Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[PMarky2]

Small talk is a huge waste of effort, and seems to involve a lot of encounters with NT stupidity.

I often have lunch with a friend at meetings so that we can sit there, the two NDs, in companionable silence unless one of us has a question or observation of substance to make. I have been suffering from NT overload recently, so I scheduled this week as being kind of free from 'peopling' responsibilities. What pushed me to take the break was that I was due a colonoscopy Tuesday and did not know I would react to the anesthesia. I did fine and was in-and-out of outpatient surgery in 2 hours.

The one public engagement I could not skip this week was an event to push a friend's book, but that is the only time I have had to deal with strange NT's this week. It wasn't too bad, and a glass of porter eased the remaining pain nicely.

 

[stickygirl]

Small talk is a huge waste of effort, and seems to involve a lot of encounters with NT stupidity.

I often have lunch with a friend at meetings so that we can sit there, the two NDs, in companionable silence unless one of us has a question or observation of substance to make. I have been suffering from NT overload recently, so I scheduled this week as being kind of free from 'peopling' responsibilities. What pushed me to take the break was that I was due a colonoscopy Tuesday and did not know I would react to the anesthesia. I did fine and was in-and-out of outpatient surgery in 2 hours.

The one public engagement I could not skip this week was an event to push a friend's book, but that is the only time I have had to deal with strange NT's this week. It wasn't too bad, and a glass of porter eased the remaining pain nicely.

Pleased to hear your procedure was brief.
Thanks for your support x

 

[stickygirl]

SO relatable

 

[stickygirl]

Our neighbours bought chickens including a cockerel that constantly crows. It's one of those sounds like nails on a chalkboard that can't be ignored. I'm too shy to say anything like - "Can I eat your cockerel because I hate it" and so I resorted to a sound track of the sea on a shore, as a white noise at my desk. It's surprisingly good at hiding the squawks, not intrusive and I can play YTs over the top without a problem.
So apart from being stressed in my own damned garden, that's a win.
I don't like to sound mean, but maybe the fox will get it.
Discovered they have three cockerels now, which must be lovely for them as they’re house is 100m away

 

[PMarky2]

Years ago, next door but one had chickens and the inevitable cockerel. Every Saturday and Sunday, the bedroom window next door would go up, and the man of the house would bawl "Will you f*****g shut up!" This went on for several months until the cockerel mysteriously disappeared - probably as cock-a-leeky soup...

Happy day today. BAF and I reconnected.

 

[stickygirl]

Here's an interesting YT discussion - an autistic woman, who is a student of psychology only learned and accepted her autism when her daughter was diagnosed. I'm not familiar with the presenter but there were so many lightbulbs came on throughout. So affirming.

 

[stickygirl]

Woah, not often that I have an involuntary intake of breath, but I was watching a 3-part interview of Sir Anthony Hopkins by Stephen Colbert. In the first part he's talking about his childhood, of how he was labelled 'backward' at school and he was struggling in life. At the age of seven he struck on the idea of 'not responding' as a strategy. "Woah!" Are you fucking kidding me? I did the same thing after watching Seven of Nine in Voyager: she never got angry but had to learn how to be human, using logic as her sword and shield.

'Not responding' to the taunts of kids at school, because I spoke and moved like an awkward girl. Apparently I stood weird, held my hands weird, thought weird. Not responding gave me power, because I could infuriate the bullies - I made them look weak in front of their gang.

What a delight to discover another autie who'd discovered the same trick.

Anyone else have coping tricks as a kid?

 

[Statius]

Woah, not often that I have an involuntary intake of breath, but I was watching a 3-part interview of Sir Anthony Hopkins by Stephen Colbert. In the first part he's talking about his childhood, of how he was labelled 'backward' at school and he was struggling in life. At the age of seven he struck on the idea of 'not responding' as a strategy. "Woah!" Are you fucking kidding me? I did the same thing after watching Seven of Nine in Voyager: she never got angry but had to learn how to be human, using logic as her sword and shield.

'Not responding' to the taunts of kids at school, because I spoke and moved like an awkward girl. Apparently I stood weird, held my hands weird, thought weird. Not responding gave me power, because I could infuriate the bullies - I made them look weak in front of their gang.

What a delight to discover another autie who'd discovered the same trick.

Anyone else have coping tricks as a kid?

Sounds like passive resistance. And yes. I learned early on, with no idea why, that my brain worked differently, that my way of processing information and learning were different. My strategy was simple. We're done here and I'm moving on without you. I was around 11/12 before I figured it out though.

And unrelated, thank you @stickygirl for welcoming ADHD folks chime in here.

 

[Strixaluco]

I didn't have any clear point when I started using not responding - maybe because I've never done it consistently (haven't been able to) - but I remember using it already in primary school.

For me, figuring that my brain works differently happened slowly, sneakily. Maybe mostly via not wanting or appreciating the same things as others, and not being wanted in the circles. I was lucky so I had good support at home, so I didn't even have all the struggles that I might have had. And then I had a quick brain, and learned things fast.

 

[cw5523729]

"Can I eat your cockerel because I hate it"
I don't like to sound mean, but maybe the fox will get it.

Wow, just wow! I'm totally showing this post of yours to my chickens.

I'll let you know what they have to say.

 

[stickygirl]

I didn't have any clear point when I started using not responding - maybe because I've never done it consistently (haven't been able to) - but I remember using it already in primary school.

For me, figuring that my brain works differently happened slowly, sneakily. Maybe mostly via not wanting or appreciating the same things as others, and not being wanted in the circles. I was lucky so I had good support at home, so I didn't even have all the struggles that I might have had. And then I had a quick brain, and learned things fast.

I do recall studying 7of9 and admiring the way she controlled her emotions. I'd become tired, not so much by the bullying, but it's predictable, repetitive nature - it was boring. Not responding had a fascinating effect on the NTs - suddenly they were in the petri dish!

 

[AlexBailey]

My ADHD text question to an auti friend, negotiating our music jam time:

——————

Me:
“So I was thinking about meeting Sunday in the late morning instead of evening because I have so much happening on Monday that I won’t be able to focus on anything but getting ready for work the next day.”

Him:
“What time were you thinking?”

Me:
“11:00”

Him:
“I need to grocery shop after breakfast, which ends around 9:45. I never know how long that will take. Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes an hour. I haven't made a list yet.“

——————

For some reason my wife thought this exchange was hilarious.

 

[goldytheGoldfish]

About half of autistic people have auditory processing disorder.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11620991/
https://hearinghealthfoundation.org/apd-demographics

 

[PMarky2]

My ADHD text question to an auti friend, negotiating our music jam time:

——————

Me:
“So I was thinking about meeting Sunday in the late morning instead of evening because I have so much happening on Monday that I won’t be able to focus on anything but getting ready for work the next day.”

Him:
“What time were you thinking?”

Me:
“11:00”

Him:
“I need to grocery shop after breakfast, which ends around 9:45. I never know how long that will take. Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes an hour. I haven't made a list yet.“

——————

For some reason my wife thought this exchange was hilarious.

That sounds perfectly normal to me... but then...
One of my friends that I suspect is also ND has those sorts of conversations with me all the time.

 

[Bray123]

Woah, not often that I have an involuntary intake of breath, but I was watching a 3-part interview of Sir Anthony Hopkins by Stephen Colbert. In the first part he's talking about his childhood, of how he was labelled 'backward' at school and he was struggling in life. At the age of seven he struck on the idea of 'not responding' as a strategy. "Woah!" Are you fucking kidding me? I did the same thing after watching Seven of Nine in Voyager: she never got angry but had to learn how to be human, using logic as her sword and shield.

'Not responding' to the taunts of kids at school, because I spoke and moved like an awkward girl. Apparently I stood weird, held my hands weird, thought weird. Not responding gave me power, because I could infuriate the bullies - I made them look weak in front of their gang.

What a delight to discover another autie who'd discovered the same trick.

Anyone else have coping tricks as a kid?

LOL, that reminds me of my childhood. I found that 'no response' worked with teachers as well as playground yobs. They could make me stand in the corner, but they couldn't make me answer and my willpower was a lot stronger than theirs. They never labelled me as backward due to some psychiatrist finding that I had a high IQ and consequently I was placed in the year above in junior school. But dumb insolence or failing to engage, whatever label was placed on it absolutely worked.

 

[stickygirl]

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11620991/
https://hearinghealthfoundation.org/apd-demographics

There's a lot to unpack in that. The first link was more useful but necessarily limited to children and offered a
'Lay Summary'
We followed a cohort of autistic children longitudinally at 3, 6, and 9 years of age and found that more than 70% of the children had caregiver-reported difficulty listening in noisy environments at all three ages. These auditory processing differences were associated with increased hyperactivity and agitation as well as difficulty with daily living skills, suggesting that auditory processing differences should be considered during routine clinical evaluations.

Do you struggle with auditory processing? I do to an extent and always have, though I never took it to be a signpost to autism.

 

[goldytheGoldfish]

There's a lot to unpack in that. The first link was more useful but necessarily limited to children and offered a
'Lay Summary'
We followed a cohort of autistic children longitudinally at 3, 6, and 9 years of age and found that more than 70% of the children had caregiver-reported difficulty listening in noisy environments at all three ages. These auditory processing differences were associated with increased hyperactivity and agitation as well as difficulty with daily living skills, suggesting that auditory processing differences should be considered during routine clinical evaluations.

Do you struggle with auditory processing? I do to an extent and always have, though I never took it to be a signpost to autism.

I'm not an expert on spectrum disorders and found the correlation with auditory processing surprising. The example I'd highlight is the one in the video about listening to public announcements reverberating through a train station. He's saying that even if someone's natural hearing is technically perfect, in that kind of environment, the way the information is processed by their brain is delayed or disorganized enough that any usable function is lost. Not that someone with APD is automatically incapable of passing a hearing test or having a conversation. And no, I don't have that problem myself.

About half of autistic people have auditory processing disorder. Me too.

If you need to describe it to anyone, this video can do it for you.

From the YouTube link:

it’s not just about being sensitive to noise. It’s about your brain struggling to decode and respond to sound in real time. In this video, I break down how this works, how it shows up in daily life, and why so many autistic people experience it (even if they’ve never heard the term).

 

[BillTheKatt90]

As I understand things, my symptoms are pretty mild and I likely would have been diagnosed as Asperger's as a younger man. My struggles:

(1) Actual interest of listener:

When I talk to anyone, I have to work hard and be extra careful to watch the listener's eyes and face. Looking people in the eye is difficult enough as an "autie." But I need to see whether the listener is listening because they are actually interested in what I am talking about or politely listening ("smile and nod") while waiting for me to finish my dissertation. I am in my 50s, and this may still be the most difficult social situation for me.

(2) Pronoun ambiguity:

A common conversation between me and my wife (and most other people):

Her: "I went to Ashley's house. She told me that we needed to sign up for that art class together."
Me: "Who is 'we' in that last sentence?"

A permutation of the above:

Her: "I found your lost earbud in your desk. It was dusty."
Me: "What is 'it'?"
Corollary question: "Did you want me to do something about the dust?"

This happens A LOT.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm not an expert on spectrum disorders and found the correlation with auditory processing surprising. The example I'd highlight is the one in the video about listening to public announcements reverberating through a train station. He's saying that even if someone's natural hearing is technically perfect, in that kind of environment, the way the information is processed by their brain is delayed or disorganized enough that any usable function is lost. Not that someone with APD is automatically incapable of passing a hearing test or having a conversation. And no, I don't have that problem myself.

From the YouTube link:

Maybe you've had the problem of trying to understand someone in a crowded bar? I had a go at working in a pub once but failed miserably, spending most of the evening on one foot leaning forward shouting 'Pardon'. It wasn't especially loud but my brain couldn't filter out all the background noise.
Same thing with the dramatic words in films - often whispered or spoken over background music - and I'm like wtf did they say?

 

[stickygirl]

As I understand things, my symptoms are pretty mild and I likely would have been diagnosed as Asperger's as a younger man. My struggles:
~snip~
(2) Pronoun ambiguity:

A common conversation between me and my wife (and most other people):

Her: "I went to Ashley's house. She told me that we needed to sign up for that art class together."
Me: "Who is 'we' in that last sentence?"

A permutation of the above:

Her: "I found your lost earbud in your desk. It was dusty."
Me: "What is 'it'?"
Corollary question: "Did you want me to do something about the dust?"

This happens A LOT.

That's interesting. Is the problem only with pronouns?

 

[BillTheKatt90]

That's interesting. Is the problem only with pronouns?

I think so. That's where I've noticed the problem most.

Between pronoun ambiguity and my need to be understood in context, my writing (which I do for a living) is often needlessly detailed. When I re-read things, I can usually cut the length of my work by upwards of 30%.

 

[Strixaluco]

(edit eh never mind, I guess what I asked was already discussed)

 

[Strixaluco]

Not that someone with APD is automatically incapable of passing a hearing test or having a conversation.

In fact, the hearing test may pass with flying colours... Mine resulted in excellent hearing. Even on the sensitive side. That doesn't helpful with the processing at all, though.

Noisy environments. Being even slightly tired. Not seeing the one talking. Etc etc.

 

[Deadbed1968]

View attachment 2573655

SO relatable

Eeek. I feel like that all of the time!

 

[PMarky2]

In fact, the hearing test may pass with flying colours... Mine resulted in excellent hearing. Even on the sensitive side. That doesn't helpful with the processing at all, though.

Noisy environments. Being even slightly tired. Not seeing the one talking. Etc etc.

My hearing is quite good, but my ability to make sense of things deteriorates swiftly with increasing background noise. I just cannot filter the crap out and hear what I want/need to hear. Lip-reading helps a little, but bring tired makes that more difficult. If you are walking away from me and there is background noise - forget about it. I also cannot hear phone conversations if there is background noise, so I leave the room of the radio or TV is on. My wife accused me of being secretive quite a few times before she finally twigged it is due to the fact I find it difficult to process out background noise.