Can you feel my pain?

[A Desert Rose]

I've met a couple of men online who have told me they are sexual empaths.

Now, anyone who knows me, even a little, knows that I am not into mysticism and stuff like that. (I love fantasy and magic but I do not buy into it as though it were reality.) I am a pretty direct person. In other words, no one need ever read between my lines to figure out what I mean.

I do believe there is a spirit to our words. And I do believe that certain personality traits shine through our posts. But I am just not sure what it means to be sexually empathetic. And I am not referring to real life, but online. I think in real life, it is easy to understand what a sexual empath is.

So can anyone put words to what an online empath is?
If you are one, can you explain it to me and others?


(This thread will probably die like, real fast.... LOL)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Do you comprehend what I feel
Do you know what it is
To feel another's pain and fear?
Ah, no, I see you do not.
Can you imagine, then,
Coming awake in the night
Deeply afraid - aye, stricken to the quick
With dread
And mortal terror
Because somewhere, someone you love
Has had a nightmare?
Ah, no, I see you do not comprehend.
Then picture this:
You attend a party
But do not drink.
You are not in the mood to drink.
Yet you still get drunk
Without drinking
Because those around you are drunk
And it hurts.
Oh, I see, you grasp the basic idea
But you cannot believe in the phenomenon.
(It is quite real, I assure you,
And could you see my soul
I would show you scars.)
But regardless
Of your faith or disbelief
Let us assume for the sake of argument
That it is so.
Ah, yes, you say you can imagine
If but this were true

But you do not.

Save your protests; I know you think you see
What I have said so far,
But that was merely prelude.
If one you love is suffering
From confusion, grief, or fear,
You might wish you could take their pain
That they not suffer -
(I see you nod assent)
- But would you still make that wish
if you knew you really could
(Don't interrupt just yet...)
And in fact had no choice in the matter?
Ah, you begin to understand me,
And still don't know my pain.
But that blonde girl in the corner
Has been listening to our conversation
And knows exactly what I mean.
How do I know? It should be obvious:
I know she knows for the same reason that she knows.
Alas, I have inadvertently reminded her of her pain
But she is better at keeping it to herself than most.
Please, don't look at me like that.

Imagine now that a stranger is crying
And you share his pain
Though you do not know him.
No, it gets worse. Trust me.
You are in a room full of people, yes?
Well, one of them is very, very shy
And quite frightened
And frustrated because of it.
You doubt me? Ask the blonde girl in the corner;
She feelshim too.
But wait - that is not the worst.
See the tall fellow by the potato chips?
See his face?
Wrong -- he is not the one.
He is merely one who is affected by the shy one
But he does not know whay he feels that way
He is not that way himself, usually,
and does not understand what is happening to him.
The look that crossed your face was horror
I see you do begin to understand.

No, I do not know where the shy one is,
and would be as bewildered
- And frightened and frustrated -
As the tall one there
Were we not already discussing this.
What? You'd thought I was immune
To that sort of effect
Through knowledge, or practice?
No, just luck. This time.
For in the course of a day
I can run the entire gamut
Of human emotion
Changing moods several times an hour
And never understand
Never realize
What has happened.
Yes, now you see.
But though you truly do comprehend
My joy and pain are not as your own
As yours are to me.
Oh, yes, I feel the joy of others too
Which is often more confusing.

So now you know how I knew
That you cried yourself to sleep last night,
And why I was there at your door this morning
When you thought nobody knew.
No, I did not read your thoughts,
But knowing the nature of your distress
I guessed the rest.

You miss her very much, don't you?
I wish I could show you why she left.
Yes, I do know, but I cannot explain in words.
You loved her very much.

by D. Glenn Arthur, Jr.

 

[DVS]

Well. First, I hope I wasn't among the group you speak of. I'm not much of an "on line" person. I tired it several years ago, but I just don't get into it. It's just not me.

I agree that there might be sexual empaths, but I am a doubter when someone tells me such things. I just need to see it for myself. Yep, I'm from Missouri.

On line empaths? Can this actually be possible? What, they get these feelings through their fingertips, through their keyboard, which has been through cyberspace, the switches and routers and the wires, every computer's components and different ISPs and all, directly from your fingertips on your keyboard? Seems a little far fetched to me.

But, that's just my opinion. Oh, ADR, can you read this? This is a test.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well. First, I hope I wasn't among the group you speak of. I'm not much of an "on line" person. I tired it several years ago, but I just don't get into it. It's just not me.

I agree that there might be sexual empaths, but I am a doubter when someone tells me such things. I just need to see it for myself. Yep, I'm from Missouri.

On line empaths? Can this actually be possible? What, they get these feelings through their fingertips, through their keyboard, which has been through cyberspace, the switches and routers and the wires, every computer's components and different ISPs and all, directly from your fingertips on your keyboard? Seems a little far fetched to me.

But, that's just my opinion. Oh, ADR, can you read this? This is a test.

Yea... I read it. It said "ADR, can you read this? I am your sexual empath Master and I command you to your knees... RIGHT NOW! Or at least that you fall asleep and QUICKLY!"

 

[DVS]

Yea... I read it. It said "ADR, can you read this? I am your sexual empath Master and I command you to your knees... RIGHT NOW! Or at least that you fall asleep and QUICKLY!"

Wow, you can read it! That's exactly what I said. As a matter of fact, I'm sleepy right now.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Things can come through online.
(Found myself wondering what their intent was in telling you this about themselves, though.)

Being empathic, the spiritual stuff, even plain old sensitivity, can help you save a life, but, if anything, can make it harder to live yourself.
(I usually find myself wondering how other people Don't feel it. Can't they see we're all walking around nude?)




Ps. not sure what the question is, that you're really sitting on, but it depends on how specific they think they are being, or claim to be, whether they are for real. (a lot of the stuff in that poem has happened with me before. But to what end? I don't know. We are connected. There is all that stuff, like, as I think of it, the universal wave, you can body surf sometimes. It's a cool thing, and it's hard to stay upright and ride for long. Anyway, don't give anyone your cash, or make yourself vulnerable.) Hugs, good night.

 

[Bandit58]

The man I met online after I left my husband is an empath. We seemed to "tap in" to each other's emotions when we were chatting, and our relationship was very intense for almost a year until he called it off. He lived 5 hours drive away and I could sometimes feel him thinking about me even when we weren't online.

I don't discount anything these days, after my friend, who is very spiritual, held my ring in her hand and told me she saw me walking hand in hand through a big shopping mall with a man, in what country she wasn't sure but was either Australia or America.......a year later I was in Australia, walking hand in hand through the biggest shopping mall I'd ever been in, with the man I now live with and love so much.

 

[shy slave]

ADR

Well I guess you are going to sigh when you read this

I am a down-to-earth practical psychic/medium/healer.

I don't believe in fairies at the bottom of the garen etc but I do believe we can *tune* into others feelings.

I have done psychic readings online but it aint easy

IMHO its simply because there needs to be a connection to the other person ...hearing their voice, holding something of theirs, seeing their face, or having met them previously and re-creating their voice in your head.

People can be an empath(distance healing is one way) and that increases when you get to know them either on-line or off.

Being a sexual empath is a fairly common chat-up line by people who profess to have some deep and meaningful Spiritual experiences.

My experience is i have never met one and the people who talk like that are usually male and jerks, trying to impress!!

If they are able to *tap* into a sexual fantasy of yours when you have previously never spoken online it is probably fluke, how many others have they tried and failed with?

Again my opinion is that sexual empathy comes from talking and being with that person and practice, practice, practice.
Bandit says it came from talking on-line, so even though thoughts etc were intense it was not instant.

Like being a sub, you don't just met someone who can Dominant you exactly as you need/want/desire everytime. It takes time commitment and practice, practice practice.

Actually now i think of it being a sexual empath sounds like fun, you could pick up on EVERYONE's fantasies!!!!

xxxx

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I do believe there is a spirit to our words. And I do believe that certain personality traits shine through our posts. But I am just not sure what it means to be sexually empathetic. And I am not referring to real life, but online. I think in real life, it is easy to understand what a sexual empath is.

So can anyone put words to what an online empath is?
If you are one, can you explain it to me and others?

I consider myself highly sensitive to others moods, emotions, needs, wants, desires. Even online, I usually can tell just what it is that others are seeking and react to them accordingly.

Does that make me unusual? Probably. But then again my mother was the same and as far as my mum could remember so was her mother.

I can say that if I meet someone on line, it takes a long while for those feelings to come into play. Once they do (mayhap months into the chat experience...) it's a very weird thing. I can feel them in the pit of my stomach if something is wrong. I get headaches and painful spasms if they have hurt themselves.

As the above poster stated, it's easier when one has had some sort of previous connection to them : the sound of their voice, a piece of clothing etc. but IMO it can be done without those things, one just has to work at it. I do work at it and I always trust my instincts. I have yet to be proven wrong.

Luna

 

[Vixandra]

Luna's right.

I occasionally get pangs of "this person could use a hug" or similar things, though nothing stronger. I'm more of a physical empath, though I've learned through nessesity of life to turn that off. Working medical, one gets far too many sympathy pains that way, least I do. Sadly, its like cutting part of myself away, but its a nessesity when i work closely with so many others, some of them quite hurt.
Am learning to reopen that line when I read Tarot, but I have to have the person in front of me to do it. And I won't do a reading if I feel the person can't handle the possible answers.
It is possible to be empathic enough to read between the lines of another's typing. To feel what's not there in simple letters.
Tis a complex, hard to explain thing.
But I do believe its possible. Back when my beloved was stateside for three weeks, I had some, including Luna, asking if I was okay. I was, just was bummed at being alone.
Its possible- I've "seen" it happen.

And before I forget- Luna you're latest story is quite nifty (hey, I'm tired, LOL, I'll shower pretty compliments on you later).

 

[A Desert Rose]

Interesting to read what you all have to say on this topic.

Like you, Bandit, I don't discount anything. When I first came to Lit, I lurked awhile and read many. By reading their posts, it was easy to determine who I wanted to seek out as friends and who I wanted to avoid. I have always believed that certain parts of our personalities shine through the words and how we post them. Some people pick up on that and some people don't. In all but maybe one case, I was on target regarding those people who I chose to befriend. And for the exception of one and of Artful (who has passed) they are still my friends.

So to Luna and shy... I think there is something to what you say. I think some people are more intune to others emotions. As to being a sexual empath... I think they are intune to a submissive's - any submissive's - basic needs... period. I don't think it's mystic, in their case. I think it's being attentive to what and how a submissive behaves and responds.





But I could be wrong... it's been known to happen.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

i can sometimes pic up on peoples feelings.

 

[A Desert Rose]

i can sometimes pic up on peoples feelings.

I think that's really true of you and some others here. And I think that is what draws me to being friends with you.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

I think that's really true of you and some others here. And I think that is what draws me to being friends with you.

ty i have been able to pick up on people feeling/thoughts for a long time. sometimes it can be wierd. Also i dated a woman who could do the same thing but at a better level. can be scary when you sometimes could feel her in your mind.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I dont just pick up on peoples feelings, i can actually take it as far as feeling what they are feeling. I think there is a name for that...mirroring or something. *shrug*
I can do it online as well as in r/l, i dont know how and i dont know why, and i dont always like it but it happens.
It is happening tonight...i want to tell that person that i really do understand, but i dont think it would matter.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

...but i think i may be a bit tired, so forgive me if i ramble incoherently, i'll try to keep it from getting too very long.

To my own misfortune, i myself am less of an empath, & more of a sender. I have attempted a little distance healing, managing to make the person very hyper, & when i was younger, i sent dreams to a few of my friends on a couple of occasions, accross great distances.

I have been that lonely soul mentioned in the poem, hiding in the corner of the room & driving all the more sensitive people crazy. That has really only happened that i know of during my darkest depressions though, as i have learned to sheild myself a little, the same way that empaths learn to sheild from receiving, but a little more difficult for me i suspect, as i essentially have to do it blindly.

How often in a conversation do you consider mentioning something, sometimes unrelated to the topic at hand, & some one beats you to the subject, in some cases stealing your own words from your mouth. Once in a great while, that would seem normal. When i am around sensitive people, it happens several times a day, which is too much for even a skeptic to dismiss, assuming you'd even notice. I tend not to say anything though... it is a bit rude.

I have known a number of empaths in my life, & being a sender, have connected with a few of them strongly enough to not doubt it.

A high school friend of mine could point at me without hesitation, in a crowded room, wearing a blindfold... he was more of an empathic chameleon though, changing his personality to fit his company. There were some people i liked well enough, but could not stand him around.

I also have a cousin that usually thinks about me regularly when i am having hard times, & has learned to call me when she's been thinking about me. Sure enough, she finds a way to contact me (& i can be a difficult person to get ahold of), out of the blue, a month or so into my more difficult depressions... just when i really need someone to talk to, like clockwork.

I didn't believe in sexual empathy until i met an empath with a gift of taking sensations from someone she'd established a connection to... she'd used this before to reduce her friends migranes to a managable level, sharing the head aches between them.

With me she was curious why i reacted so to having my neck touched, & drew that sensation from me. She said it took her by surprise how much the vulnerability overwhelmed & paralyzied her, & wasn't sure that she liked it herself, but could understand then why i did. She later put it to great use. She also seemed to take a lot of amusement in waiting till she could sense that i was ready to submit entirely... then "tag".. I was Dom... (we were both switch)... blah

I am fairly intuitive, & on rare occasion i will get a sense for something about someone that i'm corresponding with online, but it's really not so much empathy so much as i just know some small thing... & at the time it often seems silly not to know; sort of, "of couse it's this way; how else would it be."

However the in the majority of my experience with talking to folks online, the inflections are lost completely, & minor misunderstandings abound. I think a major part of it is that until you've met a person face to face, & had that sort of familiarization with who they are, & the feel of their energy, you just can't tell up from down with them... & even then, without voice contact, much is lost.

On the other hand, it is definitely worse when i am avoiding a subject i would want to talk about, but know the other person to be uncomfortable with. Who ever i'm corresponding with never fails to become very agitated... which could be simply because i'm bad at hiding it, i don't know....

Sooo... it's hard to say for me whether i would believe in someone being sexually empathic online. Certainly there is some limited precident for it... but i think i would definitely take someones claims with a grain of salt. Suspending disbelief temporarily for the sake of conversation... maybe, but i would definitely not swallow it whole.

There's a lot to digest in this post. And I intend to do so. ;-)

I just wonder how much of this is non-verbal cues that a very intuitive and sensitive person just is able to pick up on when you encounter them face to face...

But I really believe that the way a person puts words together to form thoughts tells a great deal about that person. Just as the way Picasso plays with line and color as opposed to the dark and light play of someone as completely opposite as Rembrant, people expose themselves to be who they really are in Words.

Some of us are able to see beneath those words to the real person, if one is not in too big a hurry and is willing to take the time to actually READ.

 

[DVS]

Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

Some of us are able to see beneath those words to the real person, if one is not in too big a hurry and is willing to take the time to actually READ.

So, you been lookin' under the words, again, huh? .










...PERVERT!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

So, you been lookin' under the words, again, huh? PERVERT!

i really dont like when your av grins at me ya know

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

So, you been lookin' under the words, again, huh? .










...PERVERT!

I resemble this remark.

 

[DVS]

Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

i really dont like when your av grins at me ya know

Nothin' to worry about. It just means he likes ya.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

Nothin' to worry about. It just means he likes ya.

oh? *bats lashes* he does? (you got chocolate ADR?)

 

[DVS]

Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

I resemble this remark.

Are you forced to wear a large scarlet P on your chest? Or...do you wear it because you like to?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

Are you forced to wear a large scarlet P on your chest? Or...do you wear it because you like to?

I'm a proud card carrying member!

Someday I will show my funny hat and teach you the secret handshake.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

I'm a proud card carrying member!

Someday I will show my funny hat and teach you the secret handshake.

is it hat time again?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: really wanted to mention something on this...

is it hat time again?

Yes... and I have donned my bowler. ;-)