Can you guys give and opinion on this story

Kettle Corn

Really Experienced
Joined
Feb 28, 2005
Posts
177
The story has been redone, go down a few posts to see
 
Last edited:
Hi,
Check the Information 'sticky'. I'm transferring your thread to "Story Feedback".
 
you have a lot of work ahead

Uh, you just have a lot of work ahead of you. So much was wrong that I'm tempted to just blast you but hell my work isn't always great. Try to work on your descriptions. Everything is just way to vague and way to quickly over.
 
Sean Renaud said:
Uh, you just have a lot of work ahead of you. So much was wrong that I'm tempted to just blast you but hell my work isn't always great. Try to work on your descriptions. Everything is just way to vague and way to quickly over.

I understand, I really didn't feel it was good either. Personally I felt that my characters were one-sided and not in-depth. I think the premise was good (Winona having to have sex to get freedom from jail). But I never did a gangbang story before. You could blast the hell out of me if you pm it and don't post it, I think it will be a mouthfull :)
 
Sean Renaud said:
Uh, you just have a lot of work ahead of you. So much was wrong that I'm tempted to just blast you but hell my work isn't always great. Try to work on your descriptions. Everything is just way to vague and way to quickly over.

Well, I have totally revamped the story, and i feel this will turn into a long story. I scrapped the whole gang bang thing, and instead will focus on her journey to the man she has to do a "service" for in order to obtain freedom
 
Kettle Corn said:
Well, I have totally revamped the story, and i feel this will turn into a long story. I scrapped the whole gang bang thing, and instead will focus on her journey to the man she has to do a "service" for in order to obtain freedom

Comments... Please :eek:
 
Hook it up

Hey I'm having a little trouble DLing from the sight, how bout you send it to me direct, doesn't matter if you send it in a file or cut and paste though or what not I should be ok. Just the site doesn't love me today. But I would be more than happy to help you out with your work.
 
Sean Renaud said:
Hey I'm having a little trouble DLing from the sight, how bout you send it to me direct, doesn't matter if you send it in a file or cut and paste though or what not I should be ok. Just the site doesn't love me today. But I would be more than happy to help you out with your work.

Sure, i'll post it, but when I copy and paste, the formatting gets screwed up. But, since you asked, I am trying to ease into the story more, and instead of getting to the main point of the plot to fast. Actually, I use Italics in the story, so I'll pm it to you, k?
 
hiiiiiiiiii ii

i enjoyed a lot ,.,, thanks for it ,, take care and enjoy in life
 
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