Brief Moment feedback?

[jack30341]

Would love to hear.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Would love to hear.

Betcha would! Now what would you LIKE to hear? Feed back on a poem mebe? Hows about a link to the poem then?






ETA: Did it for you... Brief Moment

 

[MickNasty]

Betcha would! Now what would you LIKE to hear? Feed back on a poem mebe? Hows about a link to the poem then?


ETA: Did it for you... Brief Moment

I'm a poetry neophyte so take what I suggest with a grain of salt I will try to pass on to you some of the things I've learned since posting to this site - huge help from so many people here!

On the positive, I really enjoyed the image you create. I can see this brief event unfold in the 2 seconds it took for the towel to be adjusted.

now for the constructive I felt that the meter was a bit clumsy and some of the rhyme was a bit awkward. The parts that caught me off guard were where your scheme changed from abcb to aaba. The other thing I would look at is the number of words used to convey an image. I've learned from the folks here that less can really be more.

One of the things that's really made me try to improve is experimenting with various forms. It really does make you exercise your thought muscles to express an idea into a form.

Thanks for the read - that is one of my favorite subjects

Mick.