big question

[sindaria]

Ok after finding this site and finally realizing i am a sub a had a talk with the man in my life for the last 3 years... turns out he is a Dom so it was all good... but i have a big problem.... i know that i have been a sub for a short time but i prolly should have seen it sooner.... i am and have always had a lot of kinks but never tryed to tell my guy at the time becuse i am very shy... i have to say that stright sex has never done anything for me and i have never cum from it... i have be come a very good faker and now that i am enjoying things more i still have to fake it because i dont know how to relax enough to cum... i am terrified to say anything to my bf/Dom as this will cause hurt feelings from the last 3 years we have been together.. im stuck in a situation that i made myself and i am at a loss as to how to get out of it... HELP PLZ????


and the other part of this and let me say i dont want to top from the bottom or anything but i am also at a loss as to how to get him to do more. while getting some of his ideas to go away..... i have very few hard limits but one of them is water sports and he seems to think i would like that.... but there are plenty of things i would love to try that he hasnt brought up yet and i want a way to say that i want more w/o me sounding like i am trying to top from the bottom

 

[Ladythunder]

One of the biggest, and sometimes hardest steps in entering a new phase of a relationship is communication. Especially moving from a vanilla to a d/s oriented relationship.

Communtication is crucial here, else you may find yourself in the same sort of situation as you had as vanilla. Faking it. If you do that, then eventually you will likely question what you are getting from it and it goes downhill from there. Not to mention, the disservice you do both your Pyl and yourself by not being honest.

It would be perfectly reasonable to sit down and have a talk about limits, before you go any further. It is not topping from the bottom to have a sit down discussion and say "Honey, I would love to try x, y, and oh god yes, I want lots of z too, but 1, 2 and 3 really make me feel yuck and please don't go there"

A d/s relationship is a two way street, but your Pyl is not a mind reader.

 

[praefect]

That's a deep hole you dug there. 3 years. I can't think of any way you could tell him that without it causing mayor grief, hurt feelings and trust issues... oh man.

I'd almost go so far as to suggest to keep lying to him, the poor bastard.

...almost, but not quite. Tell him, be honest, work through it, try to rebuild trust, give it time, don't screw it up by being dishonest again. Instead of telling him you came to prevent his feelings to get hurt in the future, tell him it doesn't matter if you cum or not.

You should tell him now even if only so you don't end up have to tell him in 4 years after you could have told him the first time around that you're not having orgasms, or in 20 years. The longer you wait, the worst it's going to get, and the only "easy" way out is, well, leaving him.

Poor, poor, guy.

 

[Vixandra]

You've gotten some good advise so I have a question.

Do you cum when you masturbate? Do you know what makes you cum?

If so, ask him to do the same or similar things to you. Phrase it in a sexy, "come and get me Tiger-Sir" type of voice or whatever works for the two of you.

If not, why not? Have you ever?

 

[sindaria]

I have spoken to my Dom and explained to him .. he is quite angry w/ me but only because he feels i have lied to him..


to answer the question

when i was 19 as a gag gift i was given a dildo..... i used it and when i came i squirted everywhere and i guess i scared myself more than i relized i was very shelterd after a bunch of stuff and didnt know what the hell i had just done... to scared to let it happen again i get really tence during the build up and wont let it happen.. w/ myself or w/ others...

to fix this my Dom instead of learning to control an orgasim is going to help me to relax more so that i can cum hopefully it works

 

[Missgeorgi]

I have spoken to my Dom and explained to him .. he is quite angry w/ me but only because he feels i have lied to him..


to answer the question

when i was 19 as a gag gift i was given a dildo..... i used it and when i came i squirted everywhere and i guess i scared myself more than i relized i was very shelterd after a bunch of stuff and didnt know what the hell i had just done... to scared to let it happen again i get really tence during the build up and wont let it happen.. w/ myself or w/ others...

to fix this my Dom instead of learning to control an orgasim is going to help me to relax more so that i can cum hopefully it works

I have to say I once faked it regularly, but I am with a different partner now and dont think I could ever fake it again...

 

[VelvetDarkness]

when i was 19 as a gag gift i was given a dildo..... i used it and when i came i squirted everywhere and i guess i scared myself more than i relized i was very shelterd after a bunch of stuff and didnt know what the hell i had just done... to scared to let it happen again i get really tence during the build up and wont let it happen.. w/ myself or w/ others...

Not every woman squirts but it's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and most men find it really hot. If you haven't yet, you should explain what happened to your guy so that he knows what all this stems from. Knowledge is power and you're in the process of handing him more control over your body.

 

[darkenhorse]

You did the right thing in telling him, rest assured. No matter what happens now, it's almost certainly better than what would have happened had you stayed quiet.

Can I make a suggestion ? I claim no expert knowledge here but it might help.

You've obviously had a good deal of worry about this issue, and now you feel as if you must cum to make up for your previous dishonesty with him. Focus instead on doing what your dom says and obeying him, don't worry about your own pleasure. As you please him (and if he cares about you at all he'll give you feedback indicating you are), you'll regain confidence as his sub and relax in your service to him. Eventually you might be relaxed enough to cum as he uses you.

Just a suggestion, if you take it I hope it works for you.

 

[subwannabe]

I hate to say it but it sounds like you are stuck with a guy who doesn't know how to give you an orgasm. Maybe you have always had these kind of guys. Most all women do not have an orgasm from intercourse. They need stimulation outside of the vagina. Maybe you know this already but I had to bring it up in case you didn't. If I am right it is going to be hard to teach this guy new tricks, but not impossible. However it does worry me that you are worried about bringing it up. If he's not receptive you may just have to move on if you want to be sexually happy. Good luck.