Candy-Related Injury

[Recidiva]

I just saw a big tub of Atomic Fire Balls at Costco. I bought them.

Now I remember these damned things as being really hot, but one of them made me cry today. Involuntary crying. Yeah, it was hot, but not that hot...c'mon, you're embarrassing me in front of the Butterfingers.

I now fear the rest of the tub and the monumental task of involuntary cinnamon-tinted crying in front of me. Do I give them away for Halloween? Pretend I didn't like them anyway? Just get more Butterfingers and stick with less owie pastimes?

https://encrypted-tbn2.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSrmqtoBU-LxYzpY3rhIDmX2XLcW2skxEyYO-fCBIJ-FWXu-nkR2w

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

I just saw a big tub of Atomic Fire Balls at Costco. I bought them.

Now I remember these damned things as being really hot, but one of them made me cry today. Involuntary crying. Yeah, it was hot, but not that hot...c'mon, you're embarrassing me in front of the Butterfingers.

I now fear the rest of the tub and the monumental task of involuntary cinnamon-tinted crying in front of me. Do I give them away for Halloween? Pretend I didn't like them anyway? Just get more Butterfingers and stick with less owie pastimes?

https://encrypted-tbn2.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSrmqtoBU-LxYzpY3rhIDmX2XLcW2skxEyYO-fCBIJ-FWXu-nkR2w

Is it really involuntary?

 

[Recidiva]

Is it really involuntary?

I was surprised. Yeah, I'd always considered myself pretty cinnamon tough.

30 years or so of not abusing my cheek lining and look what happens.

 

[Sean Renaud]

That's not a candy related injury. That's just you crying like a small female child. You want a candy related injury try eating several Warheads at once. Those sour candies can easily burn a hole in your tongue especially if you hold them right on the tip of your tongue. Which sounds really stupid when you know he can burn you but when you're twelve and the idea of candy hurting you sounds just slightly more likely than your teddy bear coming to life and bitch slapping you into next week you can do it.

Also I think a case can be made for brain freeze. I eat slurpees so irregularly that I've always convinced myself that Brain Freeze is a myth by the next time I have one and then I end up nearly in tears after I chug half a blue raspberry slurpee in a single mind boggling gulp.

 

[ms_ann_thrope]

That's not a candy related injury. That's just you crying like a small female child. You want a candy related injury try eating several Warheads at once. Those sour candies can easily burn a hole in your tongue especially if you hold them right on the tip of your tongue. Which sounds really stupid when you know he can burn you but when you're twelve and the idea of candy hurting you sounds just slightly more likely than your teddy bear coming to life and bitch slapping you into next week you can do it.

Also I think a case can be made for brain freeze. I eat slurpees so irregularly that I've always convinced myself that Brain Freeze is a myth by the next time I have one and then I end up nearly in tears after I chug half a blue raspberry slurpee in a single mind boggling gulp.

Sugar boils @ 230 degrees F. Just sayin'.

 

[Recidiva]

That's not a candy related injury. That's just you crying like a small female child. You want a candy related injury try eating several Warheads at once. Those sour candies can easily burn a hole in your tongue especially if you hold them right on the tip of your tongue. Which sounds really stupid when you know he can burn you but when you're twelve and the idea of candy hurting you sounds just slightly more likely than your teddy bear coming to life and bitch slapping you into next week you can do it.

Also I think a case can be made for brain freeze. I eat slurpees so irregularly that I've always convinced myself that Brain Freeze is a myth by the next time I have one and then I end up nearly in tears after I chug half a blue raspberry slurpee in a single mind boggling gulp.

Oh yeah, I used to love those too. I should get some of them and have a masochist candy party.

And then eat a bunch of Captain Crunch and rip the hell out of the top of my mouth!

 

[Recidiva]

Sugar boils @ 230 degrees F. Just sayin'.

I did once burn myself with the cinnamon syrup that you dip candy apples into. Not fun.

I also had the brilliant idea once of putting pure cinnamon oil in a hot bath for the fragrance of cinnamon. I didn't count on the bright red burning patches of skin that didn't find it charming.

So I have had many cinnamon-related injuries. This was probably the least painful.

 

[Sean Renaud]

On that subject Jolly Rangers (not the small brick like ones, the long flat ones) inevitably turn into a shiv while you're eating them. I bet those aren't allowed in prisons for just that reason. It's a fucking edible weapon. I can easily see criminal A going:stab stab stab and then finishing his meal to destroy the evidence!

I didn't know what temprature sugar boils at. What I did know was they proved on Mythbusters that Jawbreakers can explode. I'd be lying if I claimed to really understand the involved science but the short version is that because they are made of multiple layers of slightly different consistencies it's possible for some of the inner layers to get molten without the outer layers melting so apply pressure, say a kid who left it out in the sun, microwaved or toaster ovened it in the hopes of getting it soft enough to make short work of biting it and BLAM! Molten sugar which because it's fucking sticky as hell might as well be fucking napalm.

 

[Tryharder62]

Didn't your mother warn you about hot balls!

 

[Fata Morgana]

Many years ago I nearly choked on a pear drop.

 

[Recidiva]

On that subject Jolly Rangers (not the small brick like ones, the long flat ones) inevitably turn into a shiv while you're eating them. I bet those aren't allowed in prisons for just that reason. It's a fucking edible weapon. I can easily see criminal A going:stab stab stab and then finishing his meal to destroy the evidence!

I didn't know what temprature sugar boils at. What I did know was they proved on Mythbusters that Jawbreakers can explode. I'd be lying if I claimed to really understand the involved science but the short version is that because they are made of multiple layers of slightly different consistencies it's possible for some of the inner layers to get molten without the outer layers melting so apply pressure, say a kid who left it out in the sun, microwaved or toaster ovened it in the hopes of getting it soft enough to make short work of biting it and BLAM! Molten sugar which because it's fucking sticky as hell might as well be fucking napalm.

I think I have had candy-cane related injuries. I like the solid ones without any air pockets or channels and I tend to suck them into points and then stab my tongue accidentally. No tongue stitches, just minor perversity.

Holy crap.

I do not want to put my Atomic Fire Balls in the microwave and find out.

I do not want to put my Atomic Fire Balls in the microwave and find out.

I do not want to put my Atomic Fire Balls in the microwave and find out.

 

[Recidiva]

Didn't your mother warn you about hot balls!

Pretty sure she would have shamefacedly have my sister hand me some pamphlet about the evils of candy. Which I would have ignored.

So it's entirely possible!

 

[Recidiva]

Many years ago I nearly choked on a pear drop.

Those damned things...I just looked them up. They're MADE to block an esophagus!

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR5d_GqoR95JyVXNxnXFwM2_es6gbX6qvg02pnoDlBJzpmRWZ1f

Now I want some too.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Those damned things...I just looked them up. They're MADE to block an esophagus!

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR5d_GqoR95JyVXNxnXFwM2_es6gbX6qvg02pnoDlBJzpmRWZ1f

Now I want some too.

I always look back fondly on that incident when I have one now. I remember my work mates queuing up to punch me in the back they were so worried.

They were giant pear drops to be fair. And after that I vowed to never have giant anything in my mouth again.

 

[Recidiva]

I always look back fondly on that incident when I have one now. I remember my work mates queuing up to punch me in the back they were so worried.

They were giant pear drops to be fair. And after that I vowed to never have giant anything in my mouth again.

Did you keep your promise?

I would be forsworn pretty quickly.

 

[CandiCame]

That's not a candy related injury. That's just you crying like a small female child. You want a candy related injury try eating several Warheads at once. Those sour candies can easily burn a hole in your tongue especially if you hold them right on the tip of your tongue. Which sounds really stupid when you know he can burn you but when you're twelve and the idea of candy hurting you sounds just slightly more likely than your teddy bear coming to life and bitch slapping you into next week you can do it.

Also I think a case can be made for brain freeze. I eat slurpees so irregularly that I've always convinced myself that Brain Freeze is a myth by the next time I have one and then I end up nearly in tears after I chug half a blue raspberry slurpee in a single mind boggling gulp.

I'll give you a candy related injury.

WHY IS THAT SO COMMON!? Fucking... every playground in the world there's some asshole that's like, "We gotta see who's more badass. We will prove this by seeing who can stick the most warheads in his mouth without crying."

Bitch this ain't Sparta. You're a dumbass.

I'll be over here eating 500 pixi styx at once. You ask me for one, your ass is getting blue because blue is the shittiest flavor.

 

[CandiCame]

On that subject Jolly Rangers (not the small brick like ones, the long flat ones) inevitably turn into a shiv while you're eating them. I bet those aren't allowed in prisons for just that reason. It's a fucking edible weapon. I can easily see criminal A going:stab stab stab and then finishing his meal to destroy the evidence!

I didn't know what temprature sugar boils at. What I did know was they proved on Mythbusters that Jawbreakers can explode. I'd be lying if I claimed to really understand the involved science but the short version is that because they are made of multiple layers of slightly different consistencies it's possible for some of the inner layers to get molten without the outer layers melting so apply pressure, say a kid who left it out in the sun, microwaved or toaster ovened it in the hopes of getting it soft enough to make short work of biting it and BLAM! Molten sugar which because it's fucking sticky as hell might as well be fucking napalm.

Sean, you gotta go all Nick Fury and get the team back together because I need that as a weapon. I mean, I have a mighty need. That's some fucking Willy Wonka shit right there.

Wait a second... are jawbreakers made by Wonka?

 

[Sean Renaud]

I'll give you a candy related injury.

WHY IS THAT SO COMMON!? Fucking... every playground in the world there's some asshole that's like, "We gotta see who's more badass. We will prove this by seeing who can stick the most warheads in his mouth without crying."

Bitch this ain't Sparta. You're a dumbass.

I'll be over here eating 500 pixi styx at once. You ask me for one, your ass is getting blue because blue is the shittiest flavor.

No, I'll give myself Candi related injury when I hurt my back shagging you. Snootch.

Are you sure this isn't Sparta? Cus I think it is.

Sean, you gotta go all Nick Fury and get the team back together because I need that as a weapon. I mean, I have a mighty need. That's some fucking Willy Wonka shit right there.

Wait a second... are jawbreakers made by Wonka?

Damned if I know. I think Wonka makes everything though.

 

[CandiCame]

I have, however, bought my first bag of Halloween candy... that won't make it to Halloween. Tooth-rotting gummies.

 

[glynndah]

I work in a grade school lunch room. Thus far this year I've had to "dissuade" children, nearly always boys by the way, from pouring those powdered drink flavorings directly into their mouths instead of their water bottles and from snorting pixy sticks like cocaine.

 

[Recidiva]

I work in a grade school lunch room. Thus far this year I've had to "dissuade" children, nearly always boys by the way, from pouring those powdered drink flavorings directly into their mouths instead of their water bottles and from snorting pixy sticks like cocaine.

I can just imagine purple rings around the nostrils.

 

[glynndah]

I can just imagine purple rings around the nostrils.

Mostly they just blew snot all over their lunches.

 

[CandiCame]

I work in a grade school lunch room. Thus far this year I've had to "dissuade" children, nearly always boys by the way, from pouring those powdered drink flavorings directly into their mouths instead of their water bottles and from snorting pixy sticks like cocaine.

Ah, things I did when I was a child.

Why can't you eat the Kool-Aid packets? I do that right now and I'm an adult. They're like hard-core Pixi Styx. I mean, then you don't get Kool-Aid and you're stuck with water that tastes like nothing, but that's a decision you made yourself.

I understand why you shouldn't snort pixi styx. I understood that directly after trying it once.

 

[glynndah]

Ah, things I did when I was a child.

Why can't you eat the Kool-Aid packets? I do that right now and I'm an adult. They're like hard-core Pixi Styx. I mean, then you don't get Kool-Aid and you're stuck with water that tastes like nothing, but that's a decision you made yourself.

I understand why you shouldn't snort pixi styx. I understood that directly after trying it once.

Why? Mostly because they were pouring them directly down their throats and managing to choke on the powder. I dislike having to deal with vomit, even if it is candy-coated.

 

[Lemmy963]

Just a friendly warning, I swear those things are like salsa you've forgotten in the back of the fridge (get's hotter as it ages.)

Have eaten hot food most of my life and have eaten things that made others cry. But one of the things was an Atomic Fire Ball that I had left over from closing a business. Whole tub of the suckers actually.

They normally don't even bother me but had one a few days ago that made even my asbestos lined mouth burn.