Can I actually write good sex?

[Cleophila]

I've been contributing bits to literotica for a couple of years now so this might sound like a weird question, but I held off the full on sex scene in my longer novella and from writing a short sex story until very recently. Although I've written quite a bit of other stuff in the past I've never done erotica so, I guess, I was a little unsure of how it would turn out.

Now I've reached that far, I'd like a little feedback on what, really, literotica is all about. I know I'm an OK writer in other areas, but can I write a decent sex scene?

Here are some examples:

This chapter here: http://www.literotica.com/s/the-hermaphrodites-curse-ch-33

From about half way down this page: http://www.literotica.com/s/jack-valentines-love-hearts?page=2

Any feedback or comments would be well appreciated in improving my future work.

 

[Rage_of_Aquarius]

I thought you did a very nice job. It's a very classy way of writing erotica. I give you two thumbs up.
RoA

 

[CWatson]

This is a tricky question to answer, because "good sex" is subjective.

I'm on OKCupid, a dating site which takes a different approach to matching: it has a bunch of questions that you can answer, as well as specify what you want your potential partner to answer, and using those answers the site calculates your "match" percentage. The specifics of the system are not particularly important to our conversation. What's important is one of the questions themselves: "How do you prefer your sex? Rough? Gentle? Both?" Something very basic and simple, but it can dramatically alter how sex is carried out--and, back on topic, what kind of sex a person likes to read. It's possible for there to be multiple definitions of "good sex," and no way a single instance of intercourse can cram them all in.

Personally I found your stories to be pretty good. I felt like the description was a bit over-elaborate at times, and occasionally there were weird jolts when the poetic language would suddenly grab something from modern slang:

His hands grasp my buttocks, fondling me, getting me hot and bothered

But I'm a picky son-of-a-bitch, and these really are quite minor problems--tone, instead of structure or content. Have your readers been complaining? No news is good news: if people aren't actively criticizing something, you're doing a good job, or at least a passable one. For me it was definitely "passable," as most of my smut was written while I was still a virgin and largely parroting things I had read elsewhere. But that kind of proves my point: I had no first-hand idea what I was doing, and people were still willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[Cleophila]

This is a tricky question to answer, because "good sex" is subjective.

I'm on OKCupid, a dating site which takes a different approach to matching: it has a bunch of questions that you can answer, as well as specify what you want your potential partner to answer, and using those answers the site calculates your "match" percentage. The specifics of the system are not particularly important to our conversation. What's important is one of the questions themselves: "How do you prefer your sex? Rough? Gentle? Both?" Something very basic and simple, but it can dramatically alter how sex is carried out--and, back on topic, what kind of sex a person likes to read. It's possible for there to be multiple definitions of "good sex," and no way a single instance of intercourse can cram them all in.

Personally I found your stories to be pretty good. I felt like the description was a bit over-elaborate at times, and occasionally there were weird jolts when the poetic language would suddenly grab something from modern slang:

But I'm a picky son-of-a-bitch, and these really are quite minor problems--tone, instead of structure or content. Have your readers been complaining? No news is good news: if people aren't actively criticizing something, you're doing a good job, or at least a passable one. For me it was definitely "passable," as most of my smut was written while I was still a virgin and largely parroting things I had read elsewhere. But that kind of proves my point: I had no first-hand idea what I was doing, and people were still willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Thanks for the advice. Nice to receive some good, constructive criticism, hopefully my future work could be better than 'passable'. Yes, I've received pretty much all positive feedback for my stories. Comments like 'lovely', 'sweet', 'tasteful' are common, but that does slightly make me think I've been writing good romance but not necessarily sexy erotica.

It's really useful to know what might be working and what not so much. For my next story I think I might dial back some of the more florid language. I would appreciate any other comments from other people.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Now I've reached that far, I'd like a little feedback on what, really, literotica is all about. I know I'm an OK writer in other areas, but can I write a decent sex scene?

Here are some examples:

This chapter here: http://www.literotica.com/s/the-hermaphrodites-curse-ch-33

It's good, but there is one thing I think could be improved - just IMHO, take it or leave it as you will. I think it suffers a little from overwriting.

It was just like all those dreams, the waters of Salmacis washing his body and the soft touch of a beautiful woman bringing that body to life, every touch causing an electric tingling sensation to run right through him, causing blood to rush to his head, not to mention between his thighs.

IMHO, this would be more powerful if edited down to:

It was just like all those dreams, the waters of Salmacis washing his body and the touch of a woman bringing that body to life, every touch causing an electric sensation to run right through him, causing blood to rush to his head.

The bits I've deleted aren't necessary. They don't add anything to the impact of the story: if you write about "the touch of a woman" in this context, your reader is ALREADY imagining "soft" and "beautiful" without explicit prompting.

Sex should flow; it should keep your reader absorbed in the moment. Every word you write requires a little bit of mental processing that impedes that flow, so make sure every word earns its keep. Similarly, I might cut the next paragraph to something like this:

Only now, looking at the woman before him, he did not see the love goddess with her perfect features and flowing hair. Now he saw something that thrilled him even more: a girl with flame red hair, piercings and a body covered in tattoos, the girl who'd become more important than any image of a goddess.

And in dialog:

"Yeah, well, we're only here because deep down you always wanted a woman's body," she said, dismissively, "So, I guess that's good enough," she laughed, "Come on, what are you waiting for?"

...

"That's what Professor White knew all along," Saphy agreed, "It's not just the fountain, it's sex too that does it."

Avoid using dialog tags to convey information (including mood) that the dialog itself already conveys. In both these parts, and several others, you could do away with everything but the quoted text.

 

[ekompute]

Avoid using dialog tags to convey information (including mood) that the dialog itself already conveys. In both these parts, and several others, you could do away with everything but the quoted text.

That's a very enlightening piece of advice!!! Me making the same kind of mistake... guess it's due to lack of confidence.

 

[Cleophila]

It's good, but there is one thing I think could be improved - just IMHO, take it or leave it as you will. I think it suffers a little from overwriting.



IMHO, this would be more powerful if edited down to:



The bits I've deleted aren't necessary. They don't add anything to the impact of the story: if you write about "the touch of a woman" in this context, your reader is ALREADY imagining "soft" and "beautiful" without explicit prompting.

Sex should flow; it should keep your reader absorbed in the moment. Every word you write requires a little bit of mental processing that impedes that flow, so make sure every word earns its keep. Similarly, I might cut the next paragraph to something like this:



And in dialog:



Avoid using dialog tags to convey information (including mood) that the dialog itself already conveys. In both these parts, and several others, you could do away with everything but the quoted text.

Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely bear this in mind when writing my next story. I think you're in agreement with the previous commenter about finding some moments overwritten. I'll try and streamline things a bit in future.