Building up a tolerance?

[~Blacklace~]

(Im pretty sure this belongs in the cafe...but if not feel free to let me know)

Sheesh I dont even know how to start this but here goes....
I have a pattern you could say and Im wondering if its just me or do others go thru this. I find something that excites me, then it gets old for lack of a better word.
For example, I remember the first time I ever tried anal play, it was hot, I was hot, my heart was thumping in my chest, I was dripping. I loved it. I still love it, I still get off, but its just not quite the same. My panties arent drenched at the slightest touch anymore. You see what Im saying? Same thing with bondage, spanking, knife play, etc etc. Its kinda like I become immune to it. Not totally because I still love it all, but it seems to take more and more to get me places. Im searching for the right word here, its on the tip of my tongue and I cant think of it. Hubby said Im a thrill seeker, but I dont quite think thats it. Extremist maybe? Hell I dunno, all I know is something new drives me wild, but after awhile I need something else to get me going. I need more and more. Does this make sense? Ah tolerance was the word, its like I build up a tolerance to something.
Any thoughts?

 

[leeroy jenkins]

It sounds a bit like boredom. When its brand new to you just want to experience it all the time but slowly the newness wears off. I get bored rather easy so maybe you should abstain from that activity for a bit so you start to yearn for it again. The answer is short and sweet but this is what I do when I get tired of something I like to do.

 

[O'Mac]

I think immunitty can be a good word for it. I think the same thing happens eventually when you just become so used to a certain technique or fulfil a fantasy. Not much you can do other than to try new variantions on what you already know and coming up with totally new desires altogether. I think this "immunity" to existing kinks is whats makes some people outside of the lifestyle a little wary of those who do practise BDSM. After all, if whips and chains don't satisfy someone after a while, what's next? As much of a proponent of sexual liberalism as I am, I do agree that there are lines which should never be crossed. By constantly rasing the bar of what turns us on, there is always the possibility of crossing these lines.

 

[the captians wench]

I think a lot of people deal with this. When something is new there's the thrill of, well trying something new. New is always exciting, partly because you don't really have anything to compare it to I think. New is a bit unknown and the unknown can have fear attached to it, even if it's a wanted new. Once that newness wears, and that bit of fear of the unknown is gone, it just doesn't have the same punch. Same goes with any sort of sex I think. That's why married couples are always trying to "bring back the spice" by trying something a bit more exciting.

but that's just my thoughts

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think immunitty can be a good word for it. I think the same thing happens eventually when you just become so used to a certain technique or fulfil a fantasy. Not much you can do other than to try new variantions on what you already know and coming up with totally new desires altogether. I think this "immunity" to existing kinks is whats makes some people outside of the lifestyle a little wary of those who do practise BDSM. After all, if whips and chains don't satisfy someone after a while, what's next? As much of a proponent of sexual liberalism as I am, I do agree that there are lines which should never be crossed. By constantly rasing the bar of what turns us on, there is always the possibility of crossing these lines.

I think we agree on this. I think it's kinda like an addiction and when that activity no longer fits the bill, we look for another more exciting buzz.

Except, I've kinda outgrown that now. It's not the props and the equipment that I need... you know, like the whips and chains thing. I prefer the mental part of it and having someone get me higher that way. To use an over used phrase, I guess it's all about the mind fuck that I need now.

 

[graceanne]

Gotta say I hear you. It's one of the reasons that me and K aren't in a huge rush to experience everything all at once. Nothing is ever as good as the first time you do it.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

You are wise grasshopper.

It is a case of sysyematic desensitization, pure and simple.
d

It sounds a bit like boredom. When its brand new to you just want to experience it all the time but slowly the newness wears off. I get bored rather easy so maybe you should abstain from that activity for a bit so you start to yearn for it again. The answer is short and sweet but this is what I do when I get tired of something I like to do.

 

[riverofshudder]

(Im pretty sure this belongs in the cafe...but if not feel free to let me know)

Sheesh I dont even know how to start this but here goes....
I have a pattern you could say and Im wondering if its just me or do others go thru this. I find something that excites me, then it gets old for lack of a better word.
For example, I remember the first time I ever tried anal play, it was hot, I was hot, my heart was thumping in my chest, I was dripping. I loved it. I still love it, I still get off, but its just not quite the same. My panties arent drenched at the slightest touch anymore. You see what Im saying? Same thing with bondage, spanking, knife play, etc etc. Its kinda like I become immune to it. Not totally because I still love it all, but it seems to take more and more to get me places. Im searching for the right word here, its on the tip of my tongue and I cant think of it. Hubby said Im a thrill seeker, but I dont quite think thats it. Extremist maybe? Hell I dunno, all I know is something new drives me wild, but after awhile I need something else to get me going. I need more and more. Does this make sense? Ah tolerance was the word, its like I build up a tolerance to something.
Any thoughts?

I don't think it's an issue of tolerance. It's more an issue of experience. One can have an idea (fantasy) in there head for a long long time and when you finally get it part of the appeal shuts off due to having had it. The next time some of the appeal of the "new" is gone and it gets less and less each time. Many move onto something new, something more extreme or even the same thing with a new person. It's natural. Once you get what you want (regardless of the context) you want something else, something more...the thrill of the new again.

The true test to me is if I've done something over and over and still enjoy it (like bondage, after 12 years I still adore tying someone up) I consider it one of my fetishes. Other things are mere kinks unless they work their way into my establish tastes. I've done many things, some that were super hot to me in concept but in reality they are just not as fun (i.e. giving enemas)...but everything is a learning experience and sometimes you just need to try it to see if you like it. If you keep liking it all the better.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

My opinion is a closer to ADR's.

For me the 'craving' falls at the feet of the one your sharing the experience with, not the experience in immunity.

If you contend with a focus that begins and ends with your dominant its possible the simplest touch, sound or site can be profound at times.

Its 'mind fuck' and a little more

 

[FurryFury]

"The mind fuck, simply the best fuck there is."

Makes for a nice tag line doesn't it?

I have a tendency to become obsessed with certain activities, new things and so on. Sometimes the interest in the new thing fades. Sometimes I squelch it when my husband is not into it. Sometimes they persist such as with spanking and anal sex. Sometimes I become obsessed with something simply because I know it will please him and I want to do a good job of it.

A very few things were not what they were cracked up to be and had to be tried over and over until they were.

What people who always want new things, and I tend this way, sometimes fail to recognize is that it can always be new with each application. You only have to look at it that way to make it fresh, virginal and new again.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

(Im pretty sure this belongs in the cafe...but if not feel free to let me know)

... all I know is something new drives me wild, but after awhile I need something else to get me going. I need more and more. Does this make sense? Ah tolerance was the word, its like I build up a tolerance to something.
Any thoughts?

Yes, and it's a pattern that psychologists and psychiatrists see everyday.

It's called addiction.

Whenever we are addicted to something, we build up a tolerance and it takes more of the stuff to get us the same buzz. Like nicotene, caffiene, heroin or any other chemical, our minds and bodies build up a tolerance for endorphins and adrenaline. The new "exciting" activity is just a way of dumping more of the chemical soup in our systems.

There are a number of things that can be done, all of them require work on your part. You can break the pattern by going "cold turkey". You can adjust your attitude so that you are content with the pleasure you receive from the things you like without having to find that "thrill" of the new activity. You can try getting the adrenaline rush from non-BDSM/sexual activity (take up sky-diving or mountain climbing for example).

Or you may continue to try riskier and riskier sexual behaviour until you end up in jail, a hospital, or worst case scenario, the morgue. This is not to imply that you have a death wish or anything of the sort, but accidents can and do happen. The riskier the activity, the greater the likelihood of something going badly wrong.

I found that being content in my life is a wonderful thing! *grin* I have no desire to throw myself out of working airplanes now!

 

[FurryFury]

I do! I want to go sky diving! *L*

Fury

 

[~Blacklace~]

I think immunitty can be a good word for it. I think the same thing happens eventually when you just become so used to a certain technique or fulfil a fantasy. Not much you can do other than to try new variantions on what you already know and coming up with totally new desires altogether. I think this "immunity" to existing kinks is whats makes some people outside of the lifestyle a little wary of those who do practise BDSM. After all, if whips and chains don't satisfy someone after a while, what's next? As much of a proponent of sexual liberalism as I am, I do agree that there are lines which should never be crossed. By constantly rasing the bar of what turns us on, there is always the possibility of crossing these lines.

I couldnt agree more, and thats where my worry comes in you know. And leads me to the question, is the desensitization that which leads some to the kink, or an unfortunate by-product of the lifestyle? Egg or chicken, if you will.

My opinion is a closer to ADR's.

For me the 'craving' falls at the feet of the one your sharing the experience with, not the experience in immunity.

If you contend with a focus that begins and ends with your dominant its possible the simplest touch, sound or site can be profound at times.

Its 'mind fuck' and a little more

And again I totally agree, its a mindset for me. Walking up to me outta the blue while Im doing the dishes and smacking my ass does not excite me a bit. Would in fact piss me off lol. But if Im there in my head first, bent over his knee, now thats a diff story.

 

[~Blacklace~]

Yes, and it's a pattern that psychologists and psychiatrists see everyday.

It's called addiction.

Whenever we are addicted to something, we build up a tolerance and it takes more of the stuff to get us the same buzz. Like nicotene, caffiene, heroin or any other chemical, our minds and bodies build up a tolerance for endorphins and adrenaline. The new "exciting" activity is just a way of dumping more of the chemical soup in our systems.

There are a number of things that can be done, all of them require work on your part. You can break the pattern by going "cold turkey". You can adjust your attitude so that you are content with the pleasure you receive from the things you like without having to find that "thrill" of the new activity. You can try getting the adrenaline rush from non-BDSM/sexual activity (take up sky-diving or mountain climbing for example).

Or you may continue to try riskier and riskier sexual behaviour until you end up in jail, a hospital, or worst case scenario, the morgue. This is not to imply that you have a death wish or anything of the sort, but accidents can and do happen. The riskier the activity, the greater the likelihood of something going badly wrong.

I found that being content in my life is a wonderful thing! *grin* I have no desire to throw myself out of working airplanes now!

Good thoughts Geoff, fortunately Im sure I dont have it that bad lol! Our lifestyle isnt as some would say 'extreme' thankfully or perhaps I would be in more trouble. But therein lies my point, there are some things we dont do for the simple fact of I dont want to get 'addicted' and end up on the extreme end of things. Ive seen the extremes that some go to and I would rather not.
And I do wish it was as easy as quit doing whatever it is, till its new again, but theres no way in hell we are going to just quit having sex ya know .