blowjob

[dixie_chick2126]

I have been with my husband for over a year. The entire time that we dated the sex and blowjobs were incredible. But lately I have to ask or beg for sex. He won't let me go down on him either. But I catch him masterbating all of the time. I haven't changed my appearance from when we dated and I know he is not cheating because he is always with me. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I could do to get him more in the mood or does anyone have any pointers on giving an incredible blowjob? Thanks.

 

[larrycando]

I have been with my husband for over a year. The entire time that we dated the sex and blowjobs were incredible. But lately I have to ask or beg for sex. He won't let me go down on him either. But I catch him masterbating all of the time. I haven't changed my appearance from when we dated and I know he is not cheating because he is always with me. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I could do to get him more in the mood or does anyone have any pointers on giving an incredible blowjob? Thanks.

Read him some sex stories. Ask him what he is jacking off to. If he has an interest in other men or women, get it started with him. Threesomes can be hot.

 

[EJFan]

short of suggesting having an open conversation with him about it, i really have nothing to offer here. my gut tells me, however, that if he's refusing your advances, it has less to do with your abilities and/or appearance than it has to do with some psychological factor inside of him.

change isn't a bad thing and there may be an opportunity here to try some new things with him for the sake of variety. i surely wouldn't place any of the responsibility for this different behavior on myself if i were in your shoes... nor would i change things just because i felt responsible.

 

[dixie_chick2126]

I have asked him what he is jacking off to. I have brought up everything from porn to him using a vibrator but nothing helps. He tells me thta everything I do feels wonderful and that he wants to do it all of the time but then he never does. He was recently diagnosed with a small brain tumor. They said it wasn't cancer and was nothing to worry about. When I asked his dr about the symptoms she said there would not be any. I wonder if this might be the problem. But all of the problems with sex started before the tumor.

 

[larrycando]

How old are the two of you?

 

[KINDGIRL]

I have no idea on the brain tumor...

BUT I can say that my husband was/is very similiar. For years all I wanted was a "normal" sex life and he would be 'too tired' or it was too hot or he'd tell me we'd do it in the morning... He was jacking off as well. In fact he'd wake me up doing it right there in the bed with me beside him!
It was hurtful and I grew resentful. He offered no clues or explanations as to his behavior. When I addressed it (MANY times over the years) I got: "I'm sorry" and "I'll try harder". Once he said that I intimidated him sexually and that sex was much more important to me that it was to him.

It has been about 5 or 6 years now. He has told me to go elsewhere for sex and I have. Now it seems he wants to reconnect and I am not really sure that I do. The man is never home, and when he is he is angry and grumpy and fairly passive-aggressive. He can't communicate outright - which may be the root of the sexual issue. I mean isn't sex communication at the most primal level?

I'm sorry you are going through this dixie-chick, even though it is not quite the same. I have no advice, just a DEEP understanding of how it feels to be rejected for no (known) reason.

 

[EJFan]

i'm certainly not a doctor but any brain tumor is something to be concerned about regardless of whether it's cancerous or not. i would suspect that its location and pressure it causes can have any number of affects on the brain.

have you told him (in a non-sexual setting) that you've noticed that, while he says he's interested, he doesn't seem responsive/receptive to sexual activity and you're confused as to why this conflict exists?

 

[Maxell46]

I have no idea on the brain tumor...

BUT I can say that my husband was/is very similiar. For years all I wanted was a "normal" sex life and he would be 'too tired' or it was too hot or he'd tell me we'd do it in the morning... He was jacking off as well. In fact he'd wake me up doing it right there in the bed with me beside him!
It was hurtful and I grew resentful. He offered no clues or explanations as to his behavior. When I addressed it (MANY times over the years) I got: "I'm sorry" and "I'll try harder". Once he said that I intimidated him sexually and that sex was much more important to me that it was to him.

It has been about 5 or 6 years now. He has told me to go elsewhere for sex and I have. Now it seems he wants to reconnect and I am not really sure that I do. The man is never home, and when he is he is angry and grumpy and fairly passive-aggressive. He can't communicate outright - which may be the root of the sexual issue. I mean isn't sex communication at the most primal level?

I'm sorry you are going through this dixie-chick, even though it is not quite the same. I have no advice, just a DEEP understanding of how it feels to be rejected for no (known) reason.

WOW! You sound like a special wonderfull friend I know! She could have written most of that herself!

I've no answer for you Dixie-Chick But it will eventually destroy a marriage if it doesn't get resolved!!!
That brain tumor sounds like what I'd look further into.

Could it also be: "I can fuck my girlfriend...
but now she's my "wife" and I look at her differently.Shes my spouse.We took vows...
The Madonna/Wife syndrom?( not Madonna the singer )
Just a thought.

 

[KINDGIRL]

WOW! You sound like a special wonderfull friend I know! She could have written most of that herself!

Really? Well I feel for her, too! Tough, tough place to be. she is lucky to have you.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

There is another dimension or two to this. Guys start jacking off when they are still kids. They become comfortable with it. In fact, more comfortable with Wanda Palm than with actual sex.

The other notion that pops into my distorted mind is that guys tend to be sexual momentarily. That is, they wake up in the middle of the night ready to go. They become arroused at odd time, like when you are cooking dinner or doing the laundry. So they take care of it themselves.

Unfortunately, both of these leave you out in the cold.

 

[dixie_chick2126]

I am 24 years old and he is 29. Our sex life was fine up till about 3 or 4 months ago. Then everything changed.Does anyone have any pointers on how to give him an incredible blowjob?

 

[SweetErika]

I am 24 years old and he is 29. Our sex life was fine up till about 3 or 4 months ago. Then everything changed.Does anyone have any pointers on how to give him an incredible blowjob?

Did something change for him or in your relationship 3-4 months ago? How does he account for the difference?

As for blowjob tips, there are plenty in The Blank Manual sticky at the top of the main HT page, but I'm curious as to how you think that'll help when he won't let you go down on you and you have to beg for sex.

 

[dixie_chick2126]

Nothing has changed in the past 3-4 months...he says he is depressed. That is all. Then he tells me that he is never in the mood but he jacks off, which he has never done(to my knowledge) He always said that he was never able to orgasm by masterbating. This he told to a friend of his that later told me. He says that he has not changed at all. I was just wanting the tips so maybe if the time came and he let me go down on him that I could show him something that would make him want me more..

 

[naughtygirl69s]

Nothing has changed in the past 3-4 months...he says he is depressed. That is all. Then he tells me that he is never in the mood but he jacks off, which he has never done(to my knowledge) He always said that he was never able to orgasm by masterbating. This he told to a friend of his that later told me. He says that he has not changed at all. I was just wanting the tips so maybe if the time came and he let me go down on him that I could show him something that would make him want me more..

learning how to give a better BJ is the LEAST of your problems.

 

[Eilan]

Nothing has changed in the past 3-4 months...he says he is depressed. That is all.

That's all? Sounds like more than enough to me.

Here's a wonderful thread dealing with depression. Both you and your husband might want to take a look.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=303914

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

Depression can have a huge negative effect on sex and relationships. I'd suggest sending him to a good doctor (a psychiatrist would be best) and individual and couples therapy.

Be aware that our brains stop producing the chemicals that produce that incredible lust/excitement/walking on air feeling that many mistake for love at the beginning of relationships within the first 2 years. That's one of the reasons it's inadvisable to make big commitments in that short of a time. Since it sounds like you haven't been together for two years, this may be contributing to his lack of desire. Added to depression, the stress of everyday life and other issues, and you've got a big problem.

Hopefully both of you can get some help in working this out.

 

[Explaura]

I am a pretty darn sexual person normally, but I am also suceptible to depression.. There have been times when I have totally lost my sex drive. Once in particular.. for a couple months. I felt really bad about it. I would have sex with my boyfriend occasionally because I felt like I was being unreasonable and unfair to him with my noninterest and then I would be so upset later. I felt like I was raping myself almost (I guess that is kindof strong but it was somewhat awful.) I was just totally not into it. And when the depression issues were cleared up, it all came right back. Unfortunately the issues for me revolved around not being happy in my relationship. But if your man is worried about health problems it makes a lot of sense to me that he might just not be turned on at all. Maturbation is almost something else for men I understand. It can be like a comfort thing, rather than sexual. I would say try to communicate about what he is upset about and don't put to much pressure on him. Pressure can't help. Maybe counseling for him would..

 

[eastofthemoon]

Is he on any meds for the tumor or anything else? Meds can change the sex drive in some men. And depresion could do it as well. Sounds like you and him need to seek professional help. I'm always ready for sex as long as the woman appeals to me. My number one turn-on is a woman wearing a mans shirt, unbuttoned, no bra with g-string, thigh high nylons with the stripe up the back of the leg, high heels, nice soft perfume, and several rings on her fingers, long painted nails. I can't imagine a man not going for a blow job. I had girl friend years ago that couldn't figure out how to keep her teeth back while going down. That's the only BJ's I ever turned downed.

My wife drives me crazy when she gently strokes the back of my sac and balls with her nails just before I climax, makes me cum very hard every time. I like enough light to she her eyes. Looking into the guys eyes as your going down is very hot. Massaging the balls and gentle nail strokes while going down is sure fire climax.

 

[Interest06]

The desire to masturbate comes often when I'm under great stress from something, it doesn't have to be a sexual thing at all, maybe that's the reason for him masturbating. It usually helps to relax or take your mind off of things.

 

[Phalanx1710]

I'd say that everything you need to say is in the line 'I know he's not cheating because he's always with me.'

Give the guy some space. I was in a relationship earlier this year and my girlfriend was living with me. She didn't do anything while I was out and didn't seen to want to be with her friends and so spent all her time around me, giving me no time to see friends or do anything I wanted to without feeling guilty about leaving her alone.
After a while being around her made me depressed because it was the only thing I ever did, and I relished any chance to be on my own, even going to Uni was favourable to staying in bed in the mornings (no joke). And of course sex with her didn't turn me on anymore and I wasn't enthusiastic.

Give him some space and let him do his own thing and feel like he has his own life that doesn't always revolve around being married and I guarantee you it will work wonders. Unfortunately I had to break up with my girlfriend because she didn't understand where I was coming from, but I hope that things work out differently for you.

Good luck!

 

[arenth8]

learning how to give a better BJ is the LEAST of your problems.

True, but if she needs someone to practice on

I can't understand a man of that age not wanting sex in any way he can get it. that is just not normal. When I was his age I swear I could do it any time of day and several times a day. I think you're on the right track to suspect a depressive problem.
One more thing to consider is his health. I have several health issues and the medications I take have had a definite impact on my preformance.
In either case I think a medical and phychiatric exam are both in order.
Good luck.