Bf and a Dom?

[Dark_Desires22]

Ok so I've had doms before when I was single about 3 years ago , well I've missed it a lot and I'm in a relationship and we have been talking about finding me a Dom because he doesn't like being controlling in the bedroom. So my question is has anyone been in this situation and how did it work out? Also if any Doms have some advice on this situation I would appreciate it very much.

 

[quicky1]

Ok so I've had doms before when I was single about 3 years ago , well I've missed it a lot and I'm in a relationship and we have been talking about finding me a Dom because he doesn't like being controlling in the bedroom. So my question is has anyone been in this situation and how did it work out? Also if any Doms have some advice on this situation I would appreciate it very much.

I certainly have advice

 

[Blue]

I certainly have advice

Rolling out the red carpet huh?

 

[edifyme]

.....

 

[Dark_Desires22]

Just me , he would like to watch , hes not a sissy submissive man at all ....he just can't give me orders and control me in the bedroom ....

 

[Dark_Desires22]

well i hope you have some soap and water handy ...it can get kinda itchy after awhile

 

[Dark_Desires22]

I would gladly take it

 

[edifyme]

......

 

[Dark_Desires22]

Hmm... but he is a cuck.

Ahhh ....what is your definition of it , because everything ive seen would be that hes like wimpy and the girl is more in control in those situations....like hes forced to watch ...

 

[Primalex]

Ok so I've had doms before when I was single about 3 years ago , well I've missed it a lot and I'm in a relationship and we have been talking about finding me a Dom because he doesn't like being controlling in the bedroom. So my question is has anyone been in this situation and how did it work out? Also if any Doms have some advice on this situation I would appreciate it very much.

Well, it never worked out for me for sure. Either you enjoy it too much and he withdraws his permission or he interferes all the time to establish that "he is still the man and in control".

I have a ring binder of "But my husband is different!" women.

Of course, I'm talking about dominance with sex. It's likely different for service tops who just do bondage or sadism.

 

[edifyme]

.......

 

[Nezhul]

People certainly do that, but I don't really get it. Don't get polygamy.

Are you actually looking for a dom who will have sex with you? And your BF will be OK with this?

One thing of advice: If you seek just a kinky playtime in the bedroom, this entire thing has a good chance to work provided both you and BF are totally OK with this.
If you seek deeper submission, with elements of control over your daily life - chances are this will disrupt or break your current relationship.

Note that there are cases when it can be the other way around. Some men enjoy the idea of their woman having adventures on the side. Cuckolds were already mentioned here. Are you sure he's not actually a sub himself?
There are men who would get excited by you locking them into chastity belt while going out to club and fuck other guys, or even have a dominant who does the same to you.

Also if one of the two of you is not 100% cool with the arrangement - don't bother trying. One of the two things will happen:
1) You will be unsatisfied with what you get
2) He will be annoyed by what you are doing.
In that case, you either will have to forget your kink (which is OK for some people) - OR it's much better for both of you to part and for you to just find yourself a man who will be interested. I promise you, 90% of males don't mind to dominate, and if you have courage to advertise yourself as a sub right away - you will find a kinky partner pretty fast, because interested men will flock you, trying to woo you and get your attention.

 

[PtyLips]

I believe it is entirely possible, but @Nezhul makes some excellent points, foremost you need a lot of communication beforehand, and discuss the boundaries and expectations both of you have. Is your bf truly into it, is he just supportive of you, is he just saying he is ... people have a tendency to agree to a lot of things when they fear to possibly lose a loved one.
If you commit yourself to a Dom, I would expect there will come moments or situations, which will conflict with your relationship.

I would imagine if you are only looking for casual bdsm play with a Dom every once in a while you might both be able to separate this from your relationship. If you are craving a more permanent, deep D/s relationship, I think it will be more difficult, though not impossible. Polyamory is a wonderful relationship model that can bring a lot of joy to the people involved ... but it takes a lot of communication and education and willingness to be open about what you all need.
As in all things in life, it will come down to communication and reorganizing your relationship and then be open and clear to your potential Dom as to what your expectations and limits are.

 

[cookiecat]

Pretty much what the others above said. How jealous is your boyfriend??

Be super clear with each other on what the expectations are. Will you fuck? Have oral sex? Will he cum in you, on you? Tie you up? Hurt you? Make you cry? Or are you looking for a play partner - someone to give you kinky experiences - spank you, cane you, crop you?

Will it be just in the bedroom, once in a while stuff? Or more? My husband (who is my Dominant) has wanted to see me dominated/played with by others. But it was a fairly well negotiated scene and we left the fucking/cumming between us.

Primalex is spot on. While I have seen some couples make it work, I've seen far too many couples think a third will add some missing element and instead, it blows up.

 

[KimGordon67]

Yeah, as the others have said, it really depends on how jealous your BF is, and also how secure he is in himself - I could easily see him feeling somewhat inadequate if someone else is pushing at boundaries he doesn't want to go near. It's a tricky situation - it really is quite sweet that he's willing to entertain the idea though. Would it be possible to test the water a bit ... it seems like the best way to assess how jealous he might be (both for you and for himself) would be to get into some situations that might provoke jealousy, but without the level of 'commitment' you're suggesting.

Personally, I'd find this difficult because for me the whole power/control dynamic is strongly wound up with a very intense emotional connection - I couldn't imagine doing that stuff with a virtual stranger, but I also couldn't imagine my husband being OK with being around that level of emotional intensity. But I know not everyone is like that.

Aha - 'virtual' just made me think ... could you play around with the other guy being online/on the phone? That might make the whole situation a little less confrontational, and be a good testing around.

 

[KimGordon67]

Just as a further thought, it would be useful to know (mostly for the two of you, but also in terms of anyone else offering suggestions or advice) why he wants to be present? Is it to ensure he's still 'part' of the event, so it's incorporated into things you do as a couple? Is it concern for your safety/wellbeing? Is he expecting to find it arousing? Would you find it arousing having him watch? Does he want to make sure you don't do anything he doesn't approve of? Does he maybe want to exercise some control through the other guy?

 

[Slave4daddy]

Perhaps I take things too seriously but I couldn't imagine dating a vanillla, it's not Who I am or my personality. I've tried several times. But I always come back to the lifestyle because I know vanilla doesn't work for me.

 

[Primalex]

Just as a further thought, it would be useful to know (mostly for the two of you, but also in terms of anyone else offering suggestions or advice) why he wants to be present? Is it to ensure he's still 'part' of the event, so it's incorporated into things you do as a couple? Is it concern for your safety/wellbeing? Is he expecting to find it arousing? Would you find it arousing having him watch? Does he want to make sure you don't do anything he doesn't approve of? Does he maybe want to exercise some control through the other guy?

+1⁣⁣⁣

 

[Mustang Sally]

I'm married and have had a lover (who is a Dom) for the past year. My husband knows and encourages it and even gets a lot of enjoyment out of it -- my "cheating" has actually enhanced our sexual relationship.

My husband would love to watch us, but I'm not comfortable with that (and anyway it would be difficult to arrange). He has settled for occasional pics and a video.

I've found reading about polyamory to be very helpful in navigating the situation.