Boyfriend insistent upon threesome

[vanillapod]

Hi there, I'd like some advice on MFF threesomes... my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs is quite keen to have one. He says it's because I told him I'd like to kiss and touch another girl, and because I told him a fantasy of mine was to have a threesome. Hope I don't sound like a prude, but while I'm interested in the idea of kissing and touching another girl, I'm definately not comfortable with the idea of me and him in bed with another girl!

He says we should have some fun before we're too old to have any (I'm 21 and he is 24). He also said that I don't "need to worry about who of the two girls [me and the other] he stays with".

I am just very uncomfortable with the idea... a fantasy is all well and good, but of course you have the practicalities of a threesome to deal with. Who to choose (a stranger or a friend), the emotional dynamics after the deed is done, etc etc. I also have a high-paying professional job which I am not keen to lose should any "scandal" leak out to my colleagues and bosses! And to be honest, I really do NOT want my boyfriend to kiss or touch another girl.

Now, when I asked him about a MMF threesome, he balked. He said that a MFF would be "equal fun" for all parties concerned as I like tongue. An MMF would be of "no benefit" to him... when I pressed the idea of an MMF, he became defensive and asked if I had someone already in mind, and if I wanted a threesome or just the chance to have sex with another man.

For me, I feel that kissing and touching another girl, and threesomes in all forms remain simply fantasies. My boyfriend now thinks I just told him these fantasies to show off how adventurous I am to him. I feel he is getting bored with just a one-on-one sex life

Could I please have some advice from those who know more about threesomes than I do? Maybe someone who has done it before?

 

[_Milky_Whites_]

Ive not been in this position before but I will say that you BF is wrong for pushing this issue so hard. We all have fantasies, but that doesnt mean that it is something we would really act on.
Notice how he showed signs of jealousy when you mentioned mmf? But he would expect you to watch as he touched another woman? If you arent interested I would say to give him a firm and final NO. Then refuse to discuss the subject any farther. There are other ways to spice up your sex life. And if he is becoming bored with one on one sex it may be time for you to move on. There are better and more mature men out there who would never tire of you and you alone.

 

[Ylvie]

i

 

[Angel Undercover]

shoe on the other foot......or is it???

Myself, I want to have threesomes, both MMF and FFM - however- My partner doesnt. He would LOVE to do the whole FFM thing but refuses to do the MMF too.

My way of thinking is if Im gonna give you your fantasy then you gotta give me mine. Its not like I wanna watch him make out with another guy(ewww),lol, just wanna give head while getting fucked! Is that too much to ask???

However, I do think its wrong of your boyfriend to try and pressure you into a FFM threesome if you arent up for it. Why is it men want to have two women in bed ...When most of the time they cant satisfy one ( I AM JUST TEASING GUYS)

Darlin I hope you work this problem out! Have a great day!!!

 

[cuff_U_now]

Re: shoe on the other foot......or is it???

Nothing finer. Watching a woman sucking down cock while getting slammed hard at the same time.

Myself, I want to have threesomes, both MMF and FFM - however- My partner doesnt. He would LOVE to do the whole FFM thing but refuses to do the MMF too.

My way of thinking is if Im gonna give you your fantasy then you gotta give me mine. Its not like I wanna watch him make out with another guy(ewww),lol, just wanna give head while getting fucked! Is that too much to ask???

However, I do think its wrong of your boyfriend to try and pressure you into a FFM threesome if you arent up for it. Why is it men want to have two women in bed ...When most of the time they cant satisfy one ( I AM JUST TEASING GUYS)

Darlin I hope you work this problem out! Have a great day!!!

 

[Noor]

Don't do ANYTHING you are uncomfortable with. My advice is to dump him now while you have only invested 1.5 yrs of your time. Insenstive, disrespecting louts who are insistence on emotionally dangerous stuff only get worse with time, you give in now he will just find more stuff.

If you can't dump him, can't find a way to say NO then tell him you'll consider mff only after you guys do mfm and you get to choose the guy.

threesomes-they can be really cool if everyone involved is in the same place, men often seem to think that in ffm, after the women kiss or whatever their fantasy is then all the attention focuses on them and this is not usually the case.

 

[webber1998]

Don't do ANYTHING you are uncomfortable with.

threesomes-they can be really cool if everyone involved is in the same place, men often seem to think that in ffm, after the women kiss or whatever their fantasy is then all the attention focuses on them and this is not usually the case.

I agree with Noor for the most part. Threesomes can be erotic and a lot of fun, *IF* both people are into it. I mean both.

My opinion, don't ever let anyone talk you into something that you are not comfortable doing. And certainly in this case, it seems he wants to fulfill a fantasy of HIS by using your fantasy against you. Red Flag.

If you think he is getting bored with a one-on-one sex life, that means he is getting bored with YOUR sex life too... Red Flag.

I have been involved in a threesome and I can tell you that we were secure and both wanted it and shared it. And it was fun.

 

[ldlarry52]

Vilnilapod,

Threesomes can be great fun whether they be MMF or MFF, but both partners need to be fully agreed to it. I understand your boyfriend preferring a MFF, as a man I would like that as well.

My actual experience has been two seperate MMF which I throughly enjoyed even though at first I wasn't thrilled with the idea. However, I was horny and I could not hook up with a single female and the opportunity to be the second male came along. It was great I have several great memories. I have even written about one of my encouters. Click on the link below for my stories and read "Interstate Sex."

My wife having been raised in a strict conservative religious home is open to sexual things, but will not even consider any kind of threesome. You can read about her in my story "The Getaway."

Fantasy is great. Fantasy stories can take us to places and experience things vicariously and safely. I would like to live out many of my fantasies, but most likely will have to settle for writting about them.

Your boyfriend needs to understand this. I know he is burning to have this fantasy, but unless you both are in complete agreement, are comfortable with it and have considered how you would really feel afterwards don't get preasured into something that you would regret later. If he can not accept this, then you best move on.

There are lots of very hot sexy and kinky things a couple can do together to spice up their sex lives. Threesomes from personal experience can be fun, but I also saw in one couple that it was a partcial cause to the break up of their marriage.

Let me encourage both of you to read my story the "Get Away." The story is written with out embellishment. What you read happened.
LDlarry52

 

[Miles_Cassidy]

Sorry but i disagree with Noor and angel undercover. We are not talking about "ill go shopping with you tonight if you watch football with me tomorrow" type stuff. Shopping and football shouldnt be relationship breakers, sex with others very well could be.
If you are in a serious relationship you should have a 3-way because YOU want to. Not to get something in return. The thought of saying "ill do a mff if we do a mmf first" doesnt seem very conducive to a good relationship. Certainly there is always give and take to any relationship, but doing something you dont truly want to do, just to do something you do want to do (but he doesnt) does not seem to be a very healthy choice for your relationship.
Vanilla it seems that you are not expressing yourself to him clearly enough. Have you told him what you have told us? If you have and he is still pressing the issue it might be time to find someone new. My wife and i certainly enjoy a little dirty fantasy talk in the bedroom. But we have also talked about the differences in what is said during sex and what is reality.

We have had a couple mff experiences and we talked about everything we could think of before it actually happened. Our relationship is way more important then 1 fun night of sex. Would i do a mmf? Sure, not because we have done the mff thing, or because "she gave me my fantasy" but because my wife and i share that fantasy, just as we shared the mff fantasy. If we didnt both agree we certainly would not be doing anything with other people. To me, relationships shouldnt be about bargaining for things, it should be about mutual respect, understanding the needs of your spouse, honesty, and filling those needs because you enjoy making the other happy, but not to the point of degrading yourself, and no serious mate should put you into a position to make that kind of decision.

good luck
-miles

 

[Bobmi357]

I don't see what the problem is. If you're uncomfortable with the idea, then the answer is a plain and simple NO. If he can't live with that, then he is not ready for a full time relationship. Relationships aren't a bargaining table. You learn to live and love within the limits set down by yourself and your partner.

Some fantasys are not meant to be acted out. Other people may enjoy a MFF/FMM threesome, but you're not one of them.... today, 10 years from now you might change your tune, but today it makes you uncomfortable and no one should pressure you to do something you aren't comfortable with.

 

[AttentionWhore]

Vanillapod,

I agree with what some of the other posters have said - if you are not willing to do the threesome thing then don't. The argument of "let's do this before we're too old to have any fun" is bull shit too. There are so many fantasies that are best left in the mind, and the person you are today at 21 is not the person you will be at 30, nor is it who you will be at 40. Another thing in your post that I worry about is how you shouldn't WORRY about which one of the girls he ends up with - you or her. And you're supposed to feel secure in this relationship? Stick to your guns, don't compromise your beliefs, and find a man who loves you for you and accepts all you will and will not do in the name of love.

As to my experiences, I have been pressured twice into FMF threesomes. It was not good for me, nor the relationship, but the second time I liked the girl better than him. I enjoyed the MFM much much much much more. It is a head rush to be fucked by one guy while giving the other head.

 

[Baby Blue Eyes]

I agree with the others who've told you not to venture into any sexual thing unless it is something you BOTH want.

But, noone has addressed your FF fantasy. I just wanted to suggest that, if you have a strong desire to be with another woman, and the opportunity presents itself, go for it... on your own.

Before you get to the point that you are really strongly committed to someone (e.g., married), you have the right to explore your sexuality... without an audience.

Good luck, hunnie!

-jill

 

[Ms_Lilith]

You are your own Mistress. You have the ability and the right to make all the decisions concerning your own comfort, safety, etc that come your way. If you don't want to have a threesome, then DON"T HAVE ONE. Trust me on this. I have been in this situation, and I let it happen, and it does nothing to help your relationship, it does nothing for your self-confidence, and it does nothing for the sex-life, once the other girl is gone.

I'm not saying all threesomes are bad. What I'm saying is that if one party isn't fully participatory, isn't fully FOR the threesome, it's going to wreak havoc. Resentment is going to boil up, and it's just going to end up as a mess.

Explain to him that no, you don't have someone else in mind for a MMF threesome, but that you proposed the idea for the sake of EQUALITY. I would be asking him that, if he though I wanted someone else (male) to play with, is he only interested in sleeping with another girl in a MFF threesome? But that's often seen as a fight-starting tactic (I start fights when people are acting sullen, because I believe it gets the truth out).

In the end, what happens to you and your body and your mind is your choice. If you're uncomfortable with it, then don't do it.

 

[Enodia]

I would agree with what everyone said. WHY does he want this so bad? And WHY does he not want to indulge your fantasy while desperately pressuring you to fulfill his? (I agree with the people who said that "I'll do yours if you do mine" is a bad idea--but it's the principle). There's something more to his wanting a MFF threesome, ESPECIALLY if he's jealous about the MMF thing, and asking you if you "already have someone in mind" (ie. accusing you of wanting someone else, and using this as an excuse). Generally the first accuser of any cheating/thoughts of cheating is the one actually doing it. So be careful.

 

[Sabledrake]

If he cares more about his fantasies than your feelings, I'd recommend taking a serious look at the relationship.

Funny how the double standard seems to work. One often hears about situations like this -- guy wants a MFF scenario but isn't willing to indulge gal's wish for a MMF; guy wants to try anal sex on gal but isn't willing to let gal try anal sex on him -- seems to be awfully common.

And kinda unfair, really. Especially if it's something that the woman in question isn't particularly keen on or interested in but would do for his sake, a certain reciprocity should be expected.

What are these guys so afraid of, anyway? That if they accidentally touch another naked man, or if they enjoy getting done with a strap-on, it'll suddenly turn them gay? Are so many men really that phobic or insecure?

Sabledrake, just woke up and rather rambling

 

[Noor]

The thought of saying "ill do a mff if we do a mmf first" doesnt seem very conducive to a good relationship. Certainly there is always give and take to any relationship, but doing something you dont truly want to do, just to do something you do want to do (but he doesnt) does not seem to be a very healthy choice for your relationship.

I am sorry if I was not clear about that. I meant that as a last option, only if she wasn't up to dumping him, or saying NO.

Noor

 

[judge not]

Do not, I repeat, NOT, give in to the pressure this guy is handing you. If it makes you uncomfortable, that's all the reason he needs to back off the subject. Fast. If he isn't man enough to respect you then he doesn't deserve you.

His persistence makes him nothing more than prime dumping material.

 

[vanillapod]

Thanks everyone for posting and being so supportive! I forced the issue with him today, and said while threesomes and FF action are nice fantasies, I do not feel comfortable making them a reality. I also asked him why he was so insistent upon us having a threesome.

(As a side note, he is away for the next 2.5 months in the US, miles away from where I am in New Zealand. These 'conversations' took place via text messaging - probably something I should've said earlier, but was too upset to lay down all the details! )

His reply was that he wanted to see where I stood on the prospect of having a threesome. Which was why he kept "asking" as I wasn't giving him an answer. I definately took exception to that, and said I didn't know which part of "I'm uncomfortable" and "I wouldn't like sharing you with another girl" he didn't get.

He retorted that it was a joke and I shouldn't be too serious. Cue me to say that threesomes DO have serious consequences (thanks again to everyone who posted saying this). I repeated that I did not want a threesome, or even FF action now, and told him to stop forcing me to do something I didn't want to do.

He said that he was not trying to get me to do anything I wouldn't want to do, and was just trying to see if I was interested in a threesome or just playing around with the idea. We haven't txt-ed each other since that.

I hope he's gotten the message: NO!

 

[lovechild27]

I was in this situation before. I was a tad curious at the time...(I am now not curious...lol) and mentioned to him I always wondered what it was like. He took this as I wanted to get down in a threesom. When he kept begging for it and I kept saying no he got extremely angry and said its something he wants to do and I lead him to believe Id be all for it. This was the tip of the ice berg...he was controlling, manipulative, abusive....

i hope this isnt your guy. Even if its not...someone who truely cares about you would NEVER put you in this situation or push it...no matter how jokingly he said it.

If he keeps pushing it...leave him. He knows your stance now....he keeps pushing it beyond he is moving into the realm of controlling. Threesoms do have some serious consequences. Hopefully, he will lay off and realize what a cool chick he has and he doesnt need a threesom. Good luck!

 

[ReadyOne]

Danger VanillaPod! Danger! Danger!

 

[Limbhugger]

Read what I wrote here. https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=213315

I agree with Bobmi, Miles and the others.

My wife has FF fantasies that do not include me. It's not so much about seeing me with another woman, we've lept that hurdle, but because I have a penis. And a penis doesn't bounce itself into the fantasies she has. Now how do I feel about that? All kinds of pissed off! And you know why? Because I have a penis. Hell I don't want to miss out! But I'm also grown up enough to be honest with myself and know that's why I feel that way.

Here's what I'd suggest: Go outside and grab hold of the first stray animal you see. Bring it into your home and feed it and take care of it. Then send your BF a text message letting him know he's been replaced.

Hugger

 

[_bad_kitty]

I don't beleive his excuse that he was just joking. It seems he is just trying to weasel his why out of the situation without looking like an asshole. But it's way too late for that. Dump him

 

[Sabledrake]

For more discussion on this topic, check out the BBC show "Coupling." Threesomes are addressed quite often. Jeff as The Man With Two Legs, for instance.

My favorite is the one in which Patrick is going to dump his girlfriend because she's flat-out said she would never consider one. But as he's fumbling around trying to dump via voice-mail and such, she shows up and says she's reconsidered, the idea makes her really hot, why doesn't he go back to her apartment and she'll bring home a friend (he races there, glad to have a chance to erase her messages, while she goes on the pull for their third). Imagine the surprise all around when she turns up with Jeff in tow!

Sabledrake

 

[Valcorie]

I agree...

I agree with the others who've told you not to venture into any sexual thing unless it is something you BOTH want.

But, noone has addressed your FF fantasy. I just wanted to suggest that, if you have a strong desire to be with another woman, and the opportunity presents itself, go for it... on your own.

Before you get to the point that you are really strongly committed to someone (e.g., married), you have the right to explore your sexuality... without an audience.

Good luck, hunnie!

-jill

I have to agree with this post. I had a fantasy about trying things with another women. But I was not comfortable with a three some. I was friends with a married couple who tried it, and it ended up destroying their relationship.

I tried it on my own before I was married. Afterwords I relized that it realy wasn't for me. It was great as a fantasy but, not what I realy wanted. I also confirmed that I would not have been comfortable exploring that side of myself with my now husband.

I urge you not to go theough withthe three some becuse it sounds like you have thought about it and you realy are not comfortable with it, and have some very legitimate reasons not to.

Do what is right for you...not your BF

Good luck!

 

[peachykeen]

Am I the only one who's somewhat stunned that you would have such an in-depth, intimate conversation, on such a serious topic for your relationship, via text messages? Blimey.