Can submissives have limits?

[Dhabidommetrix]

One of my subs asked me this question earlier today and my response was Yes absolutely. Submissives have just as much right to boundaries and preferences as dominants. Healthy dynamics are built on mutual respect and clear communication of each person’s needs and limits.

What do you all think?

 

[teaching_alice]

Of course! Oh god....of course, yes.

 

[CuriousRick]

Everyone has their limits. They have to be respected

 

[PaxNurgle]

To me it's not a question of whether subs CAN have limits but rather, should they. And yes, they should.

 

[ericalauren]

Yes! Definitely! Anyone who says that submissive folks cannot have limits is a goddamn abuser.

 

[teaching_alice]

Yes! Definitely! Anyone who says that submissive folks cannot have limits is a goddamn abuser.

THIS RIGHT HERE.

 

[TageRyche]

Yes. Submissive doesn't mean stupid so of course they can AND should have limits.

Anyone who thinks they can't or shouldn't isn't just an abuser, they are threat to the entire kink community.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

If a Dom or Domme says that submissives cannot have limits, they are an abuser and should be left immediately. Huge red flag.

 

[Belong2Her]

Yes we can. That it is one of the advantages of having loving marriage where your Wife is also your Mistress. She lets me know what She wants to do, and She allows for limits according to what either of us do not feel comfortable doing.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Hell yes. If they don't, I would worry about their sanity, and refuse to play with them.

 

[Boat1]

Yes we can. That it is one of the advantages of having loving marriage where your Wife is also your Mistress. She lets me know what She wants to do, and She allows for limits according to what either of us do not feel comfortable doing.

A THOUSAND likes for this!
Kudos and Hat-Tip to you and your wife!

 

[MasterDarcy]

Limits are a prerequisite for a submissive.

If a Dom/me ever suggests otherwise, it's either a red flag and a warning that they're an abuser, or they simply do not know what they are talking about.

Not only do submissives have limits, said limits should be respected.

 

[amx99]

As a sub myself sometimes I feel limitless when I am in ecstasy. So I think that is the role of the Domme to know my red lines and dont get over them, I feel the Dom/me have responsibility of the sub

 

[EdgySubMic]

Of course subs can and should have limits. Objectively, I find it silly (not to say abnormal or even sick) for a sub to even ask the question. It is true and natural, however, that limits can evolve with time and experience, becoming either more or less restrictive.

Having said all that, in my own mind I have (and like to have) no limits towards my Master and Owner and/but that fact does not imply any danger to me, neither physically, not mentally. We've known each other for 33+ years now and I've submitted to him almost 29 years ago (it will be full 29 in early August). We know each other inside out, and I trust him 500% to not do anything "wrong", so in my mind I dropped all explicitly stated limits a long time ago.

 

[OralAllOver]

Not if your "safety word" is HARDER

 

[Erosfan]

Yes we can. That it is one of the advantages of having loving marriage where your Wife is also your Mistress. She lets me know what She wants to do, and She allows for limits according to what either of us do not feel comfortable doing.

This! My late wife and I had many discussions along these lines, and it is an absolute must. We knew each other's limits, and we respected those limits. In regard to this, I had no limits with her and she understood that. We knew each other so well that we didn't even think about the other's limits.
She called me her slut because she knew I was hers, to do with as she pleased, when and where she wanted. Ours was a very loving relationship. She kept things between us. She was not into sharing and I am not a cuck. I have some truly amazing memories.

 

[Exploringwife46]

Absolutely express your limits. I try to keep them to a specific few as it's silly to have a long list of things you don't care for and still proclaim you're submissive. It's important to have a safe word though for when fears or concerns arise so that you can discuss things and decide on a way forward. A sub should be willing to go outside her comforts at times as long as it's not mentally or physically harming.

 

[kneelingmatt]

yes I have limited even though I love to please there are things I am not going to be a part of.

 

[cocokittysurprise]

That's one of the things I discuss early on with any potential sub. They should know that while there is a power dynamic at play, they are still an important, contributing member of the relationship; expressing their wants/needs, including hard/soft limits, is something that I expect from them. I also let them know that it is okay if those limits change over time, which is why I incorporate check-ins/evaluations as well, just to see where they are and whether certain limits need to be adjusted/expanded.

The relationship does not work otherwise.

 

[amx99]

That's one of the things I discuss early on with any potential sub. They should know that while there is a power dynamic at play, they are still an important, contributing member of the relationship; expressing their wants/needs, including hard/soft limits, is something that I expect from them. I also let them know that it is okay if those limits change over time, which is why I incorporate check-ins/evaluations as well, just to see where they are and whether certain limits need to be adjusted/expanded.

The relationship does not work otherwise.

This is exactly how a true Dom thinks. Respect, structure, and real care — beautifully said.

 

[Scotianmd89]

Newish here but curious if anyone wants to chat about it are a lot of women submissive? Asking as a man

 

[Wonderer67]

Q: should a sub have limits?
A: I echo what others have said above… absolutely. I would be worried about someone who didn’t. And also a method of signaling they are close to their limit for safety.

Safety first.

Altho, I will say, i’ve gone past my pain threshold a few times just to see how far I could push myself.

 

[apom]

Abuse is abhorrent in all its forms, but for me the answer to the original question is more complicated than just absolutely YES.

 

[MrsLaMere]

Yes, without the respect of limits it becomes abuse.
There is a but though. If a sub indicates they want to be pushed and explore and that is agreed, then there is nothing wrong with introducing them to something they haven't experienced yet or are afraid of. Again, if beforehand they have indicated they are open to being pushed.

You need to be able to read their body language and understand their reactions. it takes a lot of focus and work but it cn be incredibly rewarding. The surprise of them finding a new trigger is delicious.
Consent is everything though!

 

[Wonderer67]

Yes, without the respect of limits it becomes abuse.
There is a but though. If a sub indicates they want to be pushed and explore and that is agreed, then there is nothing wrong with introducing them to something they haven't experienced yet or are afraid of. Again, if beforehand they have indicated they are open to being pushed.

You need to be able to read their body language and understand their reactions. it takes a lot of focus and work but it cn be incredibly rewarding. The surprise of them finding a new trigger is delicious.
Consent is everything though!

Right there!

Communication, consent and a method of indicating someone is close or past their limit.