Can you handle it?

[Lovepotion69]

Say that neither you and your partner wanted a serious and exclusive relationship when you first met. You made an agreement not to make it a bf/gf relationships.

You get along well, everythings is basically as a bf/gf relationship, but one of you shudders at the though of it being it.

What if one partner doesn't want to be serious and exclusive due to having bad experiences before, and just wants to avoid being suffocated.

Would you manage to stay just friends with benefits without any more feelings coming into play?
If they do, how would you handle it?

In short, can you keep your end of the deal?

 

[Allison484]

I would probably be alright for a while, but eventually, knowing me the way I do, I would want more. Part of that is not wanting to spend the rest of my life alone.

Allison

 

[Astro]

I dont think it is a stable relationship, probably fine for a while but one of the two will want more and as soon as that happens, its over.

 

[juicylips]

<snip>

You get along well, everythings is basically as a bf/gf relationship, but one of you shudders at the though of it being it.

What if one partner doesn't want to be serious and exclusive due to having bad experiences before, and just wants to avoid being suffocated.

Would you manage to stay just friends with benefits without any more feelings coming into play?
If they do, how would you handle it?

Talk..Talk..Talk. It's rather unrealistic to try and stick with an agreement that was made before you truly knew the other person. People change, therefore the relationship changes. If one of the people shudders and feels suffocated, then the other respects that and steps back to let him/her have his room.

If feelings start to develop..tell them! Talk. Openly.
JL


*I know you already know my opinion. Just wanted to post.*

 

[bluemuse]

Say that neither you and your partner wanted a serious and exclusive relationship when you first met. You made an agreement not to make it a bf/gf relationships.

You get along well, everythings is basically as a bf/gf relationship, but one of you shudders at the though of it being it.

What if one partner doesn't want to be serious and exclusive due to having bad experiences before, and just wants to avoid being suffocated.

Would you manage to stay just friends with benefits without any more feelings coming into play?
If they do, how would you handle it?

In short, can you keep your end of the deal?

I tried to have this sort of relationship many years ago and found out that it just isn't for me. I really thought that I could do it......the guy and I had been friends for along time, we had a mutual attraction but we knew that we wouldn't be good together in a commited relationship. We would get together when I was inbetween realtionships. It wasn't long before the whole thing felt hollow.....empty. I need emotional commitment to really enjoy sex.......I'm just not hardwired to have that kind of "unrelationship".

bluemuse

 

[bored1]

I dont think it can work, people grow attached with that attachment comes emotional bonds. I knew a woman who wanted nothing but a sexual relationship with me. I would go see her whenever I wanted sex. Worked great for about 4 months, then the possessiveness started. She wanted more,I wanted sex....Havnt seen her for years.

 

[juicylips]

I dont think it can work, people grow attached with that attachment comes emotional bonds. I knew a woman who wanted nothing but a sexual relationship with me. I would go see her whenever I wanted sex. Worked great for about 4 months, then the possessiveness started. She wanted more,I wanted sex....Havnt seen her for years.

So you can have a sexual relationship only?

Fuck and remain emotionally detached?

JL

 

[alildevilish]

i dont think so

so id have to break up

 

[bored1]

So you can have a sexual relationship only?

Fuck and remain emotionally detached?

JL

Yes, With her it was no problem, as I had zero emotional feelings for her. She was up front about what she wanted from me. Then she changed..............

 

[SleepingWarrior]

It may (and thats a big may) work for awhile, once I start having feelings for someone I can't turn them off. Also once I love a person I become Mr. Commitment himself. So it wouldn't work for very long.

 

[Private Vasquez]

what's the question?

 

[Cirrus]

Damn. This hits a nerve. I'm sitting here all pathetic and introspective right now listening to Staind (Epiphany...it fits right now) and trying to figure out what the fuck to do. NO IT DOES NOT WORK!!!

I'm in that situation right now. I'm seeing a guy, we agreed to be friends with benefits, and I think he likes me way more than I like him. But then there are the time when I think he might be mad at me or something, and it genuiunely bothers me. If, hypothetically, he were to show up at my door right now and tell me he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life, I have NO idea what I'd say. I have no clue how I feel about this guy. It sucks. Don't try this at home, people...friends with bennies doesn't work.

 

[juicylips]

Yes, With her it was no problem, as I had zero emotional feelings for her. She was up front about what she wanted from me. Then she changed..............

Did she let you know that her feelings had changed or did you just sense something was different and called her on it?

JL

Yes..I know. I'm nosey.

 

[bored1]

Did she let you know that her feelings had changed or did you just sense something was different and called her on it?

JL

Yes..I know. I'm nosey.

OK Nosey We would have good hard sex and when it was over I would leave almost immediately....No cuddleing no tender thoughts etc........I just didnt have those feelings.. So one night she calls me bitching about how I treated her I wasnt rude or anything like that, it was just sex to me. It was then that she told me her feelings had changed and she wanted more etc. I told her that I didnt have those feelings for her and never would. Needless to say that relationship came to an end that evening. Havnt seen her since........

 

[juicylips]

OK Nosey We would have good hard sex and when it was over I would leave almost immediately....No cuddleing no tender thoughts etc........I just didnt have those feelings.. So one night she calls me bitching about how I treated her I wasnt rude or anything like that, it was just sex to me. It was then that she told me her feelings had changed and she wanted more etc. I told her that I didnt have those feelings for her and never would. Needless to say that relationship came to an end that evening. Havnt seen her since........

Some people do want the total "package".

I'll take the "good hard sex"

Thanks, b, for putting up with my curiosity.
JL

 

[bored1]

Some people do want the total "package".

I'll take the "good hard sex"

Thanks, b, for putting up with my curiosity.
JL

Glad to be of help I always try to please.

 

[lovetoread]

No.

I had a deal.

We had rules.

Didnt work out like that though.

 

[dreamer]

Nope not for me...I can't say I wouldn't try my damndest, but I know enough about myself to know I could never pull it off.

 

[Brandy99ta]

.

 

[ag2507]

Ths is a toughy!

I have one now where the line is drawn at heavy petting - no real benefits. A few weeks ago a got a flurry of emails reminding me I was breaking the rules of engagement followed immediately by two dates where she pushed the rules of engagement to the limits. Once you cross those lines drawn in the sand you must talk about it and reset the rules or you'll both get totally screwed up.

A

 

[InnocentAngel81]

i dont know, i was so confused back then

 

[cybergirly]

Nope been there done that, doesn't work.
If you want sex with no commitment, go for the one night stand.
Only way it'll work, someone always wants more.

 

[TigerClaw]

Yes, but it depends.

In general I still believe you can have rules and abide by them. But much depends on the people involved and if you dont know the other person you may not be able to keep the bargain. LTR and I had rules and she chased me down. lol. : )~

The mutual attraction was just too great.