Bi/straight couple: The bride's not supposed to get cold feet!

[KittyKida]

I suppose this is a thread asking for advice, any and all responses are greatly appreciated. If you are in/ have been in a similar situation, please post your story! I hope that this can help as many people as possible.

I first discovered my attraction to females at the age of 10. My family believed it was just a phase and dismissed it. I stopped talking to them about it as a result. I had my first girlfriend at 13, which was also the first time I fell in love, she moved away and we broke up. Since then it's pretty much been that I date whomever I am attracted to (whichever gender, I mean), pursuing people based on how I felt for them (which is how its supposed to be, I think.) I'm engaged to a man now, whom I love deeply, and who loves me. I have no problem with devoting my life to one person, as this is what marriage is about, but I find myself often craving the touch of another woman. Although this frustrates him (see#2 below), he is coming to understand that this doesn't have to do with him - it has to do with the way I am. He knows that I have strong sexual attractions to both sexes. Although he was raised by a strictly religious family, he has grown to love and appreciate my orientation as part of me. We've even gotten to the point where we have discussed including another female in the physicality of our relationship. It has never progressed further than a discussion, however, for a few reasons:
1. He isn't confident enough with his prowess to involve someone else (and seemingly have to impress them.)
2. He gets jealous of my attraction to females because he feels that he is lacking the ability to fully satisfy me.
3. He jokes that I'm trying to trick him into cheating, or that I'm going to get jealous or upset if I see him with another woman (jealousy doesn't make me angry, most of the time, it turns me on - there's something instilled in him that says it's a trap, though.)
4. We haven't found anyone that fits our requirements locally, female, 20-26, bi-sexual and explorative as well as sexually charged.
If anyone has a solution or suggestion for any of the above problems, it would be extremely helpful! I would also enjoy hearing stories of anyone who is bi-sexual and married, how you are faring in your relationship, areas of tension and your solutions, etc. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the transition into marriage!! Thanks SO much!!

 

[Stella_Omega]

basically, cheating is cheating, no matter which sex you are cheating on, or with. Plenty of people find themselves craving a different sex partner than the one they married. You have to deal.

If you plan to get married, you have several choices:

• learn about open marriage and find a partner that can be in one. (And better make sure YOU can handle an open marriage yourself, because it isn't any easier than closed marriages are, beleive me)
  
• Cheat, by whatever set of definitions you consider "cheating" to be.
  
• Plan to be monogamous, cleaving unto your partner just like it says in that book.

Otherwise, don't get married.

And don't kid yourself that this won't be a problem for you once you are married. You cannot hqave it both ways-- if it's important enough to be a bone of contention between you right now, its too important to ignore this need of yours when you are looking for your lifetime partner. Sometimes, sex is all that.

Also-- don't let yourself think that it would be easier if you married another woman. Women aren't inclined to tolerate a straying partner-- and lesbian women are especially not inclined to tolerate a partner going to get dicked. Not saying it's right, just saying.