Bi/Curious guy with a girlfriend

[CuriousLife18]

Hi

I guess this may not be a question but here it goes. I am 18 and about to enter college next year. I have a girlfriend of about a year and a half who i love a lot but over the past few years I have been wanting to experiment with guys and oral sex. Now that I have found Lit I have found that there is a way to experiement but I feel very guilty about cheating and I am not sure what to do. If anyone has any advice feel free.

Thanks

 

[Topher]

I don't know what to tell you. I have been there, but, through 3 2-year-long+ relationships with women, I have never cheated.

It's going to sound patronizing from a 33yo, but I'll tell you anyway: you're probably not going to end up marrying your present gf. If you have my luck she'll cheat on you, but, come to think, that probably classifies as good luck rather than bad.

You shouldn't be tied down at 18 unless your love is of epic proportions. If you have had enough experience with both I think you can be faithful and not resentful; it's not like straight men don't want to fuck other women besides their wives.

You probably don't want to end up like the married men I have slept with lately, however.

I'm sorry, I don't think I have any good advice for you. Your curiosity probably won't go away.

 

[DuckLover]

Facts about college

For what it's worth, most high school relationships don't survive the transition to college for very long. Even couples who say they'll stay together and see each other on breaks give up after a semester or two. You may want to consider having a talk with your gf about seeing other people while in college. Agree to stay in contact, and meet during breaks, but accept that college involves meeting a lot of new people. If after the first year you both want to be exclusive with each other still, fine, but recognize that college is a major life change.

A big part of college is learning to live on your own and become yourself. To make decisions based on YOUR values and goals, not your parents. The person you were in high school will (or probably should) be gone by the time you graduate from college. Think of it like a moth emerging from its cocoon.

Once you're at college, you'll have the opportunity to explore and experiment with a lot of facets of yourself, including sexuality. Lots of people dye their hair, get piercings, act crazy, and experiment with sex. ("We can do anything we want-- we're college students!" --Boone, Animal House) If you think you want to explore guys, go for it. As with any sex, please be safe about it. But college is the traditional time for experimenting.

Good luck!

 

[white_mage_goddess]

Everyone is giving you really good advice. Listen to them. I wish I had!

I went off to college with my high school sweetheart. By the end of the first semester we were married. By the end of the second semester we were separated and doing our divorce paperwork.

I wish I could go back and do it again...ex hubby got me so far in debt I had to quit school. I'm probably one of the few valedictorians to ever come out of my school who never got a college degree. It sucks, even though I have a good job that pays well now.

 

[SweetErika]

My husband and I met in college and have a great relationship, but we're in a similar situation now. I didn't have time to experiment with women before we got together, and I feel horrible admitting that I want to now. I'm lucky to have someone who supports me in finding out who I am.

DuckLover has great advice on agreeing to see other people. Chances are, she wants to experiment and get some experience too. I know it's hypocritical, but I wouldn't be happy finding out my husband wanted to experiment with men after all of this time... I'd feel deceived and wonder why he didn't tell me before we got married. If you both experiment and then decide you still want to be together, your relationship will be a whole lot stronger.

 

[Suzins]

What if you just tried sharing some fantasies, yours and hers. Maybe she has a fantasy about seeing two men together. Maybe you'll have her support to experiment so she can watch.

You could at least bring it up in a way that you'd be able to feel her out to see what her reaction to it might be.

It's not cheating if she's included

Good Luck

 

[Suzins]

What if you just tried sharing some fantasies, yours and hers. Maybe she has a fantasy about seeing two men together. Maybe you'll have her support to experiment so she can watch.

You could at least bring it up in a way that you'd be able to feel her out to see her reaction to it might be.

It's not cheating if she's included

Good Luck

 

[Suzins]

oopss.... how'd that happen? LOL sorry

 

[CuriousLife18]

I guess the main thing is that the whole "Gay" thing is always a big no in high school and we just got out so i would have to wait a while before saying anything I think.

 

[AvaAdore]

i would tell her how you feel.

perhaps you can work something out. threesome maybe? try to include her in it.

 

[Guest]

 

[CuriousLife18]

Everyone has given some great advice and I guess what it comes down to for me is that I just cant do it atleast right now. I guess what I will hope for is once she is at college she will see that we should not be tied down. Is that stupid or should I just end it while teh ending is good ?

 

[ReadyOne]

Don't end it; just suspend it.

Learning how to keep good relations with "ex's" is a very valuable lesson.

Promise each other that you won't tie yourselves to anyone else so that you can keep the option open of going on together. Kind of play each other against the new people you meet so you don't get an iorn clad commitment to anyone.

Have and understanding that if you both get back in town together that you will see each other again to "check in" and learn how much the other has changed. Things may or may not take off again from there.

You really don't want to get exclusive too soon. That doesn't mean that you can't "just not date someone else for a while" if you find someone that really attracts you.

Just avoid the trap of cutting off options while you should be covering as much ground as you can.

And of course, be honest. I was pressed to be exclusive by one girl, whom I really liked, and gave her a month by month promise which turned into quarter by quarter and then finally marriage.

I did take a couple of brief breaks from her (though I had to move to another part of the country) but never really hooked up with anyone.

When I moved back, we took up again without any recriminations because we both kept in touch and had reasonable expectations for each other seeing other people while we were apart.

It can be hard to describe -- kind of like you both having debit cards but never using them even while you were window shopping. When you get back and find neither of you tapped the account, then you're happen you didn't because the both of you have that much more to work with together.

 

[Topher]

Are the two of you going to the same college? If you're not then don't worry about doing anything. If you have a summer ahead of you then enjoy that time together.

If the two of you go off to separate colleges then you will not be together by December, so don't even worry about it. Just let life take its course.

 

[CuriousLife18]

I want to enjoy the summer and the thing is me and her have not had sex yet so I do have that to look forward to its just that I dont want it to end and thats all i do want to stay in touch but at the same time I want to be able to talk to other girls and what not. We are not going to the same college and I work all summer long anyway so I guess I will wait and see what happends.

 

[JCSTREET]

Hi

I guess this may not be a question but here it goes. I am 18 and about to enter college next year. I have a girlfriend of about a year and a half who i love a lot but over the past few years I have been wanting to experiment with guys and oral sex. Now that I have found Lit I have found that there is a way to experiement but I feel very guilty about cheating and I am not sure what to do. If anyone has any advice feel free.

Thanks

I always felt that working out with guys wasn't cheating--but women often take it very badly and I'm not sure there's any cure for that

a woman needs to feel that she is your be all and end all and that she sovers all your needs (apart from masturbation)

not all women will agree with that but that;s more or less what I've found over the last 42 years.

 

[JCSTREET]

Everyone is giving you really good advice. Listen to them. I wish I had!

I went off to college with my high school sweetheart. By the end of the first semester we were married. By the end of the second semester we were separated and doing our divorce paperwork.

I wish I could go back and do it again...ex hubby got me so far in debt I had to quit school. I'm probably one of the few valedictorians to ever come out of my school who never got a college degree. It sucks, even though I have a good job that pays well now.

what a bummer
we're supposed to be more or less adult at 17/18 but we aren't at all

we are changing big time even every few months

before you know it you're planning to run the cardiology dept at Texas Heart and he's driving snowlpows for the city

at cocktail parties the convo starts to pall - you're discussing triple bypass and he's commenting how the angle of attack of the snowplow blade affects the distribution of snow on the sidewalk

 

[The Gimp]

As a 29 year old male who's a bit bi curious (kissed a guy or two or three but never had any contact outside of the bar much less below the belt) my suggestion is to cheat. Don't do anything that could cause permanent damage like potentially exposing yourself or your girlfriend to an STD but your age is a perfect time to experiment. Ten years from now I'd give you different advice but as a teenager relationships are literally a dime a dozen. Have fun, protect yourself, and if you end up doing anything stupid it's ok as long as you don't do it again.

 

[SweetErika]

As a 29 year old male who's a bit bi curious (kissed a guy or two or three but never had any contact outside of the bar much less below the belt) my suggestion is to cheat. Don't do anything that could cause permanent damage like potentially exposing yourself or your girlfriend to an STD but your age is a perfect time to experiment. Ten years from now I'd give you different advice but as a teenager relationships are literally a dime a dozen. Have fun, protect yourself, and if you end up doing anything stupid it's ok as long as you don't do it again.

I have to disagree with the "just cheat" idea. I'm sure you know that if you cheat, CuriousLife, you'll have to live with that guilt and you may be effectively ending your relationship with your girl at that point. If she turned out to be the woman you want to marry, it would be really difficult to know you had lied in the past, and she has a right to know who she was committing to. As an ADULT, you owe it to yourself and your girl to be honest and/or agree to see other people. Take the good advice set forth by many of the posters here, and have fun this summer spending time with your girlfriend. At the end of the summer, agree to see other people and stay in touch. Then you can experiment with a clear conscience and find out if this is the woman you want to spend time with in the future. Just be safe!