Beyond the Invitation

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

Emily Cavanaugh

Fantasies you've never dreamed of...

Emily picked up the receiver to dial and placed it back into the cradle for the third time. You don't have the nerve to dial that phone and you know it, she chuckled to herself. She was as chicken as they came. Well, at least she knew it.

Wandering around the apartment, her eyes kept returning to the envelope. She never dared to take risks. Always worried that she would be shot down. Maybe it was time she took a chance. Dared to dream.

"Dammit! Why the hell shouldn't I call?" Emily growled as she snatched the phone up one more time and dialed.

"Erm... Hello? My name is Emily. Emily Cavanaugh. I had an invitation?"

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

"I am waiting... "

"One hour. Yes. I'll be ready," I answered, half wondering if I had gone completely and utterly mad. I was excited and nervous and... Well, I was excited.

Determined that I could be ready in an hour, I set the timer for forty five minutes and turned the water on in the shower. I can do this. I CAN do this, I chanted over and over like a mantra as I stood under the steady flow from the shower head.

But what to wear? Comfortable, he said. Trace. I tried to put a face to the voice. Dark and mysterious. Yeah, right. He's probably blonde and blue-eyed. But it's my fantasy. Right? Right!

The sound of the timer going off startled me back to reality for a moment. I looked around. My bedroom was littered with clothes that I had pulled out of the drawers and closet. "Shit! What a mess! Oh well... Worry about that when you get back, Scarlett," I grumbled, finally making a decision.

I slipped on a lightweight floral summer dress with an open back. It wasn't sexy but it would be cool in this 96° heat. I had just finished brushing my hair when the doorbell rang.

"Well, Emily Cavanaugh... Here goes nothing... And everything." I opened the door and smiled my sunniest smile. "I'm ready, just let me grab my bag."

"Welcome to my fantasy!" I said with a smile as I locked the door behind myself.

"Ma'am?" the driver asked me quizzically.

"Erm... Nothing. Just talking to myself. Sooo... What can you tell me about this Trace guy?"

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

Emily Cavanaugh

I had read the article. Yes. It had opened my eyes to another aspect of the lifestyle. But how should I answer? I knew I could find the words when I responded to the forum but to verbalize them? I didn't want to sound the fool, but I thought I should at least make an attempt. The worst thing would be that he would laugh me out of his home. The best? Well, this is supposed to be about my fantasy. Isn't it?

"Yes, I read the article," I began haltingly as he focused his attention on me. "It was... Look, Mr. Williams. I have to be honest with you. Aside from what I've read, I've never experienced any of this. My views are from a purely intellectual level. But I want... "

"I read it," I repeated yet again. "I believe that first of all, the relationship must be centered in trust and that the relationship is psycho-sexual. An exchange of power if you wish. The Dom gains a certain sense of euphoria from the knowledge that someone trusts him or her enough to allow them to inflict pain on them. On another level, I believe that a Dom takes pleasure from the sense that he or she is in control and the fact that their sub enjoys the release that the pain permits."

He didn't say a word. His eyes bored into me as if he were dissecting my brain. I could feel the heat rising to my face. Dammit, Emily! You got this far, you must have said something right along the way. Just say what's on your mind!

"As long as the lines of communication are always open and the Dom doesn't get lost in his own space, I believe that this can only be a win-win situation." I trailed off, realizing that this was probably not the response he wanted and embarrassed by any unintentional faux pas I might have made.

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

Emily Cavanaugh

Trace was right. It had been safe for me to speak from a distance. To ask questions and make comments. If anyone laughed or mocked my lack of knowledge, I would never know. I was safe in my anonymity.

I believed that I could really prepare myself by reading books and articles. That method had never failed me in other areas of my life, why wouldn't it work with this as well? So, over time, I became bolder. Asked questions that were more daring. Made bolder comments. All the while I was learning. I thought I was learning.

"No!" My finger was on the button, severing the connection before I realized what I was doing. "Please... I want... I need... "

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

"If you bring those papers to me you will have lost all control of yourself, in short...I will become the owner of you and your body."

Trace's words echoed through my head as I read each page slowly and deliberately before setting it down in a new stack beside the first. With a free mind and open heart... Accept the keeping of my body... Use of my body at any time... Obey... Strive... Surrender... I offer my consent to submission to... The words seemed to jump out at me as I fought to keep my hands from shaking.

I thought about what I read and how it made me feel. There was a mixture of desire, curiosity and yes, fear. Fear of not knowing what to really expect. Fear of letting this chance to learn slip past me. But the need to fill an empty space in my life that had been lacking for as long as I could remember was even stronger.

"Do not try this at home," I said aloud, adding some things at the bottom of the last page. Satisfied, or at least resigned that I would go through with this, I signed my name and carried the papers into the room where Trace Williams was waiting and my new life would begin.

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

"Now tell me who Emily really is... what she dreams of, wants to be..."

It had been so long since I had thought in terms other than those that applied to my family, my friends or my job that Trace's question caught me off guard. I was the one who always listened it seemed, rarely sharing my own 'deep down' feelings and thoughts. Rarely sharing my self. And Trace Williams was asking me to do just that.

"Who am I... " Trace merely nodded, a mysterious smile on his lips. It was almost as if he knew something that I didn't.

"Emily Cavanaugh is... I am... I am the good daughter, the best friend, the most efficient employee... " I lowered my eyes, feeling the heat rise to my face. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. My mind was churning. If openness and honesty were going to be the basis of our encounter, this was as good a place as any to begin. Don't think, Em... Just answer.

"I would like to be... successful. Able to stand on my own, but at the same time not having to walk alone or deal with problems and crises by myself. I would like to have someone to lean on for a change, instead of being the one that every one else leans on."

I paused again, glancing up at Trace. The intensity of the way he looked at me made me realize suddenly that what I thought and felt would matter greatly here. I only hoped that I would not appear a complete and utter fool.

"Dreams? I haven't dared to dream in a very long time. I have built a wall around myself, Trace. Trying to keep myself from being hurt. It doesn't work well, really." I chuckled wryly and continued. "I long to feel... safe. Protected. Cherished and loved. Unconditionally, as I would love in return."

Feeling I had said too much even as I had said too little, I folded my hands in my lap and studied my fingers as they twined together.

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

Emily Cavanaugh

I saw something in his eyes flash and disappear as fast as it had come. Displeasure? I wasn't sure but I was sure that I had said many of the wrong things. I had been truthful, but at the same time I had held things back, not wanting to appear foolish and over-eager. A mistake? Perhaps. Was it too late to correct? I didn't know. All I could do was try again.

"Look, Trace. I guess I really don't know what it is you want me to say. It seems I'm failing miserably here while I'm trying to 'impress' you. No one likes to look foolish. Least of all me." I took a deep breath. I still was sure this was going to blow the whole thing, but...

"I'm not one to mince my words among my friends or people that I know will accept me warts and all. With others, I am less forthcoming. I worry that I will offend or be misunderstood and disliked." I laughed sardonically.

"There was a time when that wouldn't have bothered me so much. Circumstances have changed in my life, and with them the way I interact with people. I am not as self-assured as I was at one time. That doesn't mean I can't be again."

"I suppose what I am saying is that I want you to accept me. I need you to accept me. I want you to give me a chance to prove that I am worth taking a chance with. I want this more than I have wanted anything ever before. I am offering the one thing I have of worth to offer. Me. Warts and all. Will you have me?"

 

[truthpurveyor]

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[Maid of Marvels]

Emily

I sat up straight, meeting Trace's eyes with a steady gaze, probably for the first time since I had arrived. "I won't deny that I'm nervous, Trace. But I am here because I want this like nothing else I have ever wanted or needed before."

"This is the missing piece of puzzle that makes up my life. I have never been so sure of anything as I am about this. I'm not a quitter. I want to learn. To be taught. I will do you... and myself proud."

I smiled then with the knowledge that I had just willingly given myself over to this man who sat before me and had taken a step forward into a new life. At long last I was a free bird and I was ready to soar.

 

[truthpurveyor]

“Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks” …Confucius

“Because when the walls come tumbling down reality is staring you in the face”… Black Bart

 

[Guest]

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