Can the men you are having sex with "find the clitoris"?

[WeShallUnclench]

"Men can't find the clitoris" is a sex trope I have heard of for as long as I was aware of sex, but let's look at actual experience around here.

By "can't find the clitoris", folks usually mean several things:

1) Men don't know vulva anatomy well enough to know about the clitoris in the first place

2) Men know about the clitoris, but its shape and location are a mystery to them

3) Men know vulva anatomy but are really bad at treating the clitoris right

4) Men know about the clitoris and where it is, and know many people with clits like that stimulation, but don't bother stimulating it (maybe thinking penetration with no extra thoughts is perfectly sufficient in all cases)

So with that in mind, what is YOUR personal experience? Do you notice a difference in generations? Have men gotten better or worse at this?

(Cis-) men and anyone with a penis get to play, too, but keep in mind that purely individual comments like "Well I at least always treat clits right!!" are only moderately useful here. Use common sense to see if it advances the discussion.

Likewise, asexuals, virgins and Lesbian women are welcome to share their wisdom on this, but try to limit speculation. Use common sense to see if it advances the discussion.

 

[live4thebj]

Also has to do with many men don’t know how to eat pussy. My niece complained her BF sucks at it. I told her I would teach him if she liked. Didn’t flat out say it would be with her during the demonstration but I am sure she picked up on that.

 

[pinkparkhorse]

I find most guys I’ve been with can find it. A few needed a little help but learned quickly. I think those guys didn’t have much experience. Then there are those times when I just wanna get fucked and don’t care if they can find it.

 

[Lamia03]

Unfortunately I’ve come across all these type of men in my sexual past. However they never asked me to direct them. I would do it regardless because I want to feel good while he’s at my pussy but the fact remains, they never asked. I know from experience men direct women on how to please them. But women might not do it as much.
So whose fault is it?

 

[gtnlynn]

When we were dating in high school, my wife made sure that I knew what a clitoris was, where to find it, and what to do to it. She said some of her college lovers never found it.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

they never asked me to direct them. I would do it regardless because I want to feel good while he’s at my pussy but the fact remains, they never asked.

Many might genuinely not care enough, but there might also still be the idea that "men are supposed to know" so a) men are overconfident and don't even realize they could possibly be missing something (or worse "if I can't figure this out, surely a girl can't, including this very girl") or b) men are on the contrary too embarrassed and feel if they ask for direction it kills the mood.

And as you said plenty of women might not direct men for the same reason ("it's not my place to tell him what to do", "it'll make him angry/sad", or "if he doesn't know, he's not worth teaching").

 

[EmmAgain]

I’m not shy: If he’s struggling, I’ll spread and show him. That’s his first and last warning. Otherwise, he can put on his tighty whities and call an Uber. I’ve had way too much good sex to put up with bad.

 

[graysilver]

When we were dating in high school, my wife made sure that I knew what a clitoris was, where to find it, and what to do to it. She said some of her college lovers never found it.

Knowing how to love on a woman’s clit is a delight and key to her delight.

 

[gtnlynn]

Knowing how to love on a woman’s clit is a delight and key to her delight.

It is definitely the key to some amazing orgasms.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

OK my funny response. Guys don't look at directions, follow instructions or read a map. And you want to direct them to your clitoris. LOL

Serious response....Who the hell are you women having sex with ? Can't find your clitoris ? I believe the G spot is the more intriguing place to find. And it's so much fun getting to it.

 

[Britva415]

Do you notice a difference in generations?

Do you think it's about generations or do you think it's just about age (experience)?

 

[Britva415]

I think there are plenty of guys who know exactly how to find it but don't know what to do with it. Or, think that there's exactly one thing to do which would work for all women.

 

[Abeona1]

It is definitely the key to some amazing orgasms.

For 75% of women it's the only way

 

[Abeona1]

A woman's clit is equivalent to a hard on. And we all know how important bjs are to men. We woman watch and learn and ask how they like it. Men are not made aware of the importance of cunnilingus. I have to stop myself from asking groups of young men, what they know about it. It's the most important part of a woman's body. It should be taught in sex education.
I do have a question
As woman how do we learn to lay back and enjoy the experience? However long it takes.
And the answer to your question is he thinks he does.
Left bit. Up a bit stay there pleeeeeeeasssseee

 

[AverageGuy86]

Married guy here, asking genuinely.

By "find" do you mean "see?" Because I can honestly say that I've never "seen" my wife's clitoris. Hers must be firmly hidden beneath the hood. Attempts to 'spread' or pull her hood back usually gets my hands swatted. (I think part of that is C-section scar sensitivity to be fair.)

Now, usually well into Oral sex I can "feel" what I presume is her clitoris on the end of my tongue. I would say it seems like the tip of a pen on the end of my tongue. It's like a remote control for my tongue, to drive her hips whichever way I please. (So I guess that's it, no...?)

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Do you think it's about generations or do you think it's just about age (experience)?

Both, actually!

I considered both the possibility that older men are more likely to know what they're doing or less likely because of when they (and their partners) were socialized.

(Unfortunately I have the sinking feeling that with the angry incel phenomenon, young men as a demographic might have missed that sweet spot where the lessons of feminism might have made them better lovers)

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Married guy here, asking genuinely.

By "find" do you mean "see?" Because I can honestly say that I've never "seen" my wife's clitoris. Hers must be firmly hidden beneath the hood. Attempts to 'spread' or pull her hood back usually gets my hands swatted. (I think part of that is C-section scar sensitivity to be fair.)

Now, usually well into Oral sex I can "feel" what I presume is her clitoris on the end of my tongue. I would say it seems like the tip of a pen on the end of my tongue. It's like a remote control for my tongue, to drive her hips whichever way I please. (So I guess that's it, no...?)

I used that list of examples above to give a general idea! You don't have to see the clitoris to find it and know how to treat it.

 

[SigmaJay]

So with that in mind, what is YOUR personal experience?

I am a rare person. I have studied both male and female anatomy from a young age. I used to read my parent's medical books for fun.

My first girlfriend taught / introduced me to cunnilingus. We both loved it. She had many orgasms from cunnilingus alone.

At age 19 I started dating my current wife. We both love cunnilingus and perform it almost daily when are schedules permit. She has had zillions of orgasms over the 33 years we have been together. After menopause, she started hormone replacement therapy and I can usually coax two or three orgasms from her per day. Obviously some days we are too busy or take a break.

Yes, I can find, stimulate and satisfy the two different clitoris' I have had the luxury of servicing. I suspect I am rare, but have no way of knowing.

 

[Worzel550]

Being older, it's not so difficult to find, it's how to treat her, after all she is one hot button.
Ladies prefer different preferences, some a swirling tongue, or intense sucking, others a gentle nibble or slight grazing of teeth.
Others can't take the intensity it's all good
It's important to ask before proceeding.
Teasing the beauty from her hood, saying how much you love, making sure she is happy and enjoy the consequences

 

[OralAllOver]

Yes, I studied astronomy

it's closer than uranus

 

[Pabiporffor]

Years of watching porn and they learn nothing.

 

[NoObjection]

Draw a big circle around it and an arrow pointing to it, and paint it blue.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Years of watching porn and they learn nothing.

Maybe it depends on the porn

 

[peterherring425]

This topic needs a good licking

 

[NoObjection]

You know feedback from the clit bearer would be so helpful.