BREAKING: Third Assassination Attempt on President Trump

[deckardB26354]

Third Assassination Attempt on President Trump

September 17, 2024
By Chloe Tzang, cub reporter
www.gatewaydumbshit.commie

Tuesday - Miami, Florida - A third assassination attempt was made on former president Donold Trump as he was planning to visit another of his golf properties in Southern Florida on Tuesday morning. The gunman, 96-year old Floyd Turbot, was arrested in his home in Jacksonville early this morning in a raid carried out by the US Secret Service. A number of weapons were removed from the home including an unloaded .22 rifle, a rusted pellet gun, and a Nerf rocket launcher. Turbot was led out of his home in handcuffs and when asked why he wanted to kill the former president by the throng of reporters, he said he didn’t know what was happening as he was quickly pushed roughly into a nearby police car.

A Secret Service spokesperson stated that they had heard that people were saying that someone in Jacksonville had a gun and intended to use it on the former president. As they searched the city, they zeroed in on Turbot’s home—who had not updated his political campaign lawn sign to reflect the current election year. They then made a forced entry and removed Turbot from his home at 3:37 am. He will be charged with illegal ownership of a weapon and the attempted attempt of thinking about assassinating someone that was once president.

When reached for comment, the former president stated that he was looking forward to playing golf today and that the “agents of Commie Kamala Harris can’t hide from my beautiful Secret Service guys.”

(I thought I would try to post something as stupid as the shit that Chloe, Wat, Durpy, lessHomo, et. al clog up this board with.)

 

[schism666]

The gunman, 96-year old Floyd Turbot

i did not believe vetteman was that old

 

[butters]

gotta love the name Floyd Turbot... all that's missing is an 'the III'

 

[RobDownSouth]

gotta love the name Floyd Turbot... all that's missing is an 'the III'

Hate to spoil a well-written satire, but Floyd Turbo was a recurring character sketch on the old Johnny Carson Tonight show back in the 1970s and 1980s.

Carson would put on a plaid flannel jacket and hat and lampooned both conservatives and libertarians with taped "editorials".

 

[Wylie3]

This sounds like a looney tunes episode all you need is the keystone cops running the show. Hell even Bugs Bunny wouldn't be worried by this 96 year old, what's the chances the next guy trying to assassinate Trump is a Blind and Deaf guy.

 

[deckardB26354]

Hate to spoil a well-written satire, but Floyd Turbo was a recurring character sketch on the old Johnny Carson Tonight show back in the 1970s and 1980s.

Carson would put on a plaid flannel jacket and hat and lampooned both conservatives and libertarians with taped "editorials".

I’m glad someone noticed that. Carson perfectly portrayed Floyd as a stupid conservative gun nut. Not unlike Wat, Durpy, ShitCoveredFuckToy, and Chloe.

 

[butters]

I’m glad someone noticed that. Carson perfectly portrayed Floyd as a stupid conservative gun nut. Not unlike Wat, Durpy, ShitCoveredFuckToy, and Chloe.

i miss a lot of cultural references, being an immigrant

 

[deckardB26354]

i miss a lot of cultural references, being an immigrant

Well then, here ya go. Watch him channel Wat perfectly.

 

[ByteMe13]

They say the third time is a charm

 

[deckardB26354]

 

[ChloeTzang]

Third Assassination Attempt on President Trump

September 17, 2024
By Chloe Tzang, cub reporter
www.gatewaydumbshit.commie

Tuesday - Miami, Florida - A third assassination attempt was made on former president Donold Trump as he was planning to visit another of his golf properties in Southern Florida on Tuesday morning. The gunman, 96-year old Floyd Turbot, was arrested in his home in Jacksonville early this morning in a raid carried out by the US Secret Service. A number of weapons were removed from the home including an unloaded .22 rifle, a rusted pellet gun, and a Nerf rocket launcher. Turbot was led out of his home in handcuffs and when asked why he wanted to kill the former president by the throng of reporters, he said he didn’t know what was happening as he was quickly pushed roughly into a nearby police car.

A Secret Service spokesperson stated that they had heard that people were saying that someone in Jacksonville had a gun and intended to use it on the former president. As they searched the city, they zeroed in on Turbot’s home—who had not updated his political campaign lawn sign to reflect the current election year. They then made a forced entry and removed Turbot from his home at 3:37 am. He will be charged with illegal ownership of a weapon and the attempted attempt of thinking about assassinating someone that was once president.

When reached for comment, the former president stated that he was looking forward to playing golf today and that the “agents of Commie Kamala Harris can’t hide from my beautiful Secret Service guys.”

(I thought I would try to post something as stupid as the shit that Chloe, Wat, Durpy, lessHomo, et. al clog up this board with.)

not too bad LOL, just the sig wrong. But highly accurate reporting, absolutely

Chloe "Chicongo" Tzang

 

[LLCox]

96 years old... Floyd's got moxie.

 

[RobDownSouth]

i miss a lot of cultural references, being an immigrant

I have to admit that one was a rather obscure one. I had to check it against Google as I sorta-kinda recalled it.

Having said that, turnabout is fair play:

Last week on TikTok a frustrated youngish American woman had an exasperated request: How does an English woman wash dishes? This was evidently very important to her and I didn't "get the joke" if there even was one?

Can you help out us culturally ignorant Yanks?

 

[butters]

I have to admit that one was a rather obscure one. I had to check it against Google as I sorta-kinda recalled it.

Having said that, turnabout is fair play:

Last week on TikTok a frustrated youngish American woman had an exasperated request: How does an English woman wash dishes? This was evidently very important to her and I didn't "get the joke" if there even was one?

Can you help out us culturally ignorant Yanks?

i think that's referring to the fact the majority of brit households don't have dishwashers so it's normal to wash dishes in the sink. by hand i would guess this was a play on the 'entitled' americans not seeing dishwashers in the houses.

Before i left, that was a growing trend (having dishwashers), but the majority of brit houses are small compared to american ones and a dishwasher takes up space needed for other stuff.

 

[Ciceri]

gotta love the name Floyd Turbot... all that's missing is an 'the III'

I like that name. Is it tur-bot or turbo?

 

[Ciceri]

View attachment 2393865

TFG needs to hear the prison doors close behind him. He needs to be fit to stand trial, convicted and sentenced to prison. I'm hoping he stays healthy enough to see that day

 

[DeluxAuto]