Can you control your feelings and who you fall in love with??
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plasticman33
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Re: Re: Re: Can't control the feelings
Don't confuse lust and love! Old willie doesn't know the difference! Neither did I for a long time!
Scabbers said:
Don't confuse lust and love! Old willie doesn't know the difference! Neither did I for a long time!
rexfelis
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Re: In redundancy ...
I disagree. Falling in love, first of all, is not infatuation. Infatuation has nothing to do with falling in love. Infactuation is when you act all goofy and stupid like that *without* falling in love.
Continuing on, love is not a conscious commitment. Love is an emotion. Emotions know no logic. They may be corralled, but they cannot be absolutely controlled. That is to say you cannot turn them on and off at will, not to say you cannot make your own choices as to what to do in response to them.
Choosing to fall in love with someone does not make it happen; if it did, I would probably have fallen in love with very different women over the years. The ones who look like models, mostly. Instead, I fell in love with the women who struck a chord in my heart, and sometimes that has been painful for me because I did not follow the immature herd mentality about what kind of woman is acceptable to be seen with.
Sure, you can make controlled choices surrounding your emotions, and as to who you hit on and whether you make the moves that might lead up to falling in love, but once that PEA starts to shoot up into your brain, you're not making choices about how you feel. And even after the chemically induced phase wears off, you still cannot turn your emotions off and on.
They may change, but not because you willed them to.
And if anyone tells me that in fact they can turn their emotions on and off, as opposed to burying them under logic and reason, they have got to be either confused or psychopathic!
PeterBilt said:
I disagree. Falling in love, first of all, is not infatuation. Infatuation has nothing to do with falling in love. Infactuation is when you act all goofy and stupid like that *without* falling in love.
Continuing on, love is not a conscious commitment. Love is an emotion. Emotions know no logic. They may be corralled, but they cannot be absolutely controlled. That is to say you cannot turn them on and off at will, not to say you cannot make your own choices as to what to do in response to them.
Choosing to fall in love with someone does not make it happen; if it did, I would probably have fallen in love with very different women over the years. The ones who look like models, mostly. Instead, I fell in love with the women who struck a chord in my heart, and sometimes that has been painful for me because I did not follow the immature herd mentality about what kind of woman is acceptable to be seen with.
Sure, you can make controlled choices surrounding your emotions, and as to who you hit on and whether you make the moves that might lead up to falling in love, but once that PEA starts to shoot up into your brain, you're not making choices about how you feel. And even after the chemically induced phase wears off, you still cannot turn your emotions off and on.
They may change, but not because you willed them to.
And if anyone tells me that in fact they can turn their emotions on and off, as opposed to burying them under logic and reason, they have got to be either confused or psychopathic!
Georgia Girl
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Can you control it?
As has been said previously there is a large difference between loving someone and being "IN" love with someone. It is possible to love a person yet not fall for them. But, sliding down that slippery slope and landing in the lake of love can be wonderous and it can also catch you off guard. So, I suppose I would say that you have control only over if you choose to react to the feeling but not necessarily its existence.
As has been said previously there is a large difference between loving someone and being "IN" love with someone. It is possible to love a person yet not fall for them. But, sliding down that slippery slope and landing in the lake of love can be wonderous and it can also catch you off guard. So, I suppose I would say that you have control only over if you choose to react to the feeling but not necessarily its existence.
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plasticman33
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MistressHoney said:
Love and logic? Typically poles apart!
Shy Tall Guy
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Re: Re: In redundancy ...
Sure I experience fear at times and I can't make it go away on command. In certain situations where I have phobias (such as with heights) I am barely in control of my fear - just enough to function. Other times I am able to completely turn them off; some people freeze when a gun is pointed at them or when someone is attacking them, I seem to go into robot mode with no feelings at all - just cold logic responses.
Of course all humans have emotions buried under some level of logic and reasoning - but when it comes to love and who you fall in love with, is your rational mind in control, or your subconcious?
Some people are confusing "control" with absolute control; I don't think anybody is talking about being able to totally turn on/off emotions - I think we all know better than that. But what we are talking about here is really not letting our emotions control us. Sure emotions are something that often creep up when we don't want them, but some people let those emotions control them, or have no control over them.rexfelis said:
Sure I experience fear at times and I can't make it go away on command. In certain situations where I have phobias (such as with heights) I am barely in control of my fear - just enough to function. Other times I am able to completely turn them off; some people freeze when a gun is pointed at them or when someone is attacking them, I seem to go into robot mode with no feelings at all - just cold logic responses.
Of course all humans have emotions buried under some level of logic and reasoning - but when it comes to love and who you fall in love with, is your rational mind in control, or your subconcious?
rexfelis
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Re: Re: Re: In redundancy ...
I suppose being able to resist being controlled by one's emotions depends on each person's level of emotional awareness.
As for who you fall in love with, I subscribe to the "love map" theory, which puts the subconscious mind firmly in the gunner's seat for the most part.
Shy Tall Guy said:
I suppose being able to resist being controlled by one's emotions depends on each person's level of emotional awareness.
As for who you fall in love with, I subscribe to the "love map" theory, which puts the subconscious mind firmly in the gunner's seat for the most part.
rexfelis
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Re: I think I have some proof to
Bring it on. I never said I had the absolute answers. Remember, I said it was a theory? I would love to hear your evidence. If I am wrong, then I'll revise my stance. Come on, out with it! lol
Tiger_n_NJ said:
Bring it on. I never said I had the absolute answers. Remember, I said it was a theory? I would love to hear your evidence. If I am wrong, then I'll revise my stance. Come on, out with it! lol
Re: Re: In my experience...
Since this thread has been brought back up I want to add a couple things.
It always takes me awhile before I recognize how I feel about someone. Usually by then it is too late to withdraw from the relationship to avoid any pain, which of course there always is.
I had two online relationships that I believed were stable to fall apart on the same day. Shock and disbelief sets in and then I wonder why I didn't see this coming? the signs were there, but we sometimes see what we want to see, don't we?....lol
Would I have been better off if I could have controlled how I felt?? Most definitely, yes...but I never have that luxury.
Cassidy
juicylips said:
Since this thread has been brought back up I want to add a couple things.
It always takes me awhile before I recognize how I feel about someone. Usually by then it is too late to withdraw from the relationship to avoid any pain, which of course there always is.
I had two online relationships that I believed were stable to fall apart on the same day. Shock and disbelief sets in and then I wonder why I didn't see this coming? the signs were there, but we sometimes see what we want to see, don't we?....lol
Would I have been better off if I could have controlled how I felt?? Most definitely, yes...but I never have that luxury.
Cassidy
patient1
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I know I can control my actions. I didn't cry for 25 years, at least.
I don't think I control how I feel or who I love conciously . The feelings exist . I fell in love with a coworker over three years ago, an impractical situation, but she's worth her weight in milligrams of vallium in terms of how great she makes me feel.
There must be some subconcious control, because I've never had those feelings for a married woman.
If we can choose how we feel, why are people ever unhappy or depressed. Because they don't know how?I'm not convinced.
I don't think I control how I feel or who I love conciously . The feelings exist . I fell in love with a coworker over three years ago, an impractical situation, but she's worth her weight in milligrams of vallium in terms of how great she makes me feel.
There must be some subconcious control, because I've never had those feelings for a married woman.
If we can choose how we feel, why are people ever unhappy or depressed. Because they don't know how?I'm not convinced.
cymbidia
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And once you love, regardless of how or why you got there, regardless of whether it was an impulsive or thoroughly sober stepwise decision, once you really love someone else, you're in it for the ride, short or long, bumpy or smooth.
After the love is there and real, i don't think one can control one's feelings anymore. Then, the doors to the train are closed and one is along for the ride, wherever the train goes.
After the love is there and real, i don't think one can do anything to avoid the pain that sometimes comes hand-in-hand with loving. The best you can do then is ride it out and wait for the train to stop, for your love to cool to a memory of what was and what might have been.
Love is not always returned as you hope it will be, as has been promised to you, as is right and good. Sometimes that glorious love you've so carefully saved to spend on someone you thought of ultimate value becomes a cruel mockery in your heart and life.
Better to excercise more control up front, i think, if you can. Even then: sometimes you simply cannot see that you're spending your love on the wrong person, whether or not you excercise lots of control over who you love, or very little. Such is life.
After the love is there and real, i don't think one can control one's feelings anymore. Then, the doors to the train are closed and one is along for the ride, wherever the train goes.
After the love is there and real, i don't think one can do anything to avoid the pain that sometimes comes hand-in-hand with loving. The best you can do then is ride it out and wait for the train to stop, for your love to cool to a memory of what was and what might have been.
Love is not always returned as you hope it will be, as has been promised to you, as is right and good. Sometimes that glorious love you've so carefully saved to spend on someone you thought of ultimate value becomes a cruel mockery in your heart and life.
Better to excercise more control up front, i think, if you can. Even then: sometimes you simply cannot see that you're spending your love on the wrong person, whether or not you excercise lots of control over who you love, or very little. Such is life.
