Black Women & Interracial stories.

[BigTone4U]

Some writers here denigrate the Interracial genre. A pity because in England [I am English] it is an established fact that those marriage that are least likely to end in divorce are those between Black Women to White Men.
Why?
No one knows & the government discourages Academics from studying this fascinating gem. They fear that a fundamental truth may emerge.
I wish to discuss this with straight Black Women writers plus straight Black Women who want to study this.
An entire Universe is here.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Not a writer for Lit but that is quite interesting that those marriages are less likely to end in divorce. Hmm, offhand, I'd speculate that there is much more compromise, humbling, and patience to be had in these types of relationships. Particularly, when you're a woman of color and your entire truth has been shaped by external forces constantly reinforcing that you're not quite enough: pretty enough, smart enough, equipped enough, whole enough. To then bring that into a relationship with a man who, on the opposite end of the spectrum, has been consistently encouraged to "grab life by the horns," because the world is his oyster, there's a special level of give & take that has to occur to mesh those two lives together.
It's a barrier within itself that other couples wouldn't have to navigate or certainly not something of that magnitude until years into the relationship, whereas interracial couples are dealing with that from the beginning.

 

[BigTone4U]

Not a writer for Lit but that is quite interesting that those marriages are less likely to end in divorce. Hmm, offhand, I'd speculate that there is much more compromise, humbling, and patience to be had in these types of relationships. Particularly, when you're a woman of color and your entire truth has been shaped by external forces constantly reinforcing that you're not quite enough: pretty enough, smart enough, equipped enough, whole enough. To then bring that into a relationship with a man who, on the opposite end of the spectrum, has been consistently encouraged to "grab life by the horns," because the world is his oyster, there's a special level of give & take that has to occur to mesh those two lives together.
It's a barrier within itself that other couples wouldn't have to navigate or certainly not something of that magnitude until years into the relationship, whereas interracial couples are dealing with that from the beginning.

Thank you.
Yes it is truly fascinating. It amuses me in one sense that governments ignore this by not funding a University to study this.
What are governments afraid of? There is nothing more important than our own human relations, i.e. marriage.
As a white man & from my own observations I can say that those black women are not subservient in their marriages to their white husbands. In fact they are often feisty.
Why do so many black women say that they are not pretty enough etc? That is absolutely not true. As a [white] man I can insist on that. Anyway, what is really pretty? We all of us are attracted to the opposite sex by physical looks but for a man those looks that are paramount in a woman are Bust & Lips.
When early woman evolved to give men sex all the time [previously it was just once year when in "Season"] women paraded to show off their Busts to assert that they could feed his babies. It was effective sexual propaganda - & so, the Hour-glass figure was borne & came to us, & her Bust still looms large in a mans assessment of a woman. Lips too but for other sexual reasons. Non-consensual sex started in those far off years & remains embedded in our genetic sexual compulsion.
However, it is true that white men do believe that Black Women are superior to white women in bed & whether that is a fact or not it is a belief most strongly held to this day. Unshakably so. Perhaps that is a clue to this mystery.
What do you think?

 

[BigTone4U]

Thank you.
Yes it is truly fascinating. It amuses me in one sense that governments ignore this by not funding a University to study this.
What are governments afraid of? There is nothing more important than our own human relations, i.e. marriage.
As a white man & from my own observations I can say that those black women are not subservient in their marriages to their white husbands. In fact they are often feisty.
Why do so many black women say that they are not pretty enough etc? That is absolutely not true. As a [white] man I can insist on that. Anyway, what is really pretty? We all of us are attracted to the opposite sex by physical looks but for a man those looks that are paramount in a woman are Bust & Lips.
When early woman evolved to give men sex all the time [previously it was just once year when in "Season"] women paraded to show off their Busts to assert that they could feed his babies. So, the Hour-glass figure came to us & her Bust still looms large in a mans assessment of a woman. Lips too but for other sexual reasons.
However, it is true that white men do believe that Black Women are superior in bed whether that is a fact or not it is a belief strongly held to this day.
What do you think?

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Thank you
. My name is Tony Farr.
Yes it is truly fascinating. It amuses me in one sense that governments ignore this by not funding a University to study this.
What are governments afraid of? There is nothing more important than our own human relations, i.e. marriage.
As a white man & from my own observations I can say that those black women are not subservient in their marriages to their white husbands. In fact they are often feisty.
Why do so many black women say that they are not pretty enough etc? That is absolutely not true. As a [white] man I can insist on that. Anyway, what is really pretty? We all of us are attracted to the opposite sex by physical looks but for a man those looks that are paramount in a woman are Bust & Lips.
When early woman evolved to give men sex all the time [previously it was just once year when in "Season"] women paraded to show off their Busts to assert that they could feed his babies. So, the Hour-glass figure came to us & her Bust still looms large in a mans assessment of a woman. Lips too but for other sexual reasons.
However, it is true that white men do believe that Black Women are superior in bed whether that is a fact or not it is a belief strongly held to this day.
What do you think?
Tony.

Thank you. I can appreciate a man who can follow directions as well as give them to me. *That part will always be our little secret.

There's a lot to unpack from what you wrote.

In fact they are often feisty.

I don't love this as a rebuttal to BW not being subservient as it is a stereotype in it's own right, isn't it? The "sassy" black woman. You'll need to try again with that one. Though, I get the point you were going for.

Why do so many black women say that they are not pretty enough etc?

Is this an honest question or rhetorical? I'm hoping for the latter as I touched on this in my OG reply. That's the result of literally all forms of media (TV, print, social, etc) mixed with an unhealthy and unfortunate amount of real life experiences (i.e. classmates, coworkers, "friends," strangers) pushing their standards of beauty onto BW. Additionally, I'm not suggesting anything of the mentality of "all" BW as I cannot (nor can anyone) speak to this. Obviously, all BW, as all women, are not the same. As such, not all BW deal with confidence issues.

However, it is true that white men do believe that Black Women are superior in bed whether that is a fact or not it is a belief strongly held to this day.

I can't speak to this, but I'm highly doubtful of it.
It does lead me to wonder: what is your proof that interracial marriages last longer?

 

[BigTone4U]

Thank you. I can appreciate a man who can follow directions as well as give them to me. *That part will always be our little secret.

There's a lot to unpack from what you wrote.

I don't love this as a rebuttal to BW not being subservient as it is a stereotype in it's own right, isn't it? The "sassy" black woman. You'll need to try again with that one. Though, I get the point you were going for.

Is this an honest question or rhetorical? I'm hoping for the latter as I touched on this in my OG reply. That's the result of literally all forms of media (TV, print, social, etc) mixed with an unhealthy and unfortunate amount of real life experiences (i.e. classmates, coworkers, "friends," strangers) pushing their standards of beauty onto BW. Additionally, I'm not suggesting anything of the mentality of "all" BW as I cannot (nor can anyone) speak to this. Obviously, all BW, as all women, are not the same. As such, not all BW deal with confidence issues.

I can't speak to this, but I'm highly doubtful of it.
It does lead me to wonder: what is your proof that interracial marriages last longer?

Good. Well thought out.
My proof of the Black Woman White Man marriage superiority is data. Raw data that shows few divorces or even separations. In England the Government does love its statistics. the second rating on marriage & divorce is White Women to White men & the 3rd is Black Women to black men, whereas the last in the queue is White Women to Black men. I am, sure that pleases Black Women enormously.
Let me think again about the "Sassy" comment.
I do not doubt or question that the media etc may show that Black Women are somehow lesser than White Women. I am insisting that in the real World it is not so. White men do not "Undersell" Black Women. Certainly not this White Man.
In England Black Women do know that White Men want them just the same way that all men want women. In our schools Black Girls get very used to having White boys go for them.
I do suspect that the pushing factor is that it is the women that have the babies & a baby is a 20 years commitment & so all girls, all women must carefully asses which men can provide for a family & what men cannot do so. That means that Black Women are the arbiters as well as the strategic revolutionaries once again.
By giving men sexual "access" year round she brought together the nuclear family, then the extended family then the clan or tribe. No beast could withstand men working together. Women brought them together.
Women gave to men total superiority over all beasts in the World through her sexual evolution. I suspect that our little clever darlings are doing it again.

 

[BigTone4U]

Forgot to add that I did not say that Black Women are superior to White Women in bed.
I wrote that White Men believe that Black Women are superior in bed.
I personally believe that too. I only date Black Women.
That however has nothing to do with the base question about why such marriages succeed above all others. And they do.
All Women complain that Men pay too much attention to sex & Women regard us Men as pathetic for doing so.
However, what if Men are right to do so? What if sex is the key to a good life well lived?

 

[DennisB]

Just my two cents and limited experience in this subject; in interracial marriages, I think it takes an extra amount of effort from both people. I have dated women of color in my past and the one common thread we discovered were the comments we heard as we walked into the movie theater or at the restaurant. Now this was 30 to 40 years ago and attitudes were different back then but I still see the same behaviors nowadays.

We would walk and black people would make comments about her, “why is that fine woman with that white guy?” White people would make comments about me, “why is that guy with her, surely he can find a nice white girl to be with.” And worse comments. Although we tried to not let it bother us, even with the best armor on, some hate still manages to find a way through. We would steel ourselves together and carry on. I think that extra effort is the glue in a marriage. Just my opinion, but that effort, I think, changes the stats.

Now sexually……I don’t think it is a black and white answer, pardon the pun. Lol! Each and every woman is sexually different. OMG, just look at the differences here on Lit! Some women want sexy role play, some want to send pictures of themselves, some want phone sex, some want to just use a guy for their pleasure and move on, etc etc. So to say….”all whites women are this” or “all Hispanic women are that” or “all black women act this way” is a fallacy. Different women desire different things. Sadly, I did find one trait among black females and it may be because of age and experience but all the women that I dated and there were only four so the data pool was not very large, but they all shared one thing in common. Now they were all not virgins, they had all had lovers in the past but they were all black men. Now I am not stereotyping or being bias and like I said, my data pool is somewhat limited but I did notice this reoccurring sexual thing. When it came to diversified loving, their experience was stunted. Sadly their past lovers were just interested in fucking. Foreplay wasn’t done unless it was dick sucking. But all the fun other things that two people can explore weren’t done. When I inquired, the same theme was told to me over and over, “this is just how I do it, this is how my boyfriends in my past wanted it.” Explorations, creativity, expressing themselves, indulging and letting loose just weren’t there. Almost as if they were taught to inhibit themselves and only enjoy sex when it is this way. And “this way” was geared towards selfish boyfriends.

Like I said, this was years ago and my data is only limited to 4 women so it might be incorrect? I just found it troubling that not one of my former girlfriends had a different “way” of sexuality. Hispanic women all did. White girls all did.

I guess that is why nowadays when I watch porn or talk to women of color and they are into fur or satin or enjoy dressing up like Catwoman or toys or reading erotica, it is so sexy to me.

Actually when I reread this it sounds racist but that is the farthest thing from the truth. It is applauding a woman who has been inhibited sexually by her upbringing or society or her past, wakes up and realizes a whole world of sexuality out there. If she gets off wearing a tail, or a strap on or watching porn or swinging or being with another woman or whatever! I hope she finds someone that she can express her own unique sexuality open and freely and not be limited by what “he” thinks she should act like.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I mean, as a writer, there's a reason I denigrate the Interracial category, and that's because the category is (mostly) a pile of racist tropes piled on top of each other: BBC, black men wanting to "steal" white women, white guys badly trying to write AAVE, white women unable to control themselves around black men, submissive and/or dragon lady Asian women that might as well come from Yellow Peril pulp novels, etc.

It's not true of every story in there, of course. There are some really lovely interracial romances or just erotic stories that interrogate stereotypes and discuss cultural differences, for example. There are other that are explicitly dealing with consensual raceplay dynamics, dissecting and playing with racist tropes. But that's not 90%, or even probably 95% of the stories in there.

I sometimes write stories about couples that are mixed race, but it's either just a thing about the character in the stories and therefore is, at most, subtextual, (Meat Market, as an example) or it's discussed in a way that doesn't dehumanize either of them (Cultural Exchanges, which I swear I'll finish eventually). There are others where it feeds into the character's background (Tae in In Vitro Veritas). But it's never "white woman can't control herself around black cock and cuckolds her husband." Therefore, it doesn't go into Interracial, because that's what scores well there. It wasn't always that way, but it definitely is nowadays. The really good stuff, the interesting character studies or the ones playing with tropes, do better elsewhere.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Sadly, I did find one trait among black females and it may be because of age and experience but all the women that I dated and there were only four so the data pool was not very large, but they all shared one thing in common. Now they were all not virgins, they had all had lovers in the past but they were all black men. Now I am not stereotyping or being bias and like I said, my data pool is somewhat limited but I did notice this reoccurring sexual thing. When it came to diversified loving, their experience was stunted.

1) That lends itself well to my experience growing up in Southern America. BW just aren't approached by different ethnicities often or made to feel that other ethnicities can even find them physically attractive.
2) BM are applauded by their peers when they have relationships with other races. On the contrary, BW are made to feel as though dating outside of their race is some type of grave injustice, invariably setting the progress of her people back by centuries. It stems from family & friends, sure, but it's honestly from BM mostly, sadly & oddly.

 

[wholesome_soul]

Such an interesting topic, a lot of my family is mixed. My aunt and uncle's marriage seems to work mostly from him just doing what she says I think. She's also like 7 years older than him, they men in the 70s I think.

I live in Canada so mostly have dated white people. Anecdotally, white people have just less misogynist, and homophobic, which was great. But they have been low key racist. The most racist person I dated was Korean, but that's a story for a different thread. The Black men I've met, anecdotally, I've never actually dated because they just wanted to be bed mates and just lied about it and lead me on. Or had major control issues and red flag behavior. They also had major issues understanding basic respect for women and LGBTQ people.

I want to date another Black person, ideally Caribbean, but it's not with all the drama tbh. And again this is just my personal experience. My uncles, and grandfather were amazing men and taught me I deserve respect and to follow my goals. So I'm not trying to bring a whole race down with some bad experiences.

 

[RoperTrace]

Some writers here denigrate the Interracial genre. A pity because in England [I am English] it is an established fact that those marriage that are least likely to end in divorce are those between Black Women to White Men.
Why?
No one knows & the government discourages Academics from studying this fascinating gem. They fear that a fundamental truth may emerge.
I wish to discuss this with straight Black Women writers plus straight Black Women who want to study this.
An entire Universe is here.

I've seen a 'few' YT videos on that very phenomenon.

 

[Uncut1969]

Sometimes the miss my interracial relationship a lot !

 

[Uncut1969]

Black woman here....
At the end of the day, we make decisions based on our morals and beliefs and cultural customs. If those things are opposing, its hard to resolve conflict, parent together and live happily. Conflict will arise due to cultural differences, if one isnt flexible

And so is all the outside noise you hear! Probably not to much now a days but in late 80s. Early 90s it was difficult you were hated by both unfortunately it took. A toll on me ! I was young and diddnt know how to handle ! I could easily handle it now older wiser to not care !

 

[wholesome_soul]

I can only imagine. My aunt is white Canadian and my aunt is Black Jamaican, they met when she went to study at university Vancouver. They got married in 1980 and both of the families were annoyed, my uncle's family was so racist and my grandparents were upset because they were afraid my aunt you be treated badly. Apparently it was pretty hard at first, his family came to the wedding but they had seperate cutlery and utensils for her to eat from and they weren't invited to extended family functions.

Family aside they have an amazing marriage of 40+ years and proved everybody wrong. My uncle took to the culture like a fish to water, they lived in Jamaica for a long time, dude can make a mean jerk chicken and is the head chef for our rice and peas.

 

[AchtungNight]

I don’t have enough personal experience with interracial relationships to state an opinion about which race is best in bed. I will say I have known a few people with lasting white-black, White-Asian, and white-Latin relationships. Also a few where the races match. It’s hard to say with certainty if race is a factor as much as acceptance of the other person as partner on both sides. Regardless, my ficverse remains open to diversity. As does my personal life.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I've had one inter-racial relationship, with a part aboriginal girl, during my university years.

At the time she said she was half Italian. It was her explanation for her dark skin, black eyes, dark features. She may indeed have been half Italian, but I discovered many years later (courtesy of the internet), that she had an aboriginal mother, who might well have married an Italian migrant. I don't know, she never told me. I only met her mother once, years later.

It's a shame that even in the late seventies, a little koori girl from a small country town was so ashamed of the stigma of her race that she never told me who she really was.

For me, she had the most beautiful smile of any woman I've ever met, and I wrote juvenile poetry for her, and smoked a lot of dope with her. I loved her, and the notion that race had anything to do with that, or that race is something that gets fetishised, is almost obscene.