Boyfriend

[sahara2253]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and I'm debating on how to tell him that I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom with the guy being dom. I don't believe he would be totally put off by it, I believe his nature is such that he would enjoy it if he gives it a chance. Is it too soon to talk about this? If not, what is the best way to broach the subject. I don't want to over do it and scare him off it.

Thanks
Sahara

 

[Zoots_owner]

Well guys, what's the consensus? If a woman who you were having a sexual relationship with offered submission in the bedroom, would you be bothered by that?

My vote is: "Bothered? Are you kidding me?"

 

[jtf71961]

Make the suggestion and hint around. See how he feels about it and you should get sometime of reaction good or bad. I am a guy that wouldnt mind a woman like that in the bedroom.

 

[SweetErika]

Needs, likes, dislikes, etc., are better expressed sooner rather than later, IMO. That doesn't mean you have to give each other laundry lists of these things, but sharing the important info will help you figure out how well you fit together and avoid getting stuck in a relationship you're unhappy with down the road.

Therefore, I think you should tell him you enjoy a man who takes charge in the bedroom, and discuss what that could entail for you, now. Ask if he'd be willing to tie you up, forcefully seduce you, show his animalistic side, spank you, or whatever it is you want/need. Give him time to think about it if need be, and encourage him to ask any questions he might have.

Ask him if you two could explore the BDSM Talk forum here (look through the BDSM Library and threads together) and keep the lines of communication open. Think about your limits - he'll probably want to know them and take some other steps to avoid harming you, even though you may have to suggest them (A LOT of men shy away from domination, rougher sex, etc., because they're taught these kinds of things are wrong and harmful to women, so be prepared to address his fears and come up with solutions that keep you safe and make him feel comfortable).

If this is something he's remotely comfortable with, I don't think there's harm in acting submissive and giving him lots of positive feedback/reinforcement when he does things you like. Ask him what he wants, offer a blowjob when he's relaxing, take positions that make you feel submissive, tap into your submissive fantasies during sex, tell him how great XYZ was, etc. Don't try to manipulate him; do show him the benefits of D/s and convey how much you enjoy it.

 

[thirty]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and I'm debating on how to tell him that I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom with the guy being dom. I don't believe he would be totally put off by it, I believe his nature is such that he would enjoy it if he gives it a chance. Is it too soon to talk about this? If not, what is the best way to broach the subject. I don't want to over do it and scare him off it.

Thanks
Sahara

I guess you can just use your body language: your boyfriend will read it.

Another way is to talk about it during sex, tell him how much you enjoy when he is in dom.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

As always, stellar advice from Erika.

You don't have to dive off the deep end with this. Try something simple like suggesting he ties you up with scarves, blindfolds you and teases you with different sensations. Afterwards tell him that it was really hot letting him take control and ask him if he enjoyed it. You can lead him into this gently.

Be aware, that once you open up about your fantasies, he will probably start confessing his. It may be that he would also enjoy being dominated and controlled, would you be prepared to switch around and do that to keep you both happy? Keep communication open and remember that everything should be quid pro quo. If you want him to explore your fantasies and desires, you should be prepared to make a few of his a reality in return. If you both enter into this with a generous spirit and desire to please, this could be a really enjoyable time of discovery for you both as a couple.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree that talking about it sooner rather than later is best. I don't mean on the second or third date but certainly after a few months you are probably already past due. I would drop not so subtle hints at times when you are doing other things like walking out in public. Some probably wouldn't agree with this approach but it would really turn me on as a man if I were eating dinner with my girlfriend and a woman walked by with her man and I heard my girlfriend comment about the collar the woman was wearing and that she must be submissive and say something like, "I bet she really likes being his slave". It doesn't necessarily have to be like a real collar, maybe just some fashion design and you are jumping to conclusions which may or may not be true. There are plenty of things which could happen in real life where you could "jump to conclusions" about people you see and say it in a way that really puts thoughts in your boyfriend's mind. You could also whisper comments, not necessarily at your boyfriend, but that he could hear, something like, "Lucky girl!" or "that really makes me wet thinking about the relationship they have". Hearing this he would no doubt be thinking that even if those people might not really be like that, obviously you must really have this on your mind. It would really turn me on. In this scenario you have a few different outcomes.

1. he isn't into it or is really thick and thinks you are just making comments about others.

2. he starts thinking that maybe you might be interested in this and he doesn't really know what to do from here and is afraid to talk to you about it, in which case you may have to do an obvious communication and bring your desires out in the open

3. he takes the hint and runs with the ball on his own

Many others would say to just talk to him openly about this and communicate with your partner but I personally feel my thoughts on the subject would add a bunch of excitement for the both of you, leading up to fulfilling your desire, and probably his too.

 

[coastal-boy]

why don't you just try a little taste without him knowing and see where it goes? If you don't know how to initiate it...start with several different "role play" nights, one of which is a sub/dom...then you have something to talk about that opens the door to exploring more intense possibilites. Play bad cop...and you need to earn not getting that ticket (after you are handcuffed of course) or a student who NEEDS that passing grade

 

[sahara2253]

Thanks for all the good advice. I will keep it in mind next time we are together.

 

[10000DAYS]

From a male point of view....

All you have to do is ask!

Just tell him what you like! It may sound crazy, but it really is that simple. Especially considering what you are asking! I don't know a man in the world who be freaked out by that!!!

I've dated a couple girls who were too shy, or a little intimidated to ask for things concerning sex; but once they did, or I coaxed it out of them, our relationships always changed for the better!

Good luck!

 

[Techomancer]

Since you like to be submissive, this might be a bit tough. Be direct and honest. Ask him if there is something he'd like to do that you two haven't done yet as well. Sort of a sex quid pro quo. If you want him to tie you down, maybe he wants you to dress like a nurse.

Even if you don't like everything, you'll have fun finding out.