Can One Find Another?

[Mythos50]

In this poem, what would be an alternative to the word 'one' so it is not used repeatedly?

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Knowledge
by Mthos

Knowledge is a coin with grace
Upon one side shows the face
As long as one holds view of it
One can't see an edge
Or know its opposite.


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[Guest]

In this poem, what would be an alternative to the word 'one' so it is not used repeatedly?

******************************

Knowledge
by Mthos

Knowledge is a coin with grace
Upon one side shows the face
As long as one holds view of it
One can't see an edge
Or know its opposite.


********************************

How's this?


Knowledge is a coin with grace
Upon this side is shown the face
As long as one holds view of it
The edge is not be seen
Nor known the opposite.

JUst tinkering.....

 

[Angeline]

Knowledge is a coin with grace
That on its head shows a face.
Yet holding view of it,
One can't see an edge
Or know its opposite.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Poets are not experts on what is and what is not knowledge. Poetry has nothing to do with such issues, it can't care less.

Your text, Mythos, is unprofound and carries a false message.

On the other hand, as a poet, you should be sensitive to connections such as between face and a side of a coin--something that more image oriented Angeline picked up immediately. You should instantly sense the awkwardness of having "face" and "heads" in your poem because it is like having butter and margarine on your bread; actually much worse.

Beware of didactic tone in your poems! It is a major sin in poetry.

Regards,

Senna Jawa

PS. When one participant asks a question does it follow that a bunch of others have to fall for the trap and spend their time on futile cosmetic activities when the "customer/patient" (poem) needs simply a merciful burial (or on other occasions a major surgery)?

 

[Mythos50]

di·dac·tic 1. Intended to instruct. 2. Morally instructive. 3. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively.

Eeck! was not and is not my intention.
= = = = = = =

Sorry to have unintentionally trapped you, guilty pleasure. I thank you for your efforts.

I thank you also, Angeline.

Thank you also, Senna. Let's see, that is lessons #4, 5, & 6.

Which would you prefer on your bread? Butter, margarine or perhaps some jam? I am curious to know so I can be sure to have it on table for the next breakfast get together.

Oh, and pardon me while I go throw out the rest of my didactic writings... oops!

 

[Guest]

Sorry to have unintentionally trapped you, guilty pleasure. I thank you for your efforts.

I wasn't aware of being trapped. *looking around* Nope, still free to make choices. You're welcome.

 

[OT]

PS. When one participant asks a question does it follow that a bunch of others have to fall for the trap and spend their time on futile cosmetic activities when the "customer/patient" (poem) needs simply a merciful burial (or on other occasions a major surgery)?

Before becoming doctors, med students practice on cadavers.



(Mythos50, my generic answer to SJ's generic question, I haven't given your snippet much thought either way)