Body Image (cont)?

[desiree_d]

I read 2 threads regarding body image in "How To" and "BDSM"....my question is similiar. I had a radical masectomy on only on my left side. It's caused me grief as my breasts were a very integral part of my sex life. The 2 men I have dated were to "freaked out" by the site.

Question for the men....are there any who wouldn't be? Thanks for all your honest answers.
desiree

 

[sethp]

Yes there are many men here who wouldn't be freaked out. Keep looking.

With me looking at women...it really comes down to the whole package and everything put together. One thing won't make me find a woman unattractive...and most men, whether they admit it or not, are the same way. What makes a woman unattractive to a man is usually a few things together. PM me a pic if you want!

Does that make sense?

 

[dave's thing]

well put seth.
It would not freaked me out either. I am not a "dater" for sex kind of person so I take the same point of view as seth as I tend to look at the whole package not just part of the package. Yea the physical scars may not be too pretty but don't let them become emotional scars. I think losing a tit would be same as losing any part of your body in that it takes time to overcome the challenges of the change. I know with me after I had a very serious head injury it took like forever to get a little balance back and even today after 20 years I still walk like I am drunk on lots of occasions.

I hope your recovery is quick and ever lasting. I just want to say that my admiration for women in your situation is over the top. I KNOW that you will come across the right guy for you.

 

[desiree_d]

Seth & Dave, thank you for your honest feedback. It's reassuring that all men aren't so shallow. I'm stil in the process of putting my "whole pkg" together...mind & body. It's taken a bit to even realize I was grieving a body part....Also, in getting divorced, I concentrated on my son's well being....now in the year I have to prepare for reconstruction, I will work on taking care of me....and the reconstruction is not just for appearance purposes, since I'm asymetrical, it does a number on my left side muscles and joints. Your comments made my day!!!

 

[billrichards41]

No I wouldn't be freaked out. That would be such an inconsiderate reaction that it's sad that you have meet individuals who acted like that.

 

[sethp]

Seth & Dave, thank you for your honest feedback. It's reassuring that all men aren't so shallow. I'm stil in the process of putting my "whole pkg" together...mind & body. It's taken a bit to even realize I was grieving a body part....Also, in getting divorced, I concentrated on my son's well being....now in the year I have to prepare for reconstruction, I will work on taking care of me....and the reconstruction is not just for appearance purposes, since I'm asymetrical, it does a number on my left side muscles and joints. Your comments made my day!!!

Awesome! That's good to know!

 

[albertaboy]

My thought would be a radical mastectomy is far better than the alternative.

I realize this isn't the same, but my daughter had a group b strep infection when she was born and spent 3 weeks in special care with massive amounts of antibiotics pumped into her and she survived with no issues except the anti biotics wrecked the enamel on her teeth. My daughter is very pretty and has huge amounts of work done to her mouth and when she was younger her less than perfect looking teeth really bothered her. Over time she has come to understand and accept that the ugly teeth are far better than the alternative and judging from the number of young men who chase her around they agree.

 

[dave's thing]

Seth & Dave, thank you for your honest feedback. It's reassuring that all men aren't so shallow. I'm stil in the process of putting my "whole pkg" together...mind & body. It's taken a bit to even realize I was grieving a body part....Also, in getting divorced, I concentrated on my son's well being....now in the year I have to prepare for reconstruction, I will work on taking care of me....and the reconstruction is not just for appearance purposes, since I'm asymetrical, it does a number on my left side muscles and joints. Your comments made my day!!!

Yea sounds like a total bummer that you are going through. Know that there is during and after. You are strong. You can do this. I and others will be there for you!

 

[NippleMuncher]

It's caused me grief as my breasts were a very integral part of my sex life. The 2 men I have dated were to "freaked out" by the site.

Question for the men....are there any who wouldn't be? Thanks for all your honest answers.
desiree

The question I would have is whether or not the men knew going in that you had the mastectomy without reconstruction or if it was sprung on them in the dark of a bedroom encounter?

Interestingly, I actually have a little bit of experience with this. A woman I was getting to know had a preventative double mastectomy because breast cancer ran in her family. Her surgery included reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy, and I was getting to know her during her recovery. We even fooled around while she was still in bandages - very carefully. Having gotten to know her, helped her through the surgery and recovery, it was not disconcerting for me at all. Had I not known and found her to be missing one or both breasts while in the middle of an intimate encounter, I probably would have been rather shocked and it probably would have ended the intimate encounter because I think the surprise would have dampened the mood sufficiently for both of us.

I am more interested in the mental and emotional depths of a woman than the packaging, however surprises like that should not be sprung on people. You should be open to your perspective partners about it to know beforehand whether they can handle it. If not, you've just saved yourself a lot of time and heart ache on someone not worthy of your time.

I wish you the best in your recovery, reconstruction, and quest to find a new person to share your life with.

 

[Wolf_Song]

I read 2 threads regarding body image in "How To" and "BDSM"....my question is similiar. I had a radical masectomy on only on my left side. It's caused me grief as my breasts were a very integral part of my sex life. The 2 men I have dated were to "freaked out" by the site.

Question for the men....are there any who wouldn't be? Thanks for all your honest answers.
desiree

I am not freaked out by such and helped several whom went through such, were facing it and post mastectomy dealings. Truest beauty and self are within and those who can only see the surface are the limited ones... not those who feel they are any less for any removed parts.

Also in helping some I referenced a thread here in Lit over the years and never did add an over due reply to it. So with reading your thread here I finally did and in reminder and for perusals as wished. Here it is...

radical mastectomy

Also using search in Lit with using Advanced Search option and using "Mastectomy" is what used to find that thread again and also it revealed more you may wish to look at. As well there are support groups online and offline. And the best in such are real people online and offline whom see you for your true inner and outer beauties... in this matter and all ones.

My compliments to you and all those whom understand and share so positively with you and others in this.


Wishing best to you in this and all lovely lady. ( with hugs )

 

[chipcarver]

I went through this with my ex. I was and will never be freaked out about it. I don't know what you have been told but beauty never lies on the outside. Those that get "freaked" out are only immature and not in touch with today's reality.
If you were here I would show you how much you could be and will be loved. I hope you heal soon in body, mind, and eventually find someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve.

 

[desiree_d]

The question I would have is whether or not the men knew going in that you had the mastectomy without reconstruction or if it was sprung on them in the dark of a bedroom encounter?


Your response was an example of a gentleman...caring for someone during a time of need. To answer your question, yes both men were aware of my situation. When a friendship starts to be more than platonic, I always mention the masectomy. After talking and even sharing my scar it was difficult when intimate because it was distracting to them. When admitting they were uncomfortable, we continued the friendship. You bring up a very good point....when becoming intimate, there should be no surprises like this....only fun ones

 

[NippleMuncher]

Your response was an example of a gentleman...caring for someone during a time of need. To answer your question, yes both men were aware of my situation. When a friendship starts to be more than platonic, I always mention the masectomy. After talking and even sharing my scar it was difficult when intimate because it was distracting to them. When admitting they were uncomfortable, we continued the friendship. You bring up a very good point....when becoming intimate, there should be no surprises like this....only fun ones

I can definitely see the distraction. To be honest, I would find it a little strange at first myself, but I'm not one to dwell on it other than to figure out how to work with the situation to make the encounter as good as it can be for you.

I've got scarring from major surgery that was very sensitive to the touch for several years after the fact. Having experienced that myself, I would be equally shy about touching you in a manner that may cause pain or discomfort. With practice and guidance from you, I would likely soon forget that anything was different at all.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Des, you need to allow PMs.

 

[UpNCumin]

I have a great deal of experience with this subject, as my wife of 27 years, surrendered her right breast to cancer a little over a year ago. It was a tough battle because before we knew it, things had progressed to stage four (breast cancer cells were found in her liver as well). We were informed that one in five people diagnosed with stage four cancer are still alive 5 years later. As of now, she is in complete remission and the last three PET scans showed no further activity.

One of the bad things about being the one in five however, is that you now have to watch four others die. Cancer survivors are a close-knit group and as a result my wife has watched 3 very close friends, also beautiful women succumb to the disease.

The biggest fear I had (as her husband), going in to this challenge was that this disease would take my wife away from me for any amount of time. Whether for a day, a year, or a lifetime. While in remission, every day I get to spend with her is another gift.

Seems to me, that to give up a few pounds of fatty tissue and a nipple, is a small price to pay as a consequence.

When asked how the loss of her breast effected her husband, she just says "It's no problem really, I just bought him an eye-patch."

I love my wife,
And she loves me.

 

[NippleMuncher]

When asked how the loss of her breast effected her husband, she just says "It's no problem really, I just bought him an eye-patch."

I love my wife,
And she loves me.

That's a wonderful perspective! I love it! May your wife remain cancer free.

 

[NightL]

Clicked "Like"

I have a great deal of experience with this subject...

I love my wife,
And she loves me.

Clicked "Like"

I really wish we had a "Like" button for Literotica posts as some other forums have.

 

[UpNCumin]

Thank you both, you're very kind.

 

[abby4u2]

I have a great deal of experience with this subject, as my wife of 27 years, surrendered her right breast to cancer a little over a year ago. It was a tough battle because before we knew it, things had progressed to stage four (breast cancer cells were found in her liver as well). We were informed that one in five people diagnosed with stage four cancer are still alive 5 years later. As of now, she is in complete remission and the last three PET scans showed no further activity.

One of the bad things about being the one in five however, is that you now have to watch four others die. Cancer survivors are a close-knit group and as a result my wife has watched 3 very close friends, also beautiful women succumb to the disease.

The biggest fear I had (as her husband), going in to this challenge was that this disease would take my wife away from me for any amount of time. Whether for a day, a year, or a lifetime. While in remission, every day I get to spend with her is another gift.

Seems to me, that to give up a few pounds of fatty tissue and a nipple, is a small price to pay as a consequence.

When asked how the loss of her breast effected her husband, she just says "It's no problem really, I just bought him an eye-patch."

I love my wife,
And she loves me.

What an amazing Man you are! The kind of husband every wife desires. Bless you both, that she will continue to flourish, and that you will have a very long and happy life together!

 

[paulthewetcd]

I read 2 threads regarding body image in "How To" and "BDSM"....my question is similiar. I had a radical masectomy on only on my left side. It's caused me grief as my breasts were a very integral part of my sex life. The 2 men I have dated were to "freaked out" by the site.

Question for the men....are there any who wouldn't be? Thanks for all your honest answers.
desiree

The responses to you have been wonderful, and I wish to echo them.

No, your scars would not have turned me away; rather, if you share them with me it is an opportunity to share your pain and lighten a burden you have been carrying alone.

I have had the honor (and pleasure!) of intimacy with a woman with a mastectomy. No regrets!

 

[paulthewetcd]

Brave and Beautiful Book

See The Scar Project.
Artistic photos of women who have had mastectomy.

 

[bob53]

An ex had her leg amputated and her pelvis broken in 7 places. Lots of plates holding it all together and they did not get everything straight. Her mound was even lopsided.
For me it was primarily a matter of knowing what places were still very painful so that I could be sure to cause only a pleasurable touch. That was the most difficult as occasionally there would be a spot that was enjoyable that all of a sudden was now painful. Just a matter of open honest communication to be sure of an enjoyable experience for both of us.
The nerve damage and phantom pains in her amputated leg were crazy so based on that I would expect that there will be areas of your breast that you might experience some of the same. The important thing is open communication and neither of you can assume anything. T
Be open and honest. Be sure to make the time to show what feels good and what can be painful.

 

[desiree_d]

Thank you

Thank you for sharing and the encouragement. I think I've finally gotten PM straightened out, thanks to all who also sent me messages. The community has been very kind...I've learned alot about myself and that there are still good people out there!

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

desiree_d This is a copy of a comment I made to redslady who has a similar problem and posted on the BDSM board.



I'm not as eloquent as many others here but, here are my thoughts.

The scars on your body should be worn with pride. They are the signs of your courage and determination to battle and defeat an enemy that was determined to kill you. You beat that enemy and bear the scars of that battle and your courage with pride.

You have no more to be ashamed of then any of our military men and women who have been scarred in other types of battles with enemy's who also tried to kill them.

The marks from your battle does not define you they do define your courage and perseverance. Any man worth his salt will understand and appreciate that.

Never be ashamed of wounds you received in battle.

I hope this helps.

Mike

I remember a movie I once saw. The beautiful woman ended up in the middle of a bar brawl. The next morning the maid told her she had a black eye and asked who gave it to her. Her answer: "No one gave it to me I fought for it."

No matter how careful you are there will be guys who are squicked by your scars. I spent a lot of time in the medical field and scars and things don't bother me. I'm a rather large guy 6' 3" and 240lb. but fuzzy caterpillars freak me out. The point I am trying to make, perhaps poorly, is it is not your problem it is the guy's problem and that is not your responsibility.

 

[Vixandra]

I'm a woman so perhaps not exactly the opinion you're looking for but I do like women as well as men.

Your scars don't mark you as someone sexually maimed or broken. They do not make you ugly or undesirable. To me, scars, especially ones from surgery or a grievous wound are the signs of a fighter. Someone who fought to live, fought to be here and in a way, fought to stay alive so we could eventually meet, even if they didn't know it at the time.

My husband has some pretty heavy scarring from multiple open-heart surgeries he went through as a kid and teenager. The first time I saw them, they were just another aspect of him that I loved and wanted to trace my way down. I've seen/heard other women turn away in disgust at the scars but to me they're beautiful- they mean he's alive and even though the fight was a hard one, he made it through.

For me, and for many of the men here, it is what lies within a woman that makes the difference. A beautiful bitch at the end of the day in the dark is just a bitch but a kind woman with a loving heart is a great person to come home to.