Bisexuality/bicuriosity and BDSM

[secreto_oscuro]

Hey all.

I just officially signed up today, though I've been reading the threads for quite a while. For that reason, I hope I don't come off as too much of a noob Anyway, I came here with a specific story, and I was wondering if anyone else can relate.

I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I also have strong submissive tendencies. However, that extends only to one gender...in short, I only get aroused by domination by males. My female fantasies have remained fairly vanilla, whereas my sexual thoughts regarding males are nearly always kinky in nature. I have not had any sexual experience with women, and I'm not sure if what D/s role I would take on with a female, if any. I do not get that submissive instinct that comes naturally to me with males.

Can anyone else relate to this situation? Any reasons as to why this may be? Your feedback is appreciated

 

[StrayKat]

I am a bisexual switch, not bi-curious, I had sex with women since I was very young and I have life long experience in it.

I can act both ways with men, it really depends on his personality. Unlike some, I do not react submissive at men that act very dominant/assertive, on the contrary they provoke sadistic streak in me.
I can imagine being submissive to someone who can outsmart me and kinda trick me into it. I like fun, friendly, intelligent men who dont make a show out of their dominant nature but rather keep it as something for me to discover in time.
Now I dont know if I make any sense but that is how I feel.

With women I am dominant exclusively, no exception.

I have no explanation for why I am the way I am, but I am looking forward to more answers, maybe I learn something about myself.

 

[vin_26m]

You could try fantasizing about being one of two female subs to a dom male. The male could make the other female dominate you. After she did that, he would have you switch roles, with you dominating her. Then you can see if you're more comfortable with either, both or neither.

Some people are always sub, always dom, can switch between sub and dom, or are situationally sub (woman submitting to men only) and/or situationally dom (women dominating women only).

 

[Bandit58]

I'm a bisexual woman, I am in a 6 year D/s relationship with a Dom who is 100% straight

I have had experience of being topped by both Him and another female at the same time and absolutely loved it. However I have no desire to enter into a relationship with a woman other than as a friend with benefits. The friend I have now is vanilla and we are both happily fine with that.

I would love to have another play session with a Domme though.....

 

[BiBunny]

I can top or bottom anyone, male or female, and can sometimes do both with the same person. Doesn't matter to me.

 

[secreto_oscuro]

Interesting responses, thank you.

StrayKat - I am like you in the sense that I don't have a rationale for my preferences. I've tried to think of an explanation as to why I might not be willing to submit to a female, and cannot really come up with one. Also, I do feel like if I were ever to top someone, I would be more willing to top a female rather than a male...but yet, I don't know why this is. Any suggestions?

vin_26m- I like your suggestion, it is a situation that interests me However, I almost feel like it's something I'd have to try in real life before coming to a definitive conclusion. Do you think that the fact that I don't feel instinctively toward women makes it less real, as if I'm trying to force a role?

Bandit58- I'm fairly certain my interest in women is mainly sexual as well. I'm not sure if I would be interested in a relationship with a woman, though I try not to let gender set boundaries for my feelings.

BiBunny- Thanks for your input, nice to have a wide range of responses

If anyone has an opinion on any of the questions I've posed, please feel free to take a shot at them.

 

[HottieMama]

I am bisexual and in fact the majority of my long term relationships have been with women. I say I am a switch because it is easier for people to understand than saying "I am a submissive who likes to Top women occasionally." I can not wrap my mind about submitting to a woman. My relationships with them have been as equals in every area except the bedroom. In the bedroom, I am in control whereas with a man I want a total D/s relationship both in bed and out. Like you, I do not get the sub instict with women and it seem ever-present with men.

 

[cf23430]

i am bi.....usally a swith with men....and with women.,....depending ont eh lady....I do have strap on sex with her.....so basically it all depends on the personality for me

 

[Etoile]

Don't worry about feeling you have to force yourself into one role or another. It's perfectly normal to be dom with women/sub with men, vanilla with women/kinky with men, vice versa, anything at all really. If you WANT to try something, then by all means try it. But if it's not in your nature, why worry about it? Don't feel you have to experience all sides of the equation - do what you know interests you.

 

[secreto_oscuro]

Don't worry about feeling you have to force yourself into one role or another. It's perfectly normal to be dom with women/sub with men, vanilla with women/kinky with men, vice versa, anything at all really. If you WANT to try something, then by all means try it. But if it's not in your nature, why worry about it? Don't feel you have to experience all sides of the equation - do what you know interests you.

Sounds like good advice to me

Thanks for the reassurance and the responses, everyone.

 

[hommax]

What my wife loves is to watch me having sex with our boyfriend just before we take care of her, I'm a switch too, with both, males and females.

 

[bdsm_fanatic]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Obviously there are many other people who feel the same (or similar) as you.

Just go with it and do what makes you happy.

Being dominated by men and not women... maybe you just need a mans 'touch' when it comes to that and you still like your women to be soft and submissive.

 

[Calabama]

Add me to the 'bisexual switch' list.

I am very very submissive with the men in my life, but have not yet found a woman that I feel submissive tendencies toward. Without exception, I am dominant when with a woman.

 

[13thFallenAngel]

I'm pretty much inexperienced in this but I find that I'm mostly submissive towards more dominant characters (male or female) but there is a sadistic side that just needs to be let out sometimes (usually towards people more submissive than I am).

This is really what I've observed about myself in RL but then again it really depends on each individual. Reckon I can be a switch when I'm in the mood.

 

[Guest]

Almost all of my experience has been with females. I'm neither dom nor sub with females although I consider myself a pleaser. It turns me on more to make her cum than to cum myelf. With guys it's mostly cyber fantasy and phone but I prefer to be sub to guys. In my case, I'm sure it has to do with penis size. I think in most cases, if not all, our relationships, sexual and non sexual depend a lot on our relationship to our parents. But I find it's best not to over analyze yourself. Enjoy, be happy and don't hurt anyone or let anyone hurt you.

 

[subwannabe]

I wish this site would identify gender in the public profile. I'm guessing you're female. All I can say is a repeat of what some others have already said. I wouldn't get hung up too much on definitions and stereotypes. You are what you are and what you feel and I would just go with the flow and not try to define or explain it. Everyone's different.