Bottom Vs Sub

[SubKekiLee]

So last night some friends and I had a conversation about the difference between Bottoming and Submitting and How would a collared submissive or a taken submissive play with someone who isnt their Dom/Domme..( obviously with thier Dom/Domme permission with them being present or not being present) I found this defintion durring our conversation.

BOTTOM: A person who receives spankings, floggings, or other forms of stimulation in situations which specifically exclude power exchange. For example, a masochist may be interested in receiving some kind of stimulation but may not be interested in giving up psychological control; whereas a submissive has given up authority and may receive some kind of stimulation on the instruction of a dominant, a bottom does not give up authority and may control exactly how, under what circumstances, and to what degree he or she receives some form of stimulation.

My opinion I said in my world if you bottom to someone who isnt your Dom/Domme is that you do not involve more intimate things to a Top you do not involve your heart or bodily fluids unless you are poly and already commited to a quad or better relationship IMO.

Please give me your opinions I think this will be valuable for one of our friends cause she is still fairly new to this lifestyle and she needs all the information she can get she is sponge and takes all the education we can share with her

 

[ecstaticsub]

The only time anyone other than my PYL has used any sort of impact instrutment on me has been while he watched and instructed her when and how to cane me. I don't really see that as me bottoming to her. I see her as just an extension of the cane. I am not allowed to ever bottom to anyone ever in anyway. He may allow me to have sex with someone else but not submit or bottom to anyone else.

One reason (the main reason) why I enjoy impact play/pain play etc is because I love my PYL and the play makes sex incredible for both of us! Bottoming wouldn't do this for me, so the play would then be unwanted pain.

 

[madetotakeit]

I tend to agree with the above definition. It also exemplifies why I do not consider myself nor could ever see myself being a bottom. I need to be with someone that I trust. I am going to give over control both physically and mentally. It's in my nature. I haven't really found that I can turn it off. It's just automatic. How far that power given over is used is up to the other. I have many levels of attachments to people. While I can feel a strong attachment to a friend or someone I have accepted at the level of play partner, it is not the same as an attachment I would have to someone I would consider being collared by, but it is still very much submissive on my part.

 

[graceanne]

http://skugg.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/can-of-worms.jpg

 

[SubKekiLee]

http://skugg.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/can-of-worms.jpg

I just love that Gracie!!!

I didnt say I wanted to bottom.. I wanted to know the difference.. I had the conversation with Sir today about this and got his take on He said that if you bottom to someone it is not submitting just like if you have an open marriage or swing .. you have that you dont submit to a "nilla" person. in his opinion.. So I got my anwser from him..

 

[BiBunny]

Don't knock it 'til you try it.

And I wouldn't say that a bottom doesn't give up control at all. At some point, once you're tied down and having your ass whipped, it becomes a sort of surrender, even if it is just under those limited circumstances. Know what I mean?

 

[graceanne]

I just love that Gracie!!!

I didnt say I wanted to bottom.. I wanted to know the difference.. I had the conversation with Sir today about this and got his take on He said that if you bottom to someone it is not submitting just like if you have an open marriage or swing .. you have that you dont submit to a "nilla" person. in his opinion.. So I got my anwser from him..

I was referring to the conversation on interpretation of labels. It's a HUGE can of worms. Suffice it to say that everyone has a different interpretation and if this conversation goes too long SOMEONE will make a 'true pyl' rolleyes: )comment and then . . . KABOOM!!! *little pieces of lit everywhere*

 

[Netzach]

Don't knock it 'til you try it.

And I wouldn't say that a bottom doesn't give up control at all. At some point, once you're tied down and having your ass whipped, it becomes a sort of surrender, even if it is just under those limited circumstances. Know what I mean?

You could argue that when someone who wants to have a needle cut out of their flesh with a scalpel and lets you do it to them, it's a little more of a commitment in some ways than being willing to watch whatever they want on TV.

None of it has anything to do with level of commitment. It's like "fucking" as a verb - it can mean anything, really.

 

[BiBunny]

You could argue that when someone who wants to have a needle cut out of their flesh with a scalpel and lets you do it to them, it's a little more of a commitment in some ways than being willing to watch whatever they want on TV.

None of it has anything to do with level of commitment. It's like "fucking" as a verb - it can mean anything, really.

Yep. God, you're so much better at getting the point across than I am.

 

[EmpressFi]

I used to think that I could bottom for anyone. When we went to the Fetish Flea, I wanted to try wax play and I wanted to become a rope bunny, should the situation arise. So I cleared it with Master that it was ok with him that I could play.

I enjoyed it. Malin and I spent a few hours trying out some new toys while they were out of the room and when they came back, Homburg showed Malin how to do wax play and I really liked it.

That being said, when it was over and done, I realized that for as good as it felt, it wasnt complete.

I still bottom for Malin when he's in the mood to stretch his Dom-wings. But I just dont think I could bottom for anyone else again unless directed to by Master.