Books?..

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

I thought about putting this up in the How to section.. But whats the point?

What are some good books for giveing an S/o to read or read with in helping them to understand the bondage lifestyle? I've tried explaining it in my own words and they seem to sink in. But he still can't grasp (or refuses to) The fact that sex isn't as gratifying for me as it is for him?.. I've tried being.. nice.. I've tried being blunt.. I've tried being rude about explaining how I feel that when we have sex.. well.. it's just not enough? He says he can't hurt me.. I try explaining that he's doing more.."pain" by not even trying.. He's seeing a psychiatrist in hopes of helping to understand this.. I've seen one in the past in dealing with it.. I've been patient.. I've been demanding.. I'm at wits End.. I'm not looking for a quick fix.. or psycho anilization..

Are there any books out there that directly corrilate to such issues in the bdsm community?

 

[Technodivinitas]

The Best of my Library

In order of precedence:
The Loving Dominant
Different Loving
The Topping/Bottoming Book

But the Loving Dominant is the best book I've read on the subject, for players or newcomers.

 

[WriterDom]

I'm not sure a book would help. But you aren't alone. There are plenty of couples where one partner wants some form of bdsm and the other completely rejects it. Secretary might be an interesting movie to watch with him and get his reaction.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

A good movie.. he even likes it.

The loveing Dominent ..book 1 on my list..

 

[meri-t]

My roomate is an old high school friend of the non romantic kind. When he found out my interests were leaning this way he did some research on his own. After I peeled him from the ceiling, of course. He found "when someone you love is kinky" by Eastman and Liszt. He reccomended that one for your SO. I haven't read that one, mind you, but I have read some of their other books. It did seem to calm him down a bit. Although they do tend to get somewhat, um, enthusiastic in a "preaching to the choir like an annoying televangelist" sort of way, there is lots of good info in there.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... an S/o to read or read with in helping them to understand the bondage lifestyle? ... He says he can't hurt me.. I try explaining that he's doing more.."pain" by not even trying..

Ok, i've got to ask a question here. Are you looking to dish the pain out, or take it?

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

I'm at the point I'de be willing to work either way.. I'de rather be receiveing the pain.. but I'de be willing to switch to find.. a " happy medium" He's already expressed he finds no pleasure in receiveing pain though he doesn't mind it... And I see little point in topping him if he's not going to enjoy it. or even allow himself to enjoy it. my other.. notion if you will is.. If I give him the control.. He can do what he's comfortable with. At this point I'm just trying to coax him into giveing it a try period.. and go from there if he does enjoy it.. or want to experiment further.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

A link from the library

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90276

You have to work for it a little bit ... in the thread silly. Quite a few sprinklings of books among the three pages.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

when someone you love is kinky. 2nd book..

Thanks for the link.. It really didn't draw any new conclusions other then most people seem to have some affinity for bdsm weather they realize it or not.. seeing how previlant a theme it is in popular music and TV.

Maybe I should just throw up my hands and show up at his place sometime in leather and heel 'n just plant my heel to his chest.. Just take that risk that he'll toss me out.

 

[Technodivinitas]

Painless D/s

Power-exchange with no physical pain involved is always an option- he might well discover he really enjoys it. You could start off by playing very gentle mind games with him, like offering him rewards for doing little things that please you. Or light bondage? Silk scarves are a pretty vanilla "gateway kink"...

 

[fallon2]

Ask him

Ask him if he really wants you to be "happy" in the bedroom. If the answer is yes then tell him he needs to step up to the plate. Give him the book you select and go over it with him and tell what he could do (from the book) that would make him happy.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Devil's Advocate

Ask him if he really wants you to be "happy" in the bedroom. If the answer is yes then tell him he needs to step up to the plate. Give him the book you select and go over it with him and tell what he could do (from the book) that would make him happy.

He gets a vote too ... compromise and find the things he can accept.

A wicked foot massage, tickling under bondage, low whispers with intense direction.

If he can't bring himself to do it to her, can he perhaps find out what pain kinks trip her trigger that she can do to herself at his direction?

He might discover the power rush at turning her into a wet noodle with very little effort and still within his limits ...

 

[Singularity]

Another Suggestion

A while ago I wrote a story especially for a young woman whose boyfriend was having a hard time getting into topping her and being harsh enough for what she wanted to experience.

He was being too gentle and respectful and was having a hard time mixing love and passion with the bondage and pain she craved.

It sounds like your SO has the same artificial boundaries and separation between the two.

Take a look at "Tempting Destiny", and see if it might find its way into his briefcase or as a placemat under his dinner plate.

Or try creating your own story, in person or in words.

Have you tried stretching out in front of him with a basket of clothespins and a ruler and decorating yourself and then giving yourself a pussy-spanking while you masturbate for him? Doing it to yourself and showing him how hot it makes you and how turned on and ready for him that it makes you could be inspirational.

Lastly, I can happily report that Destiny and her man are happily engaged in wonderful and engaging kinks together and are finding many new avenues for themselves to explore. I won't claim the credit - she did it herself, but having something to help lubricate the gears to begin with can't hurt.


Sin.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

Singularity- It sounds almost exactly what his issues are. The story idea is something I haven't tried yet. But I've "threatened" to just lay out some rope, silk scarves, clothes pins 'n such 'n just flop down on the bed. The idea holds him some interest but I haven't had the time to impliment it. a slight issue with both of us more or less liveing at home still with the parents.

Though this thread inspired me to take more initutive last night when talking with him. We had phone sex for the first time in our relationship, and I politely asked him to tell me what to do. It worked! *does the happy dance!*

We stayed up talking most of the night last night and he agreed to read some books.. and I promised to recipricate on being "open to new things". I'de like to thank everyone for their imput and though this started as a simple whats a good book, Everyones imput has made me think 'n understand that I can throw as much material at him as I want but if I don't get over my fear of being pushed away nothing is going to change.

Thank you

 

[Kajira Callista]

tons of books here http://thebrc.net/books/indexes/workbooks.shtml

good luck

 

[Technodivinitas]

Wow, KC-

Great list! I've got a pretty healthy D/s library, and I thought I'd seen everything there was to see on the shelves of our local underground, but now looking up at my shelf there's so many holes that need filling... er... uhm... yeah.

 

[fallon2]

Dark Lady

I am trying to send you some itles but you need to clear out your pm boxes. Thank you!

 

[fallon2]

Dark Lady

I am trying to send you some titles but you need to clear out your pm boxes. Thank you!

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

It's clean! goodness.. They gather up so quick!

 

[h_i_s]

i have enjoyed, and benefited from reading "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns".

!! Thank Y/you A/all for the many suggestions in regard to additional titles !!

.oO( ...now WHERE are my dark sunglasses ? .. the clerk at the bookstore almost had a coronary over the last choice of literature i requested she order.. ack.. hehe)