Can I be Master, even though I'm a bottom?

[NewbieMaster097]

Hey everyone, I've recently gotten into the whole BDSM scene, and after all the stuff that I've seen and found after some looking around, I have to ask: Can I still be a Master even though I'm a bottom?

I'm a very dominant person, and I love being in control, sexually or otherwise. It was the reason why I got into the whole BDSM scene in the first place. However, my preferred sexual position is as a bottom, a very aggressive bottom mind you, but a bottom nonetheless, and from what I've noticed in the scene so far, is that most people expect bottoms to be the submissive, subservient types, and I'm not that at all.

I rather tie someone up, than be tied myself. I'd rather make the decisions, rather than simply follow them. And don't even get me started on hitting and slapping. i don't mind dishing it out so long as the other guy wanted it, but if a top randomly slapped me in the face in the middle of sex, I would deck him on the spot.

So guys, is there even a chance for someone like me in the scene? I know there are passive tops out there. But BDSM, and definitely, Master/Slave is a whole different ball game, and I'm not so sure.

Any advice?

 

[NewbieMaster097]

Also, if you haven't already figured, I'm gay by the way.

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[CutieMouse]

Are you talking physical position during sex?

Because if that's the concern, I don't see how ones physical position = PYL or pyl. In addition, there are no rules that say a PYL can't order a pyl to do XYZ "topping" exactly how the PYL wants it. You're a master who loves a good flogging? Telling someone to flog you and exactly how you want it done, isn't turning in your secret kink decoder ring... It's getting your wants and needs met, exactly as it would if you were telling your partner how to perform ___ sex act, take a spanking, or make your coffee.

PYL = dominant, top, master, etc
pyl = bottom, slave, submissive, etc

 

[SpunThings]

A bottom is not someone on the bottom during sex. Generally in BDSM a bottom likes things being dome to them, like slapping and being tied up. There is no conflict here since you describe yourself as a top. A top is someone who likes to do things to people.

With that said, a master can be a bottom. Generally a master is the person in charge in a relationship. So a master could order their partner to spank them or tie them up or whatever. Sometimes master is used to describe someone who has skills beyond just being in charge in a relationship. The thing is, there is no one definition that everyone agrees on for that label.

 

[J_R_Ashunwhy]

Hey everyone, I've recently gotten into the whole BDSM scene, and after all the stuff that I've seen and found after some looking around, I have to ask: Can I still be a Master even though I'm a bottom?

I'm a very dominant person, and I love being in control, sexually or otherwise. It was the reason why I got into the whole BDSM scene in the first place.

There is such a thing as 'topping from the bottom,' however....

However, my preferred sexual position is as a bottom, a very aggressive bottom mind you, but a bottom nonetheless, and from what I've noticed in the scene so far, is that most people expect bottoms to be the submissive, subservient types, and I'm not that at all.

A 'bottom' would refer to the person having the actions during play performed on them,submissive,ply,etc. not just which ever sexual position you prefer.

I rather tie someone up, than be tied myself. I'd rather make the decisions, rather than simply follow them. And don't even get me started on hitting and slapping. i don't mind dishing it out so long as the other guy wanted it, but if a top randomly slapped me in the face in the middle of sex, I would deck him on the spot.

^Does not sound like a bottom. Also, more communication before a scene would be suggested if you have a fear of your partner randomly committing aggressive acts not previously discussed between you two.

So guys, is there even a chance for someone like me in the scene? I know there are passive tops out there. But BDSM, and definitely, Master/Slave is a whole different ball game, and I'm not so sure.

Any advice?

Stop referring to yourself as a 'bottom' based off of the sexual position you like, and start referring to your actual personality preferences.

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[NewbieMaster097]

Wow thanks everyone! You've all really helped clear this up for me. I always assumed top and bottom strictly referred to physical position, and that that had no merit in an actual BDSM relationship.

Now maybe I can feel more confident in meeting new potential fetish friends/partners.

 

[Freya_Gin]

Are you talking physical position during sex?

Because if that's the concern, I don't see how ones physical position = PYL or pyl.

I agree. I've "topped" while being facesat by a woman. I teased and teased until she begged me to make her cum. Fun!

In addition, there are no rules that say a PYL can't order a pyl to do XYZ "topping" exactly how the PYL wants it. You're a master who loves a good flogging? Telling someone to flog you and exactly how you want it done, isn't turning in your secret kink decoder ring...

What secret decoder ring?! No one ever mentioned a secret decoder ring!