Body odor?

[SweetErika]

This is a sensitive topic, but a situation got me wondering how to deal with it, so I'm turning to you for advice!

My husband has an employee who doesn't smell great. It's not the typical lack of deoderant smell, it's a fecal matter smell that gets worse as the day wears on. It's detectable within a 5-foot radius of wherever she is, and lingers on her office chair. She's in her 20s and American, so it's probably not a cultural thing. She also has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's living alone and no one's there to tell her. This has been an issue since she got the job...a month now.

When someone has bad breath, you can offer them a mint or gum. If your loved one smells, you can break it to them gently, take a bath together, or buy them hygiene products. But is there anything you can say or do with an acquaintance without causing hurt feelings or major embarassment?

In all likelihood he won't be able to say anything, but I was wondering how you deal with situations like this in everyday life?

 

[Cathleen]

What a difficult situation Erika. I used to work with a man that had terrible halitosis and we tried to do the mint and gum thing, he didn't get the hint. What did seem to work was writing an anonymous note and left it in his desk, with a pack of breath mints. I wonder if that may work for your husband.

Is there any way he could speak with her quietly about it? Is there someone she is close with at the office that may help? I know it would be difficult but it may be the only option.

 

[SweetErika]

What a difficult situation Erika. I used to work with a man that had terrible halitosis and we tried to do the mint and gum thing, he didn't get the hint. What did seem to work was writing an anonymous note and left it in his desk, with a pack of breath mints. I wonder if that may work for your husband.

Is there any way he could speak with her quietly about it? Is there someone she is close with at the office that may help? I know it would be difficult but it may be the only option.

Thanks for the suggestions! You see, there are only 3 people in the office. There is another woman, and hopefully she will speak to her at some point, but with so few people, the risk of embarassing her is very great. And she's great at her job...they can't lose her.

Is there any medical condition that would cause this? I just can't imagine her not realizing she stinks.

 

[Cathleen]

I can't imagine a condition that would cause that odor. I understand about the small office situation too, that does make it even more difficult. You mention it gets worse throughout the day, is it noticeable first thing in the morning? If not, then it may suggest she has difficulty keeping clean during the day.

Definitely a tough situation.

 

[dollface007]

SweetErika,
This is really touchy. I feel sorry for your husband, as well as the woman in question. It sounds like your husband is her employer, so I think it may ultimately fall to him to say something. After all, it is a quality of work environment issue. If he could call her into a private meeting, ensure her that she's not in trouble, and that she's done nothing wrong, at least she can be made aware of the problem (if she isn't already). Maybe he can get an explanation and/or encourage her to change her hygenic behavior or seek treatment.

 

[ddruid]

This is a sensitive topic, but a situation got me wondering how to deal with it, so I'm turning to you for advice!

My husband has an employee who doesn't smell great. It's not the typical lack of deoderant smell, it's a fecal matter smell that gets worse as the day wears on. It's detectable within a 5-foot radius of wherever she is, and lingers on her office chair. She's in her 20s and American, so it's probably not a cultural thing. She also has a boyfriend, so it's not like she's living alone and no one's there to tell her. This has been an issue since she got the job...a month now.

When someone has bad breath, you can offer them a mint or gum. If your loved one smells, you can break it to them gently, take a bath together, or buy them hygiene products. But is there anything you can say or do with an acquaintance without causing hurt feelings or major embarassment?

In all likelihood he won't be able to say anything, but I was wondering how you deal with situations like this in everyday life?

I have a good friend whose spouse has this issue. I think it may be more common than one might think. The complicated solution may be plumbing (no, not her's necessarily). Think bidet. A more practical solution may be to put a box of Tuck's in the restroom's. Maybe she'll get the hint.

 

[SweetErika]

SweetErika,
This is really touchy. I feel sorry for your husband, as well as the woman in question. It sounds like your husband is her employer, so I think it may ultimately fall to him to say something. After all, it is a quality of work environment issue. If he could call her into a private meeting, ensure her that she's not in trouble, and that she's done nothing wrong, at least she can be made aware of the problem (if she isn't already). Maybe he can get an explanation and/or encourage her to change her hygenic behavior or seek treatment.

That's what I said, but he's worried about hurting her feelings and it coming off as harassment or something. Should he run it by his manager or HR first?

Cate, he did say it wasn't as bad in the morning, but I can't figure out how she possibly couldn't keep clean. She is pretty overweight, her arms aren't exceptionally short, and weight usually has nothing to do with cleanliness.

His female assistant manager could speak to her, but would you two rather hear it from a woman or a man?

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Body odor?

I have a good friend whose spouse has this issue. I think it may be more common than one might think. The complicated solution may be plumbing (no, not her's necessarily). Think bidet. A more practical solution may be to put a box of Tuck's in the restroom's. Maybe she'll get the hint.

Interesting. What did your friend do/say? I think it's easier among friends and spouses though, as most of us would rather know if we have a problem.

A bidet isn't an option in this case, sadly, but he'll read these responses when he gets home, and maybe some of the moist wipes or something similar would work.

 

[LindaL]

Maybe recommend a germicidal soap?

I have heard that with some obese people, the sweat glands in the groinal areas produce a different type of sweat from sweat on one's face or back. This sweat is said to be like a great food for bacteria, especially bacteria from the (gulp) poopy area. So I heard they can wash often, but the bacteria isn't all washed away, and grows back real fast.

Maybe germ killing soap makes it come back slower. That's what I heard anyway.

 

[SweetErika]

Maybe recommend a germicidal soap?

I have heard that with some obese people, the sweat glands in the groinal areas produce a different type of sweat from sweat on one's face or back. This sweat is said to be like a great food for bacteria, especially bacteria from the (gulp) poopy area. So I heard they can wash often, but the bacteria isn't all washed away, and grows back real fast.

Maybe germ killing soap makes it come back slower. That's what I heard anyway.

Interesting. How would you recommend that soap? Is there any sly way to do it without hurting her feelings?

 

[bobsgirl]

Erika, boy when you post a How-To, you really come up with a doozy!

This is a tough one, but my opinion is that even though your husband is the employer, he really needs NOT to be the one to say something to her. There is just way too much potential for harassment charges and the like. And honestly, I think she would rather hear it from a woman than a man. Less humiliating that way.

She may have medical issues, you never know. She may have a colostomy, or some other intestinal disorder. I just can't believe that the smell could be that strong, and she would be totally oblivious.

 

[SweetErika]

Erika, boy when you post a How-To, you really come up with a doozy!

This is a tough one, but my opinion is that even though your husband is the employer, he really needs NOT to be the one to say something to her. There is just way too much potential for harassment charges and the like. And honestly, I think she would rather hear it from a woman than a man. Less humiliating that way.

She may have medical issues, you never know. She may have a colostomy, or some other intestinal disorder. I just can't believe that the smell could be that strong, and she would be totally oblivious.

Yep, I agree. I'd be mortified in general (yet glad to know), but more so if a male supervisor told me. He may be able to get a female manager she hardly sees to talk about it, but otherwise they'll just have to live with the unpleasantness.

I suppose the silver lining for both him and I is that he's taken to wearing cologne as a barrier to the odor, which serves as an aphrodisiac for me. If nothing else, he has some loving to look forward to at the end of the day!

 

[TumbledLove]

Offer her a Tic-Tac. Tell her it's a new kind.. the kind you stick up your ass.

 

[captainklinker]

Exciting. Bold. Pungent. Fecal Mist is designed for the kind of woman who isn't afraid to get noticed. Embrace the danger. Feel the power. Squirt some Fecal Mist today.


Someone buy her a bottle of perfume.

 

[ddruid]

Re: Re: Re: Body odor?

Interesting. What did your friend do/say? I think it's easier among friends and spouses though, as most of us would rather know if we have a problem.

A bidet isn't an option in this case, sadly, but he'll read these responses when he gets home, and maybe some of the moist wipes or something similar would work.

He has never mentioned it to me but I'm very "scentsitive" and notice it most times I'm near her.

If the wipes were in the bathroom and no toilet paper were available her choices would be limited.

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Body odor?

He has never mentioned it to me but I'm very "scentsitive" and notice it most times I'm near her.

If the wipes were in the bathroom and no toilet paper were available her choices would be limited.

Yes, but if she can't reach for some reason, then the wipes won't help either.

Out of curiosity, has anyone had to deal with a lack of deoderant or bathing issue?

 

[watergirl]

well

I work sometimes in a shop where the master carpenter has serious BO. It's so kickin that there is sometimes a residual smell in his office, or out in the shop if he stands in one place for very long, the aura will linger after he walks away.

He's a super nice guy, and really good at his job, and kinda funny, and not bad looking. Single, of course. Sometimes he wears the same shirt (I Like Fire', 'You're just jealous cause the voices talk to me' - that kind of black shirt, white words) for a few days in a row.

Sometimes it is worse than others. A gal in town who used to work with him at his old job was like, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, him, yeah, he's totally known for the smell."

And the thing is, why can't someone just say something? Well, we figure that he must know, and just not care. He does live alone. Actually he just moved recently, and has slower internet at home, so sometimes he stays at the shop till all hours playing some online game (city of heroes or some such) and might or might not go home, we're not sure.

Sooo, we figure, he's a good guy, and a gamer geek, and if he wants to be a single guy with bad BO, well, such is life. He rides a bike to work sometimes and then lifts heavy things and welds and works and hey, he sweats. Why his particular BO is soooo bad, who knows - but, eh, it's just him. We deal.

GOOD LUCK with that lady at work! That's no good at all...

 

[JennyRocks]

The mysterious note idea would crush the poor lady. I wish there was a great solution to this, but there really isn't.

 

[lilminx]

A secretary at a school I worked at smelled the same way. It turned out she had rectal or colon cancer.

I don't have any suggestions to give you, but it sounds like the woman should get a health checkup.

 

[LindaL]

Interesting. How would you recommend that soap? Is there any sly way to do it without hurting her feelings?

Um, a nice holiday gift set? With ribbons and stuff? And coupons for a LOT more?

Then maybe say something like "it's been noted that your non-discretionary fragrance doesn't mesh well with this work environment. These are tools which may help change that discordance and make for a better-functioning team".

OK, they're sort of weaselly words, but they're less guilt and shame loaded, and what the hell, it might work.

 

[lilminx]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Body odor?

Yes, but if she can't reach for some reason, then the wipes won't help either.

Out of curiosity, has anyone had to deal with a lack of deoderant or bathing issue?

Yes. The music teacher at my school has the worst BO I've ever smelled on anyone. It's weird though- he doesn't work a job where he sweats a lot. We're not sure if he wears clothes that already smell, or if he doesn't wear anti-perspirant, or what. It 's horrible walking into the music room though.

Anyway, he helped us out with out Thanksgiving Play, and as a gift, we gave him a nice basket of soaps and body washes.

His BO is as bad as ever.

My point is: giving someone a gift like that is not enough of a hint. I give gifts like that to people who don't smell, just because it's a nice gift.

 

[red_jane_doe]

This article had a few suggestions.

Also, I worked in a place where one of the women started dressing inappropriately as the weather got warmer (spaghetti strap tank tops with no bra and we worked in a daycare). The director just sent out a memo to everyone reminding them what the employee handbook stated about dress code and just reminded everyone that they needed to come to work wearing appropriate underwear, clothing and shoes. Maybe "clean" can be thrown in. If everyone is getting the memo, noone is being singled out.

 

[SweetErika]

This article had a few suggestions.

Also, I worked in a place where one of the women started dressing inappropriately as the weather got warmer (spaghetti strap tank tops with no bra and we worked in a daycare). The director just sent out a memo to everyone reminding them what the employee handbook stated about dress code and just reminded everyone that they needed to come to work wearing appropriate underwear, clothing and shoes. Maybe "clean" can be thrown in. If everyone is getting the memo, noone is being singled out.

Great article, thanks!

 

[done_got_old]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Body odor?

Yes. The music teacher at my school has the worst BO I've ever smelled on anyone. It's weird though- he doesn't work a job where he sweats a lot. We're not sure if he wears clothes that already smell, or if he doesn't wear anti-perspirant, or what. It 's horrible walking into the music room though.

Anyway, he helped us out with out Thanksgiving Play, and as a gift, we gave him a nice basket of soaps and body washes.

His BO is as bad as ever.

My point is: giving someone a gift like that is not enough of a hint. I give gifts like that to people who don't smell, just because it's a nice gift.

I'm surprised the students haven't said anything.

We had a math teacher with BO. Finally the kids couldn't take it any more and told him. Of course he was irate and tried to have them suspended. The BO improved, but there were still days he smelled.

 

[It'sasecret]

I remember a while ago hearing about some webite that will anonymously send an email to let people know of such problems.