Being whole with your hole

[pearlgeyser]

"I see my light in your eyes but it's not a reflection of me...but the
refraction of pearls streaming down the most perfect lightly freckled
double D's...Will you ponder over these thoughts, turned into words,
of a custom font created by nerds...Oh too late now it's already a
feeling, do you start dealing, don't you dare start kneeling...because
at 186K mps (yes the speed of light)...thru port-hole after port-hole
you scream "DON'T"!!!!!...then "STOP"!!!...until I don't...or do I
when you open wide to shoot your famous stare, that is now barely a
glare into this strangers eyes where tears have no fears...even
rolling over my lips as my beautiful mouth says, "I'm fucking you with
my eyes, your fingers thrusting between your thighs....again I cry
louder, "Close your eyes and see if you can truly be or even feel a
part of the real me that is here for you to finally see....That Love
not lust moves or stirs you at your core to want to experience a
little bit more of what lies beneath the tuff and handsome exterior of
a real man whose man-enuf to set you free.....Will you meet me my
friend, I'm twice your age...but somethings has drawn me here to you,
because peoples hearts and not my heart-on's mean everything in this
life...So if you turn silent after my touch here....Promise yourself
that you would never let anything hold you back from being the true
woman you are not fighting hard enuf to become!...Let me now introduce you to everything that you wouldn't desire in body or mind as Mr.Wood begins to inspire you to such new heights of expression and sexual satisfaction that you will never settle for anything less for yourself again, but that which has made you "whole with your hole" and then some. So you close your eyes...and get ready to see all your fantasy's come to life and deservedly let you "just be"...

Then we both wake up...and at the exact same time say, "I gotta
go weeeeeee!"...We both say in response and in tandem...Fuck it, Would you ever pee on me? I say yes, you say "fuck no"! I say, I told you I Loved You so and a friend to you I will always Be...and I pray one day that your YOU, will one day be a WE......"Most definitely" you whisper followed by a no holds barred "YIPPPEEE"....as you finally
close your eyes and clearly see that in all of us Love lives in all of
ME's....but cannot act upon thee until you repeat these magical words
to the count of 3....."I LOVE ME FOR ME"...."I LOVE ME FOR ME"...."I
LOVE ME FOR ME"....

Hey Beautiful, guess what?.....You're FREE!!


~~~anonymous former hitter

 

[DaBears34]

"I see my light in your eyes but it's not a reflection of me...but the
refraction of pearls streaming down the most perfect lightly freckled
double D's...do all women have "double D's"? It seems to diminish them as peopleWill you ponder over these thoughts, turned into words,
of a custom font created by nerds...Oh too late now it's already a
feeling, do you start dealing, don't you dare start kneeling...because
at 186K mps (yes the speed of light)You spend a lot of time on your computer don't you?...thru port-hole after port-hole
you scream "DON'T"!!!!!...then "STOP"!!!...until I don't...or do I
when you open wide to shoot your famous stareOpen wide to shoot a stare? hmmmm, that is now barely a
glare into this strangers eyes where tears have no fears...even
rolling over my lips as my beautiful mouth says, "I'm fucking you with
my eyes, your fingers thrusting between your thighs....again I cry
louderyou missed a quotation mark here, "Close your eyes and see if you can truly be or even feel a
part of the real me that is here for you to finally see....That Love
not lust moves or stirs pick one - does it "move" her or "stir" her?you at your core to want to experience a
little bit more of what lies beneath the tuff and handsome exterior of
a real man whose man-enuf to set you freehigh school girls use "tuff' and "enuf".....Will you meet me my
friend, I'm twice your age...but somethings drop the shas drawn me here to you,
because peoples hearts and not my heart-on's heart-on? Oh man?mean everything in this
life...So if you turn silent after my touch here....Promise yourself
that you would never let anything hold you back from being the true
woman you are not fighting hard enuf to become!...Let me now introduce you to everything that you wouldn't desire in body or mind as Mr.Woodok "Mr. Wood" really doesn't work does it? begins to inspire you to such new heights of expression and sexual satisfaction that you will never settle for anything less for yourself again, but that which has made you "whole with your hole" its not erotic, its not sexual, its not even dirty in a good way - bad themeand then some. So you close your eyes...and get ready to see all your fantasy's come to life and deservedly let you "just be"...

Then we both wake up...and at the exact same time say, "I gotta
go weeeeeee!"I see you are both 12...We both say in response and in tandem...Fuck it, Would you ever pee on me? I say yes, you say "fuck no"! I say, I told you I Loved You so and a friend to you I will always Be...and I pray one day that your YOU, will one day be a WE......"Most definitely" you whisper followed by a no holds barred "YIPPPEEE"ditto, both 12....as you finally
close your eyes and clearly see that in all of us Love lives in all of
ME's....but cannot act upon thee until you repeat these magical words
to the count of 3....."I LOVE ME FOR ME"...."I LOVE ME FOR ME"...."I
LOVE ME FOR ME"....

Hey Beautiful, guess what?.....You're FREE!!


~~~anonymous former hitter

I would give it a C if you were indeed 12. Since you're not I think I would suggest you give this another try - and maybe pick an age group and stick with it.

Keep writing though, you show some real promise.

 

[Vampladydi]

You rock DaBears!!!!!!!!

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/7/71733/29_2007/bravo.jpg

 

[pearlgeyser]

After thoroughly breaking down my submission along with every reply of mine to your incessant negativity and obsessiveness toward grammer and proper english pertaining to you....I ask the following questions....

1. What was the meaning or moral to the story that you think I was trying to convey with "being whole with your hole"?

2. Do you have any submissions published on this website or any other? And if so, could you possibly post them for me and others to see what lies behind the mask of that sensual and unbinded self of yours.

3. Are you more adept in your male skin at rooting for football or the Chicago Bears than rooting for your literotica brethren whose just trying to be "whole with her hole"?

FYI....Since publishing and reading "Bwwyh" at a local public speaking group here in my community, I have received over a hundred responses and editorials from local femme fatales (rendesvousing with four of them) and how it made them feel inside and out as a woman and human being.....and not because of my tendancy's toward using the perfect comma and the right sentence structure. I say open your mind and close your eyes....sit back and try to enjoy the ride for yourself and therefore for others....And stop being the fun-police and trying to roach the competitions festive buzzz!

 

[Angeline]

After thoroughly breaking down my submission along with every reply of mine to your incessant negativity and obsessiveness toward grammer and proper english pertaining to you....I ask the following questions....

1. What was the meaning or moral to the story that you think I was trying to convey with "being whole with your hole"?

2. Do you have any submissions published on this website or any other? And if so, could you possibly post them for me and others to see what lies behind the mask of that sensual and unbinded self of yours.

3. Are you more adept in your male skin at rooting for football or the Chicago Bears than rooting for your literotica brethren whose just trying to be "whole with her hole"?

FYI....Since publishing and reading "Bwwyh" at a local public speaking group here in my community, I have received over a hundred responses and editorials from local femme fatales (rendesvousing with four of them) and how it made them feel inside and out as a woman and human being.....and not because of my tendancy's toward using the perfect comma and the right sentence structure. I say open your mind and close your eyes....sit back and try to enjoy the ride for yourself and therefore for others....And stop being the fun-police and trying to roach the competitions festive buzzz!

Hi. Nobody's trying to roach your buzz! Many of the people who come to this forum have been writing poetry for years and believe passionately that editing it is an important part of making a poem better. I'm one of them. When I give feedback on a poem--and I do only when it's asked for--I don't just say this is great or not my cup of tea. I go through line by line like DaBears and say what I think might improve the poem. It's a gift of time and effort that I give. I try my best to be diplomatic and not put a value judgment on my suggestions. Then it's up to the author to take my suggestions or not, and if they don't I'm not losing sleep over it.

I've been published in many places (and I bet DaBears has, too). Not just Literotica, which takes almost everything submitted (they won't take underage sex material, for example, because duh it's against the law--besides, imo, being uber creepy), but also in poetry journals and magazines both online and in print.

I also edit for a living. The kind of editing DaBears did is standard practice in editing. People get paid (sometimes very well) to do this and it takes effort. I realize you didn't ask for feedback, but hey no need to get defensive and a simple thank you would have been nice, a recognition that he put effort into your poem for you.

I am a strong believer in not putting my standards for writing poetry on anyone else. If you're happy with what you write, more power to you. You really only need to please yourself with your writing. But you should understand that this forum has a long history of giving the kind of feedback he gave you, and even though I don't know him I am sure he was just trying to be helpful.

 

[Epmd607]

Double D's and Discussion

The first time around I stopped reading at "Double D's". But I re-read your text today, and it would work better as a performance/slam poetry--which you stated outright, it worked well enough that you were able to entice many local "femme fatales"("rendesvousing with four of them") Still, the copyright at this site doesn't restrict you from doing an audio, poetry-with-audio. So if you've already published it elsewhere, or would like to, doing the audio wouldn't jeopadize the much coveted 'right of first publication'--maybe I'm wrong, but posting it on this messageboard would be construed as publishing by most poetry journals.

Anyway, what's my point? Why would you publish your work on this messageboard if you didn't want or expect criticism? Most of it seems genuinely constructive too. The idea of expressing relationships via technology is still a fruitful and underused theme. However, lines such as:

"this strangers eyes where tears have no fears" and "We both say in response and in tandem...Fuck it, Would you ever pee on me? I say yes, you say "fuck no"! I say, I told you I Loved You so and a friend to you I will always Be"---are devoid of meaning and any genuine human emotion.