Being an attractive, strong and confident power-female is a problem?

[valhallacanwait]

....how do I attract a male Dom??? Men are nervous about approaching me at the best of times.

 

[GlockTease]

It is. We are typically perceived as sexual dominants, as well. Pity, really.

 

[valhallacanwait]

...is that the sound of my sex life's death knell I hear ringing? No such thing as a strong Dom willing to work at a conquest?

 

[Primalex]

BDSM personals is the next door.

 

[CutieMouse]

That's a lot of... angst... you seem to be carrying.

Kinky/BDSM dating is a hell of a lot like regular dating. Ultimately, people are people; relationships are relationships. Even when power dynamics are involved.

You used the word "conquest". Define "conquest". Because to me, conquest sounds like a relationship full of tests, challenges and pushback. None of which I associate with strength or confidence.

 

[valhallacanwait]

That's a lot of... angst... you seem to be carrying.

Interesting choice of verb, but "angst" is not accurate. Not even close.

Hmmmm. How about I describe my domination as a quest or journey instead?

I crave submission and strength/control/domination is the key to my treaure box. It's just going to take an extra special key to acquire my treasures.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Interesting choice of verb, but "angst" is not accurate. Not even close.

Hmmmm. How about I describe my domination as a quest or journey instead?

I crave submission and strength/control/domination is the key to my treaure box. It's just going to take an extra special key to acquire my treasures.

I suspect most of the Yale keys are already married. You will mostly be left with the Chubbs.

 

[Primalex]

That's the problem with treasure boxes - one man's treasure is another man's trash.

 

[SpunThings]

Interesting choice of verb, but "angst" is not accurate. Not even close.

Hmmmm. How about I describe my domination as a quest or journey instead?

I crave submission and strength/control/domination is the key to my treaure box. It's just going to take an extra special key to acquire my treasures.

I think this "key to my treasure chest" metaphor does a disservice to relationships. Relationships are about two people who find eachother compatible, and then both people go on to work towards building a partnership TOGETHER.

 

[CutieMouse]

All the romanticized language is likely to bring out a lot of White Knights... that or men looking for naive newbies who have bought into the fantasy of it all.

 

[Aphro]

I think it's only going to be a problem if YOU make it a problem.

Any man who is put off because you are confident and attractive is probably not the sort of Dom you're looking for anyway, so...win!

 

[valhallacanwait]

I think this "key to my treasure chest" metaphor does a disservice to relationships. Relationships are about two people who find eachother compatible, and then both people go on to work towards building a partnership TOGETHER.

If you already feel threatened by metaphors, then I suspect your relationship scope is quite narrow indeed. Ah, yes...there we have it: "Relationships are about two people who find each other compatible". Really?! You can't be serious?!

 

[valhallacanwait]

All the romanticized language is likely to bring out a lot of White Knights... that or men looking for naive newbies who have bought into the fantasy of it all.

Once again, getting rather hung up on language, metaphors, verbs...and besides, I WANT a White Knight. A very strong, powerful and controlling one.

Please tell me when fantasy became a bad thing, CutieMouse, because clearly we're not supposed to take your handle literally.

 

[valhallacanwait]

I think it's only going to be a problem if YOU make it a problem.

Any man who is put off because you are confident and attractive is probably not the sort of Dom you're looking for anyway, so...win!

Touché

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[SpunThings]

If you already feel threatened by metaphors, then I suspect your relationship scope is quite narrow indeed. Ah, yes...there we have it: "Relationships are about two people who find each other compatible". Really?! You can't be serious?!

I was quite serious actually, and I'm not the first person to ever express that viewpoint on relationships. I certainly can respect that you disagree with me on what makes a relationship work. My viewpoint is based on a very successful longterm relationship (my own). Granted the one flaw in that is that it is based on one relationship that works for me, so I can't speak for everyone. However, I stand by what I said. The metaphor that you use makes me concerned that you're describing a relationship in which your prospective partner puts all the work into getting into your world. What kind of work will you put into the relationship? Do you have the right key to unlock his/her treasure chest?

You can attempt to deflect from my disagreement by making it seem like I was attacking you, or felt threatened. However, I won't take that bait. Perhaps you're right that my relationship scope is narrow. I did meet my husband when I was a teen, and I've never been with any other. However, I do feel like my perspective is a valuable one to put out there in this discussion.

Honestly though, I think we're talking about the very same thing. I spoke of compatibility. Isn't that the same as saying you want someone who has the key that fits your lock? A key that is compatible.

 

[dims]

I don't really see the problem. Language aside, as long as we are talking compatible, nothing else matters right?

On to the main "problem", how is that a problem? It might be cultural or something, but I as a dominant male, is not attracted the least to women who aren't strong in some way or another.
Actually the stronger a psyche the better for me, so I don't really see how it can be a problem.
I might be a tad strange like that, but honestly I wouldn't know.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Almost every LIT dom I know of wears a bicycle helmet.

Try this: Post YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO DO AS I SAY. It'll beat the game to your nets faster than complimentary sodomy with your strap-on.

 

[Tigersman]

Strong and attractive

Some men if they see a beautiful girl/woman they immediately think the girl has a boyfriend therefore they don't ask her out. If they see she holds down a position of power and wears clothes for success the guys keep on walking most of the time.

In my own case, the first girl I dated after my divorce was tall, beautiful, was a chemist who was a supervisor, owned her own home plus was a member of Mensa. After she was introduced to me, I all but monopolized her time with dancing and conversation. We were together for about a year. I never felt intimidated by her. She would dress in old clothes so I could literally rip them off, then toss her down and pound away until she was worn out.

She loved being submissive to me, not on a continual basis but as a breath of fresh air. If I had not thrown our relationship away we would most likely still be together, playing our games plus more.

 

[RawHumor]

A beautiful woman is tougher to approach in general, BDSM or not.

However, once a rapport can be established, things will fall into place if the chemistry is there. You may have success starting out online, either here or FetLife. That way, you can establish that you are looking for a dominant man right away, and feel each other out a bit.

 

[*Twisted*]

I haven't read all the posts in the thread yet so if somebody has said this let me know. You're a gorgeous strong woman, to people how have been around gorgeous strong women a fair bit the fact that you are wanting to engage your submissive side is not a surprise. I've been with several subs who were quite accomplished and almost intimidating to most people, let alone men. You will meet the right Dom. It happens.

 

[*Twisted*]

It is. We are typically perceived as sexual dominants, as well. Pity, really.

GT, long time no see!

 

[valhallacanwait]

Thank you.

...being polite and respectful is the norm for me, most Canadians, so I apologize to anyone I may or may not have offended. Doing so out of sheer cultural identity, of course.

Not a big shocker here: men helpful, women not so much. Story of my life. I suppose I should be grateful my mother liked me.

I have met some wonderful men (NOT pseudo men turned into boys or bullies) but real men...the kind of epic stories and legendary books. The kind that aren't intimidated. The kind that look me in the eye and take what they want because, honestly, they have better things to do with their time, like battle with the world...metaphorically speaking, of course....and so do I. Ouch.

 

[RawHumor]

Welcome to Lit. With all due respect, I think your problem with the women's replies here may be your problem.

CutieMouse is one of the most polite women you're likely to find. Nobody was being confrontational toward you.

 

[All_4_Love]

Not a big shocker here: men helpful, women not so much. Story of my life. I suppose I should be grateful my mother liked me.

Sadly, it's the world we live in. I dream of a day when women empower one another with our own set of God-given strengths...love, openness, encouragement, emotional support, vulnerability.

I don't have any advice to offer as far as your thread title is concerned, as I'm the shy, cute, quiet type until I get to know someone, and that most certainly hasn't made me any more approachable in life, if that helps. That said, I'm one of the strongest women I've ever known, aside from my beautiful mother. Cheers!

I would say, stick around, post on threads, get to know others here. There are some wonderful Dominant men here. Perhaps, once some are familiar with you, and vice versa, you may start exchanging some PMs.

Anyhow, welcome...