Can I have my scene relatively safely?

[chris5vx]

I'm a rather experience dominant male but am sub curious and bi curious. My experience as a dominant has left me pretty fearless. I've tested most things out on myself before trying them on my sub. Over the years I've learned that what sounds scary isn't usually that bad. I'd like to combine my sub and bi curiousness into a fantasy of mine. I want a dominant male to introduce me to both and be a little rough. Think rough bondage porn kind of scene. Even if whats happening is a little more rough than I would enjoy, as long as it wasn't physically harmful I think I'd be ok with it. I've met a dominant or two off craigs list that I think would be well suited and I'm a little tempted to get a hotel room and try it out.

Part of the fantasy involves it being all about the sex and a pre play coffee kind of takes that element out of it. Can I do a reasonably good job of screening dominants in a dozen or so emails and maintain a relative bit of safety? I understand nothing is risk free of course. Is this asking for a trouble and is actually just a fantasy that is probably better left unfulfilled?

 

[museofdragon]

Part of the fantasy involves it being all about the sex and a pre play coffee kind of takes that element out of it. Can I do a reasonably good job of screening dominants in a dozen or so emails and maintain a relative bit of safety? I understand nothing is risk free of course. Is this asking for a trouble and is actually just a fantasy that is probably better left unfulfilled?

In a word, yes, this is asking for trouble. They don't make psychopaths wear signs. What would you say to a good friend, male or female, comtemplating the same thing? Even with proper safe calls scheculed, meeting someone you only know via email at a hotel is just a massive risk. Best of luck with whatever you choose to do.

muse

 

[TwilightEmbrace]

I wouldn't go about it that way. People can seem anyway that they want to w/ just a few emails. I would keep it a fantasy or perhaps a scene that you do w/ someone you know.

 

[SweetErika]

Or, does STL have any clubs, or Men of Leather groups? That'd likely be the way I'd go because clubs are usually safe, and you can get references from other members of the community in clubs/groups. Our club has Men's Nights, and we have a thriving Leather community. People are very good about offering/giving recommendations, as well.

 

[Shankara20]

Or, does STL have any clubs, or Men of Leather groups? That'd likely be the way I'd go because clubs are usually safe, and you can get references from other members of the community in clubs/groups. Our club has Men's Nights, and we have a thriving Leather community. People are very good about offering/giving recommendations, as well.

I agree - without a reference you trust at least have one non-play meeting. I am often more hungry for a cock then interested in the man attached to it, but for something that includes that you are looking for your safety is top issue - have at least one face-to-face before hand to at least make sure he takes a shower now and then.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

If you are near St. Louis you should be familiar with St. Louis Leather and Lace, the group that produces Beat Me in St. Louis and other events. Set the scene up for BMSL or some other public event, and screen potential partners by at LEAST getting references from people who are known in the Scene.

And for pete's sake if you're going to have sex, demand latex, nitrile or other non-porous barriers for everyone.

If you are NOT familiar with STLL&L, to find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/

The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

Nuff said.

 

[neonflux]

Or, does STL have any clubs, or Men of Leather groups? That'd likely be the way I'd go because clubs are usually safe, and you can get references from other members of the community in clubs/groups. Our club has Men's Nights, and we have a thriving Leather community. People are very good about offering/giving recommendations, as well.

I also like this idea, too.

good luck and be safe!

Neon

 

[Worker11811]

Have a friend you know and trust meet the person and check them out for you. Your friend should not give you any more information than a "GO" or a "NO-GO".

You then arrange a time and place to meet in person. All three of you.

Then, on the appointed meeting date, your friend takes you to the agreed-upon location. You have a predetermined amount of time to meet and talk. After that period (Let's say 15 minutes.) all THREE of you vote, "GO" or "NO-GO".

It takes a unanimous vote off all three parties to go to the next step.

If the vote is not unanimous, everybody goes home.

When I was in college, people used to make dope deals with a method similar to this.... not that I've actually done anything like that...

 

[HottieMama]

And for pete's sake if you're going to have sex, demand latex, nitrile or other non-porous barriers for everyone.



Nuff said.

That bears repeating..and heeding.

Geoff...my apologizes for changing your text formatting.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

That bears repeating..and heeding.

Geoff...my apologizes for changing your text formatting.

No apologies necessary, Hottie, but thank you for the consideration!

 

[LunarKitten]

When you speak about being "used roughly"...well, I would advise caution on this one. You need to be warmed up and use lots of lube. I have heard too many horror stories from people who end up have lots of surgery because they did neither of these things. Please use caution and research the risks involved before you decide this is something you really really wish to do in your play. I also would not do this with a stranger. As someone else has already pointed out, there are a lot of nut cases out there only too eager to give you what you want with the end results something you do not want.

lunar - trying to be everyone's mother today

 

[twosidesmeet]

I think you need to vest and Dom(s) out well before meeting them to scene. While your fantasy may involve just getting up and going in reality, and you should know this if you are an "experienced Dom.", you need to meet the person prior in real life. Yes, everything is a risk, but look at it this way. Would you "require" a prospective submissive to meet you after a few emails at a strange hotel? Would you expect them to just bow down to you from email number one? While you control yourself and maybe the risk is acceptable to you it's still very risky.

As a Dom I would NEVER scene with a sub that I had JUST met. While the risk is more on their end it's also on mine. So in that regard if you are meeting prospective "doms" that will meet you straight away, without more than a few emails, in my experience you should stay away from them.

Take it slow. Get to know the person as well as you can, online AND offline...and let it develop organically. While you might want it badly now...you would regret it (it being thinking with your libido) if something bad were to happen.