giving his partner an orgasm using little more than a tongue, its a rush he'll want to repeat.

I like sucking the clit into my mouth and then running my tongue over it. It drives my wife crazy. Unfortunately that takes a lot of sucking and licking on my part and I do get tired quickly, so I alternate between that and just licking.

I'd say you need to relax and instead of laying there thinking negative thoughts, just relax and perhaps concentrate on what you can do to your SO once he's done. I can assure you, he isn't grossed out, he isn't passed out, he isn't thinking about tomorrow's baseball game or his chances in the NFL pool at work. He's doing something he decided he wanted to do to please you! If you're uncomfortable with that fact, talk to him.

One thing you could try is ask him to vary his technique or where and how he licks, let him and you enter an experiemental phase where he does something, then you let him know how it felt. This way, between the two of you, you can guide each other into achieving an orgasm orally.

 

[PhilLusty]

From a males Point of view

ladies

I will say my piece, but I love going down on my wife! I can never never get enough. So get the thought out of your mind that men dont like it....... relax and enjoy it, thats the first step! then remember he probably wants to get you off orally, so know he trying to please you, so accept the fact that this is a good thing. If isnt dosnt feel good tell him what does.

sometimes my wife dosnt get off and she knows she wont, and tells me, so i just move on to something else, but those are rare!
communication is good

maybe it boils down to his techinque. i have learned alot about being a better pussy eater, by reading lesibian stories, esp the ones that go into great detail on how they do it. read it together, or alone and you just might find what your looking for

I would just say relax, enjoy, lay back and let the big "O" fly

good Luck

wish i was there to see if i could help you to your desires

Phil

 

[sheath]

I agree...I don't think you HAVE to enjoy it. If you don't, then you don't. I once knew a man who hated blowjobs. Just absolutely hated them. It had nothing to do with technique, nothing to do with a bad experience...he just didn't get off, and he didn't like the sensation. He told me that upfront, before we had sex. I was amazed at the time, but since then I've realized that there are many men out there who simply don't enjoy things like that.

I didn't like receiving oral at all. For so long, I never had an orgasm from it, though it did feel good, and it always seemed to relax me. Part of it was the fact that my (now ex) husband of seven years hated to go down on me, and I thought there was something wrong with me.

Now I'm much more comfortable...but it all comes down to trust. If I don't trust him, he's not going down there, period. And I have to trust him immensely to let myself go enough to have an orgasm while he does it. For me, that is the ultimate vulnerability. When I am close enough to a man to let him do that, it means that I have no secrets to keep from him...and that is a very powerful vulnerability. And for me, oral sex is a physical way of showing that trust.

S.

 

[Guest]

Hi. I think everyone above's given you good and thoughtful answers. Try this site, it's the best and doesn't leave out anything.

http://www.the-clitoris.com/

Best to you, Perdita

 

[apexpark]

I know it's supposed to be soooo great, but it just doesn't do much for me and never has. I guess I have a hard time relaxing when all the attention is on me and I feel pressured to like it, because it's supposedly THE thing that women love. I also worry that it's taking too long and my guy is getting tired or bored. Is the worry what my problem is? My guy is very sweet and supportive and says he will go on for as long as I need, but I always end up stopping him around when it feels like it MIGHT start feeling good soon. I feel bad because I know he is worrying about his own skills and feeling inadequate even thought it's not his fault. We do talk about it a little, but it's hard for me to open up.

So... any advice? Do some women just not like it? Am I just really uptight?

neither can i...join the club.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Guest]

ditto

 

[henry0reilly]

have you tried music?

I had a lady friend that never orgasmed from intercourse - she liked me to perform cunnilngus but took what seemed like forever to orgasm from it. Eventually I hit on the idea of playing the stereo so that when her mind wandered, it didn't go too far. This helped a lot with her concentration and reduced the time I spent in the Y to a more reasonable 20-30 minutes.

my two cents.

 

[Lust Engine]

Absolutely no need to apologize for not being able to get off. To me the most important thing is that you enjoy the sensations being produced. It doesn't neccesarily have to end in a mind blowing orgasm. It can just be a prelude to something bigger & better.

While I admittedly love going down on a lover & producing as many exquisite sensations for her as posible, I know that it's only a part of the entire lovemaking session. I'd never rest on that aspect completely.

Quietly & calmly explain to your lover that you just don't get off completely to his oral assault. You still enjoy it to a certain degree and are deeply appreciative of his efforts. Show him other ways to get you off though. Encourage him in those efforts. As it's been said here 1001 times, communicate!

Good luck!

 

[Noor]

I like oral and can come from it but I have a hard time because my mind wanders. the windows open with the sound of rain outside, or certain music can help. Also I like full body contact and sometimes I get lonely or something.

 

[fgarvb1]

I know it's supposed to be soooo great, but it just doesn't do much for me and never has. I guess I have a hard time relaxing when all the attention is on me and I feel pressured to like it, because it's supposedly THE thing that women love. I also worry that it's taking too long and my guy is getting tired or bored. Is the worry what my problem is? My guy is very sweet and supportive and says he will go on for as long as I need, but I always end up stopping him around when it feels like it MIGHT start feeling good soon. I feel bad because I know he is worrying about his own skills and feeling inadequate even thought it's not his fault. We do talk about it a little, but it's hard for me to open up.

So... any advice? Do some women just not like it? Am I just really uptight?

Being relaxed, horny, and trusting is the keys to some great sex.

Maybe having someone going down on you is one of your hangups?

On the other hand i have known some women who could not get off that way yet, add a vibrator in the right place at the right time and they damn near pass out.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

This is only one males point of view.

 

[Lady Tango]

I didn't particularly like receiving oral either, and I have never had an orgasm from it, though it does feel good, and it always seems to relax me. My husband loves to go down on me but I just can’t relax enough despite him being really good at it. I feel bad because I know he is worrying about his own skills and feeling inadequate even thought it's not his fault. We do talk about it a little, but it's hard for me to open up.

 

[JarringJoe]

Use of fingers

My experience over the years is that the judicial and gentle use of fingers while eating a pussy adds to the woman's pleasure. One factor is the physical sensation. Another, I feel, is psychological. Think back to your teens, ladies -- did not your first "sexual experience" include being finger fucked? Reliving, in your subconscious, the naughty thrill you felt the first time you let a male touch your pussy gives your body a reflexive jolt.

Sliding two or three fingers into a pussy also pushes the clittie up for easier access. And I've been with a woman or two (oh, two hundred, to be honest) who also liked having a damp finger gently tease her ass as she was eaten -- and, indeed, some wiggle and invite entry. But that is another game.

 

[~GoldEyes~]

I myself have NEVER had an orgasm with oral. It does feel good, I do enjoy it but it doesnt do it for me. Now, if you use your fingers along with oral, that might be a different story LOL. It is a wonderful feeling having the man you love, satisfying you that way, in any way. But as I said, it just doesnt do it. I can orgasm easily with just the touch of his fingers in me.

 

[lovechild27]

Some women can have orgasms based around clit stimulation...others get off with penetration. It could be that there just isnt enough pressure to get you going!

Some people its a mental thing....maybe the thought turns them on so much they can get off on it....or it turns them off so much they dont feel a thing. Either way, you are pretty normal. Unless this really starts to cause undue distress, I would say talk to a doctor...

 

[big_daug6932]

You need to relax, clear your mind. It sounds like you haven't met the right person yet to blow your mind. It will cum in time.