being a sub doesn't mean weak (vent)

[DVMnLA]

i guess this is my one pet peeve about how others view subs. so i'm gonna fuss and bitch and get it outta my system.


i hear so many people say 'how can you be so weak?'. proof that the speaker has zero clue about being a sub. being a sub isn't about being weak or spineless. its about being strong enough to subjugate your own wants and needs for someone you love. for some folks more than others constant subjugation of our own needs takes immense mental and emotional effort. 24/7 effort and succeeding is strength folks. not weakness.

everbody subjugates themselves for others. parents do it for their kids. kids do it for their parents. employees do it for their bosses. we all sacrifice. you do what you're told or what's necessary even when you don't like it and you shut the hell up about it. everybody does it, but mostly part time. subs do it full time for their Masters because we can and we want to. being a sub is full time. no weekends. no vacations. no sick leave. try it and see if it's easy. it ain't. our time off is in our restful thoughts and sound sleep. in our protected bodies and cherished souls. knowing we pleased our Masters every second of every day to the best of our abilities is better than 2 weeks vacation in aruba.

some were born to serve and some were born to be served. i was born to serve and i'm damn good at it. so fuck off.



alright. done. thanks.

es to Daddy

 

[MissTaken]

It is very true.

It also takes a strong character, an incredible amount of self confidence and an infinite ability to trust and be trusted to truly submit.

How could anyone give all of themselves to another without being comfortable in their own skin and true to themselves as well as their Master/Mistress?

You are correct.
Thinking that a submissive is weak, is a statement showing ignorance about submission.

 

[hurtme]

well, the problem is the connotation with the word submission...most people look at that word and already form those opinions that those that submit must be weak...when often those that submit are quite strong...of course as in any group, there are those that submit because they are weak...but those are not the ppl I am speaking of...I myself am not submissive to anyone but him, and often will even push his buttons if I think I can get away with it. In fact aside from the one person I choose to give control to I have a severe issue with authority of any kind, I can't deal with people even raising their voice to me, I don't respond to being told what to do, and I don't ask how high when someone tells me to jump, whether it is my boss, my family/friends, coworkers, nothing...as I have stated in other threads, I have a lot of pride, and i am very stubborn, and I do not believe in showing weakness...to anyone but him...

 

[NYCgirl26]

My pet is My emotional rock...always there when I want or need him. he subjugates himself to My will and My needs, and acts to make My life run as smoothly as possible. he trusts Me implicitly and puts his saftey and security in My hands, and that takes a profound inner strength. In fact I know I don't have that kind of inner strength so I draw on his. My pet's strength is one of the things I love about him. It makes Me endevor to always keep him safe and secure so that the beauty of his submission has a place to flourish and grow.

NYCgirl

 

[ownedsubgal]

It is very true.

It also takes a strong character, an incredible amount of self confidence and an infinite ability to trust and be trusted to truly submit.

How could anyone give all of themselves to another without being comfortable in their own skin and true to themselves as well as their Master/Mistress?

You are correct.
Thinking that a submissive is weak, is a statement showing ignorance about submission.

i agree with the sentiment that submissive does not = weak, however i don't agree with the idea that submission requires this great inner strength or confidence either. for some submissives this may very well be the case, but for some submission is as natural and uncontrollable as breathing, and when in love, complete giving up of self comes without effort or thought.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... knowing we pleased our Masters every second of every day to the best of our abilities is better than 2 weeks vacation in aruba.

some were born to serve and some were born to be served. i was born to serve and i'm damn good at it. so fuck off.



alright. done. thanks.

es to Daddy

mmm... I don't know, Aruba sounds pretty fucking appealing.

 

[MissTaken]

i agree with the sentiment that submissive does not = weak, however i don't agree with the idea that submission requires this great inner strength or confidence either. for some submissives this may very well be the case, but for some submission is as natural and uncontrollable as breathing, and when in love, complete giving up of self comes without effort or thought.

Thank you for making me think.

And after giving it more thought, I think I might have been more clear in suggesting that being submissive may have nothing to do with strength, anymore than being intelligent, being irresponsible or being anything else we just are.

However, recognizing and accepting submission, embracing it and for many who discover the truth about themselves later in life, it does take courage to toss away the many years of ingrained mores, life's lessons and rules tossed down at us by our vanilla backgrounds.

So, no, being submissive really doesnt' indicate strength or weakness, but like any truth we face, it can require strength to live true to ourselves.

 

[TulaneCowboy]

some were born to serve and some were born to be served. i was born to serve and i'm damn good at it. so fuck off.

es to Daddy

Is it out of your system now, Baby? Am I to gather you're enjoying yourself here?

You are very good. I'm proud of you and your exemplary service. I couldn't have prayed for and been delivered a more perfect boy.

You're also the strongest person I know. You're my rock. When all hell breaks loose, I look for you first.

to you beautiful boy.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

Thank you for making me think.

And after giving it more thought, I think I might have been more clear in suggesting that being submissive may have nothing to do with strength, anymore than being intelligent, being irresponsible or being anything else we just are.

However, recognizing and accepting submission, embracing it and for many who discover the truth about themselves later in life, it does take courage to toss away the many years of ingrained mores, life's lessons and rules tossed down at us by our vanilla backgrounds.

So, no, being submissive really doesnt' indicate strength or weakness, but like any truth we face, it can require strength to live true to ourselves.

there are many definitions of strength, one can be physically strong, or emotionally strong. one can also have a strong moral background, and the integrity to live up to their morals.

am i strong?, i'd like to think so, physically, (we could talk bench pressing )as well as emotionally.

am i weak because i submit to the will of my Dommes? i hardly think so, and know they would agree with me.

to me submitting to my Dommes is a sign of emotional strength, and complete trust in Mistress Karen, and Mistress Holly

so i believe strength of character is a more appropriate term for my submission, and to an extent i have to disagree that just because it's a part of who i am, and it's natural, that it's not a strength.

perhaps it's diffrent for female submissives, but personally i am going thru a period of conflicting emotions. in the nilla world the male is supposed to be the provider, the king of his castle if you will, and in O/our relationship i am not "The Boss", and since this is my first D/s relationship, i am coming to terms with this, and every day i learn just how strong i am submitting control to my Sweet Dommes.

 

[MissTaken]

perhaps it's diffrent for female submissives, but personally i am going thru a period of conflicting emotions. in the nilla world the male is supposed to be the provider, the king of his castle if you will, and in O/our relationship i am not "The Boss", and since this is my first D/s relationship, i am coming to terms with this, and every day i learn just how strong i am submitting control to my Sweet Dommes.

I think women can have many of the same conflicting emotions.

Women are expected to achieve in the new millenium. They are expected to be independent and not give in to the evil male population who wants to suppress them. (sarcasm)

However, in terms of the nilla world, if a women says she is submissive, she may be seen as lacking self esteem, having "issues" and many will suggest she has a history of abuse etc that makes her need these things.

Phooey!

The journey is like a roller coaster, as our own Risia Skye once posted here. There are wonderful highs and devestating lows, but once you have found that peace and comfort, it is all worth it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Okay, so we all agree in some form or another that submissives are not weak.



So, let's book that trip to Aruba now.

 

[ownedsubgal]

i very much relate to the conflict between one's inner nature, and being what society says you're "supposed" to be. and to some they must consciously fight against that pressure and societal molding in order to succumb to their true submissive selves. for me, my submission comes completely naturally and without any kind of effort or control over it on my part. for a long time, for various reasons, the LAST thing i wanted to be was submissive. i wanted to fit in. to be "normal". to not be used and hurt all the time. to fight back sometimes...to say no sometimes. i wanted to be more like a girl friend i had in college, who could shoot a man down in a heartbeat. who could say "h**l no!..you crazy??" to someone asking to borrow just a few bucks. but i could never help giving up my body. handing over a few bucks. doing somebody else's work...just constantly giving and allowing myself to be used. i very literally couldn't help it. if i could have taken a pill that would have erased my submissiveness forever, back then, i would have taken it gladly. that is why i say that submission is not necessarily a sign of any sort of strength. for me, the strength would come in NOT being submissive, since that's something i've never been able to accomplish.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... that is why i say that submission is not necessarily a sign of any sort of strength....

Okay then, all of us BUT you agree.

I vote for the Bahamas.

 

[hurtme]

There is nothing wrong with being "born" submissive (I don't know how else to sum up what you said osg, so take the phrasing lightly). I don't thinks it makes a person any less strong...or any more weak...as has been stated over and over again, there are as many types of submission as there are submissives...and the only type of submissive I consider weak are the ones who fall into submission for the wrong reasons, and even then, perhaps its not weakness so much as ignorance and misdirection

 

[ownedsubgal]

i agree that submissive doesn't = weak...submissive doesn't = strong either, any more than submissive means one is tall or short or brown or white or skinny or fat...submissives and submission comes in all forms. i think those who proclaim from the mountaintops that submissives must be strong, must be confident, must be independent, or whatever, are just as bad as those who think that submissives must be mindless drooling zombies (ok, so maybe we might drool a lil more than the avg person, but still....)...we come in all shades. and if we're going on a trip, i vote for egypt.

 

[hurtme]

casting my vote for egypt...with bali and italy a close second

 

[Kajira Callista]

Im posting this here becaue it kinda has something in it that everyone can associate with. I found it somplace online when i was in a real bad place in my head, i read it and it made me feel proud of who i truely am. Everytime im down or hate being me i read it and it helps me stand tall and lift my head high again. I didnt post it for debate or argument, i posted it because maybe someone else will feel better for reading it.





Submissive Power





Too often, I am afraid, the general population's interpretation of "submissive" is carried over to the mindset of a percentage of Doms/wannabe Masters, and other people who look down on submissives.

It should be obvious that to be a submissive is to complete another person. To be a submissive is to validate another person. To be able to complete, or validate another is not a sign of weakness, but rather, a different mindset, one that will allow a sub to focus her/his thoughts on another, for the mutual benefit. The ability to put ones self second, with no real guarantee that there will be an equal reward, is not a sign of weakness, at all. It is a sign of dedication, of respect, of need, but, surely not of weakness.

How many subs are abused, as opposed to punished, delineating between the two, and stay? Not many, I think. Further proof, it is a subs need to serve, not her/his weakness. The problems of those who allow Others to abuse them are much deeper than the D/s relationship.

A sub/slave/property grows no more than they wish to grow! That particular statement is true of any/all subs. The Dominant person, in a relationship, grows at a rate that is based on the same premise. The submissive chooses to accept as real those things that are acceptable, enjoyable, even those things that are integral to their whole, just as a Dominant person learns, through a similar, if not identical procedure, whether it be trial and error, or exposure to different experiences. In this there are few differences. In the majority of successful relationships, the growth of both is in parallel, allowing them to experience pleasure from the same experiences, and reject similar experiences. Both, however, grow in their power. One grows in the power to pleasure, control, subjugate, the other in her/his ability to give, pleasure, satisfy, and validate her/his object of affection.

For a sub to be successful, she/he must be powerful. That person must be able to recognize who she/he is, and be comfortable with her/himself. For, it is true of any person, to give the most to anyone, you must be able to recognize and identify that which you have to give.

To close these thoughts, it would be remiss of me to assert that I think that the sub and the Dominant persons are equals. I would say, however, that without a sub, the Dominant is only a "Dominant in waiting". Without the Dominant, the sub is no more than a person who has no way to fulfill her/himself. The sub is a person with only a vague idea of whom she/he could be.

 

[A Desert Rose]

casting my vote for egypt...with bali and italy a close second

OKAY.... I knew I wasn't just screaming in the wilderness here!

You won me over. We have 2 votes for Italy on the table now, mine and yours.

 

[MissTaken]

OKAY.... I knew I wasn't just screaming in the wilderness here!

You won me over. We have 2 votes for Italy on the table now, mine and yours.

Okay, so it is unanimous.

Submissive doesn't mean one is weak.

Now, I have a weak stomach so wherever we are going, no airline flights!

 

[Kajira Callista]

you can come to my house...I'll make lasagna

 

[MissTaken]

you can come to my house...I'll make lasagna

A bottle of red and you have a deal.

 

[MissTaken]

Back on topic

I was wondering and hoping the thread would go into the differences between a woman's journey into submission and a man's.

I started a thread about this almost a year ago or so, but then, we had very few male subs posting so it fizzle pretty quickly.

Anyone care to comment?

 

[hurtme]

I don't know too much about male submission...so i can't throw in my two cents...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hey... as a handbag, he would match a pair of shoes I have.

http://www.petplace.com/articles/images/177387535.jpg

 

[Kajira Callista]

I miss the toes