Bound...To Please by the Bard

[daughter]

Bard--

Very nice metaphor and play on words. I'm not big on aabb rhyme, but you make it flow effortlessly. You usage is pleasing and that's because your images are focused, developed and enticing. We're not forced to rely on the rhyme only.

If you're going to do the familiar you have to have a twist. You do just that. If you're not getting enough fruit in your diet, you might want to look at it differently. Bard's narrator clearly enjoys these edibles:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=30931

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

 

[REDWAVE]

Not bad, but . . .

Yeah, it's not a bad poem, but-- it could use some improvement, too. The food/sex metaphor is OK, but not terribly original. (Not like tigerjen's "bloody rose" metaphor in "My Rose.") Also, the Bard's slavish adherence to rhyme leads him into awkward constructions like:

"One might even say that I, have shown so far restraint."

Nobody talks like that in real life-- not since the Victorian era, at least.

My constructive suggestion to the Bard is he should invest in "The Book of Forms" or "The New Book of Forms" (later version of same basic work) by Louis Turco-- a very useful compendium of poetic forms and techniques. He should also read some modern, non-rhyming poetry starting with Whitman (a master practitioner of free verse), if he hasn't already, and maybe try his hand at it. Finally, if he's really determined to stick with rhyme and formal meter, he should study very carefully the poetic works of Robert Frost.

 

[daughter]

Spotlighting

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Like to spotlight some gems you've might have missed. Click on the link. You might enjoy the read.

Peace,

daughter

 

[daughter]

bump

looking for a good read?

Peace,

daughter

 

[Whispersecret]

Yeah, it's not a bad poem, but-- it could use some improvement, too. The food/sex metaphor is OK, but not terribly original. (Not like tigerjen's "bloody rose" metaphor in "My Rose.") Also, the Bard's slavish adherence to rhyme leads him into awkward constructions like:

"One might even say that I, have shown so far restraint."

Nobody talks like that in real life-- not since the Victorian era, at least.

My constructive suggestion to the Bard is he should invest in "The Book of Forms" or "The New Book of Forms" (later version of same basic work) by Louis Turco-- a very useful compendium of poetic forms and techniques. He should also read some modern, non-rhyming poetry starting with Whitman (a master practitioner of free verse), if he hasn't already, and maybe try his hand at it. Finally, if he's really determined to stick with rhyme and formal meter, he should study very carefully the poetic works of Robert Frost.

RW, you never fail to cause a reaction in me.

1. If a poet begins to write a rhyming poem, he has no choice but to keep rhyming throughout the whole poem. Adherence is mandatory.

2. I'd argue that if poetry sounds like people talk in real life, it probably ain't poetry, which is why I didn't care for this line:

My mouth encloses in the folds, Oh so soft and sweet
Capturing the juices of, a taste which can't be beat.

That sounds like a fifties TV commercial to me, in contrast to the majority of the rest of it which does read a little Old World.

I'd like to know if Bard has a rhyming dictionary. Also, he should have someone edit his work because he has quite a few misplaced commas.

Still, I liked the poem, especially the end.