Bondage Poem

[Goodguy2]

Alright, this is a first attempt at a bondage piece. To me, it needs more smoothing out but I am at a loss right now where to do it. I've been writing this one for a while (or attempting to at least) and I am at my wits end. I thought a couple weeks of leaving it along would help but it hasn't. Anyway, pummel me. LOL

Thanks

GG2

Door bell rings, I greet you there
Black pants white blouse, I see you wear
You cum for fantasy, you can’t ignore
Thoughts of bondage, you’ll be my whore

You stride the pumps, adorning your feet
Into my house, we finally meet
A gentle kiss, upon the lips
Hands at your waist, your pants I unzip

Polyester falls, the cotton is next
No hint at all, of how you’ll be sexed
Arm across shoulders, the other at knees
If lift you now, it’s time to tease

Down the stairs, the chill is sensed
Your wetness evident, in your thong condensed
At the foot, eyes meet your fetter
Cold iron and steel, your snatch gets wetter

Cold floor meets skin, leather straps to arms
Bondage tonight, naughty school marm
Belts of hide, ankles now bound
Up I lift you, there is no sound

Arms to chains, from the ceiling they suspend
White breasts stiff nipples, the message they send
Chains from the floor, attached to your legs
The look in your eyes, it’s not nice to beg

Black silk scarf, masks your eyes
A strip of tape, muffles your crys
Penance to pay, it’s time you do
Your senses I’ll fuck, in time maybe you

Bound feathers smear, virgin oil to skin
From neck down torso, reticent I begin
Confectioners powder, on nipples it descends
You want me to lick, so it depends

Chill of the room, tight is your skin
Teeth bite, tongue licks, you want me within
Cold hands spread ass, tongue at your hole
Teeter with tease, it’s taking its toll

Around to your front, hands tickle your ass
“fuck me” you mumble, more time has to pass
Blow on your lips, swollen with desire
Legs spread with shackles, lips on fire

Fingers spread genitals, stiff clit exposed
Soft touch with the tongue, finish with nose
Step to my feet, stiff nipples extend
Still sweet with sugar, it’s time to tend

Quivering tongue, quivering legs
Pants to the floor, your pussy begs
Breast in mouth, penis rubs folds
No strength to stand, your body I hold

Move around back, penis between legs
Hands rub stomach, to nipples like pegs
Slight squat to enter, penis erect
Head into pussy, slow and direct

Lifting with legs, ankles still bound
Body sways against tension, cock in your mound
Nipples through fingers, hands cup breasts
Pounding from the rear, your pleasure can’t rest

Slow firm motion, body in air
Hand from breast, grabs black hair
“Fuck me harder, my horny bound slut”
“Fuck me harder, or I’ll spank your butt”

No way to gain hold, you wriggle in delight
Suspended from the ceiling, cumming in flight
Limp with exhaustion, I release your bind
You relish in pleasure, more than you mind

 

[OT]

I've written many fun rhymes, and a few things I (boldly) call poetry.

This falls into the "fun rhyme" category. Whenever you catch yourself convoluting sentences in order to finagle the rhyming words to be in the right spots, you start to lose points on the poetry side. The convoluted lines jump out at the reader and can be distracting.
(For example, "...I see you wear" isn't a line that flows naturally)

(Note that I'm not trying to start one of those "what is poetry" debates, this is just the rule that I apply to my own writing. )


O.T.my stuff

 

[WickedEve]

“Fuck me harder, my horny bound slut”
“Fuck me harder, or I’ll spank your butt”
Yes, that's it! Come on, come on! Fuck me! I'm your slut! Yessss! Oh... I meant to say, nice poem. Okay, it needs work, but I can't resist a poem with all this bondage, hair pulling, and teasing promises of butt spanking!
Keep this one and spank it for a while. Since it's kind of long, start reworking the first couple stanzas and see how it goes.
You should also take this to the BDSM board. They have a thread for BDSM poetry.

 

[Star At Sunrise]

More advice

OT's advice is dead on. Rhyming poems are really really hard without having to turn sentences inside out, maybe reading it aloud will help you find different rhythms in lines.

Example:

"A gentle kiss, upon the lips
Hands at your waist, your pants I unzip"

could be

"A gentle kiss, upon the lips
Dress unzips, and hands on hips"

giving it 3 rhymes may make it slightly more interesting.

And a quick and dirty trick, is to save your better rhyming line for the second verse. Say you were sitting there and you were looking to rhyme "lips" and you picked "unzip"; then I would put "unzip" in the first line and "lips" in the next. It works for me, people are more likely to keep listening through a slightly clumsy first line if the second is/ends strongly.

Poetry is fun!

 

[Goodguy2]

Thanks for the response.

I have to agree with OT/SAS on the fun rhyme deal. Perky Babe pointed this out to me on another post I made a few weeks back (at the time I was writing this one too). I need to get out of the rut of this style.

Actually, this was supposed to be a satirical poem on B&D and I think WE got that part. At least I hope so. My problem I see now with the comments provided are that I am not conveying what I want the reader to see. I guess since I'm not a B&D expert, my lack of experience shows in the way I wrote it. Anyone wanna help me with this?

Thanks again for the words!!! I do appreciate the time you took to read it and comment on it.

GG2