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blowing your nose at the dinner table..

JohnnySavage said:
I've never had one. You were disappointed with yours?
Click to expand...

Very much so. Turns out she wanted to have sex for money. I was looking for someone to house sit. I was going to let it go as a simple miscommunication but she got all upset and before you know it there were cankles and muffin tops all over the place, red hair flying. It was a mess. Finally had to toss a Twinkie in the other direction so I could make my getaway.
 
redheadedtxn said:
Is gross. So is chewing with your mouth open.

What grosses you out?

Also, if you stay over at a girl's apartment, put the fucking seat down!
Click to expand...

Every time I eat at godmother's at least one dish is looking back at me...

:eek:

Sometimes they even keep the fish head alive so it looks like it is chewing gum with an open mouth.

:eek: :eek: :confused:
 
4est_4est_Gump said:
Every time I eat at godmother's at least one dish is looking back at me...

:eek:

Sometimes they even keep the fish head alive so it looks like it is chewing gum with an open mouth.

:eek: :eek: :confused:
Click to expand...

I thought it would be cool to go to a dinner where the pig's head was sitting on the table. I went to a formal function many years ago and sat close to the front of the pigs head. I kept expecting it to start 'oinking'. I did not stick around long.
 
4est_4est_Gump said:
You did not ask for the apple?



:D maybe it had a worm saying, "Here's looking at you kid..."
Click to expand...

I was freaked about the pig's head as you were the fish head. Kind of like seeing the real thing your eating with images of 'Miss Piggy' or 'Finding Nemo' running through your head. :D
 
redheadedtxn said:
Is gross. So is chewing with your mouth open.

What grosses you out?

Also, if you stay over at a girl's apartment, put the fucking seat down!
Click to expand...
All well and good but if the other options are

1. Take a pill that knocks me out cold
2. Sit there with snot running down my face.
3. Excuse myself every 60 seconds to go blow somewhere else

this allergy sufferer is going to blow at the table.
 
rosco rathbone said:
All well and good but if the other options are

1. Take a pill that knocks me out cold
2. Sit there with snot running down my face.
3. Excuse myself every 60 seconds to go blow somewhere else

this allergy sufferer is going to blow at the table.
Click to expand...

At or under...?
 
Oh, well...I can see how allergies would interfere w/blowjobs under the table. Though, that never really entered my mind. I guess that what handkerchiefs are for.
 
Johnny_Ray_Wilson said:
Oh, well...I can see how allergies would interfere w/blowjobs under the table. Though, that never really entered my mind. I guess that what handkerchiefs are for.
Click to expand...

Between the steroid spay, the asthma medicine and over-the-counter anti-histamines, I can not blow my nose at the table with the best of them.


Standing up too fast when a lady enters the room, not so much...
 
Johnny_Ray_Wilson said:
I thought it would be cool to go to a dinner where the pig's head was sitting on the table. I went to a formal function many years ago and sat close to the front of the pigs head. I kept expecting it to start 'oinking'. I did not stick around long.
Click to expand...

Back when I was in my early 20s, four of us pooled our money and bought a really nice house in a swanky neighborhood of mostly early retirees. Needless to say, we weren't very popular with the neighbors.

One weekend we decided to have a pig roast. The problem was, we didn't have a pig. So, being smart young guys, we figured we'd head out to the country and find one. I mean, pigs can't be that hard to find.

Well... after driving for a couple of hours, and having polished off various flavors of alcohol, we came upon a pig farm. It was late at night and, not wanting to disturb the pig farmer, we decided to help ourselves to one of the critters - always intending to send recompense to the farmer via mail, of course.

There were about 6 of us who piled out of the van and began the hunt. It wasn't much of a hunt though as the pigs were located in stalls in the barn. But still, it was very primeval. Myself and another guy who's name escapes me (due to my age and the various flavors of alcohol consumed that night) found a pig of suitable size and jumped in the pen.

Well, well, well... you've never in your life heard such a racket. Who knew pigs could make so much noise? We chased that little bastard from one side of the pen to the other, certain said pig would eventually tire. Such was not the case though and we had to call in reinforcements. Finally, with four of us crowded into the pen, we cornered the pig, and pounced.

Straw, water, pig food and pig shit went flying, but the pig was ours. We grabbed that pig and ran back to the van, throwing the pig in there and jumping in ourselves before it got away. Now let me tell you, it may sound glamorous, traveling the open roads in a van with your buddies and a pig, but it really wasn't. That pig was a vile creature... and the smell; my god, the smell!

Arriving home about 2 am, we realized we needed a hole in which to roast the pig. So phase II of the pig roast involved spending the next couple of hours digging that hole in the back yard. I could see the neighbors turning on their lights and looking out the window to see what was going on, but by that time they'd become accustomed to our strange ways.

About 5 am we were ready to start the fire. And what a glorious fire it was. In hindsight we probably used too much gasoline, but if you are going to build a fire, then build a fire Satan himself would be proud of.

As the inferno died down and the wood became coals, we realized we had no idea how to actually roast a pig, but we'd seen it done on tv. So we dispatched the pig with an axe, gutted it, and threw it on the coals. Then we covered it up with dirt and sat back waiting for the feast.

About 9 am the cops showed up, alerted to the strange goings on by nosy neighbors. As I looked out the front door, I saw three cops standing by the mail box taking pictures. Whatever could they be taking pictures of? Well, it turns out that one of my house mates decided it'd be a good idea put the pig's head on the flag of the mail box: a kind of "welcome to our pig roast" sign.

At the end of the day, we pled guilty to Grand Theft Pig; making an unauthorized fire; disorderly conduct (one of my friends got a bit sassy with the po-po (alcohol induced)); and, assorted other citations. We never did get to eat the pig because the police made us dig it up and put the fire out with our garden hose.

I had to spend weekends in jail for two months and pay the pig farmer well above market price for his pig.

The moral to the story is: Beware of nosy neighbors.
 
cool story. i stole a deer out of a neighbors tree he had hanging up. drunk as hell and didn't care. but i never got caught.





JohnnySavage said:
Back when I was in my early 20s, four of us pooled our money and bought a really nice house in a swanky neighborhood of mostly early retirees. Needless to say, we weren't very popular with the neighbors.

One weekend we decided to have a pig roast. The problem was, we didn't have a pig. So, being smart young guys, we figured we'd head out to the country and find one. I mean, pigs can't be that hard to find.

Well... after driving for a couple of hours, and having polished off various flavors of alcohol, we came upon a pig farm. It was late at night and, not wanting to disturb the pig farmer, we decided to help ourselves to one of the critters - always intending to send recompense to the farmer via mail, of course.

There were about 6 of us who piled out of the van and began the hunt. It wasn't much of a hunt though as the pigs were located in stalls in the barn. But still, it was very primeval. Myself and another guy who's name escapes me (due to my age and the various flavors of alcohol consumed that night) found a pig of suitable size and jumped in the pen.

Well, well, well... you've never in your life heard such a racket. Who knew pigs could make so much noise? We chased that little bastard from one side of the pen to the other, certain said pig would eventually tire. Such was not the case though and we had to call in reinforcements. Finally, with four of us crowded into the pen, we cornered the pig, and pounced.

Straw, water, pig food and pig shit went flying, but the pig was ours. We grabbed that pig and ran back to the van, throwing the pig in there and jumping in ourselves before it got away. Now let me tell you, it may sound glamorous, traveling the open roads in a van with your buddies and a pig, but it really wasn't. That pig was a vile creature... and the smell; my god, the smell!

Arriving home about 2 am, we realized we needed a hole in which to roast the pig. So phase II of the pig roast involved spending the next couple of hours digging that hole in the back yard. I could see the neighbors turning on their lights and looking out the window to see what was going on, but by that time they'd become accustomed to our strange ways.

About 5 am we were ready to start the fire. And what a glorious fire it was. In hindsight we probably used too much gasoline, but if you are going to build a fire, then build a fire Satan himself would be proud of.

As the inferno died down and the wood became coals, we realized we had no idea how to actually roast a pig, but we'd seen it done on tv. So we dispatched the pig with an axe, gutted it, and threw it on the coals. Then we covered it up with dirt and sat back waiting for the feast.

About 9 am the cops showed up, alerted to the strange goings on by nosy neighbors. As I looked out the front door, I saw three cops standing by the mail box taking pictures. Whatever could they be taking pictures of? Well, it turns out that one of my house mates decided it'd be a good idea put the pig's head on the flag of the mail box: a kind of "welcome to our pig roast" sign.

At the end of the day, we pled guilty to Grand Theft Pig; making an unauthorized fire; disorderly conduct (one of my friends got a bit sassy with the po-po (alcohol induced)); and, assorted other citations. We never did get to eat the pig because the police made us dig it up and put the fire out with our garden hose.

I had to spend weekends in jail for two months and pay the pig farmer well above market price for his pig.

The moral to the story is: Beware of nosy neighbors.
Click to expand...
 
redheadedtxn said:
Is gross. So is chewing with your mouth open.

What grosses you out?

Also, if you stay over at a girl's apartment, put the fucking seat down!
Click to expand...

Johnny_Ray_Wilson said:
*sneezes, blows nose*


If you stay at a guy's apartment, raise the fucking seat up!
Click to expand...

I've never really understood either of these demands. Is it a matter of she doesn't want to look before she sits? He doesn't want to piss with his eyes open? As far as I'm concerned if you sit on the toilet without looking, if you piss with out checking where, you deserve the wet ass or splattered mess you get. :mad:



Comshaw
 
Comshaw said:
I've never really understood either of these demands. Is it a matter of she doesn't want to look before she sits? He doesn't want to piss with his eyes open? As far as I'm concerned if you sit on the toilet without looking, if you piss with out checking where, you deserve the wet ass or splattered mess you get. :mad:



Comshaw
Click to expand...

Actually, it is about not flipping the light switch on when you do not want to wake up your sex partner. Red and I covered this somewhere in this thread after our 1st respective posts.
 
brushing your hair at the table :eek:


as for you, mr savage, the neighbours probably thought you were into cannibalism. poor little piggy. shame on you. :(
 
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