can a big age difference work ?

[braingasm]

I am female and was having an affair with a guy who's almost half my age. I got to know my lover quite well and he wanted me to leave my spouse for him but for various reasons, I couldn't seem to go through with it- that is one of the major reasons the affair ended. Also I was afraid that I'd leave a long term marriage for what would maybe turn out to be a short term relationship once we made it legitimate. I just wasn't sure how things would go.

I really don't expect any sympathy from anyone here because I am married and I chose to have this affair. I don't regret the affair either. However, I don't think I can fix what went wrong with the affair... even though I dearly miss my lover.

The point I'm bringing up is that I am persistently sexually attracted to younger guys and want to know if any women have had long term relationships with them that have worked out for any significant length of time ?

Or am I just chasing a fantasy life which is likely to crash and burn ?

We all know that older man/ younger female thing happens a lot, marriages out of it too... and that it can last a long time between partners. But what about older woman/younger man relationships? What is the ultimate fate of a cougar like me in regards to relationships ?

Any helpful thoughts here or by PM would be appreciated.

 

[albertaboy]

Who knows, it works for some.

I think for a relationship to work long term it takes commitment from both parties, given you had an affair with the guy while you are in a long term relationship you should really ask yourself whether you have that kind of commitment.

 

[Etaski]

Just thinking in general....

My thought is it would be harder/more rare for the older woman/younger man relationship to work out than the older man/younger woman.

It's a given that the younger partner (either sex) will mature, their interests will change as they come to know better who they are.

This may or may not compliment an older partner (either sex).

But.

If the older man can take care of the younger woman (and her children?) in matters of wealth, status, stability, or support her chosen career choice if that's her preference, then that couple has a better possibility of going on long term.

Even if an older woman could take care of the younger man (i.e. resources are available)....that would likely not be what he was looking for, and he'd come to realize it sooner or later. There would also be a social stigma against it for both partners (making him feel like he was "not a man" or a loser or a leech for being supported by an older woman, or the woman being an idiot for babying a younger man--with the side-swipe of "she's just trying to hold on to her youth"...whether that's true or not, whether or not the affection is great enough to make that a non-issue.

Chances are the older woman would have to eventually confront changing her life to fit a man who was still growing into his.

And that would be really, really hard.

 

[subwannabe]

It can work, but only for a while. There's a huge percentage chance that when you turn into an old lady he will look elsewhere for his pleasures. More than likely it was mostly about sex. Long term relationships are about two people working together to iron out the curveballs that life throws at you. Like I said before, when life starts throwing you a curveball with wrinkles and sagging breasts and maybe lack of desire when you go through the "change", he will be long gone. Part of a successful "moving on" means not clinging to the past.

 

[TexasWife25]

I think it can work
however I do think its rare

Older man/ younger woman, works for a lot of reasons...but with a younger man, in the long term you have to think about what hes going to want in 5 or 10 years. Will he be upset with you(if you do) making more money then him, maybe supporting him? What about children? Will he want to start a family when its not something you want or are even capable of? As you age will he be embarrassed to introduce you to his coworkers and their young wives? Will you have anything in common with his friends? How will his/your family react, will they put strain on the relationship.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I believe that it will depend on the maturity of the individuals, not their chronological age. Age difference also means less the older both individuals are. A 20 yo and a 40 yo may not last long, but a 40 yo and 60 yo could be life partners.

 

[Kojote]

The point I'm bringing up is that I am persistently sexually attracted to younger guys and want to know if any women have had long term relationships with them that have worked out for any significant length of time ?

Or am I just chasing a fantasy life which is likely to crash and burn ?

A woman I know is close to 40 and likes her lovers to be in their early twens.
She likes their vitality and they tend to like her experience.
Personally I often find her lovers... a little dumb. Not much to discuss with them. But she doesn't mind and isn't into the long term thing either.

I think for something longer it would need a youngster who is at least intelligent enough to be interesting and participate in a converstation outside of the bed.
But that's me. And in fact there are young people who seem to have, what it would take for me.

And there are people my age that are not interesting enough. So I'd say the age may matter. But it isn't an insurmountable obstacle.

 

[amofiga]

Affairs with relatively significant age difference (10-15 years) can work. I'm not sure about 20-30 years difference. In any case, any affair should be entered into with eyes open and a firm hand on the emotional bridle.

Affairs are dangerous territory if both parties aren't aware of what their doing. They can be wonderful friendships and exciting sexual adventures that lead to fond memories and even lifelong friendships. However, if you get too emotionally involved (especially if one or both partners are married) they can can lead to disaster. I've experienced both extremes of the spectrum.

 

[StrayKat]

I am female and was having an affair with a guy who's almost half my age. I got to know my lover quite well and he wanted me to leave my spouse for him but for various reasons, I couldn't seem to go through with it- that is one of the major reasons the affair ended. Also I was afraid that I'd leave a long term marriage for what would maybe turn out to be a short term relationship once we made it legitimate. I just wasn't sure how things would go.

I really don't expect any sympathy from anyone here because I am married and I chose to have this affair. I don't regret the affair either. However, I don't think I can fix what went wrong with the affair... even though I dearly miss my lover.

The point I'm bringing up is that I am persistently sexually attracted to younger guys and want to know if any women have had long term relationships with them that have worked out for any significant length of time ?

Or am I just chasing a fantasy life which is likely to crash and burn ?

We all know that older man/ younger female thing happens a lot, marriages out of it too... and that it can last a long time between partners. But what about older woman/younger man relationships? What is the ultimate fate of a cougar like me in regards to relationships ?

Any helpful thoughts here or by PM would be appreciated.

I had the same kind of mostly online affair. It lasted 4 years, he was the age of my younger daughter.
I dont pursue younger guys, I actually like men of every age and even prefer a bit older ones. The thing is... it just happened. We had mutual interests, I found him exclusively smart, mature and sexy. He was the one actually taking steps to go further than friendship, he was assertive and confident enough to make me reconsider my age difference bias and capitulate.

I could say I was very much in love and probably not thinking straight. We were together through his studies, him making plans for our future, me trying not to even think further than the next day. When he finally got a job what made it possible for us to start living together, I chickened out. I just could not see any future for us.

Sadly I have no smart answer or advice for you. I can just say I know how you feel.

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, I think the social stigma is the biggest factor. The question is, how much added bullshit are you willing to deal with in addition to the normal, every day life bullshit to make it work?

 

[braingasm]

I really love the thoughts all of you have shared with me. Many facets you have addressed. Some I hadn't really thought through, and I thought I'd looked at every angle. I've found every bit of what you've written relevant.

I hope more people continue to share their thoughts with me.

 

[StrayKat]

Honestly, I think the social stigma is the biggest factor. The question is, how much added bullshit are you willing to deal with in addition to the normal, every day life bullshit to make it work?

For me the biggest factor was that my mind and body simply do not have that kind of reckless energy someone in their 20ies have. Sometimes I find it stimulating, more often I find it tiring. I am on my decline and older I get more I take life in small bites and chew for a long time enjoying the taste. He was wolfing down everything on the table and the prospect of him slowing down to keep up with me was not satisfying.
Even if we lived on the isolated island with no social contacts I believe that kind of gap would have ruined the relationship sooner or later.

 

[His_pet_slut]

As in any relationship, if the communication is open and honest and both want the same future with one another, I absolutely believe it can work. Actually, I have seen it work. More than once.

I currently know a man in his late 40's to maybe early 50's going through the anguish of watching his wife of 25 years die. She is 74.

A good friend was married to a man 17 years younger than she. They were married for 14 years when he sadly got cancer and died...those are just two examples. I know others.

When you look at overall statistics for longterm relationships and marriages, yes, the odds may be slightly against you, but isn't all of life a bit of a gamble?

 

[infinity706]

For me the biggest factor was that my mind and body simply do not have that kind of reckless energy someone in their 20ies have. Sometimes I find it stimulating, more often I find it tiring. I am on my decline and older I get more I take life in small bites and chew for a long time enjoying the taste. He was wolfing down everything on the table and the prospect of him slowing down to keep up with me was not satisfying.
Even if we lived on the isolated island with no social contacts I believe that kind of gap would have ruined the relationship sooner or later.

That sounds more like a compatability issue than an age one, necessarily. In my case, particularly, I'm only 25, but I'm so slow and deliberate that I sometimes irritate people 30-50 years older than me. It's not like I tend to ever do anything reckless other than the whole fucking a ton of people thing. Even then, though, I tend to get teased all the time regarding how anal I am about making sure it's safe.

 

[StrayKat]

That sounds more like a compatability issue than an age one, necessarily. In my case, particularly, I'm only 25, but I'm so slow and deliberate that I sometimes irritate people 30-50 years older than me. It's not like I tend to ever do anything reckless other than the whole fucking a ton of people thing. Even then, though, I tend to get teased all the time regarding how anal I am about making sure it's safe.

It is not the way you act. It is more about the way your mind works.
There *is* a difference between 25 and 45.

 

[Leon_k]

Yes big age difference *CAN* work provided that the hero is not a dumbass cheater like Aston Kutcher.
Why didnt Demi Moore pick me up? I would have become her lapdog for 24/7

 

[silverwhisper]

braingasm*, you're at very different places in your lives, given the kind of age difference you're describing.

you know what you want, have established yourself professionally and personally and understand what does or doesn't work for you, for the most part.

your partner at the time, by contrast, very likely is still figuring out both things. while that can be both good and bad (good: your presence may shape some of that; bad: he may become someone less interesting).

sexual attraction is one thing, but longer-term relationships kinda depend on the ability to establish and offer companionship, if you ask me.

if you're seeing this as being possible, that's great and you likely will be able to do this. and remember that partners in affairs are often on their best behavior, so you may not be getting the o so important "warts and all" insight into who someone is. it's easy to be romantic and charming when you aren't dealing with the day to day business of being in a relationship, too.

just a thought.

ed

*great username!

 

[braingasm]

I had the same kind of mostly online affair. It lasted 4 years, he was the age of my younger daughter.
I dont pursue younger guys, I actually like men of every age and even prefer a bit older ones. The thing is... it just happened. We had mutual interests, I found him exclusively smart, mature and sexy. He was the one actually taking steps to go further than friendship, he was assertive and confident enough to make me reconsider my age difference bias and capitulate.

I could say I was very much in love and probably not thinking straight. We were together through his studies, him making plans for our future, me trying not to even think further than the next day. When he finally got a job what made it possible for us to start living together, I chickened out. I just could not see any future for us.

Sadly I have no smart answer or advice for you. I can just say I know how you feel.

Thanks particularly for sharing your story. I imagine your affair ended badly? Were you married to someone else during this affair?

If you don't want to put more details about it here, please PM me.

Again, thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts. I will comment more when related thoughts about what you've said come to my mind.

Ed, thanks for the compliment about my user name.

 

[brunette1989]

I am female and was having an affair with a guy who's almost half my age. I got to know my lover quite well and he wanted me to leave my spouse for him but for various reasons, I couldn't seem to go through with it- that is one of the major reasons the affair ended. Also I was afraid that I'd leave a long term marriage for what would maybe turn out to be a short term relationship once we made it legitimate. I just wasn't sure how things would go.

I really don't expect any sympathy from anyone here because I am married and I chose to have this affair. I don't regret the affair either. However, I don't think I can fix what went wrong with the affair... even though I dearly miss my lover.

The point I'm bringing up is that I am persistently sexually attracted to younger guys and want to know if any women have had long term relationships with them that have worked out for any significant length of time ?

Or am I just chasing a fantasy life which is likely to crash and burn ?

We all know that older man/ younger female thing happens a lot, marriages out of it too... and that it can last a long time between partners. But what about older woman/younger man relationships? What is the ultimate fate of a cougar like me in regards to relationships ?

Any helpful thoughts here or by PM would be appreciated.

I may sound rude, but get out of your relationship if your thinking this way and have already cheated. It's not fair to the other person in that relationship. You can't have everything, having someone at home as a backup while you go and see if being with someone younger is better.

 

[braingasm]

I may sound rude, but get out of your relationship if your thinking this way and have already cheated. It's not fair to the other person in that relationship. You can't have everything, having someone at home as a backup while you go and see if being with someone younger is better.

You just sound factual and are stating your opinion not in a rude manner. Thank you and I know you are right.