Blonde Jokes...

[funny_guy]

Anyone got anyfavorites? (This is inspired by Rosebud's post )
I have two:
A blonde walks into a barbershop wearing headphones and asks for a hair cut. The barber says, "You have to take off those headphones," and she says, "No, I can't take off my headphones." So, he cuts her hair as best he can and she leaves. In walks another blonde wearing headphones, but she also refuses to take them off. So, he cuts her hair around them and she leaves. As she is leaving, ANOTHER blonde wearing headphones walks in. Same spiel, she refuses to take them off. Now, this barber is getting mighty curious, so, he yanks the headphones off of her head. And she dies. Slowly, he puts them to his ears and hears...
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"Breath in...Breath out....Breath in....Breath out..."



2. There is a magic mirror in the womens room of a restaurant. If you say something true, it showers you with gifts. If you say something false, it transports you to a cosmos in the center of the universe (bad thing, that). So, a burnette walks up to it and is fooling around with her hair. She says, "I think I have the best hair in the world," and poof, she's gone. Then a red-head walks up, rearanging her dress. She says, "I think I have the best body in the world," and poof, she's gone. Then a blonde walks up (you knew it was coming). She stands in front of the mirror for a second, and then says, "I think--" and poof, she's gone.
What'd you think?

 

[funny_guy]

Nobody likes my jokes. Must be too many blondes on this board...

 

[Rosebud]

i am blonde but i will play with you....

A redheaded guy and a blonde girl go to a drive-in movie. 15 minutes in to the movie the guy asks the blonde if she wants to go in the back. The blonde says "no". A little later he asks again same reply "no". About the end of the movie he asks again, same reply "no". The guy finally asks "why". She replies "Cause I want to stay up here with you".


A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?", he asks.
"It's of a big rooster," she replies.
"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."
When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads him over to
the kitchen table where she has it laid out. He takes one look at what she's been
struggling with and says, "Oh, for fuck sakes, put the cornflakes back in the
box!"

Blondes, having endured years of abuse, have finally responded.
Here's what they have to say about redheads and brunettes!

* REDHEADS

* How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
* Say something

* How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
* Wait 10 seconds

* If you love a Redhead, set her free ... if she
follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts
your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

* What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
* The piranha. They only attack in schools.

* What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
* Normal.

* What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
* A redhead!

* How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
* She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl

* How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
* There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.

* Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead
happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.


* BRUNETTES

* What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
* A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

* What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
* No one else wants it.

* What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
* Invisible.

* What's a brunette's mating call?
* "Has the blonde left yet?"

* Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
* The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

* Why is the brunette considered an evil colour?
* When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

* What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
* The invitation.

* What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
* A hostage.

* Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
* It matches their mustache

 

[funny_guy]

ha ha. I'm glad I'm not a red-head or a burnette. I've only got plain brown hair. Wait a sec.... Its not as much fun when you're making fun of me.

 

[Rosebud]

Just stand in front of me....I am sure that there will be tomatoes coming....

 

[funny_guy]

Why can't we all just make fun of the Canadian's, or something.

 

[Rosebud]

no let's not piss the canadian's off...we have pretty much covered everyone on this thread anyway...have you noticed that alot of people are reading this but no one but us are posting...Kindof makes me feel like i am putting on a show....

 

[RoseofBlue]

It's a good show you are putting on, really enjoy the jokes.
RoseofBlue

 

[funny_guy]

I know. I guess we're too funny for people or something. Maybe we offended too many people. We can always make fun of the Matians, though. Right? I mean, because they aren't around to stick up for themselves.

 

[RoseofBlue]

I guess your jokes are just so funny that we all can't compete. I have a blond brain cell (I was blond as a child)so I can appreciate jokes about blonds and brunettes. You only get offended if you have no sense of humor.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Thanks for the redhead jokes...

Unfortunately, they all sound too familiar, and that ain't funny.

 

[CreamyLady]

Sigh. I was a redhead until my hair went grey -- still have some red in it, too.

That was funny, but all too true.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Blondes do it with Matians

Originally posted by funny_guy We can always make fun of the Matians, though. Right? I mean, because they aren't around to stick up for themselves.

Hey wait a minute there hilarious man ... i have met some Matians who were nice ... and just cause they're not around to stick up for themselves .. hey don't even go there.

Q: how does a blonde turn off the lights when she has sex?
A: she closes the car door.

 

[ShynCarolina]

Rosebud

Thank you very, very much. I was LMMFAO at the redhead jokes. It was definitely a laugh that I have been needing.

 

[Nicole]

Well at least Rosebud didn't do any Down Under Jokes. I should be happy about that at least.

 

[funny_guy]

Any Polish people here? Or how 'bout Jews. I got a really funny joke, but it sort of makes fun of male Jews. And I wouldn't want to offend anyone here..... at least, not too much. so, if you're a Jew, no offense, ok? I didn't make it up.

What happened when the naked Jewish man with an erection ran into the screened door?

He broke his nose.