Being or being seen to be?

[catalina_francisco]

After having a few discussions with friends, and recognising on the board the variety of responses from posters to situations etc., I was wondering what is more important and comfortable to each, being, as in living the brand of lifestyle they choose, or being seen to be living it as in public displays and recognition of their choice, or a balance of both? What feeds the buzz for your personal preference? Is it a matter of being exhibitionistic or not, circumstances which define choices, or is there more to the preference? I will post our preferences later, though I am sure some who know us already can guess which way we sway.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

After having a few discussions with friends, and recognising on the board the variety of responses from posters to situations etc., I was wondering what is more important and comfortable to each, being, as in living the brand of lifestyle they choose, or being seen to be living it as in public displays and recognition of their choice, or a balance of both? What feeds the buzz for your personal preference? Is it a matter of being exhibitionistic or not, circumstances which define choices, or is there more to the preference? I will post our preferences later, though I am sure some who know us already can guess which way we sway.

Catalina

Hi C,

You question was a little confusing and unclear. i think you are asking the following, but please correct me where i am mistaken:

1. Do you choose to publicly declare your preference for particular "lifestyles" (sorry Pure ), e.g., BDSM, gay, lesbian, fetishist, etc. Or do you prefer to live your "choice" without announcing it to the world and receiving recognition for it by like-minded individuals? Or, is it a combination of the two?

2. What fuels the buzz for your preferred lifestyle? Is it about openly declaring your preference and feeding off of that high or is it the circumstances which define [your?] choices or is there more to why you chose to live this lifestyle? {This was very hard to decipher so i am sure i got it completely wrong}.

Once i understand the question, i will be happy to answer as best as i can. Thanks.

lara

 

[Ebonyfire]

I hardly ever wear fetish clothing, and I do not show any outward signs of dominance. But I am recognized by those who are in the know because of how I am.


Leather clothing is just too damned hot, and high heels hurt my flat feet, but I can get what I want anyway looking like the grandma I am.

BTW, this post was clear to Me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: Being or being seen to be?

Hi C,

You question was a little confusing and unclear. i think you are asking the following, but please correct me where i am mistaken:

1. Do you choose to publicly declare your preference for particular "lifestyles" (sorry Pure ), e.g., BDSM, gay, lesbian, fetishist, etc. Or do you prefer to live your "choice" without announcing it to the world and receiving recognition for it by like-minded individuals? Or, is it a combination of the two?

2. What fuels the buzz for your preferred lifestyle? Is it about openly declaring your preference and feeding off of that high or is it the circumstances which define [your?] choices or is there more to why you chose to live this lifestyle? {This was very hard to decipher so i am sure i got it completely wrong}.

Once i understand the question, i will be happy to answer as best as i can. Thanks.

lara

Thanks lara....LOL..Yes I admit it has not come out as it is in my mind...think I am a little distracted tonight. My thoughts came initially from various people I know or know of in BDSM (sorry for the generalisation...convenient), who live in a variety of ways. Some live BDSM privately, and that is the way they want to keep it, others seem to live fairly vanilla lives reserving their BDSM activites for clubs, parties, or where there is some way of being seen, while others are somewhere in between with a bit of both.

I was wondering how important it was to people to be as they are in this respect, whether it might be not so much being exhibitionistic as having children at home and finding clubs offer them the opportunity, etc., and also how comfortable they felt with the way they were living their choice. How important is it that people know how you live? Approve? Is shock value a buzz...is exhibitionism a buzz?..is the choice to be private not so much choice as necessity due to family, career, society etc?

Hope my jumbled thoughts are a bit clearer though I fear not as I seem somewhere else. Must be love.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I hardly ever wear fetish clothing, and I do not show any outward signs of dominance. But I am recognized by those who are in the know because of how I am.


Leather clothing is just too damned hot, and high heels hurt my flat feet, but I can get what I want anyway looking like the grandma I am.

BTW, this post was clear to Me.

Damn Eb, you just destroyed our image of you in thigh high red leather boots with a tight black leather number hugging your luscious curves!! I agree, leather may look nice for a bit, but that sweat dripping from the brow tends to spoil the image after awhile and the more you think about it, the more the sweat glands seem to go into overdrive.

I can imagine you would get what you want. As for grandma's.....all I have to respond to that is 'Grandma's unite!!'...we rule....shhhhhh....better not tell Master I said that.

C

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Being or being seen to be?

Thanks lara....LOL..Yes I admit it has not come out as it is in my mind...think I am a little distracted tonight. My thoughts came initially from various people I know or know of in BDSM (sorry for the generalisation...convenient), who live in a variety of ways. Some live BDSM privately, and that is the way they want to keep it, others seem to live fairly vanilla lives reserving their BDSM activites for clubs, parties, or where there is some way of being seen, while others are somewhere in between with a bit of both.

I was wondering how important it was to people to be as they are in this respect, whether it might be not so much being exhibitionistic as having children at home and finding clubs offer them the opportunity, etc., and also how comfortable they felt with the way they were living their choice. How important is it that people know how you live? Approve? Is shock value a buzz...is exhibitionism a buzz?..is the choice to be private not so much choice as necessity due to family, career, society etc?

Hope my jumbled thoughts are a bit clearer though I fear not as I seem somewhere else. Must be love.

Catalina

A good, strong love can make the head a little swirly and the post was fine, just confusing for me.

Thanks for the explanation. Now for some answers.

i myself don't feel a need to shout my masosubness for the world to see, approve or recognize. i am not saying i am not proud of it, i just find satisfaction in my knowledge and recognition of what i am and not necessarily needful of others to weigh in on my choices.

i guess i am categorized as the private lifestyler. That is by choice. i would be lying to say it isn't also a necessity, but it is only necessary to me as i value my privacy, especially when it comes to my submission. Until something changes in my land of lara, i will remain as such.

Interesting question as usual C. Enjoy those swirlies.

lara

 

[lektra]

I think being is more important to me than being seen. I've always been a proponent of keeping my private life private, barring my very good friends who I can't keep anything from. Lucky for me I've got some great friends.

For me, exhibitionism doesn't have much to do with my being submissive, however I get quite a thrill when doing something twisted in public without anyone knowing the wiser (or when the possibility sometimes exists that I could get caught). I like having my boundaries tested.

On the flip side, the local scene is something that has always fascinated me, from afar. Maybe someday.....

 

[Justina123]

I have discovered in the last year or two that I really enjoy playing at parties, public dungeons, etc. I find it quite erotic and have been surprised to find out that this grandma has an exhibitionist streak!

However, all my vanilla friends, family, and co-workers would be quite surprised, to say the least, as I have many times been told that they think of me as quiet, sweet, etc. etc. I guess that is the only side of my submissive personaity they can see. I would like nothing better than to walk through Wal-Mart with Sir on my leash, but I am practical enough to know that would be professional and parental suicide!

- justina

 

[Never]

I think I'm still misunderstanding the question. Or, perhaps, I'm simply disagreeing with the premise. Perhaps if you could give a concrete example?

I think it's very important to be me and to be true to myself and to be honest with others. If I actually adhere to those principles then those around me will have an idea what my sexual tastes are. I can't image being around friends and family and pretending to be something other than I am.

 

[Zaudika]

I tend to be in most regards fairly open about my life/lifestyle to people. I think a lot of my attitude with it is if they're friends, they're going to respect the things I like, and the life I live. They don't need to hear the details, but anyone that I could really call my friend does know that bdsm is an extremely important part of my life.
As far as the general public, I don't usually walk up to strangers and say, Hi there, I like bdsm. ... but I've found in the past that a couple of times I've gotten into discussions with new people in which it's mentioned. That and I'm sure a few people have figured it out since exhibitionism is one of my strongest turn ons.
I think my only big limit of not exposing my life to others is co-workers. I've always tried to keep my personal life, and work life, 100% seperate from one another.

 

[Netzach]

I'm far more interested in being the best version of me that I can, and the cute labels don't address that fully.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

This is an interesting one. My life is fairly compartmentalized. The people that I work with, my family, the people that I socialize with in recovery get one part of me.

The friends that I have made in this lifestyle know something about that part of me, but I show them more of my authentic self than the general public, or even my family, gets. So far, that has been only online, but I look forward to taking it live and in person, at the upcoming Lit-together.

Do I "show off my BDSMness" to strangers? Sometimes, I suppose....I wear my restraints when I'm with Him, in public. I am an exhibitionist, yes. It's not so much that, I suppose, as I am just proud to be His and comfortable in what we have. We don't walkabout with a leash....yet. LOL.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

I am who and what I am. I don't care whether anyone else knows or approves. Under certain circumstances, a little public play is not a bad thing but I have no need to shock people with it. I get my buzz from living my life and pleasing my Master.

 

[FungiUg]

To do, or to be seen doing. That is the question.

Um, for me, I like to do. I'm happy to talk about it, and I enjoy talking to fellow "doers". That's why I'm here! But I can't say there's a huge thrill out of the concept of "being seen doing."

On the other hand, I do like to be out in public with women I am "with". Kind of like "look at me, aren't I lucky, because she's with me!" A variant of the old caveman "my club's bigger than yours" ego fulfilment thing there, I suspect.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Re: Being or being seen to be?

*snip*
You question was a little confusing and unclear. i think you are asking the following, but please correct me where i am mistaken:

*snip*

oh good, you don't get it either. i was worried i had finally killed one too many brain cells...

following FungiUg's perception of the question, i'm actually kinda shy about being seen doing anything personal. if it's the right setting and i'm in the right mood then sure, i'd go for it, but it's not what's most fun for me.

 

[niteshade]

I hope I capture the essence of your question. For me, any relationship I have, whether it is friendship, lover, or whatever, it is about Being. I have managed, over time, to train myself not to care too much about what others think. I strive more to meet my needs, and my partners, without needing affirmation from others.

That said, I also must say that I believe it is human nature to want acceptance, and to show off something we are proud of, be it a new watch, or the relationship that completes you. So while I don't actively seek to make my relationship public, I am sure that I do get a bit of a thrill from the aspects of it that I make public being acknowledged.

LOL… not too sure that made too much sense. It is late. Oh, well, make of it what you will.

 

[FungiUg]

Oh, well, make of it what you will.

Starts folding niteshade's post

I can make a boat, or a plane, or a hat, or...

 

[niteshade]

Starts folding niteshade's post

I can make a boat, or a plane, or a hat, or...

lol... brat.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What feeds the buzz for your personal preference?

Having her full and undivided attention.

i don't give a rat's rear parts about others' opinions. i spent too much time moving from one place to the next, so "this ain't my town, these people don't know me, and fuck'em, i'll be gone soon enough anyway," became an easy mantra.

i do, however, prefer a one on one connection with a partner. i excel at compartmentalization, but if i want her full and undivided attention, i want the privacy to give her the same.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i don't live for anyone but my Master (translation: the opinion of others doesn't mean much to me)...however at the same time, it's nice to be able to be open about who you are and the way you live. i am proud of the fact that i am my Master's slave. i'm proud to be his daughter. proud to be his mate...if i had to hide all of the above, if it were just "between us", or even restricted to lifestyle clubs and the like, that would be very difficult for me to cope with emotionally. it's not that i care what others think, seeking approval from the masses has never appealed to me...my whole thing is that it truly doesn't matter what people think...so why hide it? by hiding you are saying it DOES matter, that the opinions/thoughts of others DO matter, and that it effects your life. i like living in a way that says this is me, this is us, flock whether or not the rest of the world approves or understands, but we are going to be ourselves, ALWAYS.

i'm not even speaking of physical things here...doing so called lifestyle activities in public...anyone can do that, in or out of the lifestyle. but things like wearing my collar everywhere we go, speaking to one another in the same manner in a vanilla public as we would speak to one another at home alone, conducting myself in a vanilla public the same as i do at home, etc...basically, just being true to who we are, wherever we are. that is important to me. this is my life, not a part of my life, so it would be unbareable to have to stay "in the closet" so to speak.

doesn't mean that Daddy walks around with whips hanging from his belt (giggling like crazy now because Daddy thinks that is the ultimate in goofy, poser cornballishness), or that we wear leather or that i crawl around grocery stores...those things aren't us. we have no desire to be outlandish or attract attention or shock people. if you were to see us walking down a typical street, you would just notice two people who obviously love each other very much, going about their daily business...you might wonder, are they father and daughter? or are they a romantic couple? from looking at us, you can never really be sure. one thing you will definitely notice is that i am submissive, and he is Dominant...that he controls me, that i obey him. that would be clear even if you were the most vanilla person on earth....and i love that...i love that there is no hiding of who we are. i would say, that for me it is definitely about BEING...but i want it to be clear to the world who i am, who we are.