Boyfriends

[LadyCibelle]

Amen, sister.

As an aside, I honestly don't think that anyone that knows me would agree with the "stupid" assessment.

Nope "Stupid" isnt part of the vocabulary I use when I speak and think of you.

 

[LadyCibelle]

It's not about the bad boys vs the nice guys.
The nice guys can be just as big of an asshole as the bad boys... they just hide it better.

Oh... and as long as we are there.....
Wanna know why some of us women don't look at the nice guys.... or guys that others think are nice guys.... throw us into a crowded room with a bunch of people... make sure there are PLENTY of those waif skinny girls running around that for some reason seem to turn heads... and then ask us plumper girls again why we at times take 'what we can get' even if its the bad boy.

Take off your blinders.... sometimes the nice girls are packaged inside of something that you might not look at..... when guys start seeing with their hearts instead of their cocks.... maybe... some of this will stop.

I think I'm in love with you Eli. In just a few words you've made into my list of wonderful woman.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Let's not forget, abuse is control.

 

[Recidiva]

Let's not forget, abuse is control.

Being abused is control too.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Being abused is control too.

Define please?

 

[Recidiva]

Define please?

A person being abused is going to think for both parties. They'll use thought to solve the problems, not action. They will condemn the actions of the other person, and they'll outlove them, outunderstand them, be superior. They won't resort to violence, to hatred, they'll be better.

They're superior somehow. They control them in a different way. They win.

 

[cloudy]

A person being abused is going to think for both parties. They'll use thought to solve the problems, not action. They will condemn the actions of the other person, and they'll outlove them, outunderstand them, be superior. They won't resort to violence, to hatred, they'll be better.

They're superior somehow. They control them in a different way. They win.

It's not worth winning, believe me.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

A person being abused is going to think for both parties. They'll use thought to solve the problems, not action. They will condemn the actions of the other person, and they'll outlove them, outunderstand them, be superior. They won't resort to violence, to hatred, they'll be better.

They're superior somehow. They control them in a different way. They win.

Okay I get that.

But I feel they win if they survive.

 

[Recidiva]

It's not worth winning, believe me.

Both sides are worth comprehending.

 

[Recidiva]

Okay I get that.

But I feel they win if they survive.

Yeah, but maybe some of those bullies needed to have a victim or two beat the shit out of them.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Yeah, but maybe some of those bullies needed to have a victim or two beat the shit out of them.

Very true, but sadly in most cases women who have killed their abusers have ended up in prison. It's a vicious cycle.

 

[Recidiva]

Very true, but sadly in most cases women who have killed their abusers have ended up in prison. It's a vicious cycle.

I didn't say kill. But violence is a language. Even dolphins know well enough to butt the crap out of sharks. You have to be willing to speak it when someone comes around talking that shit.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I didn't say kill. But violence is a language. Even dolphins know well enough to butt the crap out of sharks. You have to be willing to speak it when someone comes around talking that shit.

then it is a cycle. Violence used to stop violence.

 

[entitled]

I didn't say kill. But violence is a language. Even dolphins know well enough to butt the crap out of sharks. You have to be willing to speak it when someone comes around talking that shit.

You also have to realize that it's happening before you hit the point of bottoming out. If you don't realize what's going on, you don't fight back.

 

[Recidiva]

You also have to realize that it's happening before you hit the point of bottoming out. If you don't realize what's going on, you don't fight back.

Yes. That's the point that I mean. If you let someone get you to the point where you too believe that you're worthless, you're on their side already. You've bullied yourself and you're just the same person now.

That sick nauseated point where you realize you've been lied to is one thing. That's the point where you have to decide to fight back, not sink into it and go along with it.

You don't relax into the shark's teeth, you give him a bloody nose.

 

[Guest]

I think I'm in love with you Eli. In just a few words you've made into my list of wonderful woman.

There are many factores that go into the whys of these relationships... I cannot and will not be told that I am a bitch/jerk/asshole/insert other nasty name because someone thinks that I won't go for the nice guys.

I want the personality of the man... the soul of him, I will slow down and make sure that I see what is inside because I don't give a fig if he looks like an Adonis... if his insides are shit I don't want him anywhere near me

By the same token if I was ugly inside then I wouldnt' expect to be with someone nice either....

but I know me inside, I know some amazingly stunning women on the inside... they are so beautiful, wonderful and outstanding I am in awe of them

HOWEVER
the packaging... is what makes those guys that only see with their eyes shrug and go onto the next girl.... WE.... the girls that are happy being alittle plumper, are happy with our large breasts and our hips that are soft and curvy, that are happy with that gentle roll on the front of our bodies, the ones that can smile and say "I am soft, warm and gentle to touch"..... WE watch some of those nice guys go over to the trashy mean nasty girls... and get shot down because those ugly bitches (insides) are the ones that make you form your opinions of all women.... they turn you down and then head off to those bad boys... and you paint ALL of us with that brush, you tell all of us that we are horrible, stupid and whatever else because one or two of those hags did that.....

I am NOT buying that we are all that way because I KNOW that we are

 

[entitled]

It's not just the plump ones that do that, Liz. Life has taught some of us little bitty stick-thin people not to look at the outside of the package. It's not our fault if we pass by the lookers for the little dork hiding behind the tree - it's just better to not have to deal with the attitudes and to spend a little time with somebody whose personality makes it all worthwhile.

 

[Guest]

A person being abused is going to think for both parties. They'll use thought to solve the problems, not action. They will condemn the actions of the other person, and they'll outlove them, outunderstand them, be superior. They won't resort to violence, to hatred, they'll be better.

They're superior somehow. They control them in a different way. They win.

Ya know I had to reread this several times....
I am trying really hard to NOT get upset reading this trying to understand what you were saying.... so I asked a friend, actually called someone up on the phone and read the threads to them and then finally this post because I reallllllllly was hot....

They said: "It sounds like they are in the BDSM lifestyle and are looking at this as from the point of view of a sub/slave having the control in the relationship... "abuse" as part of the lifestyle not the abuse of an actual "abusive relationship" when you look at it from that point of view then yes it would see that its a control thing both ways.... but from the point of you that your seeing it Lizzy its completely different"

The abused person is not in control...
the whole "trick" to keeping an abused person in that position is to take away their self esteem, their ability to think for themselves, their will to live outside of the relationship, their backbone in any fashion.... they are stripped bare, hollowed out, and then when and IF they actually ever realize what is happening to them.... they don't have enough wherewithall to actually pull or push themselves out of the relationship... they are so brainwashed so destroyed inside that sometimes they can never ever leave.... but the few... the lucky ones... the ones that either have someone that sees it and offers to help.... or a counselor or someone that simply says look your done with this and your leaving now and I will help you..... and some.... a few actually will have an epiphany one day... and realize that they have to leave.... and they work hard to get there

 

[Guest]

Okay I get that.

But I feel they win if they survive.

All survivors win... every time another abuse victim turns into a survivor... every single time

 

[Guest]

Very true, but sadly in most cases women who have killed their abusers have ended up in prison. It's a vicious cycle.

Oh yes.. my favorite....
a woman kills a man that has been beating the hell out of her.... out of her kids...

and what do the courts do....

put her in jail for escessive force, convict her for murder because she killed him while he was sleeping.... berate and belittle her by saying well why didn't you just leave.... make the abuse victim the aggressor and the poor innocent dead man the victim... oh poor them

 

[Recidiva]

Ya know I had to reread this several times....
I am trying really hard to NOT get upset reading this trying to understand what you were saying.... so I asked a friend, actually called someone up on the phone and read the threads to them and then finally this post because I reallllllllly was hot....

They said: "It sounds like they are in the BDSM lifestyle and are looking at this as from the point of view of a sub/slave having the control in the relationship... "abuse" as part of the lifestyle not the abuse of an actual "abusive relationship" when you look at it from that point of view then yes it would see that its a control thing both ways.... but from the point of you that your seeing it Lizzy its completely different"

The abused person is not in control...
the whole "trick" to keeping an abused person in that position is to take away their self esteem, their ability to think for themselves, their will to live outside of the relationship, their backbone in any fashion.... they are stripped bare, hollowed out, and then when and IF they actually ever realize what is happening to them.... they don't have enough wherewithall to actually pull or push themselves out of the relationship... they are so brainwashed so destroyed inside that sometimes they can never ever leave.... but the few... the lucky ones... the ones that either have someone that sees it and offers to help.... or a counselor or someone that simply says look your done with this and your leaving now and I will help you..... and some.... a few actually will have an epiphany one day... and realize that they have to leave.... and they work hard to get there

Yes, but they've reached that epiphany not by suddenly dropping everything, but by climbing a mountain they chose to climb.

Everyone takes a journey through their lives and what may be obvious to you may not be to another. What they may be learning or what I may be living can't be judged.

Religion or BDSM can look like simple brainwashing or schizophrenia, but it can also represent very complicated intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual challenges we present to ourselves to overcome.

Yes, going to the gym can look like we're torturing our muscles for some sick reason. But other people get that torturing our muscles builds them, and no pain, no gain.

Some people choose to stay in abusive relationships because they genuinely do wish to love and understand their abuser and also themselves. They want to give them the time to climb their own mountain, and absorb their pain, and sometimes they do. That sort of love really can't be dismissed as sick, there's good and bad and complicated in human relationships. Their lives are their crucible, the pain and pressure they use to purify and understand themselves. They don't want pretty and shiny and easy necessarily.

I absorb pain for my kids all the time. That's what families do, we absorb pain for each other a lot, we do that for spouses and children and parents and siblings. So who is to say for another when that is taking it too far? It's not that easy, some people choose to absorb too much pain, okay. But they think they're being brave and they want to be brave. Honor that and don't just call them weak, they're being very strong in the way they choose. That's the control they choose.

 

[entitled]

Diva, i think you're only seeing half of the possibilities. Lizzie, i think you're seeing the other half. That's just my opinion, take it as you will.

Some people do choose to stay in an abusive relationship because they want to help the abuser. Others choose to stay in the relationship because they have honestly lost all hope and have become spiritless husks.

Some people reach the epiphany through making themselves climb that inner mountain. Others reach it more as a revelation - one little thing happens and reality slaps them across the face.

Diva, the kind of 'abusive' relationship you seem to be describing really is much closer to a BDSM type relationship that's based more on a forced sadism and masochism stint than some other BDSM relationships. Both of them are there because they want to be.

Lizzi, what you seem to be describing is what i personally consider to be true abuse. There is no consent to it at all. The relationship is based on fear and pain, not on the need for two people to be there for each other (even if being there for each other means being there for physical and emotional aggression).

 

[Recidiva]

Well, I'm not writing a treatise, I can't really say everything I'm thinking, that'd take up too much room

The subject is about nice guys and nice women and abusive women and abusive guys.

I was raised by abusive but nice people.

I think lots of people are abusive but nice people.

It's possible I'm an abusive but nice person.

It's possible that balance in life means you have to be able to be abusive when necessary and nice when you can because that's what makes life worth living.

I'm a fan of abusive because that's what Darwin pretty much said life makes you...fit and a survivor...but nice because that's what feels good.

Balance means you can do both.

So a good set of teeth and a nice smile, but if you're missing one, you're missing something important.

I was nothing but sweet and scared until I had kids, and then I got tougher because I had to protect them. I didn't get that when I was a kid because my parents were busy protecting me and now I'm grateful.

 

[woodnymph_O]

you know what scares me most is how good most of the abusive ones are at PLAYING the nice guy, maybe going for the nice guy is the prolem. I've know people who seemed to be asshols who were nicer in the end

 

[Recidiva]

you know what scares me most is how good most of the abusive ones are at PLAYING the nice guy, maybe going for the nice guy is the prolem. I've know people who seemed to be asshols who were nicer in the end

Yes, that is definitely part of my point.

Liars are exceedingly good at looking good.