Botched casual encounter

[JustSomeBloke]

Long-time lurker, first time poster here.

I've been reading on Lit for a long time, but at twenty I'm still a virgin in every sense of the word. So I replied to one of the 'casual encounters' ads on Craigslist (m4m, naturally, since w4m casual encounters on craigslist is practically non-existent) for a no-reciprocation blowjob. Before this I'd assumed that I was about 2 on the Kinsey scale - I prefer mainly women, but I've also fantasised a lot about having sex with a guy, so I know I am at least bi-curious. I thought, hey, this way seemed fairly discreet and anonymous, and I want to have at least some experience.

So we meet up, and he starts sucking my cock, and I realised I was having real trouble getting hard - as he worked on my cock over the next fifteen minutes or so, I did get hard at some points, but I was never anywhere near cumming, and it kept going flaccid. After a while we gave up and called it a day. I did not find him physically attractive, but I always thought a blowjob would feel damn great anyway so I did not worry about not being able to cum. I feel really bad about this - I know I would be pretty stung if I failed to get a man hard. What made it worse was how nice he was about it afterwards.

So, 1) is there anything I can do to prevent something like this from happening again? I felt really psyched about this going in, but once I was there it was clear there was no spark. Also, is there any etiquette/protocol to replying to casual encounter ads?


and 2) has anybody else had this happen before?


[Hope this is the right place to post this.]

 

[Niko408]

If you don't have the spark, it is tough for a guy to kind of pretend it is there. Much easier for women. They don't have to stand at attention if you know what I mean. I understand your being excited to be in the situation and then it fizzling out. It's happened to me. I'd recommend getting to know the person enough to at least get a feel for them. Even in a casual encounter.

I tried to meet off craigslist but quickly gave that up. It is way too much of a crap shoot. I've found too many of the guys to be really creepy upon meeting them or seem to have some issues/baggage that are way out of my comfort zone. There really is no special way to answer the ads. Usually they are out just to get some head and move on. Looking at most of the ad titles will tell you that.

You have to remember, craigslist isn't exactly a dating site. It is more of a quick hookup site where ANYONE can post up. It's tougher to catch that spark that way.

 

[none2_none2]

I think the best thing to do is never assume you are going to have sex. Reply to casual encounters that you just want to hang out. If it doesn't leat to sex, then no one's feelings are hurt. If you are both attracted and it works out that you have sex, then you'll be plesantly suprised.

Just note that attraction gets more important the older you get. A young man can usually have "pity" sex with someone they really don't want to have sex with. However, as you get older, getting it up for getting it up's sake isn't easy. I think that is why you get a lot of older men that come out when they get past their prime. They simply cannot pretend anymore to get it up for those that don't turn them on. The good part is vision isn't as good, smell isn't as good, hearing isn't as good, so I guess it balances out.

 

[todd_james]

Sounds a lot like it could be psychological - I've had similar experiences though not exactly the same thing, including head I got from a woman while my girlfriend was with her man. It just happens sometimes, don't feel bad about it.

At some point, you'll be ready to get back on the horse and go.

 

[boundforglory]

Try squirt.org and instead of rushing out there to get some dick, take your time and get to know someone a little better. Chemistry happens right away sometimes but if it doesn't, work at it a little. We've all had times when we wanted to get off but it just didn't work out!

 

[Experiencedguy]

I would strongly advise you to stay away from Craigslist. You place yourself in danger there, both from STD's, as well as people looking to either just rob you, or set you up for something worse. Yes, it is true, many of the people are real, but an unknown number are not.

You do not tell us how old you are, or where you live. Have you considered visiting a gay bar? Most of them are very understanding and accepting of curious individuals. And, you can meet everything from bi guys, bi guys with participating wives, to the extremely kinky. 100% gay, or hot crossdressers. Almost whatever floats your boat. Start a coversation. Most bars have the understanding that no means no. Just go to observe and enjoy the first time.

Good luck.

 

[Bystander]

First off, don't feel too bad nerves can do that. I wouldn't worry about it unless you have trouble getting hard period which doesn't sound like the case here. Anyway why not just get a pro and get that virginity thing out of the way? Read up on reviews and find a good provider to make sure it's a good experience that's worth your money. Try lurking on worldsexguide for some time to get 411 for your area, but don't ask the regs for numbers or addresses. They only reply back if you contribute (which makes sense).

 

[Kitkat103]

Maybe I mistook this post but did you reply to a M4M post because there were virtually no women available? If so that automatically answers your own questions.

1) Craigslist is a hookup site, do not expect a love connection. Most of the people on there are just sex addicts looking for a free way to get their rocks off.

2) Just because you are a 20 year old virgin does not mean that you have to hurry up and lose it. Forgive me for sounding too sappy but maybe meeting someone that you are attracted to will prevent you from being flaccid when that moment comes.

3) If 1 and 2 are no help go to a Gay night club, its GLBT Heritage month so you will most definitely get laid before the months end.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Hi all, thanks for all the replies and reassurances.

A few things: The ad specified that he wanted to suck cock, so we both knew what we were getting into. I wasn't looking for anything more than a one-time hookup myself.

So anyway I tried again with another (Craigslist) ad, and this time it went much better. We met in a hotel. I still couldn't get off on being sucked by him (I guess it's just not my thing), but sucking his cock till he came in my mouth was great. He was understanding when anal sex was painful and I asked him to stop, and in the end we just soaked in the tub, talked a bit. It was definitely a much better experience. He also recommended squirt.org, I think that's probably where I'm going to look in the future.

Haven't thought about going to a gay bar - I'm still relatively new to this, so the anonymity of the Internet was a good way to get pass my mental hurdles.