Bottled Up

[AdultDub78]

My desires have been bottled up for awhile and because I kept them bottled up it is even harder for me to reveal. As a recently married man, my wife has no idea I have certain desires. Our sex life is very traditional and it is unlike she will agree to anything extreme. Writing about my desires is away to release these urges. Before I go on let me tell you about myself.

I am in my late twenties and I live in South Louisiana. Being born with Muscular Dystrophy I have been in a wheelchair most of my life. My condition is mild and I am able to do a lot for myself. I have a great job, I am able to drive a van with electronic hand controls, and I have an active social life. During my life time I have overcome a lot and my attitude can be best described as determined. I am a huge football fan and besides being in a wheelchair you might consider me just an average guy. An experience I had before getting married introduced me to a new sexual experience. Since then, my need for this certain lifestyle has become something I need. This first experience was not physical but it was enough to attract me.

One day while online I meet this lady who was much older than I. At the age of 57 she seemed to be someone who was just seeking friendship. Appearing to be somewhat on the conservative side, our conversation started off with talks about politics. As we chatted more that night we learned that we shared many things in common. The last thing on my mind was sex until one of us made a comment semi sexual related in which she added more to the topic as if she was interested in discussing sex. The next day we met online and as we talked she told me she had a secret. She was recently introduced to the BDSM lifestyle by a guy she met online. The guy was a dom male who taught her how to be a sub female. She loved the lifestyle but was seeking someone to be a sub male because she wanted to experience the other side of it.

She gave me some information to read and explained a few details and asked if I would be her online slave. I agreed and from that point she was my mistress. She told me how she wanted me to serve her and that each time I referred to her as mistress she became wetter. At this point I did not inform her I was in a wheelchair, after thinking about it I decided to inform her the next day. I did so and after discussion she thought it would add to the experience.

As she instructed me to give her oral she demanded that I not touch my cock until she gave me permission. At this time I was about to burst and then she requested we meet. As she allowed me to touch my cock she told me she wanted to meet somewhere in public. She was not going to wear underwear and she wanted me to make her wet in public as she discreetly let me see she was not wearing underwear. Once she felt it was right, we would go to a near by hotel so I could serve her. It was as if I was living a dream but I had second thoughts. After all, in a few months I was getting married. After thinking it over I decided to end it before I reacted to these intense urges that could damage my relationship. I informed her that I would not meet her and she demanded that I come because her pussy was throbbing. As she told me that I became hard as I even become. This is when I hung up and never talked with her again. Since this experience I continue to want to be controlled. Do I fight the urge or do I seek for a dom female who wants me to serve her? Was this a one time opportunity? After all, a lot of people can’t look past the wheelchair, but for this lady it added to the experience. It was another factor in her having control over me and it was the most exciting feeling ever. This lady who seemed to be innocent was actually a dominant female throbbing off of me serving her. This is what I want.

My desire is to have an older woman who I can serve. I want to do as much as I can to please her and have her take advantage of me because she knows I am limited in certain areas.

 

[AdultDub78]

Bottled Up- 2nd Post

I want to share this story with many people.

My desires have been bottled up for awhile and because I kept them bottled up it is even harder for me to reveal. As a recently married man, my wife has no idea I have certain desires. Our sex life is very traditional and it is unlike she will agree to anything extreme. Writing about my desires is away to release these urges. Before I go on let me tell you about myself.

I am in my late twenties and I live in South Louisiana. Being born with Muscular Dystrophy I have been in a wheelchair most of my life. My condition is mild and I am able to do a lot for myself. I have a great job, I am able to drive a van with electronic hand controls, and I have an active social life. During my life time I have overcome a lot and my attitude can be best described as determined. I am a huge football fan and besides being in a wheelchair you might consider me just an average guy. An experience I had before getting married introduced me to a new sexual experience. Since then, my need for this certain lifestyle has become something I need. This first experience was not physical but it was enough to attract me.

One day while online I meet this lady who was much older than I. At the age of 57 she seemed to be someone who was just seeking friendship. Appearing to be somewhat on the conservative side, our conversation started off with talks about politics. As we chatted more that night we learned that we shared many things in common. The last thing on my mind was sex until one of us made a comment semi sexual related in which she added more to the topic as if she was interested in discussing sex. The next day we met online and as we talked she told me she had a secret. She was recently introduced to the BDSM lifestyle by a guy she met online. The guy was a dom male who taught her how to be a sub female. She loved the lifestyle but was seeking someone to be a sub male because she wanted to experience the other side of it.

She gave me some information to read and explained a few details and asked if I would be her online slave. I agreed and from that point she was my mistress. She told me how she wanted me to serve her and that each time I referred to her as mistress she became wetter. At this point I did not inform her I was in a wheelchair, after thinking about it I decided to inform her the next day. I did so and after discussion she thought it would add to the experience.

As she instructed me to give her oral she demanded that I not touch my cock until she gave me permission. At this time I was about to burst and then she requested we meet. As she allowed me to touch my cock she told me she wanted to meet somewhere in public. She was not going to wear underwear and she wanted me to make her wet in public as she discreetly let me see she was not wearing underwear. Once she felt it was right, we would go to a near by hotel so I could serve her. It was as if I was living a dream but I had second thoughts. After all, in a few months I was getting married. After thinking it over I decided to end it before I reacted to these intense urges that could damage my relationship. I informed her that I would not meet her and she demanded that I come because her pussy was throbbing. As she told me that I became hard as I even become. This is when I hung up and never talked with her again. Since this experience I continue to want to be controlled. Do I fight the urge or do I seek for a dom female who wants me to serve her? Was this a one time opportunity? After all, a lot of people can’t look past the wheelchair, but for this lady it added to the experience. It was another factor in her having control over me and it was the most exciting feeling ever. This lady who seemed to be innocent was actually a dominant female throbbing off of me serving her. This is what I want.

My desire is to have an older woman who I can serve. I want to do as much as I can to please her and have her take advantage of me because she knows I am limited in certain areas.

 

[nh23]

The only advise I can offer is to talk to your wife about your desires. She may not react how you think she will. My husband didn't... Beyond that starting up an online relationship or even a R/L relationship behind your wife's back is probably not something that is wise to do...unless you are ready to deal with what happens when she finds out. On top of that it has the potential to hurt the person you get involved with..letting them get close to you and then breaking it off with them when your afraid your wife has gotten too close to the truth..or you start to feel guilty.

 

[CookiePuss]

As a recently married man, my wife has no idea I have certain desires. Our sex life is very traditional and it is unlike she will agree to anything extreme.

Speaking from experience, it is a truly horrible and isolating feeling to hide who you are and I really feel for you. You say your wife has no idea about your desires. However, may I ask; have you tried discussing your desires with your her? I know that can be a difficult thing, especially if you feel your partner will not understand.

My desire is to have an older woman who I can serve. I want to do as much as I can to please her and have her take advantage of me because she knows I am limited in certain areas.

Is age an important factor? Do you desire to serve an older woman or do you desire to serve the woman you never went to meet? If your wife were open to exploring this with you; would her age be an inhibitor?

 

[Marquis]

Is age an important factor? Do you desire to serve an older woman or do you desire to serve the woman you never went to meet? If your wife were open to exploring this with you; would her age be an inhibitor?

This was my first question to.

I wonder, are you hoping that your wife will be into this, or are you hoping that she'll support you in living out these fantasies with someone else?

 

[nh23]

Lol..I posted this in the cafe. I didn't realize there were two..so I'll just copy and paste here.


The only advise I can offer is to talk to your wife about your desires. She may not react how you think she will. My husband didn't... Beyond that starting up an online relationship or even a R/L relationship behind your wife's back is probably not something that is wise to do...unless you are ready to deal with what happens when she finds out. On top of that it has the potential to hurt the person you get involved with..letting them get close to you and then breaking it off with them when your afraid your wife has gotten too close to the truth..or you start to feel guilty.

 

[unfoundiamond]

If she wants to you're set... if she doesn't... you're informed...

I think I am echoing others but,

YES... Talk to her, say you are interested in expirimenting, and want to be upfront and want to share it with her...

The worst she can say is "No," and in that case you can decide how important D/s is to you... if its worth re-evaluating your plans...

And also... maybe she would consent to you visiting a professional Domme, if you explained to her what would take place, and agreed to the amount of contact she would be comfortable with (ie you touching yourself...)

If she is super tied to the idea of monogamy... make it more of a "buisness" arrangement...

I am just saying, supressing your feelings will only last so long... Either youlle be constantly longing... or maybe if you crave it long enough you won't be so strong to resist next time...

And I'd say don't rush into a vanilla commitment that doesn't satasfy your needs...
People think they can compromise their needs, and often find out years later, they can no longer live without their needs being met, and divorce...

Good Luck... and good boy for resisting the OnlineDomme... It shows loyalty... a must for any good PYL/pyl, and since she cannot praise you, because she doesn't know, Ill tell you I think your good behavior shouldn't go unnoticed...

...so Good Job!

And Good Luck...

 

[Dosxx82256]

You are certainly not the first person to be in this position. Many have been bottled up as you say. Some need the lifestyle more than others and can't be in a relationship without it. You need to determine how much value you put on the lifestyle, whether you think it is something you need in your life or not. Essentially just make sure you are thinking with the right head before making any decisions you might regret. Many relationships have ended due to dissimilar interests in the bedroom and there is certainly a respectful amount of validity to such cause for termination.

You said it is unlikely your wife will agree to anything extreme, but extreme is a subjective term. There are several avenues and methods of suggestion that are not extreme that may spike interest in your wife's mind. Extreme, as you may determine to be in her mind, could be telling her you want her to decide when you can touch your cock. If so avoid such a explanation of what you need. Maybe something along the lines of telling her you just want to pleasure her one night and put all the focus on her. This might not be so extreme and also might not exceed her mental boundaries, yet can give you what you want and possibly lead you to other activities and possibilities. Make sure you have opened all paths of communication with your wife and expressed your desires as openly and carefully as possible.

 

[madetotakeit]

You are certainly not the first person to be in this position. Many have been bottled up as you say. Some need the lifestyle more than others and can't be in a relationship without it. You need to determine how much value you put on the lifestyle, whether you think it is something you need in your life or not.

I know this first hand. I considered long and hard over what was bottled up. I read, talked, searched for anything that would help me come to terms with what went against what I had been taught to be. After accepting and understanding myself, I searched for my path. It took a long time to find the one that I felt safe enough to step into the real world with. I thought I had figured everything out only to discover there were so many more things to take into consideration.

The biggest consideration was how much I needed to include this aspect in my life. I was involved with someone for 10 years. Over those years we had dabbled in this. We talked about it. I was eager to take it further. He looked at it as spicing up the sex life. Something fun and light on rare occasions. I forced the desires down being happy to get what little I could. The relationship ended for other reasons and that is when I started taking stock of what I wanted and needed. We reconnected a few years later and have seen each other long distance. I knew going into it this time I would not get out of it what I need. Not completely. There are the basic needs that are being met...love, caring, friendship. Well, as much as they can from states away and seeing each other rarely. The distance is situational. There are good things about him and I have always been the type to have patience and understanding when something is worth the wait.

Now though, I find that his voice has been replaced. When I met the person I felt I could trust, things solidified in me. I discovered this is what I need. It is not a want. I can live without a want. I can not live without a need. When my eye opening came, I had to reevaluate how strong this is in me. With the other person standing in front of me I had to decide. Not that I hadn't been weighing all of this before hand. I spent years doing that. But here it was. In real life. I could go forward with who I am or I could say this has been incredible, but I can't go any further. I do not take encounters lightly. In the end I chose to go forward. To become who I am. I was a bit surprised with myself. I expected guilt. I had no regrets about what occurred. The difference was that my LDR sees part of me. He will always see only that. We discussed it as much as he would allow. I know where he stands. The other person was willing to see the other part. Not only acknowledged it, but nurtured it. Here was someone I told the secrets I had been keeping. He knew my desires, my perversions, looked me in the eyes and accepted them.

Making the choice between subverting those needs and acknowledging them is hard when the significant other does not walk the same path. The only way to know, is to talk about it. You may be delightfully surprised. On the other hand it may not be pretty. You have to be prepared. It can mean the destruction of a relationship. That is what I am dealing with. I will never be completely happy with a relationship that does not apply to all of me. That part of me floated away on the river when I made the choice to walk. The chrysalis I had kept myself in opened. I was able to flutter my wings and discovered I have to fly.

 

[SweetErika]

I think a lot of women would respond better to "I want to make you as happy as possible in every way" than "I want you to control/dominate me."

In that vein, right before a future sexual encounter, you might ask your wife if you could focus on her pleasure and get more feedback from her that time, so you can learn how to please her better.

I'm not suggesting tricking or pushing her into anything, but rather introducing the concept of you pleasing her at her whim slowly and in a way that she may be able to better gauge if she likes it because she isn't likely to hear as much noise about gender roles and not knowing what to do.